“Hey yourself.” He stuck his hands in his pockets.
“How have you been?”
“Good. What about you?”
“Good.” I hesitated. “How’s...your girlfriend?”
“She’s good.” He took out one hand and rubbed the back of his neck.
“So what are you doing today? I mean, are you making a speech or anything?”
“Nope. Just going to stand here and look pretty, I guess.”
“You’re good at that.” He posed, and I actually laughed.
“So what are you doing?” he asked. “I’m guessing a speech, since you brought it up.”
I nodded. “Seems like that’s all I’m good for. I don’t sing or dance or any of that stuff. Guess I could never have been a pre-collapse celebrity. So what’s Matt doing?”
“I think he’s reading poetry.” He bit his lip. “Hey Kenzie, we’re getting a group of people together after the benefit. Maybe have dinner, watch a movie. You should join us. It’ll give you a chance to catch up with everyone.”
“Sure, that’d be fine.” But I was focused on the back door of the arena, where Elizabeth came dancing out in gold high heels and fresh highlights. “I have to go. I’ll see you tonight.”
But Elizabeth wasn’t having it. “McKenzie!” she called after me. I turned around slowly.
“Yes?”
“McKenzie, I’m really glad you’re here! Niles wants me to pass out these brochures.” She stuffed a wad of papers into my hand. “Oh, and I wanted to talk to you in private some time soon. Are you staying with your brother?”
I blinked. “What? Yeah, just for tonight. Why?”
“Great! I’ll drop by tomorrow.” She laced her fingers through Gage’s. “See you then!”
“Can’t wait,” I mumbled. I didn’t know if she heard me and didn’t care.
I couldn’t find Jacey again, so I walked absentmindedly into the back of the auditorium, down a hallway with several closed doors. One of the doors at the end of the hall was cracked open and I heard a guitar. Was there a guitar player at the benefit? I pressed my ear to the door and listened carefully. There was singing too, but it wasn’t any voice I recognized. Then again, most people I knew in The Necropolis didn’t exactly burst into song and dance like they did in some of the old movies mom watched sometimes. I knocked on the door.
“Gage, is that you?”
It was Matt’s voice — speaking, not singing. I opened the door and there he was, seated on a black leather couch, a stereo on the coffee table in front of him and a wad of papers in his hand.
“Hey Kenzie,” he said. “Sorry, I like to listen to music when I’m nervous. Come in.”
I closed the door and sat on the couch beside him. “So...how’s it going?”
“Okay, I guess. Can’t complain. How have you been?”
“Good. Hey, I should really thank you for helping me in English this past semester.”
“Oh really? And how did I help you?”
I shrugged. “You made it interesting. So every time I went in and read a new poem, I could actually understand it and do good in the class without struggling. Guess you rubbed off on me.” He smiled and his cheeks turned another shade of pink.
I pointed to the papers in his hand. “Is that what you’re reading today?”
“Yeah, I was just looking over some stuff. I’m not too good at the whole speaking in front of people thing. I wish someone would have told me that before I decided to be a poet. Read your work out loud or forget about it.”
I patted his hand. “You’ll do fine, I promise.”
“Yeah, I just don’t want to do it. Probably never will.”
“You know Matt, this isn’t one of those dystopian books people used to read. You’re only 15. You can change your career.”
He looked up, directly into my eyes. “No, this is what I love.” My hand was still on his, I realized, and he gripped it gently, running his thumb over my fingers. This was only the second time we had been alone together — the first was at the barbecue back in October, and he had been unusually warm then too.
“Do you need anything?” I said. “Maybe water? I was just going to the break room.”
“No, I don’t think so. But I do have a folder in there on the table. Do you think you could bring it to me?”
The break room was freezing. I turned the coffee pot on and rubbed my hands together. It only took a few seconds for a single cup of coffee to brew, but I was insanely impatient. Someone should have invented a faster method by now.
