Possibility Days

by Mary Ramsey

  “Dinner in five,” Jen called from the kitchen.

  “We’re taking that to go,” Johnny declared, grabbing the brownie plate and moving towards the door.

  “Help me into my chair,” I said, shooting to the edge of the bed. “Shauna should be home soon.” Just then I heard a knock at the door. “Did you have fun today with Izzy?” I heard Jen ask.

  Speak of the devil! Or I’m psychic, or something. Awesome timing.

  “We baked cookies. Do you think Daddy will want one?” she asked, running past Jen.

  Johnny chuckled. “I think your daddy will want the entire bag.”

  “Really, Johnny?” Sara groaned, still knocked sideways by Diego’s tragic message, reading it over again. “Jen, you need to see this.”

  There was a long pause as Jen skimmed through, then read again. She nearly dropped the phone, tears welling.

  Izzy had the most adorable look of concern. “What’s wrong?”

  “My dad is very sick.”

  Shauna gasped. “Grandpa’s sick? When’s he going to get better?”

  “I don’t know,” Johnny answered for us all. “Only Jesus knows that.”

  Maybe Jesus knows where Diego actually is. Or maybe Cam does. And where the hell is Cam? If he can make it to frickin’ Asia to creep me out, he can manage a trip upstate.

  Jen was plating up pulled pork with breadsticks and mashed potatoes. I helped to put out the plastic plates and cutlery. Clearly, she wasn’t in the mood to clear up any mess we might make. The food smelled so good. Still incredibly high, I actually had a normal appetite. For the last few months, I’d barely picked at my food.

  “We made cookies,” Shauna told me, pointing to the bag on the counter that Jen had confiscated.

  “I want a cookie,” Sara said in a baby voice.

  Jen rolled her eyes. “Oh, Jesus.”

  “Aw, your mommy seems upset.” She squished her own cheeks while pouting. “She refuses to give any of us cookies.”

  “Grow up,” Jen barked, bringing the food to the table.

  I tried to meet her eye, but she was fixedly looking at the floor as she brought the food to the table. It looked awesome; the pulled pork and mash formed a ying-yang pattern in a huge bowl, the garlic bread sticking out like flowers.

  “I’m gonna eat in the living room,” Sara declared, and went to sit on Johnny’s lap, wrapping her arm around his neck.

  Shauna giggled. “Everyone’s happy!”

  “Except your mom,” Sara said as she stuck out her tongue.

  “Oh, just take a God-damned cookie then,” I damn near yelled at her.

  Sara stared like I’d slapped her. “What’s your problem, Sean?”

  “Can we just eat? Life’s too short for all this arguing crap.” I wheeled myself under the table and pointed Shauna to a seat to my right. I was glad when she sat up meekly.

  Sara got to her feet, looking guilty and sulky. “I’m sorry. I know everything seems a big deal when you’re sick.”

  “Yeah, I’m sick, but that’s not why I’m mad. All Jen wants is for us to eat and enjoy the food she’s prepared instead of stuffing our faces with cookies. We all need to start setting a better example. Act like adults.”

  Jen silently took the seat to my left, then, to my surprise, held my hand. “Thank you.”

  At around midnight, everyone was asleep. I managed to get into my wheelchair on my own and rolled myself to the window of Johnny and Sara’s bedroom. I knocked on the glass.

  “Sean?” Johnny said as he put on clothes. He’d been asleep in only a pair of boxers.

  “Can we talk?”

  “Sure, I’ll be out in a second. Let me grab a chair.” Johnny emerged a few minutes later, setting a stool on the wet grass.

  The cool breeze caught me at the back of the throat and I coughed for a good two minutes while Johnny gently patted my back until I spat mucus on the ground next to him.

  “Do you need your inhaler?”

  “Naw, I’m good.” I smiled, ignoring my burning chest. “Anyway, go on and look at what I brought you.”

  Johnny opened the piece of paper I handed to him.

