No Stranger to Scandal

by Rachel Bailey

  All her original reservations about getting involved with an older man and undoing her work to make something of her life were still there, but they’d been dwarfed by what had happened in the past week. The thing was, her love for Hayden was now tainted. It would always be smeared by Graham’s arrest—she’d never be able to think about Hayden again without it being tangled up with the heartache of what had become of her stepfather.

  What had he said to her that night in Montana?

  “If we let it linger, it’ll turn into something neither of us wanted. Something that might become bitter, and I don’t want anything to tarnish the memories I’m taking of you.”

  It had happened anyway, even without them letting it linger. Now she was left without the sweet memories of her time with Hayden to keep her warm at night. They’d been ruined.

  The best she could hope for was a little more time with him before he caught Angelica, finished the investigation...and left. He might not want to see her again after she’d been so rude the other night, and it wouldn’t be the same now, but if wanting whatever she could have from him made her desperate, then she was willing to cop to the charge. She’d call him today. Maybe they could make some new rules. Or maybe she was deluding herself and everything was too tainted for even their fling to survive anymore.

  Her cell rang, and she reached across the counter to retrieve it from where she’d thrown it last night. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to most people, but she needed to keep an eye out for calls from Graham or the facility he’d been taken to.

  When she picked it up, her heart stuttered. The number on the screen was Hayden’s.

  “Did I wake you?” The voice, so deep and familiar, made her ache.

  “No,” she said, her voice raspy. “I’ve been awake for a while.”

  “Can I talk to you?”

  “You are talking to me.”

  “In person.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. At this time of the morning, she didn’t have her head together enough to face anyone, let alone Hayden Black, with all the conflicting emotions he stirred within her. She wanted to talk to him when she was ready, when her head was clear. Perhaps after another coffee—or three. “I can meet you in a couple of hours.”

  “I’m on the street in front of your place.”

  Her heart thudded against her ribs as she slipped off the stool and padded through to the front window. As she drew the drapes aside, she saw Hayden’s rental car on the street. “So you are.”

  “Can I come in for a few minutes?”

  “It’s not a great time, Hayden.” She needed a chance to talk to him about resurrecting their fling for as long as she could have him. And the time to convince him wasn’t early in the morning while she was in her pajamas and had only consumed one cup of coffee.

  “It has to be now,” he said, and something in his voice reached out and pulled at her.

  “Sure,” she said on a sigh, knowing she’d probably regret it. It was hard to be seductive in striped pajamas after an hour’s sleep. She disconnected and threw the cell on a side table. She didn’t have time to change, but she ducked into her bedroom and grabbed her royal-blue satin dressing gown.

  She swung the door open to find him standing there with a sleepy Josh in one arm. She stared at Hayden in his dark trousers, pale blue shirt and tie and dark suit jacket, her belly tightening. All she wanted to do was take those clothes off him.

  “Sorry it’s so early,” he said, his thoughts clearly not on the same track as hers.

  “Come on in.” She leaned over to kiss Josh on the cheek, trying not to linger and sink into the scent of Hayden, then turned and walked down the hall to the kitchen. “Do you want a coffee?”

  “No, thanks,” he said, bending to scratch Rosie behind the ears, then depositing a rapidly waking Josh on the floor beside her. “I won’t be here long.”

  She poured another coffee for herself anyway and took a sip. Any assistance to her mental alertness was welcome. “So this visit is both early and quick.”

  “I came to say goodbye,” he said, his voice deep yet devoid of emotion.

  Her stomach fell fast. She carefully placed the mug on the counter before she dropped it. He was leaving? It was too soon. Too soon. She held on to the edges of the counter for support.

  “Hayden,” she said, then swallowed. “I’m sorry about what I said the other night. I was upset.”

  His features seemed carefully schooled to give nothing away. “It wasn’t anything you said, Lucy. I need to go.”

  “Before the investigation is finished?”

