I Know What's Real

by Maggie Kane

  I grin as I read the double meaning of his words. I think he enjoyed last night. I eagerly turn to my other computer and click on the waiting email.

  Kinsey,

  You’re more than I dared to hope for. What an amazing night. Even as I sit at my desk, I can still feel your skin against mine. I feel of your body warm, soft and solid next to me. I hear the sound of your moans and gasps. I could go on and on, but if I allow myself to go down that path, I won’t be able to stay behind this desk.

  I want you, Kinsey. I want more of you- more of whatever this is that we’ve started.

  However, I’m afraid ‘more’ will have to wait for the next couple of days. I have to go out of town this weekend though I would much rather spend it in bed with you.

  Alec

  I chew my lip and spin slowly in my chair, thinking. Disappointment washes over me. I had hoped to ‘see’ him this weekend. Erotic as the unknown is, I am ready to fill in the details. I take a deep breath and push the disappointment away. He says he wants more, just not this weekend. I can survive a few days more.

  Amazing doesn’t do last night justice, but I don’t know that the word exists that can completely encompass it. I want more of you too. I got a taste of you last night, and I can’t help but think of all the things yet to experience with you. Half of me is still upstairs feeling your body cover mine in the dark. I feel your breath hot against my skin. I feel you inside me, filling me, completing me. I feel myself flying free as waves of pleasure overwhelm me and scatter any conscious thought. I don’t know what’s real anymore.

  Oh God, Alec, I want you all over again.

  I hit send and try to calm the surge of desire and emotion coursing through me. I feel drunk on the power and intensity of it all. I feel like I am losing myself in it, and I don’t want to sober up. I spin slowly. I close my eyes and try to remember every moment from the first shadowy apparition to the solid man touching, kissing, loving me.

  The chair slowly comes to a stop, and my memories finally play themselves out. I plant my feet on the floor and reluctantly open my eyes. The real world has real demands, and it doesn’t wait. I close the mental door between myself and the intoxicating thought of Alec and open the press release.

  Chapter 16

  I can’t remember the last time I’ve had such a difficult time keeping my head in the game. It has been a constant battle all day to keep the memories of last night at bay. Kinsey’s words play in my mind, unbidden and distracting-I want you all over again, Alec. It makes me want to roar with primal satisfaction. As it is, roaring at this moment would be highly improper as I sit in yet another endless meeting. I drag my mind back to the present concern, upgrading the inventory software.

  Hours later, we have new software selected and a plan to fund and implement it. I am left to face my final and most dreaded task of the day. I type and retype the memo, thinking how nice it would be to send it to Kinsey and let her write it. However, she’s the exact reason that it is so difficult to type. This announcement will change everything, and she doesn’t even know it’s coming. In the end, I adopt a bare-bones approach, avoiding any mention of myself. I plan to delay the inevitable for as long as I can.

  MANDATORY MEETING

  Tuesday, May 20th, 10:30 am

  Conference Room

  All employees, including remote employees, are required to attend the announcement of our new strategic plan and company updates.

  Lunch will be served following the presentation.

  Absences must be approved by your manager.

  I take the long way home, burning off some of the stress building between my shoulder blades. The sun is hot on my back, and its heat makes me think of the warmth of Kinsey’s body pressed to mine. I relax and let Kinsey infiltrate my mind. The bike sails along and for a while, there is nothing beyond the horizon as I chase the ghostly memories of last night.

  I peel my shirt off almost an hour later as I walk across my kitchen. I check my phone and immediately open the email from Kinsey. She had been quiet most of the day staying busy with the requests I kept forwarding to her. I find myself anxious to hear from her.

  Did you see the meeting for next week? Any idea what it is all about?

  Sorry for talking shop, but you do realize that we will be in the same room on Tuesday. I wonder if I’ll be able to pick you out. Going to be tough with what I have to go on. I’d probably judge best by the way you feel inside me. I guess I’ll just have to try each likely candidate out until I find the right one. That’s kind of a twisted reverse Cinderella fantasy.

  When do you head out of town?

  I laugh at her Cinderella inference. Definitely twisted. I shower and pack for the weekend. This bike trip has been planned for months and if my buddies weren’t going along, I would be going no further than Kinsey’s arms.

  I shoot her a quick email as I head back out to the bike. I open her up, hoping to outrun the guilt of half-truths and evasions. It’s time for the mask to come off.

  I’m on my way out the door right now. I’ll be back on Sunday evening. No internet where I’m heading. I’ll be thinking about you.

  Have no idea what’s up on Tuesday. I think we might have to find a better way to find each other. Testing by cock fit might not pass HR’s standards.

  I know what’s real, Kinsey. I will find you.

  Chapter 17

  By Sunday evening, I am a complete basket case. I’ve cleaned my house spotless, been to the gym three times, and given Max a complete doggie makeover. I’ve got sore muscles, a headache from the cleaning products, and Max is avoiding me.

