by Kris Pearson
Tony sighed and removed his hand. “Julia hated the farm as passionately as I loved it,” he said. “We did our best, but it wasn’t working...was never going to work. We travelled as much as we could, but we always had to come back here. And then they found the tumour.”
He resumed pulling at the rough grass beside the rug. “I’ve been in limbo for the last three or four years. Stranded. Marking time. Wondering how the hell Julia and I could possibly settle things between us. I shouldn’t admit it, but her illness set me free. You’ve no idea the extra guilt that laid on me. It made things a hell of a lot worse, not better.”
Ellie hardly heard him. She was still too aware of his touch on her face, and her own helpless reaction. Slowly his meaning sank in to her addled brain as he stared into space, silent for a while.
So she hadn’t imagined the expression in his eyes the evening before? She’d thought he looked desolate. His normally warm brown eyes had been distant and cold.
But maybe she’d been in limbo too? She’d kept herself frantically busy, bustling about and filling every minute of her days. Given time to her son, her mother, and her pupils. But none to herself. Or none that was kind and indulgent.
With huge effort she’d achieved her goals of job and security, but had she found happiness or peace?
Thinking like this is useless, she scolded herself. Her son, her job, her soon-to-be-finished house were quite enough. More than many single women gained. She’d worked for them with real determination and was proud of the way she’d managed to organise her life for Cal. She should be satisfied.
So why the hell wasn’t she...quite...any longer?
She drew a deep breath. “Tony, I have my life all arranged. I love my work. I’m really looking forward to moving into my own home. I’m pleased to be here at Wharemoana—this job is ideal for me. It’s somewhere to live for a while, too. But if we were to—” she hesitated, searching his face while she located the right description—“get together, it could only be temporary, until I went back to my real life.”
His gaze fastened on hers. “You mean mutual pleasure, no strings?”
Ellie nodded slowly, trying to gauge his reaction. “Yes, it would have to be like that.” Such a thought both relieved and appalled her. The prospect of once again becoming his lover was so tempting. But it had to be balanced against the certainty of being ripped away from him a second time. No amount of pleasure could make up for the pain that would follow.
“No problem, Ellie. That’s fine.” He sounded coolly controlled...unaffected by such a businesslike arrangement.
She looked away from his dark eyes, pretending to consider, knowing how difficult he’d be to resist.
Once bitten, twice shy.
If he’d found marriage such a disaster, for sure he wouldn’t want to tie himself down again, so that was one worry out of the way.
The bigger problem was Cal’s paternity, but she’d hide that by ensuring he never came near the farm.
She’d been contracted to work at Wharemoana until the end of January when the new school term began. Then she’d be putting plenty of distance between herself and Tony, however much that hurt. Perhaps a casual liaison was possible?
Leaving him would be hell on earth, but the prospect of a temporary paradise was almost overpowering.
And there was always the chance they might prove incompatible. It might fizzle out to nothing.
Yeah, right.
“I’ll think about it,” she conceded.
Her body buzzed. Her brain smoked. She was at least halfway toward making the most stupid decision of her life.
And then Tony leaned across and kissed her.
It was a small soft kiss that was sweetly regretful, hugely hungry, and which never quite finished because Ellie’s determination fractured and she slid possessive hands over his shoulders...brushed her fingertips over the velvety new growth of his hair...and pulled him down to deepen their embrace. She wanted him, right at that instant. With eleven years’ hard-leashed passion that had suddenly rushed free. With the longing that had never ended.
xxx
Tony moved his body over hers, pinning her beneath him, positioning himself for the penetration that could certainly not occur yet, even though she’d parted her thighs to cradle him.
“Ellie,” he breathed, pushing his hips against hers. He’d grown outrageously hard, already primed again for possession. She’d responded so fast that his brain still processed the permission given, but his body was way ahead. Thundering with blood. Tight with passion. Desperate to claim her and subdue her and stamp her as his. All his male instincts raged at fever pitch. He could barely believe his luck after the long bitter guilt-ridden years he’d endured.
