True Love Lost (An FBI Romance Thriller (book 3))

by Kelley, Morgan

  Desdemona was holding her breath waiting for him to give her what she needed in order to say yes. Just that little spark of hope and she’d let her heart win over her mind.

  “In our family, the oldest son and his wife carry on the tradition of the Blackhawk clan. On our reservation, being a Blackhawk is a huge deal. They’re the oldest family, and they are important. As you know, I’m missing the Blackhawk name, but I’ve been included in the family, given such a precious gift.” He took a deep breath.

  Desdemona knew how important his family was, she could see how he loved them. Letting her mind take over was a bad idea, she stayed in the moment and stared into his eyes and saw so much emotion.

  She had to believe it was for her.

  She hoped.

  She prayed.

  “When we visited my granddad and he pulled me aside, he gave me his blessing.” Whitefox felt relief over the first obstacle being cleared. “He also gave me the family rings. They were my grandparents and theirs before them.” Whitefox pulled out the box, but didn’t open it yet. “By all rights, they should be Ethan and Elizabeth’s rings. They will head the family after my grandfather is gone.” Just the thought filled him with sadness. The old man was his rock as a child, his brother as a teen and his sister-in-law as an adult. “Elizabeth will be the one that keeps us together.”

  Desdemona knew how defining the moment was for him as well as her. Not only was he claiming her, he was being claimed by the family. That he included her in that moment of his life was precious.

  “Elizabeth declined the ring, telling granddad to give it to me. She wanted me to give it to the woman I chose as my wife. That’s a huge honor for me. That I get to give the ring that my family holds sacred to the woman of my choice. Ethan and I are the fifth generation to have these rings, and until just now, no one without the Blackhawk name has ever worn them. I never thought it would be my choice and for a while, I’d given up hope on love.”

  “She loves you a great deal, Callen.” Desdemona took a deep breath and waited. “I’d given up hope too, Callen, that I’d never find love.” What she felt for this man and his family was so big it overwhelmed her.

  His heart skipped a beat that she indeed understood. “I’m lucky, someone will always be there for me when my granddad is gone, but I want more.” Whitefox held the box in his hand and prepared to open it. “Please marry me, and fill the rest of my heart. Give me the last piece of the puzzle and make me a very happy man.”

  Desdemona looked down at the two rings in the box, and they looked perfect together. This is where it all came down to her making her decision. Walk away loving him and lose what she was being offered because it wasn’t enough, or take the gift and try to be happy. Take the family and the friendship along with the chance that one day he’d love her with all his heart, not just a portion or live alone and afraid.

  “I can’t give you the Blackhawk name, but I can give you the family that I love, the people that make me alive inside,” he whispered, pulling his grandmother’s ring out of the box. “It’s a simple ring,” The stones glittered in the firelight. “Because I’m a simple man.” Whitefox held the ring in his fingers, waiting for her answer. “Now I just need a simple answer of yes or no.”

  She laughed. “Callen, you are far from simple. You are the most complex, exasperating, bossy man I’ve ever met in my entire life,” she said shaking her head. Now it was all up to her. Run or stay? Desdemona closed her eyes and hoped she chose correctly.

  “Well that can’t be good,” he said holding the ring.

  She channeled the inner Morticia and took that leap of faith. She wanted desperately to have a family, a girlfriend to bond with and a man that would keep her safe. Besides the sex was amazing and there was a chance it would grow into more.

  “Yes.”

  He looked up. “Yes it can’t be good, or yes you’re going to marry me and be my wife?” His heart began tripping in his chest.

  “Yes, I’m going to marry you.” Desdemona held out her finger. “And for the record, I love the ring and that it belonged to people that found love before us. I’ll wear if forever and never take it off,” she said, as he slid it onto her finger.

  Callen was overjoyed and the adrenaline took over. “I love you.” It was the best day of his life, and he couldn’t wait to tell his family that he’d sealed the deal and got the girl to say yes to him. The ring looked perfect on her hand and he felt relief and peace.

