Beneath a Frosty Moon

by Rita Bradshaw

  ‘They weren’t lies. I was only saying what was going to happen. You love me, you know you do. And I love you as you deserve to be loved, don’t you see? No one could love you like I do.’

  ‘Wilfred, I’m going to see Jed and I shall tell him you and I were never engaged and we’re not getting married. I owe him that.’

  ‘You owe him?’ It was verging on a shriek and Wilfred must have realized this because when he next spoke his voice was calmer. ‘You owe him nothing, Cora.’ The thought of her going to Jed Croft was sending white-hot knives into his brain. ‘He’s a nowt, all wind and water. He might look the part but he’s got no gumption, no fire in his belly. If he had really loved you he’d have made sure Farmer Burns couldn’t touch you again, not gone on about reporting him to the police. The police!’ He gave a bark of a laugh. ‘Everyone knew they were in Burns’s pocket. They’d have done nothing, like they did over that other girl, Enid.’

  Cora felt sick. She put a hand on the kitchen table to steady herself. ‘What do you mean?’ He couldn’t know about Farmer Burns attacking her that day; she must have misunderstood him.

  ‘I killed him, Cora. Farmer Burns, I killed him for you. To stop him hurting you. I did it to protect you because I love you, do you understand now? Burns had to be stopped and so I stopped him. That’s what you do if you love someone, really love them. You don’t leave them at the mercy of filth like Burns.’

  Cora’s face was bloodless and she felt dizzy. ‘You – you couldn’t have. Jed—’

  ‘Jed knocked him about a bit but he didn’t have the guts to finish it,’ Wilfred said feverishly. ‘I was at the farm. I heard you scream but Jed got there first so I listened. I heard it all. And when you and him had gone I went into the barn. Burns was blind drunk and bleeding but he wasn’t dead. The things he said about you –’ his lips came back from his teeth in a snarl – ‘he was scum. And I knew he wouldn’t stop till he’d seen you six foot under.’

  Cora shook her head dazedly. ‘No, Jed—’

  ‘Jed!’ Wilfred spat the name out. ‘The spineless nowt. He’d have let you carry on living there even knowing what Burns was. And when he thought he’d killed Burns, when I said I knew and that unless he cleared off I’d go to the police and tell them everything, off he went as meek as you like.’

  ‘You blackmailed him?’ Cora couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘That’s why he left?

  ‘He left because he’s gutless.’

  For a moment Cora couldn’t speak. The shock of what he had said was wearing off and a hate such as she’d never experienced before had her wanting to throw herself at Wilfred and claw his face to shreds. He had forced Jed to leave and he had let her torture herself that she had sent the man she loved to his death. And Jed might have been killed. Wilfred had probably been hoping for that. She fought to gain control, her voice brittle when she said, ‘You wanted Jed dead. Admit it. Did you tell him he had to join up?’

  ‘Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve said? He isn’t worthy of you, that’s what I’m saying. Look, lass, I’ve been to see the landlord and he’s agreed for me to buy this place off him. All the work I’ve done here, it’s for you. I’ll make it a little palace, I promise, and right next to your mam an’ da. You’ll never want for a thing, I promise you, and I’ll make you happy. Anything you want, you’ll have.’

  Cora stared at him. Was he mad? He had to be, he had to be deranged. He had just told her that he had killed Farmer Burns and then made Jed believe he had done it and blackmailed him to leave her into the bargain. Jed had gone to war and been incarcerated in one of those terrible camps, probably suffering the torments of the damned if half the stories in the papers about the concentration camps were true, and then Wilfred calmly talks about them setting up home together?

  She had never really known Wilfred. Right from a bairn when they’d played together and he had practically lived at their house, she had imagined she knew him inside out but she hadn’t. There was a whole different side to him, a dark side. It had showed in his face when he had talked about Farmer Burns and Jed. Was it because of what his mam and da had done to him and his brothers?