  “I drew that for you.” It was a pencil sketch of a dying flower with four petals. Well, three, since one appeared to be floating away.

  “Not that I’m ungrateful … but how is this a gift, exactly? And why the loose petal?”

  “The one floating away is me. You’re the flower’s stem.” I cleared my throat. You hold this family together, now, and after I’m gone. Are you up for putting that on my wrist?”

  Johnny held the image to my wrist and made a peculiar discovery; the pattern of the petals was based on the lines of my palm. “Wow, this is really you.”

  “It’s what God gave me. And if the answer is yes to the tattoo, could you also get my oxygen? I think I left it by the sofa.”

  It took just moments to hook me up so I would be comfortable.

  As he tattooed my wrist, I thought I’d have a little fun. “Oh, God yes,” I moaned softly. “Yeah, just like that.”

  “Are you serious? Since when do needles give you a hard-on?”

  I doubled over in laughter. “Fuck, man, I think Remy’s vibes have been rubbing off on you.”

  “Funny. Now can we get back to work? I want to finish this and go to bed.” Johnny shook his head. “I’m so glad I’m going back to school.”

  “If you hate tattooing, then why do you still have your equipment?” I teased. “You’re an artist. One does not simply stop being an artist. And, for the record, if getting stabbed with a needle got me hard, I would have been very popular with hospital staff.” I paused as my lungs seized. “In my prime, of course.”

  “You’re still in your prime,” Johnny laughed. “Anyway, I couldn’t get rid of the kit, you know. I keep it around for moments like this. Tattoos can heal wounded souls. Though why those wounded souls want their tattoos done in the middle of the night, I’m not sure.” He stayed quiet until he’d finished the outline.

  “Couldn’t sleep.”

  “Your tattooist could,” he muttered, but said it with a smile. “Seriously man, you okay?”

  “Sometimes I feel like my body was only meant for sickness,” I said as Johnny started the shading. “I want to feel like I’m the one in control. I want happiness, I want affection … I want to get to know my body again.”

  “I get it.”

  “Jen’s been so distant, and my hands are so weak I can’t even jerk off.”

  He raised a brow at me. “You still high? Hey, you can count on me for a lot of things, Sean, but that’s not one of them.”

  I grinned at him. “That wasn’t what I had in mind.”

  While he worked under the full moon, I worked up my courage to ask what I really wanted from him. He finally sat back with a grunt and reached for the Saran Wrap to seal his handiwork. It looked amazing.

  “You did great. Thank you.”

  “Welcome.” Johnny looked up. “What do you really want, Sean? Because it wasn’t to get a flower inked on your arm in the middle of the night.”

  “No, the tattoo means something. It’s a reminder for me.” I looked him in the eyes. “I need to ask you for the biggest thing in the world.”

  Johnny had been getting up and stretching, but he sank back down again, looking wary. “Yeah?”

  “Look after Jen for me when I’m gone. Even if she and Sara are still doing the whole pistols-at-dawn bullshit, please don’t let her float away.”

  “I hear you.” He shook my hand. “Of course, I will. And I’ll talk to Sara. The war’s got to stop before the atmosphere gets any more toxic. Not good for Shauna, or you, or Jen.” He gave a light laugh. “Or Sara, come to that.”

  “Thank you.”

  It didn’t seem adequate, but it was all I had. The air dropped a degree or two, and Johnny got to his feet for real.

  Johnny grabbed my chair. “You know, there’s still the matter of Diego. You don’t think that’s playing a
part in why she’s so distant?”

  “I wish there was a way to summon Cam.”

  “Is that what you were trying to do earlier, with all the drugs?”

  “No … Maybe.” I made my way to the unlocked back door, opening it with my elbow. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

  “You do that.” Johnny held open the door so I could wheel my way in, then locked up and clapped me on the shoulder. “Rest up. And wear that BiPAP, okay?”

  “Yeah. Thanks.”