And her mouth! Delicious.
The first savage tide of desperation subsided. He kissed her more gently, nipped her nose, brushed his lips over her eyelids, whispered against her neck that she was beautiful, that he wanted her even more than he had all those years ago in Sydney.
She sighed beneath him, murmured, “The girls will see.” But then she closed her lips around his earlobe and sucked.
Tony growled deep in his throat. Groaning, cursing, laughing softly, he levered himself off her and lay face down on the rug.
To judge from the excited barking of the old brown spaniel the girls were still some distance away, but...
“Tonight, then,” he said. The negotiating was over.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The cliffs did yield fossils—old crumbling shells that intrigued the twins, because the sea was several miles away.
“How did they get here, Daddy?”
“This land used to be way down under the ocean. It got pushed up in a huge earthquake, or maybe lots of little ones, thousands of years ago.”
“Millions, more likely,” Ellie said, still feeling his kiss, hearing ‘tonight then’ echoing through her brain.
“So there might be dinosaur bones? Really?”
Eyes grew wide. Antonia started to scrape harder with her trowel. It would take hours to make much impression. Uncovering any possible dinosaur was weeks away.
Ellie saw Tony’s amused glance. “Can you find an old cow bone or something?” she muttered, flicking her eyes out over the rough ground. He took the hint and wandered off, returning a couple of minutes later with something concealed in his hand. She watched as he pushed it into a crack not too far distant.
“There are some more shells over this way, Ellie,” he said. The twins scampered over to him, and the weathered old bone was duly discovered.
“Dinosaur! Daddy—look, a real dinosaur bone!” The thrill factor was huge.
Tony turned the bone around in his hand. “It just might be,” he said. “I suppose by some miracle it’s possible. What do you think it could have been? A big toe?”
To Ellie it looked suspiciously like a sheep-shank discarded after a riverside barbecue. “Goodness,” she exclaimed, trying to keep a straight face.
A few minutes later she checked her watch. “Nearly two-thirty. Teacher thinks it’s time for lessons in the classroom.” There were groans from the girls, but Tony agreed they’d been out in the sun long enough.
As they drove back to Wharemoana, he reached across and caressed her thigh, running a finger from her knee up to the hem of her shorts, then down again. She shivered with the implied promise of intimacy to follow, and was surprised when he said, “School hasn’t finished for the year yet. Or not according to Bob and his wife. How did you swing it?”
She lifted his hand away and dropped it on his own leg. “No mystery. I’m an on call relief teacher. A fill in for when others get sick or schools are short of staff.”
“So you don’t have a permanent class at the same school?”
“Sometimes, but mostly not for long. And yes, I swap schools all the time.”
He looked across at her, doubt in his eyes. “But why?”
“The hourly rate is better. Simple as that. I wanted to get my house de
posit together as fast as I could. It means I have to be ready every morning to jump into action plugging emergency gaps, but it’s a better deal moneywise.” She reached back and gathered her hair into a ponytail, then let it fall again. “We don’t all live in your nice clean easy world, Tony.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Yeah—no mud, no dung, no floods or droughts in my world. No pests and diseases, no worries about draconian government regulations or overseas markets cancelling their orders at short notice. No problem staff. No tractor or quad bike accidents. Really nice and easy...”
Ellie bit her lip. “Sorry. But you know what I mean. There’s only me to depend on, so I have to do the best I can.”
She turned away and stared ahead at the ribbon of gravelled road. “When I saw your ad asking for a private tutor, I thought ‘why not?’ I’m a good teacher—you learn a heap when you’re facing new classes all the time. I was able to start straight away, and that seemed to suit Ginny.” She glanced over at him again. “And then the flat caught fire, and it was amazing to have the possibility of a job with accommodation.”
The corner of Tony’s mouth kicked up. “It was even more amazing when you came bouncing into the kitchen yesterday.”
“Surprise all round,” Ellie agreed, removing his wandering hand from her leg yet again.
