Afraid

by Jo Gibson

  Donna and Julie had concealed the rosewood box in a carton and carried it up the back stairs to Julie’s room. Feeling like two conspirators, they’d sorted out the tapes and stacked them in neat piles, according to the dates on the labels. They’d decided to play them chronologically, and now they were sitting in front of the entertainment center, Donna on a chaise longue, Julie on the bed, watching Vicki’s oldest tape.

  “I really hate to write things down, so this is my diary. I decided it would be a lot more fun to tape it.” Vicki smiled at the camera. “I grew up right here at Saddlepeak Lodge. I’m almost seventeen, and I’m going steady with Paul Kirby. We’re not exactly in love, but we’re in lust . . . at least, I’m in lust. Paul’s a nice guy, and he buys me lots of neat stuff, but he’s so straight, he’s getting on my nerves. I hate to think how bored I’d be if I didn’t have R.”

  Julie reached for the pause button. “Who did she say?”

  “She said ‘R.’ Like an initial, you know?”

  “That’s what I thought.” Julie clicked off the pause, her mind racing. It must be the R who’d written the note. She just hoped Vicki would give his full name.

  “R’s so great in bed, the best lover I’ve ever had! Of course, he’s the first, so I really don’t have any standard of comparison. He makes me feel like . . .”

  “Oh, my god!” Donna hit the pause button. “She was going steady with Paul, and sleeping with him!”

  Julie nodded. “But who is he? Who’s ‘R’?”

  “I don’t care! If she wasn’t already dead, I’d strangle her! Paul saved all his money to buy her nice things, and that cheap little . . .”

  “Hold it.” Julie reached out to take her friend’s arm. “It won’t do any good to get mad now. Maybe she’s just making it up for the camera, playing a part, or something like that. We don’t know for sure that it’s true, so let’s just listen, okay?”

  Donna took a deep breath and let it out again in a long sigh. Then she nodded reluctantly. “Okay. But I think it’s true. Vicki wasn’t the type to play a part. She was in the junior play and she was a lousy actress.”

  “Let’s back it up a little.” Julie took the remote control out of Donna’s hand and hit the rewind. “We’ll make up our minds when it’s over.”

  “. . . the best lover I’ve ever had! Of course, he’s the first, so I really don’t have any standard of comparison. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He’s slept with so many women, it really means something when he tells me that I’m the best. Let me tell you, he’s taught me things I never read in any book!”

  Donna flinched, and Julie hit the pause again. “Come on, Donna. Forget about your brother for a minute, and just listen. Pretend it’s a movie or something if it upsets you so much.”

  “Okay, okay. Go ahead.”

  “I’m meeting him tonight at his place, so I’d better get ready. Maybe I’ll take along my camcorder and shoot some tape of him. I ought to preserve my first lover for posterity, don’t you think? And then I’ll come back and tell you all about it.”

  The screen went blank, and Donna sighed again. “I can’t believe Paul was dumb enough to fall in love with her!”

  “Shhh!” Julie motioned for silence. “It’s on again!”

  “Okay. I just parked and now I’m getting out of the car.” The camera tilted, and there was a shot of a fountain, surrounded by rosebushes. “And now I’m ringing the doorbell. I’d better shut this off, or R’ll get freaked. And I’d better ask if it’s okay to tape him. I don’t want to get him mad at me. He might cut me off. Later, okay?”

  The screen went dark again, and Julie put the tape on pause. “Did you recognize the house?”

  “No. It looked like one of those fancy places in Denver. I don’t think anybody local has a fountain like that.”

  “The door was very distinctive.” Julie nodded thoughtfully. “Did you see that stained glass? Two blue cranes, facing each other.”

  “Play the rest. Maybe he let her tape him. Hurry up, Julie. I want to see if I recognize him.”

  Julie hit the play button again, and they watched as the screen flickered. There was a shot of a sunken living room, and a mahogany coffee table holding a beautifully carved antique chess set.

  “Whoever he is, he’s got money!” Donna sighed deeply.

  Suddenly a man’s hand loomed up to cover the lens of the camera. “Shut it off, Vicki. And put it away.”

  The screen went blank, and Donna sighed. “Damn! I know that voice, but I can’t quite place it.”

