Edward loved Anna. He certainly loved if not the idea, then the actual baby itself. He had thrown himself into fatherhood headfirst. That was a good thing. The problem was Anna. She still wasn't quite convinced it was a good idea. Ellie didn't blame her one bit. She understood the responsibility of protecting someone in a violent and dangerous world. It was a heavy burden to carry. One that Ellie herself was buckling under.
She was worried that Anna didn't have it in her. And she was pretty sure Anna felt the same way. Ellie was beginning to think the distance between the two of them on that subject was straining that fragile connection. Anna tried to put on a brave face. It was harder to maintain the more off the rails Edward went.
Ellie knew rage. She’d watched Vincent fight it. She’d seen him drown in it. Edward was willingly sinking. Ellie didn't know how to help either of them. She told Anna she would protect her. Ellie hated the little voice that told her she would have to protect Anna from Edward.
Ellie swallowed past the tightness in her throat and forced her face as neutral as it got. She mounted the steps and stopped in front of her boys. Just being close to them calmed her some. She reached out a hand to both of them and smiled when they took it.
“You guys ready to do the perimeter check?
It was for show. They did a check of the entire property every night looking for the crazy that attacked Reese. He hadn't shown his face for the past several months. Ellie couldn't help wishing he would, and at the same time dreading it. If they left and Edward did lose it then Anna, Charlie, and Vetler would need them. Ellie would never be able to live with herself if she let something happen to any of them. That responsibility smothered her.
Chapter 40
Canada took some getting used to weather wise. A few weeks in July and two weeks in August had the normal heat you might expect of summer. However, the second week of September was so cold Ellie put a sweater on over her tank top and leggings. The fatter Anna grew the more thrilled Charlie and Vetler got. They were a hell of a lot more enthusiastic than Anna Ellie couldn't help noticing. Unfortunately, this past week Edward noticed it too, putting yet more pressure on their already disintegrating relationship.
Ellie pulled open the fridge, pouring herself a glass of lemonade. She heard Anna cry out in pain. As the door closed on the refrigerator, she saw Anna pull her arm away from Edward. Bruises in the shape of his fingers marked her forearm. Birdie growled from the corner. The little voice that always screamed the truth at Ellie could not ignore the look on Edward's face. She couldn’t ignore the delight shining in his eyes when Anna cried out. He was getting off on her pain.
“Hey!” Ellie cried. She stomped toward them. On the third step, she felt the brush of her gun. “What the hell, Edward, she's human. You have to be gentle.”
“Mind your own damn business, Elliot,” Edward growled, his blue eyes flashing.
Ellie forced her hand down to her side. She flexed her fingers, tightening them into a tight fist. “You are my business, jackass.” Ellie took in a steadying breath. The Heckler calmed her nerves. That’s why she needed it in her hand. At least, that’s what she told herself. She turned to look at Anna. “Are you okay?”
Anna blinked dead eyes at her. The milky white splotches were expanding, covering more of Anna’s irises as time went by. She nodded her head in the general direction of Ellie's voice. Anna fought the tears that stung her eyes. Her cane hanging from her wrist dragged on the floor as Anna touched the bruises on her arm.
“I'm-I'm alright,” Anna told her.
Ellie didn't believe her. She knew fear when she saw it. Ellie looked up at the scowl on her brother's face. Fear clutched at her heart. Fear that the little red flags of doubt her brain had been throwing at her since she pulled Edward out of that hospital were true. Fear that what Vincent told her before they rescued him was true. She couldn't save him. Edward being a monster Ellie could deal with. Edward being a murderer she could handle. Him liking it is where she drew the line. Him causing suffering to another just to get off was outside the realm of her forgiveness.
She stomped on that voice with everything she had. Ellie loved her brother. She forced herself to remember Edward’s smile. Images of the two of them laughing together throwing popcorn at each other while they watched the game strobed brightly. Ellie forced herself to remember Edward the way he was before all this happened. He was hers and she would not give up on him. Ellie would never give up on him.
