True Love Lost (An FBI Romance Thriller (book 3))

by Kelley, Morgan

  Whitefox kissed her on the top of the head. “Will you take me there sometime?” he asked, wondering if she’d keep her past locked away.

  “You want to go to a swamp?” she laughed. “Damn, maybe I am seductive,” she laughed.

  He noticed she didn’t answer the question. “Nice deflection. How about you answer the question?”

  Desdemona laughed. “I tell you what, if I ever decide to go back, I’ll be sure to invite you along.”

  “You don’t visit?”

  “Not really. In ten years maybe three times.” How did she explain to the man that whenever she went back the stalking became horrible. It chased her for months after, and eventually she made excuses to stay away. It scared her shitless to go back to the bayou, and it was a constant reminder of losing her mother. There really wasn’t anyone to go back to. It wasn’t like she had a family circle that welcomed her. If she did, maybe she would go back more often or live there. What she didn’t tell him was that her grand-mère would have a shit fit if she wandered home with an ‘Indian’. Morgana Adare wasn’t fond of Natives at all. No, she wanted to keep Callen as far from her family as possible.

  “Deal,” he said, holding up his pinky finger, waiting for her to swear.

  Desdemona laughed, covering the lie. “Happy?”

  “Extremely.”

  “We should get ready to work. I can hear Elizabeth downstairs, and they’ll think we’re…” She didn’t know what to call it.

  “Does that bother you?” Again he had a flashback of last night, and he fought to keep the anger down. Despite the conversation he had with Elizabeth, her being embarrassed by them together bothered him. What he wanted was complete acceptance from her.

  “Callen.” She touched his cheek. “Don’t. Okay?”

  “Don’t what?” He was irritated that this had to be so damn difficult. Affection should be easily given, despite the situation.

  “It’s easy for you, because he’s your brother, and she’s your sister. You’re comfortable with them and at ease.” She almost wanted to add the part where he was obviously in love with Elizabeth, but she opted to swallow the jealousy again. “They’re still my bosses. It has nothing to do with you and me, or us having sex. It just feels weird to be rolling around in a bed while your bosses are downstairs. That’s all. Nothing more and that’s what I tried to tell you last night. I’m not embarrassed by us being together. I’m horrified that my bosses, the people that hired me, know I’m having sex with another co-worker a few feet away.”

  “So if we were at your house and they live right behind you?” he asked, posing the question.

  “Close the blinds and then commence rolling. That’s my house and they aren’t eight feet below me.”

  He tried to laugh, as he pulled her up his body to kiss her. “Okay, I won’t read too much into it,” he answered after breaking the kiss, but still it bothered him. How could it not? He wanted a woman that wouldn’t ever deny what they had. That was a deal breaker for him. Callen needed someone unashamed of him and his life. Right there he should have listened to his brain screaming the warning, but he once again pushed it down. He opted for the long shot.

  “Good,” she rolled off his body and shook her hair out. “I’m going to shower.” Desdemona blew him a kiss. “See you downstairs.”

  Whitefox got the message. She was retreating to the shower to be alone again and dismissing him. Again he fought the anger, but this time opted to do something about it. When he heard the water turn on, he counted to ten, and slid out of bed. He knew he had to chase her down, and he followed her into the bathroom. Desdemona wasn’t getting away that easily. If she thought she could escape at all, she’d use it all the time. Whitefox was cutting off all the viable escape routes, except the one that led straight to him.

  When she yelped in surprise, as his hands wrapped around her waist, he grinned predatorily.

  “I get the feeling you believed you were showering alone, Desdemona.”

  She stared at him. “I intended to, Callen.”

  He covered her mouth with his and refused to let her protest. The willingness she had to deny him, based on Elizabeth and Ethan nearby pissed him off. When Whitefox was a boy and he was told to not do something, it just made him want it that much more. It appeared the same thing happened to him as an adult.

  This time he took his time and didn’t care their bosses were downstairs. Now it was all about proving a point, to her and himself.