  “Me, too.” Julie hit the fast forward button, but the rest of the tape was blank. “I guess he didn’t want to be taped. And she didn’t feel like telling us about it. Now we’ll never find out who R is.”

  Donna look thoughtful. “Don’t give up yet. I think I know who can tell us if that stained glass window is anywhere around Crest Ridge. Can I use your phone?”

  Julie nodded, and watched as Donna dialed a number. “Hi, Mr. Wilkins. It’s Donna Kirby. No, that’s all right. I know Dave’s working. I really wanted to talk to you.”

  Julie lifted her eyebrows. She had no idea why Donna wanted to speak to Dave’s father.

  “I think you’re much cuter than Dave, too . . . but don’t tell him I said that.” Donna laughed. “I need some help on a homework assignment, and I thought maybe you’d know. Are there a lot of stained glass windows in Crest Ridge?”

  Julie frowned. Why in the world would Mr. Wilkins know that?

  “That many, huh? But we’re not talking major expensive here, are we?”

  Donna nodded again, and she seemed pleased with the answer Mr. Wilkins gave her. “Three. I see. Which one would you say is the best? I need to know for an art project.”

  Julie began to grin as Donna nodded, and made an occasional comment to Mr. Wilkins. She was very good at getting information.

  “Thanks a lot, Mr. Wilkins. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me. Say hi to Mrs. Wilkins for me, okay?” Donna hung up the phone and turned to Julie with a grin. “The Stratford mansion has two blue cranes on the door.”

  “Dave’s father was a guest in the Stratford mansion?”

  “No. He runs a window-washing business. I figured that if anybody remembered that window, it would be the guy who had to clean it. Bingo, Julie! We’ve got Vicki’s R. It’s Ryan Stratford.”

  Julie shook her head. “I don’t think so. The minute you mentioned the Stratfords, I knew. That voice wasn’t Ryan’s. It was his father’s.”

  “Dick Stratford? But why would Vicki call him R, if his name is . . .” Donna stopped in mid-sentence and thumped the side of her head with her hand. “Dick is short for Richard, right?”

  “Right. Vicki’s first lover was Dick Stratford. Do you want to play another tape?”

  “Why not?” Donna raised her eyebrows. “This is just getting juicy. I want to find out if she ever slept with Paul.”

  “Donna!”

  Donna laughed at Julie’s shocked expression. “You want to know, too. Don’t you?”

  “Well . . .” Julie couldn’t help it. She started to grin. “Of course I want to know. But for purely academic reasons.”

  “And what would those be?” Donna looked amused.

  “I want to find out if your brother’s as good as Dick Stratford.”

  Donna sighed as Julie slipped the second-to-last tape in the machine. “I still can’t believe it. Four different guys in less than three months.”

  “And they all had names starting with R. I wonder if she did that on purpose.”

  Donna shrugged. “Who knows? Vicki was weird, sometimes. And don’t forget that Paul’s name didn’t start with an R until she started calling him Rock.”

  “Well . . . let’s just hope there’s not another one! All these Rs are getting confusing.” Julie sighed as she picked up the remote control. “Did you happen to notice the date on this one?”

  “October thirty-first, the night of the Halloween Part
y. She broke up with Paul in the middle of October and Ross was her date.”

  Julie felt her spirits fall as she pressed the play button. Vicki had been wild, and she doubted that Ross had tried too hard to resist her. And he was an R.

  “Tonight’s the big night.” Vicki twirled in front of the camera, showing off her harem dancer’s outfit. “I picked this for R because it’s straight out of a fantasy. And just to help matters along, I’ve got this!”

  “A bottle of vodka?” Donna turned to Julie, but before she could ask what it was for, Vicki’s voice answered her.

  “I’m going to spike his beer. R doesn’t like the taste of hard booze, but he’ll never notice. I’ll wait until after the party. They’re depending on him to keep everything running smoothly. Mom says she can’t get along without him, but neither can I. I need him, and I need him bad!”

  Donna reached out and pressed the pause button. “She’s go-irig to go for Ross!”

  Julie nodded. It certainly sounded like that was what Vicki was planning.