  “I love you too, Callen,” she whispered, looking up into his eyes searching for what she wanted to find.

  “I’m going to maul you like you’ve never been mauled before,” he warned, laughing.

  Desdemona touched his cheek, and ran her fingers across his lips lovingly. “Maul away, but let’s not wake the entire house,” she said, giggling.

  Callen kissed her like he never kissed her before. It was hard and demanding and it showed her exactly what was building in his body for her. Nothing else around them mattered at that point. It all fell away. His hands explored her, and he found himself overheating at the gentle touch her fingers were tracing against his body. The last piece of the plan fell into place, and he had finally gotten what Ethan found for himself.

  Desdemona was completely hot and melting. Something in her was begging her for more and more, and she was inclined to listen to the voice pushing her forward. Deciding to just let herself go, like she did with her heart, seeing where it went. She answered his driving kiss with one of her own. Her hands quickly unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it open, and running hands lightly down his body. When he shook at her touch, it inflamed her even more, and made her want to push him harder.

  “Desi,” he whispered, pulling away from her lips.

  The look in his eyes drove her forward, as she pushed him back and decided to show him what lived deep in her for him. Next she flicked open his belt buckle and unzipped his pants, aiming for one goal, driving him to madness. There was no gentleness when she freed him from his pants and looked deep in his eyes. “I want you, Callen,” she said softly. It almost didn’t sound like her voice. It was deeper, breathier and it gave her the push she needed. Desdemona was going to take what she wanted, and let him feel what she felt, and maybe she could fill his heart even more until it overflowed. Oh, there was going to be a mauling, but she wasn’t going to be the one mauled.

  “Christ,” he muttered, when her mouth took him intimately. He shook as she did wild and insane things to him.

  Stroking him, licking him, and adding just the perfect amount of pressure made his body bow, and his breath catch in his chest. “Like this, Callen?” she asked, taking a break to catch her breath and look up his taut body for an answer.

  “Uh huh,” He barely could think. He was too busy trying to not embarrass himself with his lack of control.

  Desdemona began her assault, and enjoyed his leg shaking and his eyes closed trying to not watch the scene unfolding across his body. She broke contact, demanding what she wanted. It was only fair, he’d been the bossy one before, and now she was going to show him what it felt like to be out of control and wild. “Open your eyes, Callen,” she waited, and when he obeyed, she saw the need, the want and the wildness there.

  “Can’t or I won’t make it,” he said through clenched teeth.

  Desdemona licked her lips, and continued stroking him with her hand. “Lose control, Callen,” she whispered and went back to work on his body.

  “Desi!” His voice shook and was full of lust. When he couldn’t handle it anymore, and was on the precipice, he pulled her from his body, and stared into her eyes. There was love in her eyes, lust and a touch of amusement.

  “What’s wrong, Callen? Out of control?” she whispered, and then saw the instant he lost total control, right before he struck. His eyes went from lust filled to demanding.

  The tenuous threads of control snapped and Callen just let it go. He pulled her into his arms, mouths crashing together brutally, and he was pretty sure the gasp was
from the woman in his arms, but he could be mistaken. He rolled with her, pressing her beneath his body as he began his assault on her senses and body, beginning at her neck, and then working his way down.

  Desdemona buried her hands in his hair, only to have her hands pulled away and pinned at her sides. Apparently, his hair was off limits during sex. “Callen!” She wasn’t used to the rough and wild love making, but went along for the ride.

  When she pulled on his hair, that feeling of betrayal resurfaced in his body. When hands ran through his hair, he always pictured them to be the hands of the woman he loved. It immediately felt wrong, and he couldn’t handle the guilt.

  He ignored her words, working his way down her body, finding all the spots that he knew would drive her crazy, and he worked them over, until she was moaning and squirming under his lips. He left nothing untouched, and when she shook and shattered, he paused for only a second, before moving up her body and sliding into her roughly.

  “Amazing,” he whispered, as she gripped his body, trying to lure him over the edge, but his control was back and before he was done she would be the one begging. The strokes were slow, and long, and as he felt her body responding to him, they became more punishing.