  I wheeled myself to my room, absolutely planning to do just that. If I wanted to be fit to walk Sara down the aisle, and be in a better state to work things out with Jen, then I had to do my part. I got myself into the vest, then into bed.

  Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

  The next day I went to the main house to talk to Jayden. “Could you hook me up with some crutches?”

  Jayden took a sip of coffee. “Sean, your CT scan showed severe nerve damage. It’s not advisable for you to attempt to put weight on your legs.”

  “I can walk,” I insisted. “I just need a little help keeping my balance.”

  Jayden sighed. “Sean, the wedding’s right on top of us. I wish you’d asked sooner.”

  “Please, I just want to be able to walk Sara down the aisle. That’s, what … twenty feet? My chair can be waiting at the end.”

  “It’s … very ambitious.”

  Frustrated, I tried to get him to understand. “Do you know about Jen’s dad? Diego was supposed to be giving Sara away and I don’t want her spending the day noticing his absence.”

  Jayden nodded. “Jen told me about the message he left. That poor man, I know he means so much to Sara.”

  “Do you believe him?” I asked, taking a chance on Jayden’s discretion.

  “At this point in time, we have no choice. From what Sara’s told me about the man, he wouldn’t just disappear without good reason.” Jayden scratched the back of his head. “I know how important your request is, so I’ve got an idea. No guarantees, though. Go get Jen, and I’ll talk to Lucy about watching the kids for a while.”

  At the hospital, Jayden walked ahead of us, leading the way to the physical therapy wing, which he unlocked with a master key.

  I rolled to what looked like an abnormally long version of gymnastic parallel bars and hauled myself out of my seat. I was in an ungodly amount of pain, taking my weight on my arms and shoulders, but I was standing.

  I took a few steps before collapsing to my knees.

  Jen crouched down next to me, not commenting, just letting me get my breath back. I was grateful. When I looked up, though, Jayden was waiting with a pair of leg braces.

  “Let’s try that again, but with these.”

  The fucking things looked medieval. “You want me to wear those??”

  “It’s worth a shot.”

  I’d once walked fashion runways, and now I had so little control of my own body. With my wheelchair, I at least felt I possessed some dignity. I could move on my own. I wasn’t ready to give up the fight to get out of the chair yet, though.

  “Please let me try crutches first.”

  “If you can’t use the bars, then you won’t be able to put weight on your joints.” He looked to my wife. “Jen, can you give me a hand?”

  I gritted my teeth while Jayden and Jen started to attach the braces, which were made up of a collection of bars and screws that gave my weak hips and legs an exoskeleton.

  “Pay attention to what I’m doing, because you’ll be the one putting these on him the day of the wedding,” Jayden reminded her.

  I leaned on Jayden to pull myself up, reattempting the parallel bars.

  “I look ridiculous,” I said, angry and embarrassed. How stupid was I going to look wearing leg braces with my suit? I was going to humiliate myself in front of my parents, and whomever else Sara and Johnny invited.

  Jen put her arms around me after I’d held my weight up for a full minute. “I am so proud of you,” she whispered. “When you walk Sara down the aisle, no one will see the leg braces. Only the courage.”

  Fourteen

  The day of the wedding finally came. I sat in a lawn chair wearing a dark blue suit, with London Sharp and Jen at my side, looking equally fashionable.

  “How high are you right now?” Johnny asked.

  “High enough to rock these jacked-up robot legs.” I looked down the aisle. Not a long walk, but longer than I’d practiced, even with the crutches for added stability. I took out a marijuana lollipop to calm my nerves.

  Johnny raised a brow at me.

  “Don’t worry, I brought enough to share,” I said, laughing.

  Johnny turned to leave.

  “Hey Johnny, come here, closer.” I motioned with my hands. “We need to discuss your big day.” I placed my hand on his shoulder as I rolled the lollipop around in my mouth. “As your friend and soon to be brother-in-law, I feel it’s my duty to educate you on the finer aspects of oral sex.”

