Finding Callan

by Quell T Fox

  It’s hard for me to eat because of my throat but I’m able to get some scrambled eggs down, and I drink three cups of tea. The yogurt felt good, too, soothing my throat. Callan told me not to talk, since it’ll make it worse and lengthen the healing process. Which is hard, because damnit I always have so much to say.

  Maddox left a little while ago, he said he had to meet up with someone to talk about the break-in at the bar. Alec still hasn’t returned and at this point I know better than to bother myself with worrying. He’ll come back. I tried getting more information from Callan both about Alec and about the explosion last night, but he’s a hard nut to crack. He’s completely loyal to his ways. He refuses to talk about anything without everyone present. It’s frustrating, but noble of him. I like him a little more for it. Knowing that he can be trusted with so much. It’s not a quality many people hold.

  Maddox was more shocked than Lenny when he saw what I looked like. It took a little more convincing for him to believe the story, but as good as a secret keeper Callan is, he’s just as good a liar. Which is a scary thought. He would be able to lie to me without me knowing. Why am I worried about the lying part when I know what his powers are? He admitted it’s sometimes hard for him to control his powers, so shouldn’t I be more worried about him changing me? But for some reason that I can’t explain, that isn’t a worry that I have.

  I’m lying on the couch with Lenny, all snuggled up drifting in and out of sleep. Callan is prepping something for dinner. He called down to the lobby, letting them know that we need someone to come in and clean today and that we have laundry. Yeah, this hotel even does your laundry.

  I stand to use the bathroom and as soon as I get up Alec walks in. He stops dead in his tracks when his golden eyes reach my face. A terrible fear crosses over his face, his features turning dark. He swallows thickly, his eyes going to the ground and he quickly makes his way to his room.

  I decide that now isn’t the time.

  My eyes meet Callan’s – who is staring at me. He gives me a look filled with guilt, but I push it aside. For now.

  I continue into the bathroom to do my business, and when I’m finished I head back to the couch that is now holding Lenny and Callan. A smile falls across my face, knowing that Callan chose to sit there because he wants to be close to me. There is another couch, but he chose this one.

  Baby steps.

  I lay down between both of the guys. The guys that are quickly becoming mine, if they aren’t already. Resting my head on Lenny’s lap and placing my legs over Callan, like I’ve done so many times before. He rests his arm over them like we’ve been doing this for years, as he picks up his book and starts to read. His hand starts to rub my leg at the same time Lenny starts to play with my hair. The comfort of having them here, touching me, is enough to cause me to drift off to sleep again.

  I wake to my throat feeling as if I swallowed glass. Each and every sharp edge cutting as I swallowed it down. I’ve been drinking warm tea like crazy and it seems to have been helping, but right now it feels worse. What do they say? Something about getting worse before it gets better? I reach down for the bottle of water and take a few sips. I clear my throat and end up coughing so hard that my head pounds. That’s been the norm.

  “Would you like some more tea?” Callan asks and I nod. I pull my legs off him so he can stand. He makes his way to the kitchen, opens the cabinet to grab a coffee mug and starts the coffee machine. It’s a dual coffee maker, it makes a pot and also has single serve with an option for hot water to make tea or hot chocolate. I need one for home… when I find one.

  Life could be good like this. With how simple everything has been with Lenny, and now with Callan. Not that it won’t be good with all of them, but I know it’s going to take a lot more work with Maddox and Alec. But all relationships need work. I need to remember that.

  Maddox comes through the door in a rush. He takes one look to me and his face lights up with shock. I must look worse than I did this morning, but I’ve been avoiding the mirror. For good reason. I can’t stand seeing what I look like, like this.

  He walks to Callan and they share a short, whispered conversation. Maddox glances at me every few seconds.

  I really wish I could talk right now.

  When they’re done chatting, Maddox disappears down the hallway and Callan brings me my tea. He places it on the end table to cool, before he places a kiss on my forehead. He makes me feel cherished.