  She felt a spasm of pity for him and it enabled her to speak softly when she said, ‘I’m going to see Jed tomorrow, Wilfred, and I shall tell him I still love him, that I’ll always love him. He might feel differently about me now – after what he’s gone through he’ll be a changed man, I know that, but regardless of him and me I will never marry you. I never would have, even before I knew Jed was still alive. I am truly sorry but I just don’t feel the way you do.’

  ‘No, no.’

  He was glaring at her now and for the first time in her life Cora felt afraid of him. Something had changed in his face; it was as if there was another person looking out from behind his eyes, and she wished she had let her mother come with her as Nancy had tried to persuade her to do. But she had thought that with what she had to tell Wilfred, that would have been cruel. He would feel bad enough without another person present.

  ‘It’s because of him you’re saying that. You would have married me. It’s always been you and me and I know you love me. Other people might try and take you away from me but we’re meant to be together. You know that deep down, you know it. I won’t let you go to him, Cora. Everything I’ve done I’ve done for you, don’t you see? I can’t live without you.’

  ‘Wilfred, I care about you, I always will, but what you did to Jed was terribly wrong, you must understand that?’ Part of her couldn’t condemn him for killing Farmer Burns – the man had been the personification of evil – but it terrified her that Wilfred had done it in cold blood.

  ‘If you go to him I’ll tell the police he killed Burns and that’s why he ran off to join up. I’ll see him go down the line for it, Cora. I swear it.’

  The fear of him drained away and with it the anger as her pity increased. He was so damaged, she thought, more damaged than she could ever have imagined, like a hurt bairn desperate for love. ‘You must do as you feel fit,’ she said softly, ‘but I am going to him, Wilfred, and I will tell the police everything you’ve told me if you accuse Jed.’

  ‘You can’t leave me. Please, Cora.’ Her name was wrenched up from the depths of him and he began to cry, great racking sobs that shook his body as his hands covered his face.

  She wanted to go to him, she wanted to put her arms round him and comfort him as she had done so many times when he was a bairn and had come to her black and blue from one of his father’s savage beatings. But he was a child no longer. He was a grown man and their ways had to part, for his sake as well as hers. The time for gathering him in to her, like a mother with a bairn, was past. She closed her eyes tight for a moment, hating what she had to do and say, but this had to end now.

  ‘I’m sorry, Wilfred, I really am,’ she whispered, and then she turned and walked out of the back door into the yard. She stood for a moment in the snow, wondering if he would come after her and not wanting a scene that the other neighbours might hear, but apart from the sound of his sobs inside the house all was quiet.

  Slowly, her head bowed, and feeling torn apart inside, she made her way home to where Nancy and Gregory were anxiously waiting for her. And as she was enfolded into her mother’s arms, the tears now streaming down her face and words impossible, her heart broke for the little boy who had never been cuddled like this, never known what a home was, never had a moment of unconditional love in his life from the two people who had brought him into the world.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Cora and Nancy didn’t go to bed that night. They sat in the kitchen once the rest of the household was asleep, talking, drinking tea and discussing the ifs and maybes of the future. Nancy was huge now – the baby was due at the end of November – and Cora was anxious that nothing should happen while she was gone, but as Nancy said, there was a houseful of other folk around if she did start early. ‘Lass, this is my sixth bairn, I’m an old hand at it so don’t you go worrying a
bout me. I have them as easy as shelling peas. I barely had time to pull me knickers down before our Susan popped out.’

  Cora smiled as Nancy had meant her to, but in truth she didn’t feel like smiling. She was beside herself about meeting Jed. When she saw his face she would know if he still loved her. And how would he react when she told him Wilfred was responsible for Farmer Burns’s death, and all that that meant? Wilfred had told Mrs Croft such lies and compounded them in his letters to Jed’s mother. Would Jed believe there was nothing of that nature between Wilfred and herself and that she had remained true to him? And the baby could come any time. She shouldn’t be gallivanting off to Northumberland. She knew her da and Maria would look after her mam but she wanted to be here for her too. And then there was Wilfred. She couldn’t get his anguished face out of her mind. She was angry with him and part of her hated him for what he had done, but the other part still couldn’t help caring about him. Loved him even.