  * * *

  Elizabeth sat watching her husband across the table, as he read the tech reports that had just come in, and he looked distracted. His hair was down, and he had yet to button his shirt. Last night he chased her to bed, and then called the sheriff. That’s all she remembered, because she fell asleep immediately. Part of her was worried that he was upset they hadn’t had sex. Usually they spent the time before bed kissing and rolling around, but with this assignment and other people in the house, it wasn’t happening. He wasn’t talking, and that made her incredibly nervous.

  Blackhawk could feel the questioning stare of his wife, and he was trying to regain his composure before they had the discussion that was bothering him. The previous evening’s attempt on their lives had him worried that Deputy Tills wasn’t going to stop until they found him. Soon he’d have to boss his wife around again to keep her and his unborn child safe.

  “Are you mad at me because I fell asleep before sex?” she asked, softly. There were tears filling her eyes, and she was going to embark on the emotional pregnancy rollercoaster at any second.

  Alarmed, he glanced up. “Baby, what?” He wasn’t even thinking about sex. When he was stuck on the phone longer than planned, he noticed she fell asleep, and he smiled tucking her in. The pregnancy and the assignment was grueling on her body, he wasn’t upset in the least.

  “You look mad, and I didn’t do anything else that I’m aware of to piss you off.” A tear slid down her cheek.

  “Oh Lyzee, baby!” Ethan Blackhawk took her hand and pulled her up and into his lap. “I’m not mad at you, and I wouldn’t ever be angry that my pregnant wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep. The baby and you come first.” Blackhawk kissed the tear away and then found her lips, and kissed his wife, slow, long and deep. Her hands were buried in his hair and he felt his body coming alive. He was about to suggest going back upstairs, when his brother and Doctor Adare entered the room.

  Callen stopped. “Sorry,” he said, laughing and clearing his throat. Then he noticed Elizabeth was crying. Immediately, he rushed to her side. “Are you okay?” he asked, glaring down at his brother and punching him in the arm. “What did you do to her?” he accused.

  Blackhawk laughed at how protective his brother was of his wife. It should have angered him, but it just gave him a sense of peace that his wife was doubly protected and loved.

  “Ethan didn’t do anything,” she said, standing from his lap. I’m just an emotional mess thanks to pregnancy hormones,” she said, and it was completely true. Never in her life had she cried this much.

  Whitefox hugged her to his body and kissed her on the top of the head, and whispered in her ear. “If he made you cry, I’ll kick his ass for you. Don’t cover for him, beautiful.”

  Blackhawk snorted. “I heard that, and you sincerely wish you could take me little brother,” he grinned, looking up at Doctor Adare. “Good morning, Desdemona. Coffee’s on.” He could see she was flushed, and he knew why. He looked up at his brother and the smug look was there, and he laughed.

  Elizabeth punched him on the arm and gave him the look, as she walked by him to go speak to Desdemona. “Leave Callen alone!” she demanded.

  Whitefox enjoyed how protective Elizabeth was when it came to him, and he winked at his brother. “I am so her favorite!” And both men laughed more as Whitefox poached her coffee mug again.

  “Callen, I swear to God, if you don’t stop stealing my coffee…” She pointed at him as the cup was midway to his lips.

  He took a s
ip anyway and ignored her and earned the yank on his ponytail.

  “You know I like when you pull my hair,” he grinned, teasing her.

  Desdemona wished she had the easiness that Elizabeth did with the men. The camaraderie, the love blatantly obvious between them was something she longed for in her life.

  “Did you sleep okay, Desdemona?” asked Elizabeth. She could see the whisker burn on her neck and knew why she was pink and flushed this morning.

  “I did,” she answered, nervously.

  Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder and the men were discussing the tech report, and she took her chance. She leaned in close and whispered. “Hey, stop looking so damn scared. Ethan and I aren’t going to bite because you’re sleeping with Callen.”

  “Jesus, is it that obvious?” she whispered back. Now she was mortified.