  She stared up at him with unfocused blurred eyes.

  “I want more, Desi,” he stated, continuing to move into her body. A fine sheen of perspiration was on his brow as he fought for control. He was going to burn this night into both their minds for the rest of their lives for both of their sakes. His to forget and hers to remember where she needed to stay.

  Desdemona could feel her body surrendering to his battering, and it was proof that Callen knew how to pleasure a woman.

  He felt the quake again, and when she started he pulled completely from her body, or he wouldn’t survive, giving her a second, he rolled her over and pulled her to her knees.

  “Callen!” Desdemona was barely able to breathe, let alone feel more.

  Sliding home, he leaned over her back and whispered in her ear. “Again for me, Desi.” And he began the drive again, pushing and pulling until he was so completely lost in the bliss of it all. He was going to take her and own her completely. He needed to feel that delicious control over her body. He was determined to find happiness, even at the bruising pace he was setting.

  Desdemona felt the heat building again and she was sure he was trying to kill her. Her body tingled and shook. His hands on her hips holding her in place left trails of heat on her body, and when he reached around and stroked her, she gasped and just gave it up. The man was taking what he wanted; she only hoped to survive it all.

  As Desdemona began to shake, Callen increased the thrusts, until it took over his body too and called to him, luring him to the edge. With her moan, he slammed into her once more and allowed her body to take anything it wanted from his. He exploded in amazing bliss and poured into the woman he was determined to make fit into his life. Maybe with her he could forget the truth.

  Both fell to the bed in a tangle of limbs.

  Finally, he was able to speak. “You okay, Desi?” he asked.

  Desdemona shook her head. “No, I am completely numb from the cerebellum down,” she answered. She wasn’t sure if it was because he paralyzed her with his voracious lovemaking, or if he was just lying on her body.

  He laughed. “You know, when you talk doctor to me and wear those glasses, it makes me want to do it again.” Whitefox rolled off her body and pulled her to his chest. “Better?”

  “No, I’m still numb,” she laughed. “Give me a day or so to recover.”

  Whitefox laughed. “If you need that much time to recover, I obviously did something wrong.”

  “I think I feel my toes.”

  Now he was feeling smug. “I hope you regain feeling again soon.”

  Desdemona had other things on her mind. “I just hope Elizabeth and Ethan didn’t hear how hard you went at it. That was definitely different, Callen.”

  Something in him heard the words, and realized that Desdemona possibly wasn’t into voracious love making. He made a mental note to tone it down, she was smaller than him and possibly wasn’t comfortable. “The men in our family are animals. If anything it’s expected from the two of us.”

  Desdemona rested her hand over his heart, and looked at her ring. She was Morticia, she just kept saying it, and hoping she could pull it off.

  “You should get some rest,” he suggested, leaning over to blow out the candles.

  “I’d give my left kidney to sleep all the way through the night,” she answered and yawned. “I can’t remember the last time I slept eight hours.”

  Whitefox closed his eyes, and enjoyed the feeling of not having to sleep alone anymore. He had his family, his brother, Elizabeth, and now Desdemona.

  Life was seemingly perfect.

  Except he knew the truth, and was living with the guilt.

  Sunday morning.

  Callen strolled into the kitchen with a big smug grin on his face, and as he looked at his brother, they shared a common expression and both knew it. The men started laughing, because they both got lucky.

  “What?” asked Elizabeth, looking up from the tech report.

  “Nothing,” Whitefox said, whistling as he walked over and sat beside his sister-in-law.

  Blackhawk couldn’t help but snicker.

  “I certainly hope both of you aren’t talking sex in some man language I don’t have privy to, because once I crack the code, I will hand you both your very fine asses,” said Elizabeth.

  Callen stole her coffee cup right from in front of her, and winked at her.