  I click the TV off after I finish my third Lifetime movie, sniffling at the ‘happily ever after’. The tragic hero got the girl in the end. I lick peanut butter off the spoon and check my email, again. Nothing yet from Alec and I wonder if I should be worried. Then I wonder what I should be more worried about- that he hasn’t emailed because something has happened to him or he hasn’t emailed because he got what he wanted and is done with me.

  I tell myself firmly to get a grip. With a resolution that I really don’t feel, I screw the top on the peanut butter and head for the shower. I hope a nice long, hot shower will help me relax so I can get some sleep. He will either email or he won’t. Obsessing about it will make no difference in the end.

  Steam rolls out of the bathroom when I emerge with lobster red skin and pruned fingers and toes. I slide under the covers and can’t resist checking at least one more time before I go to sleep. I sit up in bed, suddenly awake when I see it in my inbox.

  Sorry, I’m so late. We got in far later than I anticipated. I hope you felt the sunshine on your face today. You were with me every minute of the way.

  I will meet you in my dreams, Kinsey.

  I read it over and over. My heart gives a little stutter. Only a few lines long, it hits every romantic chord in me. It doesn’t help that I’ve been binging on chick-flicks and peanut butter all weekend. I try to check my inner romantic, who is like a runaway horse ready to run right off the cliff and fall for this man who is still more shadow than substance. I don’t reply, but close my eyes, suddenly weary from all my fretting and worrying. I drift off thinking of his breath soft against my neck- I will meet you in my dreams, Kinsey.

  I wake early, wanting to send the first email of the day. Dream after dream last night of Alec’s touch, his kiss, his body has my body on edge and mind in the gutter. I want him with a desire that blots almost everything else from my mind.

  I pause briefly for coffee before I compose the email that has been forming in my head since my eyes opened this morning. I give it a quick read through and hit send before I head off to the gym. Let’s see what he thinks of that.

  Good morning,

  You’ve been with me ever since you left my bed. Your hands roam my body. Your lips whisper against my skin as your soft kisses drive me wild. You are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I want you, Alec. I want it all to be real.

  I get ne
rvous when there is no reply after an hour. I try to concentrate on what I am supposed to be writing, but I flip back through our conversations again and again. Finally, his reply hits my inbox and it isn’t at all what I expected.

  Reality arrives, ready or not, tomorrow. Let’s hang on to the dream one more day. I want you too, Kinsey. My hands want to be buried in your hair. I want to feel your mouth on mine. I want your sighs encouraging me as I pleasure you.

  I’ve only begun to explore you and the pleasures we can find together. There is so much more waiting for us.

  God, I want to be inside you again, feel you wrap hot and tight around me.

  That last line makes my breath catch. His words ricochet around in my head, making my body ache with desire for him. I draw in a long breath. I’ve never wanted anyone like this before. I’ve never needed anyone like this before. I’m consumed with the thought of him.

  My fingers write the words from my heart and my mind is too lost in the fantasy of it all to think better of them. I hit send and sit amongst my memories.

  Alec,

  I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I know that today, now, I burn for you. I know that my very core is throbbing with need and desire for you. I need you inside me. I need to feel the release that only you can give me.

  My door is always open.

  Chapter 18

  I read Kinsey’s email and desire rolls through me at her invitation. I want to go. I want to leave this instant and make love to her until neither of us can move. But, the company meeting is tomorrow, and I can’t walk away from my responsibilities. I could go after work, but even as my body and heart warm to the idea, my mind slams the door on the notion. One more time is only going to make tomorrow that much worse.

  I don’t realize my growl of frustration is actually audible until I see several of my colleagues looking quizzically at me. I mumble an apology about a scratchy throat and give a pretend cough for good measure. I quickly type out an email in reply. I might not be able to go to Kinsey right now, but I’m in desperate need to connect with her.

  What I would give to walk through that door right now. I want you in my arms. I want to taste your kisses and hear your voice. My desire for you is driving me mad. Kinsey, I would walk through hot fire to get to you and if that was all there was to it, I’d be there I heartbeat. I might be a little crispy around the edges, but it wouldn’t stop me. Unfortunately, I got roped into helping with the meeting tomorrow. I’ve got a list a mile long of things to do. Before you ask- they’ve sworn me to secrecy. You’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.

  But Kinsey, feel free to distract me. My days are always brighter with you in them.

  I send it, not satisfied with the words and feeling no less frustrated than I did five minutes ago. Fortunately, Kinsey seems to know exactly what I need. I don’t have to wait long for her reply.

  This one didn’t make the highlight reel I sent you last week, but I still like it.

  The attached picture shows Kinsey’s body stretched long on the bed with her back arched and her hands stretched over her head. Her full breasts are bare with their pink nipples standing at attention. The curve of her hip and flat plane of her belly make my hands twitch in remembrance. Of course, her face isn’t visible.

  I study the picture a long moment before I remember that I am sitting at a table full of people. Distraction is an understatement. God help me if I have to stand up in the next few minutes. That could be more than just a little embarrassing.