  “Yes, and I’m happy for you.” She took her hand in hers and held it. “Really,” she hugged her, and more tears filled her eyes. All she wanted was happiness for Ethan’s brother, even if it meant swallowing what she already saw brewing. This was his journey to take, and Elizabeth loved him enough to back him up.

  Desdemona hugged the woman back, and enjoyed having her as her friend. So this was what she’d been missing all her life. The closeness and the strength of the bonding was an amazing feeling. She noticed Whitefox and her boss were watching them closely. Part of her wanted to be nervous, the rest of her wanted to just belong, so she took a second risk for the day and whispered back. “It was absolutely amazing.”

  Elizabeth laughed and pulled away from the hug. “Don’t I know it, darlin’?” Elizabeth picked up her new coffee cup and clinked it against the doctor’s. “To the spiders,” she said and looked over at the men, “and the flies.”

  Both women laughed uproariously at their private joke.

  Whitefox hadn’t a clue what he missed, but what he did understand warmed him right to his soul. He couldn’t love Elizabeth more and he mouthed the words when Desdemona wasn’t looking and earned an air kiss and wink back.

  Elizabeth knew that Desdemona would need the reassurance, and she kept her promise of protecting the woman. “I feel so cheap,” he said, smiling at the two women. Desdemona blushed, and Ethan pointed at his wife.

  “Elizabeth, don’t do it!” Blackhawk warned and then laughed. When she actually obeyed for a change he took it as a sign and quickly changed the topic. “Today the sheriff is going to do a press conference discussing Deputy Bobby Lee Tills. When I spoke to him last night, he told me that he has his other deputy tracking him. It seems that Julian Littlemoon has a specific skill.”

  “No sign of him at all?” asked Whitefox. That made him nervous, since he already tried to abduct one of the women last night. If he was still out there, then that meant he could try again. What if he went after Elizabeth? That made him sick to his stomach. Callen watched her smiling and he became more edgy.

  “None. He’s gone off the grid.”

  Elizabeth pulled Desdemona over to the table, and sat her down beside Whitefox. Easily she went and dropped into her husband’s lap, trying to show the woman that easy affection wasn’t something that had to be hidden. She was about to ask a question, when there was a knock at the door.

  “Probably Christina, the tech team is assessing the outside of the house and collecting evidence to prove Tills was here last night.”

  Whitefox went over to the door and opened it. “Morning Christina,” he said, smiling at the ball of energy.

  “Morning, Callen!” She looked over at the table. “We’re all finished, Boss.”

  “Find anything?”

  “Tracks leading to and from the road, and then a red rose on your Denali,” she said holding up the bag.

  Desdemona froze and her coffee cup actually fell from her hand, and when she stood, the chair fell backwards.

  Oh God, oh God, he found her there too.

  Everyone looked over, as the woman backed up from the room, all color draining from her face. No one spoke; it was just too surprising to see the woman run from the room.

  Elizabeth stood. “Let me, Callen,” she said, leaving the room after her ME. She heard the bathroom door slam, and she followed her there, knocking on the door. There was no answer, only the sound of retching. Elizabeth checked the doorknob and when she found it open, she entered and locked it behind her. Immediately her heart broke for the woman. Something had her terrified so much, she was as sick as a dog.

  “I’ll be okay,” she said, between vomiting.

  Elizabeth held her hair back and knelt beside her, gently rubbing her back and trying to soothe her nerves.

  When Desdemona emptied her stomach, she stood and rinsed her mouth out at the sink. In her mind she struggled to come up with a lie, or something to cover. The last thing she wanted to do was pack up and leave another job. She just found a friend, and a man that wanted her. Desdemona didn’t know what to do.

  Elizabeth sat on the side of the tub, and watched the woman. The trained investigator in her knew she was biding time, to cover for the reaction to something she viewed as frightening. When Desdemona faced her she still waited her out.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She didn’t want to lie to her friend. For once she wanted to believe that she was worthy of someone shouldering this alongside her. She wanted a friend, and she wanted to believe she was finally accepted by a family.