They arrived at Wharemoana soon after three.
She bundled the twins into the schoolroom until four. The girls wanted stories of dinosaurs, and her mind kept wandering to Tony’s long golden back and broad shoulders—warm, strong, and slippery with sunscreen. As a teaching session it was far from productive.
After that, she hurried to her bedroom and hid Cal’s photograph in the top drawer amongst her underwear. When she met Tony on the balcony tonight, their dark-haired, dark-eyed son would be safely out of sight, just in case.
She sifted through the contents of the drawer. Her mother had given her a lacy ivory camisole and matching panties for her last birthday. She laid them on the bed in readiness, and found the short black skirt she was fond of. And an aqua top with thin straps to show off her sun-kissed shoulders. Not from Paris, but perfectly pretty.
She drifted into the en suite bathroom and emerged a little later, clean, fragrant and just slightly nervous. After so many years it still felt right when Tony caressed her. Every nerve in her body sparked and burned for him, however much her sensible brain tried to deny the attraction. But...
She shook her head as she wondered how to keep the truth hidden from him. Not just of Cal’s existence. Any relationship she embarked on with Tony would mean so much more to her than his coolly delivered ‘mutual pleasure, no strings’ description—and he must never know that.
Xxx
All thoughts of an early departure to bed were wiped as she descended the stairs and found they had company.
“Ellie—this is Gwen McGovern, and her husband Peter,” Ginny said. “Ellie’s here to give the twins some crash-tutoring before school starts next year,” she explained to the dinner guests.
Ellie caught Tony’s rueful grin across the room; presumably he’d forgotten they were entertaining this evening. She watched as he opened a bottle of red wine and began to pour it into beautiful big goblets for his guests.
“Just a tiny mouthful for me,” Gwen said, patting her impressive baby bump. “You’ve got the garden looking wonderful, Ginny,” she added, as they wandered through the open French doors and out onto the wide paved terrace. “The Copper Beech and those silver Astelias are stunning together.”
Ginny settled into one of the shadier chairs. “Thanks to old Herbie. He’s officially retired from the heavy farm work, but he won’t desert his garden. I’m happy to have his help for as long as he’s willing and able.”
“Send him over to Sevenoaks if he wants a real challenge,” Peter rumbled.
Ellie watched Tony from under her lashes. She contrasted his trim jeans-clad butt with Peter’s bulkier body. Both were tall, but Peter was a solid teddy bear of a man. They were obviously good friends, now standing side by side keeping watchful eyes on their respective children as the youngsters gave the big trampoline an enthusiastic workout.
“Can we swim?” one of the McGovern boys yelled.
“Maybe after dinner,” Gwen called back.
Ellie had admired the generous swimming pool the previous morning. After so many hours of sunshine, it would be like submerging in liquid silk.
She knew Cal would have adored digging for old shells and bones and bossing his little half-sisters about that afternoon. Would have loved the company of the McGovern boys this evening. And instead, he’d be sitting in his grandmother’s tiny flat, trying to keep the TV volume low while she attended to church correspondence or fundraising plans for some good community cause. So unfair.
She’d ached to provide him with a proper home. He’d chosen fresh blue paint for his bedroom walls, and a bright frieze of Formula One cars and motor bikes. Their house would be ready in just a few weeks. All the years of hard work and scrimping were coming to fruition, but the gloss had now been rubbed off her longed-for new life because she knew she’d never be able to provide him with everything his father could.
“Feel like joining them?” Tony asked a few seconds later. He dropped a tender kiss on her bare shoulder.
“I’ve had enough water for one day.”
“A midnight swim later, perhaps?”
Later! A shiver of desire shot right through her. She easily imagined the two of them, nude, comfortable with each other’s bodies again, embracing in the huge pool. A slender new moon had just risen over the still-bright horizon. It would be high above by midnight, washing them with its silvery radiance as they refreshed themselves after an eager reunion.