  “Maddox will be back in a few. We have some things to talk about.” I nod while Lenny whines.

  “Another meeting? I’m starting to feel like this is a job. This is supposed to be fun, not work.”

  “I know, Lenny. I get it, but we need to figure this stuff out.”

  I sit up and take the mug from the table. I blow on it before taking a small sip. The warm liquid instantly soothes my throat. A few minutes later both Maddox and Alec make their way into the living room and sit on the couch across from us. Callan sits down beside me. Lenny grabs my hand, the same way he normally does when we’re all together. I love how touchy he is. He makes me feel appreciated.

  I’m not sure if he’s trying to prove something or not. Maybe he’s trying to show me that it’s possible for this to work. Either by how much our relationship has grown or maybe he’s throwing it in their faces. I have a feeling that jealousy isn’t what he’s trying to get from them. More like… acceptance.

  No matter what it is, holding his hand makes me feel better. I also notice that Callan is sitting a bit closer to me than he usually does. He’s so close that his woodsy scent invades my nose.

  “The explosion at the restaurant wasn’t an accident.” Callan’s words come as a shock to me. The thought had crossed my mind, but I’d convinced myself that it was something from the kitchen.

  “I wanted to bring this up sooner but there was so much going on, and then all of us weren’t here.” He looks to Alec briefly, who is staring at the ground. “Before the explosion I had a vision.”

  “A vision? What do you mean a vision?” Maddox asks in a voice that says he thinks Callan is full of shit.

  “It was more of an auditory phenomena but there was a vision aspect with it. When Friday went to the bathroom, I saw a man walking out of the area who struck me as off. I had a strange feeling about him, shortly after that images of numbers popped into my head along with the sound of ticking. I didn’t know what it was or how it happened, but I knew something was wrong. In that moment I ran for Friday, grabbed her and that’s when the explosion went off.”

  “A fucking phenomena? You mean hallucination?” Maddox asks incredulously.

  “No, I mean a phenomena.”

  “Do doo de-do-do”

  “Shut up, Lenny! Can you be serious for even one fucking minute?” Maddox shouts, raking his fingers through his hair.

  It’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Lenny clears his throat, trying to stifle the laugh that I know is working its way up.

  I really wish I could talk right now. I would yell at Maddox to leave Lenny alone. At least someone around here doesn’t have a stick up their ass. This news is a lot to take in, but his humor helps. I place my hand on Lenny’s back and rub it, laying my head on his shoulder. He places a soft kiss on the top of my head and Maddox scoffs.

  Callan gets right back to business.

  “It’s not just a coincidence that the bar gets broken into and then this happens. Something is going on.”

  Alec keeps peaking looks at me while pretending to be busy on his phone. An awfully guilty look on his face. And I feel bad for him. He has so much weight to bare. So much going on and now this. I know he didn’t mean it. I know he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me. I hope he knows that too.

  “I agree. No more going out alone. Just in case. Not until we figure out what is going on.” Maddox finally takes on a normal tone. His asshole tone taking a break. Everyone nods in agreement.

  Lenny is being exceptionally quiet, I think. Until he finally looks at
me to ask a question.

  “Do you think this has anything to do with your ex?”

  I shake my head vigorously. They don’t know him, but I do. He did not care about me enough to try to kill me or break into my new boyfriend’s bar. That’s definitely not it.

  “You’re sure it couldn’t have anything to do with him?” Callan asks in his usual soothing tone.

  I nod.

  “So then what?” Lenny asks.

  “I’m not sure, but nothing happened until we all got together. Nothing like this has ever happened before. If it isn’t a coincidence, I can only assume it’s because we found Friday. “

  “But why?” My words come out scratchy and I instantly regret trying to speak. I continue to sip on my tea.

  “No talking!” Lenny chastises me in a cute way that makes me smile behind my mug of steamy liquid.

  “I’m not sure why. But we will figure it out.“ Maddox answers.