  “It’s for the best. I’ve become too involved. One of the top investigators in my company, John Harris, will be here by tonight. He’ll be more impartial, which is what the investigation needs now.” He frowned and looked down at Josh, who was petting Rosie. “What it always needed.”

  “And you’re leaving D.C.?” She’d known this moment was coming, of course she had, but please not yet. She wasn’t ready.

  He nodded and a muscle jumped in his jaw. “The flight to New York is in a couple of hours. Our bags are packed.”

  She sucked in a breath and ignored the ache in her chest. There was no chance of a future for them—and if she’d had any doubts about that, he’d settled them at her aunt’s lodge in Montana—so maybe he was right to leave now. Only ten minutes ago she’d been thinking that things between them were probably too tainted to survive even their fling with all its rules. Perhaps they’d even make things worse if they didn’t make a clean break now. Wanting a little more time with him was simply the desperate need of a woman in love who was in denial about the future she couldn’t have.

  She lifted her chin and found a polite smile, determined to see him off with at least that civility. “Thank you for dropping by to say goodbye.”

  He speared his fingers through his hair and held them there, gripping tight for a long moment before dropping his hands to his sides. “Damn it, I hate this formality between us.”

  “We can’t have it both ways, Hayden. This was only ever temporary.” A blanket of calm descended to smother the tumultuous emotions that had been battering her. Acceptance. It wouldn’t last long, she knew, but she was grateful for its appearance now. “Thanks for organizing Graham’s deal to keep Angelica’s name out of the hearings. I want to see justice catch up with her, but I know Graham would have hated himself if it had come via him.”

  Hayden nodded but seemed distracted. “It was a good deal for us—he gave a full and frank confession, and he named names like Marnie Salloway. We’ll catch Angelica. The deal was only to keep her name out of Graham’s interview. Now that that’s over, all bets are off.”

  “But it won’t be you who catches her,” she said softly.

  “No.” He lifted his broad shoulders in a shrug. “John Harris will work the case. But I’ll keep an eye on it from the New York office.”

  The casual way he was talking about leaving grated on her nerves. “So you’re walking away.”

  “I’m taking my son home,” he said pointedly. “It’s the right thing to do.”

  “Is it so easy to leave me?” As soon as she said the words, she wanted to snatch them back. Pointlessly, she covered her mouth with two fingers, as if that could help. Where had that acceptance gone?

  His eyes flashed fire. “Hell, this isn’t even close to easy, Lucy. But yes, I’m leaving.” He held one palm out, as if in surrender. “I can’t give you what you need.”

  The words were like a match to tinder—all those turbulent emotions that had been roiling inside her finally had a reason to coalesce. “Who are you to tell me what I need?” she demanded.

  “I’ll tell you what I know,” he said in measured tones. “I’m cynical and world-weary. A jaded widower. I know I’ll never love with an open and unguarded heart, or with the intensity that I once did. My heart simply isn’t capable of it—it’s like an old, beaten-up, secondhand car. You deserve someone full of life. Optimism. Verve. Like you.
”

  An ironic laugh bubbled up from deep down, but died before it reached her lips. He was telling her what she needed again. And he’d never been more wrong. Suddenly she saw everything clearly, maybe for the first time. Her love wasn’t tainted—it just had some obstacles to overcome. But love took two. Unrequited love was a totally different ball game, and it seemed that was the only type he was offering.

  “You’re wrong,” she said, staring him down. “But if you’re not even willing to stand by me and believe in what we could have, then maybe it is better that you go now.”

  He rubbed a hand over his eyes. “I’ve made a mess of this from the start.”

  “I fell in love with you, you know.” She spoke the words lightly, more of an observation than recrimination. It was fair that he knew.

  His face drained of color as if she’d slapped him. “God, I’m sorry, Lucy. So sorry.”

  Sorry? Her bottom lip trembled. If he said that word a third time she didn’t know if she could bear it. “It’s not your fault,” she said more sharply than she intended. “It’s mine.”

  His gaze stayed fixed on her face, obviously not fooled for a moment. “One more reason I need to leave. Once I’m gone I won’t be able to hurt you anymore.”