  Elizabeth laughed and just let it go. She’d come to grips that he planned on poaching her coffee at any given chance. “So, did you seal the deal?” she asked, and had her husband choking. “I meant with the proposal!” She slapped him on the back. “Out of the gutter, Ethan. I wasn’t going to ask about his sex life. Give me some damn credit. If I went there, then he’d be asking you about ours.”

  “Damn right I would.” Whitefox laughed, leaning over to kiss her lightly on the lips. “I did, and she said yes,” he grinned.

  Elizabeth patted his cheek and looked into his eyes. “I’m very happy for you, Callen.” She started sniffling. “Congrats.”

  Whitefox looked panicked as she teared up. “Elizabeth,” he pulled her to her feet and hugged her to his body.

  “I’m just happy that you look happy,” she answered, leaning against his body. “Sorry, damn baby hormones make me weepy.”

  Whitefox brought his lips to her ear. “I will love you forever for what you’ve done for me. Thank you for loving me before any other woman did, Lyzee.” He hugged her tighter reluctant to release her, and looked down at his brother over her shoulder. “Thank you Ethan for being a great role model and picking her as your wife.”

  Blackhawk stood up and hugged his brother around his wife. “I’m happy for you, Cal,” he said.

  Desdemona wandered into the kitchen and watched the three of them. She was flooded with so many emotions. Some that filled her with happiness and some that filled her with envy. It was definitely an adjustment to have to watch the man you loved kissing another woman all the time. She watched Elizabeth run her fingers through Callen’s hair, and she thought back to the previous night. Obviously his hair wasn’t off limits to everyone.

  “Callen, did you make Elizabeth cry?” she asked, smiling at the woman even though it was only on the surface. What she wanted to do was break down and weep over what was going on in her life.

  It was such a mess.

  Elizabeth freed herself from the men and crossed to her new friend, hugging her. She whispered in her ear. “Welcome to our family.” She kissed her on the cheek, and noticed she wasn’t the only one that was emotional. Desdemona looked ready to cry herself. Elizabeth hugged her against her body.

  “Thank you.”

  Blackhawk crossed to the woman that was going to be his new sister. “Welcome to the Blackhawk family.” The
n he hugged and kissed her, smiling at his brother. “Now I know why you’re always cuddled and kissing my wife. It’s nice to hug and kiss another woman that won’t elbow me.”

  Elizabeth looked over at Desdemona.

  Ethan sucked in a breath as he took an elbow from his soon to be sister-in-law.

  “That would be the wrong assumption, my love. You neglected the most obvious clue.”

  He laughed and rubbed his side. “What’s that?”

  “Girlfriend code, Ethan,” added Desdemona, walking to the coffee pot.

  “Lyzee hits me plenty,” said Whitefox grinning, as he drank her poached coffee. “I love every second of it.” He wiggled his eyebrows and winked at her teasingly.

  She blew him a kiss and joined Desdemona at the coffee pot, since her brother-in-law swiped hers once again, but the ease between all four of them was refreshing. “I’m just glad you picked a woman I like, because if I had to merely tolerate someone, that would just be too much damn effort,” she dropped her arm around Desdemona’s shoulders. “For the last bit of lovey-dovey crap for today,” she said, accepting a new cup of coffee. “Morticia, I will be proud to call you my sister,” she said to the woman. “I love you.”

  Desdemona’s eyes filled with tears, and she hugged the woman tight and whispered in her ear. “Thank you and I’m the lucky one to be part of you three.” She tried to convince herself. “I love you too.” Doctor Desdemona Adare got her fondest wish. She now had a circle to call her own, and now she’d have to accept everything that came along with it.

  Callen was filled with so much emotion as he watched the two women interact.

  Elizabeth patted Desdemona’s cheek and headed back to the table, taking a seat between her husband and brother-in-law and smiling.

  It was a good morning.

  “Callen, I need a huge favor,” he said, looking over at his brother. “Derek William’s family has requested the body to be returned, and I’m going to be bringing it back to them,” he said, and looked over at his wife, to make sure she wasn’t going to protest. When she didn’t, he continued. “Can you hold down the fort with the women folk while I’m gone?”