  “Just a little for me, so I don’t lose my nerve.” Vicki raised the bottle to her lips and took a swig. “He’ll never know what hit him. He’s perfect for me, absolutely perfect! He’s got ambition, and character, and he’ll do the right thing. I’d stake my life on it. I am staking my life on it! But I won’t tell you about that now. I’ll tell you on my next tape, my last tape.”

  The screen went blank and Julie turned to Donna. “What is she talking about?”

  Donna shrugged. “I don’t know. Play the last tape. It’s dated December eighteenth.”

  Julie shivered as she put the tape in the machine. December eighteenth was the day Vicki had died. Would this be a deathbed confession of some sort? Or was it just another tape? The only way to tell was to play it, and her hands were shaking as she pressed the play button.

  Both girls gasped as Vicki’s face came on the screen. She looked haggard, and there were dark circles under her eyes. In sharp contrast to the other tapes, she was dressed in an old shirt and jeans, rather than a designer outfit. She looked as if she hadn’t had any sleep in days, and her hair was lank and knotted.

  “Oh, my God!” Donna shivered. “She looks like hell! Do you suppose she had the flu? I never saw her looking so awful!”

  “I have to tell you about something.” Vicki’s voice was weak and trembling. “I made up my mind, and I’m going to do it tonight. R sent me a note today, and I don’t have a choice anymore. I have to go through with it.”

  “The suicide?”

  Julie shivered as Donna nodded. “It sure sounds like she’s going to kill herself, doesn’t it?”

  “I feel bad for him. And I feel even worse for Mom. Poor Mom. She doesn’t know what I’m going through, and she’s been so sweet and patient with me. I want to tell her, but I can’t! I just can’t do that to her!”

  “Tell her what?” Donna looked terribly confused, but Vicki’s next statement didn’t help.

  “When she finds out what I’ve done, she’s going to be so upset. She might even hate me, but I don’t know what else to do. And R’s going to hate me, too, when he finds out how I lied to him. But I’ve got to do it! I just can’t take it anymore!”

  “Take what?” Julie almost shouted, she was so excited. Vicki just had to say why.

  “They all think I’m crazy. The shrink. Mom. Maybe even R. But I’m not crazy. I’m perfectly sane. And I know somebody’s out there, trying to get me!”

  “Whoa!” Donna reached out the stopped the tape. “What did she say?”

  “She said somebody was out there, trying to get her.”

  Donna nodded. “Sure, but she’s paranoid, right?”

  “Maybe.” Julie pressed the play button again. She didn’t think Vicki was one bit paranoid, but she couldn’t tell Donna how she’d reached that conclusion.

  “I’m going to tell you exactly what’s been happening. Maybe it’ll calm me down so I’m not so scared. I know someone’s been watching me. I caught a glimpse of him a couple of times, and I can feel him, even when I can’t see him. And I know his voice, at least when he whispers. And his laugh. It’s a horrible laugh. I hear it in my dreams every night. The stalker’s the one who’s crazy, not me!”

  Julie leaned forward anxiously and stared at her cousin’s face. She clasped her hands tightly together to keep them from shaking and waited for Vicki’s next words.

  “He’s the reason I can’t stand to work the switchboard anymore. You see, there’s that big open window, and I know he’s out there somewhere in the dark. And I’m inside, under the lights, all lit up like a target!”

  “What is she talking about?”

  Donna looked shocked, and Julie reached out to take her hand. “Shh! Maybe she’ll tell us!”

  “He can see me, but I can’t see him. And just when I convince myself that the shrink is right, that I’m just imagining things and nobody’s really out there, he calls me to tell me he’s watching!”

  “Who calls?” Donna looked intrigued. “Is she talking about another R?”

  “I don’t know. Listen.”

  “He says I’m wicked, and if I don’t change my ways, he’s going to have to punish me. That’s why I’ve been so freaked. He’s been scaring me for a long time now, and I just can’t take it anymore!”

  Both Julie and Donna stared at the screen in horrible fascination as Vicki began to cry. This was no act. She was truly frightened.

  “R. sent me a note. It’s all set for me to meet him tonight. I saw him this afternoon, at the turkey shoot, and he looked so worried, I thought I’d cry. I don’t want to do it, but I don’t have any other choice!”