  “I’ve never had any type of vision like that before.“ Callan says to us all, but I feel the words are aimed towards me directly. “I think you being with us is enhancing our powers. That’s normally what happens when Circles are complete.“ I nod because that makes sense. “Though, it usually doesn’t happen until we’ve closed the Circle.”

  I try to speak, but Callan places his finger in front of my lips and pushes my phone into my hand.

  What does that mean? I type out and Callan reads it aloud for me.

  “It means, that when we do close this Circle, we’re going to be powerful as fuck.”

  CHAPTER 20

  Maddox

  “When is her face going to look better?” I ask.

  “What the hell kind of question is that? You jackass.” Lenny says with a ton of annoyance in his voice. Callan gives me a weird look.

  “Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant for her. She’s probably in pain. When will she feel better? And why can’t she talk? Should I heal her?”

  “I don’t know. Smoke maybe? All the screaming she was doing? I’m not a doctor. It was chaos, I don’t remember every little thing that happened. And to be frank,” Callan looks up from the dishes that he’s washing to meet my stare, “no, I don’t think you should heal her. I don’t think she needs that kind of trauma right now. She wouldn’t be able to handle drinking your blood. She will heal on her own, let her do it.”

  “And you’re sure she doesn’t need to go to a hospital?”

  “I’m not a doctor.” Callan says flatly, shaking his head.

  “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

  “If you’re so worried about her, maybe you should let her know that instead of being such a dick to her all the time. Maybe then we can work on closing this Circle and we wouldn’t have to worry about her taking so long to heal.”

  “Look Asswipe, I’m not the only one that’s not in her good graces. Asshole over here is the worst one yet. If you’re gonna yell at someone, yell at him.”

  “She expects him to act like that. She doesn’t expect that from you.” Lenny pokes me in the chest. What the fuck is up with these guys being so ballsy? I’m the Superior, don’t they know what respect is? He turns around and heads down the hallway. “Where the fuck are you going?”

  “To cuddle up with Friday and get a good night’s sleep. Join if you want.” He winks at me and I swear if he was in front of me, I’d punch him.

  “He’s not wrong.” Callan adds.

  “Jesus fuck. I don’t need to hear this from all of you. You think I don’t know that? I can’t help that I’m not a giant fucking teddy bear.”

  “You could try a little harder.”

  “Yeah, I could. But we all could, couldn’t we? I don’t see you doing any better. Have you even gotten to first base yet?”

  “As a matter of fact, I have. But you do realize that there is a lot more to this than the physical stuff, right?”

  “Fuck you. You did?” He scoffs and continues to wash the dishes without looking up. I’m genuinely surprised and happy for him. Our Callan is growing a pair. Everyone around here seems to be growing some balls. Except for Alec. He seems to have lost his balls. And I don’t know where they went since Friday doesn’t have them. He’s been sulking on the couch for hours and I have no fucking idea why.

  Friday went to bed after dinner. She was struggling to eat and to stay awake. She looked exhausted. I feel awful about what happened. She looks like shit, she’s still beautiful, but she’s fucked. I still don’t know if I believe that they’re telling me the truth. But what is there to lie about? We all made a pact not to use our powers on one another, so I can’t force them to tell me the truth. I mean, I could, but I won’t. We’re team building here, and I really am trying. I know that I need to do better, but it doesn’t come as easily for me as it does for Callan and Lenny. It’s just not who I am.

  Callan had a good idea with the date thing. That’s what I need. I need some one on one time with her, without the other guys around to piss me off. I don’t know how that’ll happen now, since we all agreed that we won’t go anywhere alone. Not for a while. I’ll figure something out.

  “I’m going to bed.” I walk by Callan, take one last look at Alec, shake my head and head down the hallway. I pause at Friday’s door at the sound of a raspy laugh. The fucker woke her up. My hand goes to the handle, the need to yell at him for waking her taking over, but I decide against it.

  I need to back off. I’m trying.

  I walk into my room and close the door behind me. Ready for another night of restless sleep.