I spotted a manila folder on the table; this must be what Matt was talking about. I picked it up and contemplated sneaking a peek, but resisted. Other than the reading at the coffee shop, Matt had never voluntarily showed me any of his work or even asked if I wanted to see it. So why would he be okay with me looking at it behind his back?
The coffeemaker dinged and I picked up the pot a little too eagerly. “Ow, damn.” The side stung my fingers and I reflexively dropped the folder. Papers scattered out and flew under the table. Oh crap. I hoped they weren’t in any specific order.
I picked up a piece of paper that had almost flown under the table. I wasn’t trying to look at the poem, of course, but some of the words caught my eye. It took me a second to realize it was that same sappy love poem Matt had read a few months earlier. The one about the girl with blue eyes. Only the title had been scratched out and replaced with a new one:
‘McKenzie.’
When I got back to the room, Matt was lying on the couch, his eyes closed. Guitar melodies still whispered from the stereo. I dropped the folder beside him and he must have felt it because he opened his eyes and sat up.
“Oh good, you found it. Thanks.”
“Tell me something, Matt.” I sat back on the couch, farther away. “How many people named McKenzie do you know?”
“At the moment? Just you.”
“And have you ever had a crush on a girl named McKenzie in the past?”
He raised his eyebrows. “No. Why?”
I nodded toward the folder where I’d moved the McKenzie poem to the top of the stack. He opened it and quickly folded the paper in half.
“Matt, who is that poem about?”
“What, are you looking through my things? Why would you do that?”
“I didn’t do it on purpose. It just fell out! Now tell me…who is this poem about?”
He looked away. “Nobody. It’s nothing.”
“Why don’t you look me in the eyes and tell me that, Matt?” He didn’t budge. “It’s about me, isn’t it?”
He shrugged. “I might have kind of had a thing for you awhile back. No big deal.” he fidgeted on the couch.
“And what was the plan? To declare your love for me in front of everyone?”
“No, Kenzie! God, you weren’t even supposed to see that. I thought you’d figured it out anyway, when I read it back in November. I thought if you didn’t realize it back then, you never would.”
“How was I supposed to know that poem was about me? You were dating Paige then.”
“I wrote it back when I first met you, before Paige and I actually started dating. And come on...I knew it wasn’t going to work out with her and you did too. We were too different. I always liked you.”
I looked at the concrete wall. “I have to go.”
“Kenzie, I’m sorry. This is why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want things to be awkward. It was already bad enough when you broke up with Gage. I realized that no matter what, even if you did have feelings for me, I could never have you because he’s my brother.”
I reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, but settled for his knee instead. Probably not the best idea either. “I know, I’m sorry. I just have to go.” I stood up. “Gage invited me over tonight. So I guess I’ll see you then.”
chapter seventeen
The benefit went as well as I had expected and the Cavanaghs didn’t turn out much better. Dinner consisted of some sort of beef dish tha
t tasted pretty good but probably had two zillion calories. I had been living off grilled chicken and fitness water for the past four months thanks to mom’s cooking and cafeteria food.
“So what are you guys doing this weekend?” Elizabeth said. “Gage and I were thinking about driving to New York City. I haven’t seen my parents in awhile, and I really want to go back to Central Park.
“That’s kind of far, isn’t it?” I said.
“Yeah, it’s a pretty long drive. But we’re kind of sick of everything around here. I mean, how many times can you go to that damned electronics store? Besides, I kind of miss my family. I haven’t seen them in months. My older brother wants to take me and Gage to the Central Park Zoo. He says zoos are kind of romantic.”
“Romantic?” Jacey shrugged. “I always thought zoos were kind of dirty.”
“He said there was something really nice about spending your time with the person you love while watching some of God’s most beautiful creatures.”
“Yeah, nothing says ‘I love you’ like watching a tiger take a crap in a cage,” Jacey retorted. She and Gage snickered, and Elizabeth huffed. I looked over at Matt, who was smiling at me. Under the table, he took his hand in mine.