  Without really realizing what she was doing, Julie reached out to grab Donna’s hand. This was scary! She still didn’t know whether Vicki had committed suicide, or whether that mysterious someone she’d told them about had killed her.

  “Sometimes I dream about R. I see that awful, trapped expression on his face the night I told him I was pregnant. He . . .”

  “What?” Donna hit the pause button. “I didn’t know she was pregnant!”

  Julie shuddered. “Maybe they . . . uh . . . couldn’t tell. The car burned and . . . well, they probably weren’t able to . . .”

  “Right.” Donna interrupted. “You don’t have to say anymore. I get the picture. But R knew. And he never said anything.”

  “That’s true, but he could have been protecting Uncle Bob and Aunt Caroline. After all, Vicki was dead. And the baby was dead. Maybe he thought it would only make them feel worse.”

  “Maybe . . . but he might have been thinking about saving his own skin.” Donna was clearly outraged. “If Vicki killed herself because she was pregnant with his baby, it would have looked pretty bad for him. I hope she tells us who he is! It’s too late for Vicki to get even with him, but I was her friend and I can do it for her!”

  “Donna . . . no! You shouldn’t think like that. Maybe it wasn’t R’s fault. And you promised we wouldn’t tell anybody what we heard on these tapes.”

  Donna turned to look at Julie. “You know, don’t you? You know who R is!”

  “No, I don’t know.” Julie sighed deeply. “He could have been anybody. Dick Stratford, Ryan, Red Dawson, Ross . . . even your brother.”

  Donna’s face turned white as she realized that Julie was right. “But Paul would have told me . . . wouldn’t he?”

  “Maybe. But maybe not. He didn’t tell you he’d slept with Vicki, did he?”

  It took Donna a moment, but then she shook her head. “No, he didn’t say anything about it. Oh, my God! She’s just got to tell us! We can’t go around asking every guy in Crest Ridge whether he got Vicki pregnant!”

  “Calm down, Donna. Back up the tape a little, and let’s listen. Even if she doesn’t tell us his name, maybe she’ll give us a clue to who he is.”

  Donna nodded and backed up the tape. “Okay. You’re right. I’m fine now. It was just a shock, that’s all.”

  “. . .
dream about R. I see that awful, trapped expression on his face the night I told him I was pregnant. He’s always been really good to me, and he actually told me he was glad about the baby. I don’t think he really meant it, but he tried to make me feel better. But maybe he really is glad about the baby. He said he wanted it, and he’d do his best to be a good father. And that makes what I’m going to do even worse!”

  Vicki broke down in tears again as the two girls watched her. Julie wished there were some way she could comfort her cousin, but it was too late. Too late for Vicki. Too late for the baby. And too late for “R,” too. Vicki was dead, and there was no way to change that.

  “I . . . I’ve got to get ready.” Vicki sighed deeply and wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “I wish I could tell Mom, but I can’t. She’d only try to stop me. If the shrink found out what I’m planning to do, he’d lock me up in a mental institution. Mom would sign the papers. I know she would. She’d be trying to help me, but I just couldn’t stand it!”

  Vicki faced the camera and gave a sad little wave. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry, R. Maybe I should have listened to that whispery voice on the phone. You were right, you know. I am wicked. I tried to be good, but I didn’t make it. And I can’t change now. It’s too late to change.”

  Vicki stood up and walked toward the camera. There were tears rolling down her cheeks. “That’s it. That’s the end of my diary. Say goodbye to Vicki Hudson. She’ll never be back again.”

  The screen went blank and Julie shivered. It was over. There were no more tapes. Vicki had left this room never to return. But had she committed suicide?

  “That’s awful!” Donna shivered as she rewound the tape and put it back in its box. “Poor Vicki. I should’ve tried to be nicer to her. All that stuff about a guy watching her, and calling her on the phone. She was really going nuts, and I never really realized it. And then getting pregnant on top of it! No wonder she killed herself!”

  Julie raised her eyebrows. “But did she? I listened very carefully, Donna. And Vicki never said she was going to commit suicide.”

  “Say goodbye to Vicki Hudson? She’ll never be back again?” Donna repeated the last words on the tape. “Of course she was going to kill herself! What else could she mean?”