  Alec

  I’m positive that I’m the biggest piece of shit on this planet. I’m angry at myself and for a million reasons. Mostly for not seeing the signs. I had woken up twice by her side, but I never expected anything more. I should have left when I wanted to. If I had just gone home then none of this shit would have happened. I don’t even know what it was that triggered it. The other times I’d woken up by her I was just sleeping, so I didn’t think it was a big deal. That’s why I didn’t mention it to anyone. I’m not even sure if she knows. But after this? Fuck. I’m surprised no one has mentioned it to Maddox. We’d be brawling if they did, I know it. But why hasn’t Friday or Callan ratted me out? Why is she still fearing Maddox and not me? I’m the one that almost killed her, yet every time I catch her looking at me her eyes are filled with only sadness… and guilt. How does that make sense?

  I haven’t had nightmares like that in a long time, and I haven’t had a sleep walking episode in even longer. They used to happen to me all the time. I’ve attacked the guys before, when we were younger. At one point it was so bad that they had to lock me in a room at night just so they could get sleep. When I woke up with her the first time, I should have said something. But I hoped… I wanted it to be okay. Waking up by her side made me feel something that I’ve never felt before.

  I can’t have that happen again.

  I fucked up, and I need to fix it.

  I can’t bring myself to open up to this girl, something is holding me back. Other than just being an asshole. There is so much about me that is fucked up, how can I open up and allow her in? I’ve lost everything in my life, and I can’t lose someone else. If I let her in, that’s what will happen. She’ll see how fucked up I am and not want me.

  Just like my dad.

  Just like my mom.

  I can’t handle that kind of rejection again. I’ve come too far, done too much for myself to go back that many steps. I don’t think I’d make it.

  But I know this is right. I shut myself away because the sight of her brings out feelings in me that I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. That day in my room, that moment we had – I need more of that. I’ve thought about it every night that I fall asleep. I think that’s why I go to her. She’s the last thing I think of before falling asleep.

  Subconsciously, I need to be with her, be next to her, because as much as I don’t want to admit it, she makes me feel better. She makes me feel whole. And it scares the li
ving fuck out of me.

  “We need to talk.”

  Callan has definitely grown some balls lately. Good for him, I’m proud. We’ve grown apart over the years. I guess we all have. Well, except for Lenny and Maddox.

  I gave Friday a week to make her decision, and I guess that means I’ve already made mine. If she says yes, if she agrees to this, if she chooses us, then I have to play along. It doesn’t mean I have to jump right into anything. I can’t do that. I won’t. But I’ll try. I have to try. The nagging in my chest will never go away if I don’t try, but I swear if it doesn’t work, I won’t make it out of this okay. I’ll be shattered and destroyed beyond repair. Worse than I already am.

  “Yeah, I guess we do.” Callan’s eyebrows shoot up at the easiness of me giving in. I don’t have it in me to fight. Along with everything that already weighs me down, another bucket of guilt was dumped on top. I need to let some of it go, and as much as I don’t want to… I need someone. I need help. I need one of them. Callan has always been the easiest for me to talk to. It was always Alec and Callan, Lenny and Maddox. Don’t get me wrong, at one time we we’re inseparable – all of us. But the pairs of us got along better, we clicked better.

  “That is… not what I was expecting.”

  “I’m too tired to fight, Callan.” He nods and sits beside me. We’re both quiet for a few moments. He said we need to talk, so he needs to talk. I have nothing to say. Actually, I don’t know where to begin.

  “I want you to know that Friday isn’t upset with you. I didn’t tell her everything because I respect your privacy. It’s your story to tell, but I had to explain some parts of it. Enough for her to understand and to not think that you were actually trying to kill her. She wants to talk to you. Alone. She made me promise not to tell the other guys. So I won’t. But this can’t happen again. If Lenny knew, he could help, put a spell on the door or something.” I give him a look. “I know that isn’t an option, so what else can we do? If I try to bar you into your room the guys will realize. How can we stop this from happening again? I don’t think she can handle much more right now. She’s in pretty bad shape as is.”