I should have left after dinner, but wasn’t sure how to excuse myself. Everyone ended up in the living room facing a prospect I never thought I’d have to worry about after buying a TV bigger than 12 inches: There was nothing on.
“Hey, why don’t we watch a movie?” Gage said. “One rule though — Kenzie doesn’t get to pick.”
I crossed my arms. “And why the hell not?”
“Do you remember the last movie you made us watch?” He grinned.
“What’s wrong with Titanic? Everyone I know back home loves it. My mom considers it a classic.”
He got on his stomach and fumbled in the cabinet. “It's so depressing. This hot rich girl leaves her fiancé for some homeless guy and then he dies. Did people really used to watch movies like that?”
“You totally missed the point,” I said, but it went unnoticed. Elizabeth had crouched on the floor beside him, rendering him oblivious to the world.
She pulled out a disc of Titanic and held it in front of Gage. “I want to watch it. I’m in the mood for a sappy love story.”
He made a face, but replied with, “Whatever you say, darling.” He moved the disc and kissed her. They stayed on the floor for several minutes and I looked away.
Matt sat by me on the couch and I felt my shoulder jammed against his, but tried to ignore it as the movie started. Halfway through, I glanced over my other shoulder and saw Gage out of the corner of my eye. His arm was around Elizabeth and their fingers were intertwined. She whispered something in his ear, and he smiled even wider, leaning in closer to her for a kiss. I turned away and kept watching the movie but heard them whispering. Matt glanced at me and I nodded toward Gage and Elizabeth. Matt shrugged.
Several minutes later they began giggling again. “Ow, stop Gage!” Elizabeth squealed. “That tickles!” We all looked at her, and she covered her mouth quickly. “Oops,” she whispered. “Sorry.” She snuggled back into Gage’s embrace. After a moment, I got up from the couch and headed outside, my eyes stinging.
I sat on the front porch for awhile playing with a piece of pine straw. I wasn’t sure how much time passed before the door opened and a silhouette emerged in the dim living room light.
“Couldn’t handle it anymore?” Matt said. “Can’t say I blame you. Those two were all over each other. I knew people liked to make out during movies, but damn. At least they were at home when they did it. I never did understand why people paid money to go to a movie theatre and just made out the whole time. Waste of money.”
He crouched down beside me, taking the pine straw out of my hand and tossing it over the concrete in to the bushes. “I know it’s tough,” he said. “I don’t think Gage realizes what he’s doing.”
“It’s not Gage. I mean, I just thought it would be over by now. I didn’t think I would care that he had a...well, a girlfriend. Another girlfriend. But I do.”
“Kenzie, you’ll always care. There’s nothing wrong with that. Hell, I still think it’s weird when Jacey is all over some other guy, and I know it bothers her when I’m with another girl, even though she would never admit it. It’s normal, and you can learn to get past it.”
I lay my head back on the bricks. “I hate it. I wish it would just go away.”
He leaned his head parallel to mine. “I know Gage is my brother, but he can be a little...insensitive. And I know it’s weird, being back here for the first time in so long and seeing them again, especially together. But you’ll find someone else, you know. Surely you’ve got plenty of guys back in Rochester chasing you down.”
I snorted. “Yeah, most high school guys just love a girl like me.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know anything about most high school guys...but it’s their loss.”
I tilted my head and saw the side of his cheek. What a cheesy line, I thought, but his eyes were slanted toward me and he was smiling. I couldn’t help but smile back. It was as if our entire conversation earlier had been forgotten — or at least the awkwardness of it. I wondered if he had been entirely truthful about his feelings for me being in the past.
“Kenzie are you hungry? I know you didn’t eat much at dinner.”
I shrugged. “I could eat. Why?”
“There’s this great little diner around the corner that nobody knows about. Come on, let me buy you dinner. It’s the least I can do to make up for these crappy past few months.”