“What the hell is your problem?” she asked. Ellie worked hard to push back both the anger and that fear. Edward took in a deep breath and flopped down on the couch. She heard Birdie skitter off. Anna headed down the steps. Ellie watched her go. She sat down next to Edward on the couch. Knocking her knee into his, she grumbled, “Talk to me, fathead.”
“She thinks we should give the baby up for adoption. She doesn’t want to raise him.” Edward’s voice at first was angry. It melted into a woeful moan. Edward dropped his head into his hands and heaved a heavy sigh. Dejected. Ellie grabbed his hand. She sniffed.
“You can't force her to want this, Eddy. There is so much to be afraid of.” Ellie’s voice was as soft as it got. She cuddled up against him. Her arms closed over his chest. God, she missed this. Ellie realized in that moment, she hadn't done anything like this since they got him out of that evil place. She breathed him in, his sports deodorant, sweat, soap. It was so strange. Beyond that, there was no real scent. Not anymore.
Edward used to wear this aftershave that smelled like pine trees. Ellie loved that smell. She would wear his sweatshirts just to be surrounded by that scent. Memories of their life together came slamming down on her. Crashing like a river. They were so happy once upon a time.
Ellie gave that life up for lost a long time ago, and yet. Here, for the first time, she let herself mourn it just a little. She’d never been one to cry over what was lost. But she felt the tears anyway. That life was a dream now. Far away and rose tinted. All Ellie could remember were the good moments. Somewhere mixed in, there were hard ones, sad moments, bittersweet. They didn't matter in the end, though.
This life was harder. It was darker. The good moments were so few and far between they shined like diamonds on black velvet. You had to hold on to them tighter, fight for them harder. Ellie belonged here. But in this moment she felt a pang of guilt for the ones that were dragged down into it along with her.
“Me?” he asked. His bangs had come loose of the ponytail at the nape of his neck. They fell into his stunning blue eyes.
“What?” His voice tore Ellie from her swirling thoughts. Looking up into Edward’s face, she frowned.
“She is afraid of me,” Edward told her. His chest heaved with another heavy sigh.
Edward liked those little whimpers. They made him so hot. That‘s what he got from the women he killed. It was a sick need that made him wallow in shame for wanting. Not so much that it made him try to stop, though. He used those women to sate the dark desires because he loved Anna. He wanted to save her from it. He held her above that. Edward knew that if they were going to last Anna needed to trust him. She needed to trust him the way Ellie trusted Vincent. He wanted that relationship with Anna. He craved that acceptance. The things he’d done, the things he wanted to do were so wrong. There was just a hint of him that knew the truth of that.
Edward was on the verge of tears. Ellie could see the fight laid bare in his eyes. She’d seen it many times with Vincent. She wanted more than anything to comfort him. Ellie laid her head against his shoulder. She couldn't remember the last time he held her this way. She exhaled, her duck lips moving back and forth.
Ellie knew all about that fear. She cuddled into her brother, her arm falling down around his waist. “I was scared to death of Vincent,” she admitted. Let him in on that little secret. All of them were so afraid of Vincent. Ellie couldn't let any of them know that once she felt that same fear. She couldn't let Vincent see it. Ellie accepted him. She meant every part of that. That was all she could s
how him. Edward stared down at her with one eyebrow raised. “Reese, the one in his head, had me convinced that at any moment Vincent was going to rip me apart. I’d seen what Vincent could do. I was scared.”
“You sure aren't now,” Edward said. That was for sure. “What happened?” he asked, looking down at her.
Ellie shrugged. “I realized nothing I did, or said, was going to change it. If he was going to do it, he would have done it by then.” A smile played across her lips. Reese’s words were the final nail in that coffin.
“You're not worried one day, either one of them could get angry and snap?” Edward asked. His eyes blinked with the weight of her admission. Ellie stared off into the dancing fire at the end of the couch. Vetler had proven a pretty capable handyman. Reese too was good with his hands. The two of them replaced the window, patched the walls, even fixed the fireplace over the summer. Edward's hand played with her long hair.