  Inside her everything screamed, just stay! Stay with me. But she refused to beg. If there had been a moment for him to declare he wanted to be with her, it was when she’d told him she loved him. He’d simply apologized.

  She wouldn’t let the stinging at the back of her eyes turn into tears. All she had left was her dignity, and she was hanging on to that with everything inside her. She crossed to the sink and tipped the cold coffee out, then turned to face him, tranquil mask in place.

  “So this is it,” she said, crossing her arms under her breasts.

  “Yes.” He drummed the fingers of one hand on the side of his thigh. “I expect I’ll be seeing you on the TV. Probably as a news anchor, but realistically, as anything you want. You have talent, Lucy.”

  After seeing what had become of Angelica, Marnie and Graham in the pursuit of ratings, the thought made her sick. “I don’t think my future is in broadcast journalism. I’ll be tendering my resignation to the new owner of ANS today.”

  His gaze sharpened. “What will you do instead?”

  “I don’t know. I think I’ll take a couple of months off and find out what I’d like to do with my life.” She was in no place right now to make life-changing decisions.

  “Whatever you do, I know you’ll make a success of it.” The kind words, gently spoken, were almost harder to take than if he’d dismissed her plans. She pulled the sash of her robe tighter and held on to her composure by the most tenuous of threads.

  “And you’ll do a great job with Josh,” she said truthfully. “He’s a lucky boy to have you as a father.” She was going to miss Josh like crazy. The little boy had wormed his way into her heart and even if she never saw him again, he’d always have a place there.

  He nodded, then cleared his throat. “We need to go so we can make that flight.”

  He stepped toward her and she turned away, unable to stand seeing him that near and not have him. “Lucy,” he whispered as he cupped the side of her face with his palm, then, without warning, he pulled her against him with his other hand and kissed her fiercely. The last shred of her control evaporated and she kissed him back just as hungrily. His fingers dug into her upper arms, and she welcomed the sensation, wanting to feel everything that was left for them. Lacing her fingers at the nape of his neck, she pulled down, never wanting to let him go, wishing the moment could last forever, holding him as tightly as she could. She felt her tears sliding down her cheeks and mingling with their kiss but was helpless to stop them. When his hand gripped her knee and urged it up, she wrapped a leg around his waist, desperate with the need to be closer.

  Too soon, he wrenched his mouth away and rested his forehead on hers, panting. Then, without a word, he placed a brief kiss on her forehead, picked up a smiling Josh and walked down the hall. Eyes squeezed shut, she listened to his footsteps fading as they got farther away, until her front door opened and closed. Only then did she slide down the cupboards to the floor and let the tears fall unrestrained.

  Twelve

  Holding the fracturing parts of herself together by sheer force of will a couple of hours later, Lucy walked through the heavy door a guard held open for her into a cold and drab pale green room. Graham was already waiting for her, seeming much smaller—shorter, even—with his shoulders hunched down, his lack of expansive movements. Unlike his usual warm greeting, his eyes were studiously locked on his hands, tightly clasped on the table.

  Perhaps it was her own perceptions, as well. Graham had always been such a larger-than-life character to her—her stepfather since she was twelve, the owner of a national news network, a man confident of his place in the world. Now incarcerated while he awaited his court date to enter his guilty plea and receive his sentence, he was wearing an orange jumpsuit, stripped of all the trappings of his position and wealth. He hadn’t even been granted the option of posting bail—with the seriousness of the charges against him, his private wealth and no real family to hold him, he’d been assessed a flight risk.

  As she slid into the brown plastic chair, Graham looked up for the first time and the uncertainty there, the fear of rejection, made her heart weep. It hadn’t occurred to her that he’d doubt her love and steadfastness.

  “You’re a sweet girl for coming,” he said in a thick voice.

  “Sweetness has nothing to do with it. You’re my stepfather and I love you.”

  His jaw worked hard before he spoke. “Even after everything?”