She knew there’d be no holding back, no tender lead-up. They were adults with fierce appetites now, hungry to enjoy each other again.
Tony briefly rested his hands on her hips, then moved away to attend to the barbecue. His palm prints burned as hot as the sizzling grill plate.
She squared her shoulders and raised her chin. She was so nearly home; she mustn’t lose her resolve at the final fence.
I should resist him, I should resist him, she thought. But she feared she was already lost.
“You enjoy barbecued food?” Ginny asked from her nearby chair. Ellie sensed her tone was cooler than usual. Had she seen Tony’s possessive caress? Her beloved daughter was barely dead, and Ellie couldn’t blame her if she’d misinterpreted. Did she now presume the teacher was a gold-digger? Grabbing the chance to try and snare a wealthy husband while employed at the farm?
She drew a resolute breath. She needed to put paid to such speculation. “I was thinking a minute ago how much Cal would have loved the river today, and the barbecue tonight. I can’t wait to get him properly settled in the new house so he can have his friends to stay over.”
The ploy worked. A smile softened Ginny’s tight expression. “I’ll bet he’s looking forward to it. When will he be coming to visit you?”
“Ah—I’ll have to see,” Ellie flannelled, hoping a giveaway blush had not risen up her neck. “I thought I might go back to town next weekend and see him. There’s some final planning work to be done on the house. And Christmas shopping, too. So maybe... sometime after then?”
“We’re looking forward to meeting him,” Ginny said.
Ellie nodded, thinking how very hard she’d be working to prevent that from happening.
xxx
The sun dipped behind the trees. An old Rod Stewart song floated out through the French doors and over the terrace where everyone rested, replete. Coffee perfumed the air. The McGovern boys—Steven and John, Ellie now knew—were somewhere off to the left in the big garden, bouncing on the trampoline again. The rhythmic squeak of the springs was just audible over ‘Maggie May’.
The evening was still. No breeze ruffled the leaves on the huge old trees or rippled the spot-lit turquoise pool. Antonia had curled up in Tony’s lap. Carolyn wa
s cuddled beside Ginny.
A metallic thump and a howl of agony disturbed the peace, followed by eerie silence. Peter surged to his feet and scanned the lawn. Heavily-pregnant Gwen lumbered up and stood clutching the arm of her chair. Then John McGovern rushed toward them yelling “Dad! Dad! Steve’s fallen off the tramp and hurt himself!”
Steven’s anguished screaming grew louder and more hysterical as the adults checked out his injuries.
“Blanket, Ginny,” Tony snapped. “And towels for this bloody gash.”
Ellie clutched her throat as she drew nearer, feeling like an intruder but wanting so much to help if she could. How would she cope if it was Cal lying there, blood pouring from a wound in his head, one leg twisted, and in terrible pain?
Peter stroked his distraught son’s hair. His hand came away glistening red.
“Is there a local doctor?” Ellie asked,
“Miles away,” Tony said. “And this needs more than bandages. We’ll get him to hospital in the chopper. Thank God I didn’t drink much tonight.” He grimaced at the sky. “Hopefully the light will hold long enough.”
Ellie gazed around the ring of concerned faces. By now, Gwen knelt, eyes wet with tears as she cradled Steven’s cheek.
“Pete—you bring Gwen in the car,” Tony said in a softer voice.
“I’m coming with you, man!”
“There’s not room for someone your size as well as Steven. And I don’t want Gwen going into labour up there. Right now she needs you to look after her. Ellie’s the smallest adult—and used to children. She’ll hold him. Sorry mate.”
Peter swore, and shrugged his acceptance.
“Ring the hospital. Tell them I’m heading for the heli-pad. E.T.A. half an hour at the earliest?”
Gwen gave an anguished sob.
Tony patted her shoulder. “He’ll be fine, Gwen. We’ll look after him.” And with a few more quiet words to Ginny, he raced off.
“So is Tony—Robbie—a pilot?” Ellie asked as she and Ginny raided the linen cupboard.