  I send a quick reply before diving into a discussion swirling around me about tomorrow’s agenda.

  You’re making me crazy. Give me more, Kinsey.

  Almost instantly, my phone buzzes indicating another email. I force myself to wait and not open it immediately. After a torturous 20 minutes, there is a lull in the meeting and I anxiously open the email, keeping my phone carefully shielded.

  I wish you had me like this right now. I’m so hot and wet for you.

  It takes every ounce of discipline I have not to show any visible reaction. I about bite my tongue off trapping the moan that threatens to burst forth. Kinsey is bent over, bracing herself against a chair. Her hips and ass are perfect as her back arches and her head falls back in apparent pleasure. Her face is shown with the slightest profile, revealing creamy white skin and a high cheekbone. Her beautiful red wavy hair is draped across her shoulders. I don’t know who took the pictures, but whoever it was, they are a master. Sexy, erotic, beautiful and not a bit trashy or slutty, I would pay handsomely for them.

  Oh, God, to have you like that. I want to slide into you with my hands on your hips and see your back arch like that. Kinsey, you are beyond beautiful.

  I glance around, sure that someone has to have noticed that I have been looking at naughty pictures of our content writer. Everyone is working away. People are coming and going and orders continue to be issued. The erotic images threaten to burn my phone to bits, and not one other person in this room knows it. I am totally amazed at how utterly consumed I am by this thing.

  “Alec?”

  Hearing my name pulls me from my musings. A woman with a nice smile, a name I can’t quite recall, and a tablet in her hands looks at me expectantly.

  “I’m sorry. I was, uh, off in space. Brainstorming, you know. What can I do for you?”

  Her nice smile stays bright as she repeats her request for my signature and bustles off to order the extra chairs I just approved.

  I check the next email from Kinsey as the announcement that lunch has arrived is pronounced.

  I’m glad you like what you see. I want you to do more than just see. I’m going crazy thinking of you. I can’t think. I need to do something with all this energy. Do you have any suggestions? Maybe this will help give you some ideas.

  The room is emptying out as everyone follows the dinner bell. I stay in my seat and open the next picture. My breath leaves me in an audible whoosh that thankfully no one is around to hear. Her lovely body is completely bare except for a sheer gold sheet draped seductively around her. One hand cups her breast and the other is just below the fabric that trails across her midsection. Her face is turned away, but everything about her body language is screaming intense pleasure. It is the most erotic image I’ve ever seen.

  My phone buzzes again and when I see another email from her, I quickly open it.

  Do you want to hear me? I am so close. Do you remember what I sound like?

  My mouth falls open and my cock jumps painfully to attention in my jeans. My voice of reason only gets a word or two out before being firmly shut down. I dial her number. She answers on the first ring.

  She doesn’t say anything. I hear her panting and a soft moan reaches my ear. “Alec.” She sighs my name over and over. I make my fingers relax my grip on the phone as I lean forward, listening intently.

  “Oh, I need you to fuck me, Alec. I’m so wet. I need…” Her sentence trails off as another moan and gasp escape her.

  “Hey, Alec! You gonna get a sandwich? They’re going fast.”

  I jump and manage not to drop the phone. “Uh. Yeah. Thanks, Dan. I just need to finish up here first.” I motion to the phone.

  “Well, hurry up. You don’t want to miss out.” Dan, fortunately, disappears back into the hallway.

  I hear Kinsey’s laughter. “It isn’t funny,” I growl in low tones. “Sorry for the interruption, you were saying,” I continue louder nodding at another coworker who paused in the doorway.

  Her sigh tells me that she has resumed her activities and the images of our night together play like a film in my mind. I hear her breathing getting faster.

  “Oh, Alec, oh, oh…” Her words become a chant, and I know she is very close. Her rhythmic words are cut off as her climax takes hold.

  As she moans my name, I can see it all as clearly as if I am there with her. I can feel her underneath me, her skin hot on mine, the darkness wrapped around us insulating us from the world beyond. I feel her spasms of pleasure and the bite of h
er nails as the energy rolls through her. It all feels so real as I sit in a boardroom miles away. I rest my face in my hand lest I telegraph to passersby that I have an intensely erotic woman in the midst of an orgasm on the telephone.

  She begins to laugh and says, “Holy fuck. What am I doing?”

  “From where I am sitting, it sounds like a job well done. Thank you for getting me up to speed on how things are progressing,” I say in somewhat normal tones.

  Kinsey giggles again and sighs a deep sigh of contentment. “Well, I guess I should get back to work. You never know when the boss is going to check in. Are you sure you can’t give me a hint about tomorrow? What’s the big announcement? It’s got to be big for them to host a big pow-wow like this.”

  “No, unfortunately, I can’t give you any predictions on how that is going to go.” I wouldn’t have told her anything anyway, but people were starting to drift back into the room.

  “Can’t blame a girl for trying. You know you can come over after work. Sounds like you’re having a long day. Let me help you work out some of that tension.”