  “No matter what,” she said quietly. “You’ve always been there for me and now I’m here for you.”

  He covered his face for long moments and when he dropped his hands, his eyes were misty. “I’m sorry, Lucy.”

  Seemed today was her day to receive apologies from the men in her life. “I can’t say that I’m okay with what you’ve done at ANS,” she said, “but that’s only one part of who you are. You’re also the man who took me into your heart when you married my mother, and kept me there even after she was gone. You’re the man who wanted the best for me, gave me a job and kept me out of the dirty goings-on at ANS.”

  “That was always my stipulation—nothing was to touch you,” he said fiercely. “Those involved were never to draw you into it.”

  That was Graham all over—he had honor, he just drew different lines about where it began and ended the than rest of the world. But she never doubted he’d prioritize her and protect her. Which would have gone down well with Angelica, she thought with a wry smile. It would have fed her hatred—not only was Graham like a father to Lucy, but he’d protected her while allowing Angelica to dive into illegal work.

  “How’s Rosebud?” he asked.

  Rosie had whined overnight when she’d realized she wasn’t going home to Graham, so Lucy had let her get under the covers with her. “Missing you, but I’ve been keeping her busy, so I think she’s fairly happy.”

  “Thank you for taking her in.”

  “Having her has been good for me, too.” A warm body to cuddle on the sofa this morning when the world looked dark had been priceless. She’d lost Hayden, the man she loved; Josh, the little boy she yearned for; and her stepfather, all in one fell swoop. Rosie had lost her human—her only family—so they’d been consoling each other.

  “Lucy,” Graham said carefully. “There’s something between you and Black, isn’t there?”

  A denial was on the tip of her tongue, but why hide now? Hayden was gone, someone else from his company would be here soon to take over the rest of the investigation and the worst had already happened for Graham. There was no reason left to keep the secret.

  She swallowed to get her voice to work. “There was for me, yes.”

  “Do you love him?” he asked sharply.

  Suddenly there wasn’t enough air in the l
ittle room. “It’s not that simple. There are—”

  “It is that simple,” he said, cutting her off. “Do you love him?”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Let me tell you something. When I look back over my life, there are things I wish I had done differently. But my chief regret is about your mother.”

  She blinked. “I thought you loved her?”

  “I did. A great deal. More than she knew. I should have told her more. Cherished her more. She was the love of my life, but I spent my time building empires. I thought we had forever, but we only had seven years together. Too short. Much too short. She’s gone, and ANS is gone now, too, so all that time I sacrificed from my marriage for ANS was for nothing.”

  “She knew you loved her,” Lucy said truthfully. “She knew.”

  “Thanks.” A small, nostalgic smile brushed over his mouth before he pinned her with his gaze. “Now it’s your turn.”

  There seemed to be advice in his words, but it didn’t make sense. “Don’t you hate Hayden? He’s the one who pursued you until you ended up here.”

  “If I never lay eyes on that man again it will be too soon,” he said heatedly. “But much as I might hate him, I love you more. I’d give anything to make you happy, sweetheart.”

  “Thank you,” she said past the tightness in her throat.

  He looked directly into her eyes, not bothering to hide his emotions as he usually did. “If this is love, Lucy, grab it. Treasure it. Don’t let anything stand in your way.”

  “What if he doesn’t want to grab it back? If—” The pain of his apology in response to telling him she loved him took hold, until she was able to stuff it back down and take a breath. “If he’s walked away?”

  “Then he’s an idiot, just as I suspected.” He leaned forward in his chair. “But if you still love him, go get what you want. Life’s too short, too unpredictable to waste a second of it.”

  Lucy looked hard at the man sitting across from her. This wasn’t the same man she’d known—she’d always been a bit in awe of that man, who’d been a little distant, despite their closeness. He’d never talked to her about his relationship with her mother, never opened himself this way. Even though her world was crumbling around her, and she’d do almost anything to save Graham from being incarcerated, this—their first ever heart-to-heart—was like a small ray of sunshine shining through the parted clouds.