Haunted

by Alexandra Inger

  The end of the school day couldn’t come quickly enough. And Margie couldn’t leave fast enough! She was still in our room hemming and hawing over whether or not she should leave me.

  “Margie, I’ll be FINE!” I growled at her. “And besides, I’m sure your boyfriend is nearly here by now, anyway!”

  “No, he’s working today. He probably won’t be here til around nine or so.”

  Well, there was nothing for it. I couldn’t get rid of her, so I might as well take the opportunity to enjoy her company. We hung out in the room for a bit and then went down to the dining hall where Margie showed me off like I was her celebrity friend. I just sat there smiling sheepishly, while Margie regaled everyone who wanted to listen about how I fought off my attacker and how he was hopefully going to rot in prison for a very long time. She pointed out my broken nose to everyone, but made sure to mention that I had done much worse damage to Trevor than he had done to me. It was endearing, however embarrassing it was also!

  Finally her boyfriend arrived to collect her and I was alone in the room for the first time since it had happened.

  I went in to the little washroom to splash some water on my face and when I came out, the moment I had been waiting for all week finally happened.

  “My love,” Stefano wrapped me in his embrace immediately and I could feel the vibration from his energy field protecting me and keeping me safe. He would have held me like that forever if he could have. I would have let him.

  When he finally pulled back he regarded me solemnly. I don’t know if it was possible for ghosts to age, but he seemed careworn at the very least.

  “You,” I began and was surprised to find my voice crack into a whisper. “You saved my life.”

  “You fought ferociously,” he observed.

  “I had forgotten about the scissors. If you hadn’t have told me to look for them…” I trailed off. I hated to think what would have happened to me if Stefano hadn’t appeared to coach me through it. “You saved my life,” I said again, as big fat tears of love and gratitude filled my eyes.

  He nodded in agreement without looking at me.

  “I did save you. And in saving you I redeemed myself,” he told me, again without looking at me.

  “Redeemed yourself? From who? What?” I didn’t know what he meant.

  “I redeemed myself to myself,” he explained cryptically.

  I could only look at him wordlessly and wait for him to elaborate.

  He sighed heavily and stood up from my little bed.

  “I failed to save Caterina, but I did save you. And in saving you I saved myself.”

  He finally turned to look at me and I saw the conflict in his eyes.

  “You’ll see it’s bittersweet, my love,” he whispered as he dropped a kiss on the top of my head.

  “Stefano,” I said with a weak smile. “Please just tell me whatever it is you’re trying to tell me. The suspense is driving me mad.”

  “The bar has been removed. I’m able to pass, now,” he said and I could feel the heaviness of it in his voice.

  “I don’t know what you’re saying.” The tears begin to spill over now and a tightness gripped my chest. “What are you saying?” I demanded frantically as I tried to grab at his collar. But there was nothing for me to grab.

  “I’m saying that we are both free.” He looked at me with those penetrating glass green eyes and my stomach dropped as I realized this was to be the last time I would ever see him.

  “No!” I shook my head. “I don’t want to be ‘free’! I have nothing to be free of! And you can’t leave me!”

  “Shhhhhh, Catherine. Please listen to me.”

  He sat back down on the bed with me and cradled me in his arms.

  “I’ve been trapped here in this purgatory, in this hell, for nearly two hundred years. I’ve been in a prison – all the pleasures of the senses and of the flesh are denied me. It was a kind of torture until I met you. You brought me the most joy I’ve had since I assumed this form. And for that I am most grateful. But you also made me realize just how imprisoned I’ve been and how there’s been something I’ve been missing. I need to ascend, I need to move on. It is the natural order of things. And you’ve enabled me to do that. You’ve set me free. I would I could undo what happened to you. I wish there had been some other way. But in saving you, I released the prohibition and now there is no obstacle to moving on in my conscience.”

  “Stefano!” I moaned through tears. “You’re the world to me! You can’t leave me! I’m sorry if that’s selfish, but after everything that’s happened….”

  “My darling, don’t you see? This frees you as well. You are missing out on so much by nursing this attachment to me. There is so much life out there for you to experience, and you won’t be able to experience it with me.”

  “Like what?” I demanded.

  “You know as well I do that the boy loves you.” He regarded me closely to gauge my reaction. “And it would be dishonest of you not to admit that you nurture some small flame for him also, yes?”

  I didn’t know what to say. He was right. But I couldn’t bear to admit it.

  “I’ve known for a long time. So have you. It was very noble of you to try to deny your feelings for him. But you see, now, you are free to go to him.”

  I looked up at him with wounded eyes.

  “My love, don’t be sad. I’m happy for you. I’ve always told you that I did not wish to keep you from living fully in the physical realm: I wish this for you. I do. The boy is good and decent and I wouldn’t let you away with just anyone. I know I leave you in good hands.”