  A white winter dawn was breaking when Cora brought up the subject of Wilfred again. She had told her parents everything he had said and Gregory had been for going round and giving Wilfred a piece of his mind but she and her mam wouldn’t let him. Now, as Cora made some toast for her mother and herself and brewed the umpteenth pot of tea of the night, she said, ‘I think I’ll go and see how Wilfred is before I leave to catch the train. He was in such a state, Mam.’

  ‘No, don’t do that, lass.’ Nancy reached out a hand and patted her daughter’s arm. If she had spoken the truth she would have said that she wanted Cora as far away from Wilfred as she could get for the moment. It was clear the lad was unbalanced where she was concerned and who knew what he might do? You read of such things in the paper occasionally, crimes of passion they liked to call them. She had already agreed with Gregory that he would see Cora onto the train and stay with her every minute until it left.

  Now she said, ‘It’s his mam’s funeral this afternoon and likely he’s getting himself composed for that. It might upset him if he saw you again. I’ll go round this morning and make sure he’s all right, I promise, once you an’ your da have left for the station. I’ll take him something to eat and see about setting out things for the wake. After the do you had last night a bit of time for him to accept what’s what won’t come amiss.’

  ‘So you don’t think I ought to go to the funeral?’

  They had discussed this several times and Nancy’s answer was the same. ‘No, hinny, I don’t. I’ve told you that me an’ Maria will look after him and I won’t let your da say anything. He won’t be by himself and I think he’ll cope better without you there, to be honest. Look, lass –’ Nancy lifted her daughter’s chin and looked into the deep brown eyes – ‘even leaving the matter of the farmer aside, Wilfred’s done some terrible things. He could have got Jed killed and ruined both your lives. He’s not a little lad any more, he’s a man and –’ Nancy hesitated for a moment before saying – ‘a dangerous one. You have to face that. Now go and get your things together once you’ve finished your toast and stop worrying. You’re doing the right thing in going today and what will be will be.’

  Cora flung her arms round her mother. ‘I love you, Mam.’

  ‘An’ I love you, hinny.’ As she said it Nancy gave thanks, as she so often did, that the Almighty had seen fit to restore Cora to her.

  At half-past eight that morning Nancy stood looking out of the window before she kept her promise to Cora and went to see Wilfred. It had stopped snowing but the low heavy sky threatened plenty more. Some sparrows were arguing about the scraps that she’d put on the bird table that Gregory had made for her, a sleek blackbird eyeing them from his perch on top of the wall. He looked remarkably like a disapproving headmaster surveying a crowd of unruly students and she had to smile. She loved the birds and she was always attributing human characteristics to them. Gregory laughed at her but she had heard him talking to the regular visitors to the garden when he thought she couldn’t hear, so she wasn’t the only daft one.

  Aware that she was prevaricating because she didn’t want to go next door, Nancy made herself put on her coat and boots. Cora and Gregory had left for the station a few minutes ago and the other children were on their way to school. Maria had promised she’d call in at the shop on her way and tell Mrs Gray that Cora was indisposed but hoped to be back at work Monday morning.

  Gathering herself together for what might lie ahead, Nancy left the house, treading carefully in the deep snow. Horace had been supposed to sweep the yard that morning before school but had left it too late. That lad! Nancy shook her head. She knew Horace was just counting the days until he left school and could disappear off to Northumberland and begin working on the Crofts’ farm or a similar one. There wasn’t a day went by that he didn’t remind them that he had come home under duress. He could be a pain in the backside, could Horace.

  When she reached Wilfred’s back door she knocked once and then again. After standing for some thirty seconds or so she tried the handle of the door. It wasn’t locked. Entering the house, she called, ‘Wilfred? It’s Mrs Stubbs. Are you there, lad?’

  The kitchen was quiet and the fire in the range was all but out. There had been no preparation for the wake thus far from what she could see. The new table that Wilfred had bought some weeks ago was bare, the six chairs neatly fitted beneath it. Nancy glanced about her. There was still the faint odour of fresh paint hanging on the air and everything was spick and span. She had only been in the Huttons’ kitchen a few times when Wilfred’s parents were alive and she had felt like getting into a bath of disinfectant afterwards. Now the place was transformed, beautiful you might say.