She was quiet for a long time. Ellie didn't want to say it. But he’d asked. Truth. If you expect full disclosure from everyone else, you have to be willing to give it. Ellie sighed heavily. “The only one who has ever done something like that... was you,” she whispered. “Vincent touches me like I’m made of porcelain. He reveres me. And Reese is a pussycat,” she said with an awkward smile. Ellie took in a deep breath, just to let it out slow. “But, not everybody is like me. You have to give her a reason not to be afraid of you, Edward.” Ellie pressed her fist to his chest gently.
Edward took in a deep breath. His eyebrows knit together, eyes going soft with his admission. “I want to kill her.”
Vincent whispered the same admission. He told her that as much as loved her, needed her, wanted her. His beast begged to taste her tears. Vincent told her he wanted to rip her heart out. She believed him. She believed Edward. Ellie’s features settled into a deep frown.
The reason she could love Vincent after that truth fell from his lips was the look in his eyes. It was the sorrow and the shame, and the fear that rang out in his voice. It was the fight. Vincent fought. Every moment of every day, he fought a bloody battle with the monster inside him. Sometimes he won, and sometimes he lost. But every moment Vincent spilled blood to the ground because he loved her.
Edward’s voice had no sorrow, no regret, or fear. His eyes were stark and cold. In that moment, Ellie couldn’t pretend anymore. She saw him sink beneath cold waves. It was in that moment Ellie knew she couldn’t save him. That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to try!
“Well, you can't!” Was the best she could muster as a reason not to. Anger roared throughout her. Anger is a better emotion than fear. “That is the mother of your child. You love her. I know you love her.” Ellie’s voice sounded brittle, shaky. Tears dripped onto her cheeks. “We have to kill sometimes, and it is horrifying. You never like it!” She pushed away from him. Hearing it gave credence to all the awful thoughts she'd had since the night he came at Vincent. The night he turned on her. Hell, since the night they rescued him from that hospital.
“I'm not human anymore, Ellie.” The tone of his voice made her heart sink in her chest. The look in his eye made it speed just a touch.
Ellie's face hardened. Her hands shot out, one on each side of his face. Ellie stared him in the eye from inches away. “Look at me!” she cried, her voice grave. “You look into my eyes. You are my brother. You are my blood. I will never give up on you! Do you understand me? Never! No matter what horrible, awful, things you do. I will love you,” Ellie told him, tears rolling down her face. “Tell me you love me enough that I won't have to live with something like that,” she breathed. “Look at me, Edward. Swear you won't do that to me. Swear her blood won’t stain my hands!” Ellie shook.
Edward stared up at her, and for an instant, those dark thoughts were chased back down into the place where he kept them. His eyes softened. Edward threw his arms around her. He hugged her tight. “I promise,” he breathed against her hair. It was a lie. If Ellie ever found out the things he’d done. Her words would mean nothing. Edward was sure of that.
Ellie looked up at him. “I won't let you be that. I promise you, Edward,” she cried, sobbing against him. “I was supposed to save you.” Ellie crawled into his lap like she did when she was a kid. “All I ever wanted was to save you.” That was her apology. For all of it. For him being taken in the first place. Not getting there in time to save him from Bennet. Her. It was all her fault. Vincent did this for her. She couldn't live without Edward. So, Vincent gave him to her for the rest of eternity. Ellie laid her head against his shoulder, ran her fingers through his hair.
“I’ll save you, Edward. I swear it. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.”
The front door flew open, slamming against the wall so hard it cracked. A chilly wind blew inside. A scream so loud and full of loss echoed out. It made them both jump. That sound resonated out over the trees. It made Ellie's heart stop. Vincent! She looked wide-eyed at the door. She saw Reese standing in the shadow of the hallway. The look on his face was so broken. Ellie closed her eyes. More crystalline tears sparkled on her cheeks.