  “How about we try this,” she said, patting the tub beside her. “You tell me the truth. We can’t help you if you lie.”

  Desdemona’s eyes went wide.

  “Yeah, I’m good at my job, Doctor. I’m also thorough. I ran you, so I know that you are running from something that has you scared. Now as I see it, you have two choices.” Elizabeth patted the tub edge again, and reached into her pocket to pull out the keys to the Denali. “You can either believe that I’m your friend, and am going to have your back, or you can take these keys now, walk out that door and head back home to escape. I won’t judge you either way.”

  Desdemona stared at the woman. It wasn’t what she expected, and she caught the keys in the air.

  “If you run, you leave a friend behind, and you leave Callen. Is whatever has you scared worth more than that?”

  “Did you really run me?”

  “Yep, you left a four hundred thousand dollar a year job in the private sector to take a civil service job with the FBI, when we pay half that. It’s still a decent deal, but confusing as to why. I could say maybe you just wanted a change, but I looked at your records. Every six months to one year, you pack up and run. That screams one of two things. You’re being chased or you're completely flighty.”

  Desdemona sat beside her.

  “I don’t think you’re flighty since you just bought a very pricy house right behind mine. I know how much we shelled out for ours, and I doubt that yours was much less. Flighty people don’t drop six figures on a house they plan on abandoning. It seems to me like you wanted to lay down roots, take a stand, and fight against whatever is scaring you.”

  It was the last part of her resistance that cracked. She broke down and began crying. Sobbing and falling apart in front of her boss.

  “Let me stand up against it with you,” said Elizabeth, as she wrapped her arms around her, and let the storm brew, crash and pass. When the tears stopped and the woman could breathe again, she handed her a tissue. “We can help you. If you just trust me, Ethan, and Callen. I promise you, Desdemona. We’ll stand with you on this.”

  Desdemona wanted to believe. Desperately, she wanted to feel like she belonged.

  “Girlfriend code,” Elizabeth said, holding her hand. “Come out there and let us stand with you. Stop running, Desdemona, or at least let us run with you.”

  She nodded. It was time she trusted someone. “Promise you won’t hate me once I tell you the truth? That you’ll still be my friend?” Desdemona wanted a friend so bad.

  “I promise. Well unless you’re a crazed serial killer and then I’m kinda ob
ligated to either shoot you or arrest you, but if it makes you feel better I’ll visit you in lockup. FBI law sometimes will supersede some parts of girlfriend code. Not all, but some.”

  Desdemona laughed. “I think I’m ready.”

  Elizabeth stood, and took her hand. “I’ll get you through this, I promise.”

  Somehow, Desdemona believed her. The woman looking down at her was a kind woman, and her eyes showed it too. If there were any people that she could trust, it was these three. She took a deep breath. “Okay let’s do it. I don’t want to run anymore.”

  Whitefox paced back and forth in the living room of the rental house. He desperately wanted to go to the door, knock and check on Desdemona. Worry filled his body, as he could only hope that Elizabeth wasn’t making the situation worse by being alone with her. She tended to be a little harsher at times than most people.

  “You know, she’s pretty good with things like this,” stated Blackhawk. “Don’t underestimate her. Rarely does she kick a person while they’re down.”

  The muscle in his cheek twitched, and then he thought back to all she’d done for him and there was an intense feeling of guilt that he was questioning her compassion.

  “You should have some faith in her. If Lyzee knew you were thinking she was abusing Desdemona, she’d be crushed,” he paused. “Then I’d have to kick your ass for upsetting my wife.”

  Whitefox was about to comment when the door to the bathroom opened, and Desdemona exited with his sister-in-law, their arms around each other’s waists. One woman had tearstained cheeks, the other looked tough, and strong. She was doing exactly what he asked, holding up the weaker of the two and bearing the burden. Desdemona Adare was safe beneath the Raven’s wings, and he’d been worried for nothing. Love overwhelmed him.