He held out his hand. I hesitated, but took it and pulled both of us up. He had soft hands, and when he took my hand at dinner he had only cupped my fingers. This time, he laced his fingers through mine and kept holding them on the way to the car. Once I climbed into the passenger’s seat, the leather was cold and I stuck my hand in my jacket pocket and felt something hard. It was the emerald bracelet Gage had given me for Christmas.
I wasn’t sure why nobody knew about this diner as Matt claimed, but I had a feeling it had to do with its remote location and most Immortals’ desire to be seen at every possible occasion. Which was too bad for them, because they didn’t know what they were missing. It was a 1950’s theme diner complete with waiters in those cute white hats, a fully functioning jukebox, and a black and white tiled floor. There were even cardboard cutouts of Elvis Presley, that pre-collapse singer who was so popular.
“Gage and I found this place when we first moved here,” Matt said. “I haven’t been back in awhile. Most of the time the people I eat with want to eat somewhere else. Somewhere more showy, I guess. Except I never understood what the hell that thing was.” He pointed to a jukebox in the corner and I covered my mouth.
“Are you laughing at me?”
I smirked. “No, of course not. That’s a jukebox. My grandpa used to have one. Here, put a quarter in.”
We flipped through a selection of songs neither of us recognized for a few minutes before finally selecting a random song. I was the one who suggested dancing but Matt didn’t seem hesitant to go along. We were the only ones at first and most people stared, but several joined in. After a couple of fast songs, a slow one came on and we swayed to the beat. I rested my head on his shoulder and a lock of his hair caught on my nose. He smelled sweet. His hands gripped my waist a little tighter and I began to relax.
Our food was ready by the time the song ended so we sat in a booth by the window. There wasn’t much to look at other than a gravel driveway surrounding the trees, but it was peaceful. Sometimes after a song ended I heard the crunch of car tires against the gravel, though the place wasn’t busy. Matt and I talked and joked like old friends, which I guess we were.
Just as we were finishing our food, my phone rang. I pulled it out and made a face; it was Gage. I knew taking off without telling anyone where we were going wasn’t the wisest thing to do, and I had expected someone to call earlier. Though I certainly hadn’t expe
cted it to be Gage.
I didn’t want to answer but did anyway. “Hello?”
“Where the hell are you?”
I shrugged, even though I had purposely left the video screen off and knew he couldn’t see me. “Out.”
“Why did you leave without telling me? Is Matt with you? Do you really think you can just take off like that?”
“Woah mom, slow down. I can only answer one question at a time.” Matt was looking at me by now. ‘Gage,’ I mouthed, and he nodded.
I heard Gage sigh, his breath crackling in my ear. “What is going on, Kenzie? Why did you guys just leave? I was worried about you.”
“Worried? About little ol’ me? Now, why on earth would you possibly be worried about me? You’ve got a new girlfriend to worry about, silly boy.”
“Don’t play this game with me. You can’t just leave with my brother and not tell me where you’re going.”
“Actually, Gage, I believe I can. Matt’s a big boy and you obviously don’t give a shit about me because...well, why would you? Have a nice life, darling!” I ended the call and giggled. “Are you ready, Matt?”
He didn’t say anything but got up out of the booth. As he climbed into the driver’s seat, I pulled the emerald bracelet out of my pocket and left it in the cup holder of his car.
Matt drove me back to Luke’s apartment and walked me to the door. We stood under the dim porch light outside the lobby. He cleared this throat. “I had a great time tonight.”
“I did too. Thanks for dinner. And, you know, not giving me grief when I got mad at your brother.”
“I get it. You’re hurt. I know he’s my brother, but sometimes he can be...”
“Yeah, I know.”
Matt was blushing now. We stood awkwardly at the doorstep for a moment, both of us probably thinking the same thing but too scared to move one way or the other. It was more awkward than any first date I’d ever been on, but way more exciting too.
Finally, his eyes fluttered and his head dipped down toward mine. I instinctively closed my eyes and his lips touched mine and his fingers ran through my hair. My hands crept up to his neck as the kiss deepened.
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