  Nancy called again, venturing into the hall which like the kitchen was sparkling clean with freshly painted cream walls and brand new carpet on the floor. Wilfred had certainly done his mother proud, Nancy thought as she stood wondering what to do. Pity Mrs Hutton hadn’t lived to enjoy what a lovely place the lad had made for her. Wilfred might be obsessed with Cora but he wasn’t all bad, not if he could let bygones be bygones with his mam and go the extra mile like this.

  Thinking Wilfred must have popped out somewhere, Nancy couldn’t resist the temptation to see what he had done to the front room. If it was anything like the kitchen and hall it would be grand, she thought, as she guiltily opened the door, aware she was being the thing she hated most, a nosy neighbour. As she poked her head round the door she got a shock to see Wilfred sitting in one of the armchairs of the brand new suite, and she began to say, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, lad, I did call but . . .’ before her voice dwindled away and her hand went to her mouth to smother the scream she was about to make. He was sitting facing her, his eyes open and his face a grey-white colour and Nancy knew he wasn’t breathing, even before she made herself walk across and bend down to touch him.

  Whimpering to herself, she stepped back a pace. He was dead, dead. She glanced at the coffee table in front of the armchair. Like everything else she had seen thus far it was pristine and modern, and in the middle of the long rectangle of smooth light wood there stood a small squat glass alongside an empty whisky bottle, and a little bottle that had clearly held pills was lying on its side. Nancy picked the bottle up and saw that it had held sleeping tablets, prescribed for Wilfred’s mother.

  ‘Oh, Wilfred, Wilfred, Wilfred.’ She stood staring at him, her mind racing. He had killed himself. Killed himself because he couldn’t have Cora. He was just a young lad and he’d thrown his life away. And then in the next instant she considered how this was going to affect her lass. Cora would be devastated – this could blight her life.

  It was a moment or two before she saw the envelope on the mantelpiece with Cora’s name on it. After picking it up, she looked at it for more than a minute, wondering what to do. By rights she should give it to Cora unopened but she wasn’t going to. Drawing in a shaky breath she left the front room with its staring occupant and walked into the kitchen, pulling out a chair and sitting at the table as her heart thudded fit to burst. Putting on
e hand to her chest she sat staring at the envelope, aware that she was holding Wilfred’s last words to her daughter in her hand. If this letter was full of recriminations it would destroy her lass, she knew it would. Cora was going to feel bad enough as it was.

  Decision made, she slit the envelope open and pulled out the single sheet of paper it contained. Closing her eyes tight for a moment she took another shaky breath and then opened them and began to read:

  Cora,

  How could you leave me for him? After all I’ve done for you, how could you walk away like that? I love you, I’ll always love you and I’ll always be with you. Nothing can separate us, not even death. I’ll always be there, watching you, you know that, don’t you? You’ll only have to shut your eyes and you’ll feel me there, loving you, wanting you. Godfrey Taylor thought he could move me aside and have you but I fixed him and I tried to fix Jed too, for your sake. Only for your sake. He’s not good enough for you and he’ll let you down. You’ll see. And when he does, remember my words. I had everything sorted for us, Cora. I dealt with my da and my mam so we could be together and I would have given you the sun, stars and moon. All I’ve done I’ve done because of you and a love like mine will reach beyond the grave. Giving up my life for you is the final sacrifice and I believe I shall become closer to you than your own skin. Every moment, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I’ll be with you. Closer than he could ever be. At night I shall come to you in your dreams and in the day the wind in your hair and caressing your skin will be my touch, my breath. I’ll look at you out of your babies’ eyes and see into your soul. You are mine. You will always be mine and I’ll be waiting for you, Cora.

  Wilfred

  Nancy dropped the sheet of paper with a little cry. This was a curse. As she watched it flutter to the floor she felt a wave of nausea rise up and staggered over to the deep white sink just in time.