Edward’s lie shoved the spike of inevitability into Vincent’s chest. It was a mistake. Vincent never should have let him loose. Edward wasn't strong enough. No one was. The things Ellie told her brother. Every damn word of it was true. Ellie would love him through every sick, horrid thing Edward did. And it would destroy her. The guilt of it would be almost as bad as the guilt of putting him down when he was too far-gone. And Vincent did it to her. He did it for her.
Vincent tore at his shirt. He ran barefoot across the rocky ground. The sharp stones tore into the tender flesh of his feet, just to heal back in on themselves. Vincent knew the steps to this dance. He knew the spiral Edward walked. He watched Reese stumble down the same path. And when Vincent couldn’t hold back on his rage he dove headfirst into those same shadows. Vincent knew the beginning and he knew the end of it. He had to kill Edward. Ellie would never forgive him. He lost her. In that moment, Vincent lost her.
He hated Edward. From the minute Vincent told her Edward was probably dead Ellie gnashed her teeth. She sobbed and begged. Her every thought was of Edward. Vincent made so many mistakes when it came to Edward. He knew then that the price for them was something he could never pay. That fucking ghost in his head had to give her hope. Why couldn't he have just let her believe Edward was dead?
Vincent gave in. Let his beast romp and scream, and tear at anything it wanted. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. Without her, all Vincent had was death. His feet pounded the ground beneath him. He launched himself over the edge of the ridge. Vincent disappeared into the darkness.
Chapter 41
“Where did he go?” Ellie cried at Reese. She hesitated a moment looking at her brother. She watched him nod his head. Edward gave her a small smile as he headed toward the steps. She hoped to try to smooth things over with Anna. Reese turned on his heel stomping down the hall.
Ellie had no clue what she’d done to hurt Vincent. What she’d done to hurt Reese? And she had. Ellie jogged to catch up with him. “Reese, what is wrong? Why did he run out like that?” Ellie grabbed his arm, spinning him toward her.
Reese pulled away from her. The look in his eyes was angry for a split second before it melted. His expression crumbled away. His lips trembled. “Damn it, Ellie.”
Reese stomped up a couple stairs. His eyes shined with tears. He shook his head, refusing to answer her. Reese was so angry. That rage threatened to tear him apart. Vince should have just let Edward die. They should have put the fire to him the moment he turned on Ellie. She grabbed at his arm with both hands. “Reese! Talk to me.”
Reese turned on her. His tongue darted out and he rolled his lip under. That anger died away under her stare. It dredged up all the sorrow and heartbreak he and Vincent had finally begun to put behind them. Reese’s face broke into a sob he couldn’t hold back on. He touched a trembling hand to the side of her face.
Ellie threw her arms arou
nd him. He sat down hard, the two of them a tangle of arms. She held Reese as he wept. His shoulders shook with the force of it. Ellie was confused, worried, and scared. Reese held her close, wishing Vince had said those things to him when he was walking that razor’s edge. Wishing she understood what they would have to do. Hoping she’d forgive them.
Reese had no idea what he’d done to Vince all those years ago until now. What he’d taken from Vince. Reese looked into her face. He remembered that look. It used to be, Vince stared up at him with that same reverence. He was so disgusted with himself for putting Vince through this. For squandering the same unconditional love, she felt for Edward. He was weak. He despised himself for getting lost in the need to cause pain. He blamed Vince for so long. He hated Vince for putting the fire to him.
Watching her and Edward was like a tiny window into what happened that night sixty some years ago. All he could see was Vince, the look in his eyes. The pain in Vince’s realization that he had to put his brother down like the rabid dog he’d become. Despite their truce, despite the healing they were working their way through. It wasn't until this moment that Reese finally understood why Vince killed him.
“Tell me, Reese. What is wrong? Please,” Ellie cried, laying her hands against the sides of his face. “Where is Vincent?”
Reese pulled her close, pressing her forehead to his. He wanted to kiss her so badly. He couldn't explain to her what it was she’d done. She healed them. She brought them back together. She gave them back some semblance of their lives. Taught them what it was to feel again, to love, again. Reese could see it all playing out the same way. The snake had eaten its own tail. It was Ellie’s turn to feel that pain.
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