  “But I love you. You are my soul!” I protested.

  “I am. I am your heart and soul and conscience and guiding light. And I was conjured from your heart and your soul in the first place, and now I will go back there. You know you can always resurrect me if you need to. But now is the time to let me go and look towards what’s real.”

  I knew that everything he was saying was true. I knew, because it was me who gave him life and voice. He was me, speaking to me, through me, but in a form that assuaged my loneliness and my yearning to connect with something, someone outside of myself.

  And I was right. It was time to let go of him, to let go of fear, and to look towards what was real.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and embraced him one last time. I closed my eyes tightly and let myself cry for a little while. When I was ready, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, and it was just me, alone in my room, clinging to my pillow for comfort.

  I stood up and before I changed my mind, I ran a brush through my hair and pulled on my winter coat and left the room. The hour was late, but I knew what I had to do.

  I burst out of the dorm and into the frigid night air. My breath was like clouds in front of me and I could smell the sweet wood smoke of late autumn. I walked as fast as I could for as long as I could and then I broke into a run. I left frosty footprints in the grass behind me.

  I finally arrived at my destination and pounded brazenly on the door.

  A bewildered Chad appeared before me. He was still dressed, so I didn’t feel too badly about disturbing him at this hour.

  We stood there regarding each other for a moment, our breaths falling into synch.

  He had the bluest eyes.

  “Hi,” he said softly without taking his eyes off mine.

  “Hi,” I said back.

  We stood there without speaking as if some magnetic force was both pushing and pulling on us at the same time.

  Finally I could take it no more and I launched myself at him and clutched his head in my hands and kissed him passionately with everything I was worth.

  It was the first time I had ever kissed anyone.

  His arms crept up around me and he pulled me close to him. We were so close I could feel his heart beating against me and his stomach rising and falling as he breathed. I drank in the smell of him and the taste of him and thought that this was the closest thing to heaven
I had ever experienced.

  Finally we pulled apart and just looked at each other. We were standing in the open doorway for anyone who might have walked by to see.

  Chad was the first to regain his senses and he pulled me into his room and shut the door.

  “Catherine!” he exclaimed breathlessly. “I have dreamed, but I had given up hope!”

  We both laughed shyly.

  “Oh, I’m glad,” I cooed in a soft, low voice. “Or that could have been really embarrassing.”

  “Sit down, sit down,” he took me by the hand and led me to his little bed. “I have something for you,” he said as he rummaged through his desk. “I would have given them to you yesterday, but they just came in the mail this morning. I wanted to wrap them properly, but since you’re here now, and I’ve learned that life is too short and time is too precious to waste…”

  He put a heavy duty, padded brown paper envelope into my hands.

  “Books?” I looked up at him with a delighted expression.

  “Open and see!” he hastened me.

  I slipped two items out of the envelope, each carefully wrapped in bubble wrap. I freed the first item from its protective cocoon.

  “The Divine Comedy!” I cried with delight. “How perfect!”

  It was a beautiful hard cover edition with gilt edged pages and gold tooling on the cover. I was amazed and couldn’t stop gaping at it. I kept turning it over in my hands and wondered at how Chad could have known that this gift had been imagined for me months ago.

  “Now that one is new, but the next one you have to be very careful with. It’s fragile,” he warned me.

  I placed the Dante down on the bed and picked up the second book. I carefully undid the bubble wrap and found inside a pouch made of very soft fabric. I painstakingly slid out the treasure it contained.

  “Oh my god, Chad!” I exclaimed. “What is this?”

  “Your favorite. It’s not a first edition, but it’s as close as I could find. A third edition.”

  I was so moved that my eyes welled up as I gingerly held the precious volume of Jane Eyre in my hands.

  “Chad,” I said, choked with emotion. “How on earth did you ever…?”

  “You like it?” he looked at me eagerly.

  “You have bereft me of all words!” I shook my head and looked down at the book. I was completely overwhelmed. He must have gone to great lengths and great expense to find this for me.

  “Catherine,” he said seriously as he tipped my chin up with his fingertips and brushed away the tears from my cheek. “You are the most beautiful, most intelligent, interesting person I have ever met. I’m pretty bad with words considering I’m the editor of a newspaper,” he smiled wryly. “But I, uh, would like to ask you to do me the honor of being my girlfriend.”

  I grinned like mad as his face reddened.

  “The honor would be all mine,” I whispered.

  And he leant in and kissed me. Slowly and softly and sweetly. Like nothing I had ever felt before. It was heaven. It was magic. It was the sole reason for being alive on this planet.

  Goodbye, Stefano! I thought. And thank you. For everything.