  London giggled. “Sean!”

  “As my beautiful wife can attest, I’m a master of eating pussy, but also a master of multiple mind-blowing orgasms.”

  Jen stood up to walk away. “Johnny, you don’t have to listen to this. Sean, I’m going to go look for our daughter.”

  “You see, now that we all live in the guesthouse,” I went on, “I know my sister makes you drill into her lady garden until you pass out from exhaustion. You need to work smarter, not harder.”

  Johnny, arms folded, listened to my graphic lesson on oral sex, my lollipop used as a reference tool. London was laughing so hard she had to excuse herself.

  “I just want my sister to finally be able to climax on her wedding night.”

  Johnny rolled his eyes. “I have made Sara orgasm before.”

  “Then why are yours the only screams coming out of your bedroom?”

  “I’m leaving now,” Johnny said, officially walking away.

  I followed him on my crutches. I was too high and having too much fun.

  “No hard feelings, man. Not everyone is blessed with a tongue quite like mine.”

  Shauna appeared. “Daddy, I want a lollipop.”

  I froze in place. “Sorry baby, these are Daddy’s special candies, but I can get you something else. C’mon.” I led her over to the banqueting table, where Jayden already had his kitchen staff put out a lavish array of candies and baked goods. I made it over there okay, but the effort exhausted me. I needed a few minutes with my oxygen tank before the ceremony. I picked out a plain red lollipop shaped like a heart and handed it to her. “For the love of my life.”

  Shauna took the candy and happily left with Izzy.

  Jayden approached with Johnny, pushing my empty chair. Their frowns were ominous.

  Jayden gave me a discreet nod. “Hop in. We need to deal with something right now.”

  I cooperated, but the braces made it hard. I landed in the seat with a thud. “What’s going on?”

  “There’s a man outside, claiming to be Johnny’s cousin. He’s extremely filthy and I’m almost positive he’s high on narcotics. I want an identification before I think about calling the police.”

  The three of us made it to the front gate pretty damn fast.

  “Oh my God,” I gasped, clapping eyes on Remy.

  The man’s hair was hanging in long oily waves, his facial hair grown out to an unnatural degree. Dressed in a wife beater and torn jeans, he looked like some kind of cracked-out, homeless caveman.

  “Hey Sean, looking good. You too, baby cousin.”

  Johnny was silent as he stepped past me to the gate. By the look in his eyes I could tell he felt sadness, perhaps even pity. Remy’s body was trembling. He even appeared to be having trouble breathing. I was about to suggest an ambulance when suddenly Remy’s demeanor changed.

  He punched the iron gate. “Let me in, you motherfuckers!”

  As he recoiled, clutching his hand in pain, I peered at his wrists.

  “Are those track mark
s?” I asked.

  “No, man. I’m clean. I swear.”

  I looked to Jayden, who took a closer look. “No fresh marks, so it’s possible he’s telling the truth. But if he’s not high, he’s crashing.”

  Johnny reached through the gate, touching Remy’s arm. “You’re not invited to my wedding—”

  “What the fuck, man?”

  “But since Sara and I will be spending the night at a hotel, you can detox in our room.”

  “Excuse me,” I muttered to Johnny. I didn’t want Shauna to see Remy in his current state. “My family lives in that house.”

  “Johnny, you go enjoy your wedding,” Jayden said. “I’ll take care of your cousin.” Jayden waited until Johnny was gone. Then he opened the gate, immediately putting Remy into a chokehold as the filthy hippy lunged through the gap.

  “What gives, brother?”

  “This is my home, my property. We’ll be going to my guesthouse quickly and quietly. Am I understood?”

  Remy whimpered. “Yes, sir.”

  When we made it to the guesthouse, Jayden took Remy straight to the fenced-in garden. “Sean, I’m going to need dish soap, one of the hand-pad loofahs, a trash bag, and kitchen scissors.”

  “What are you planning?” I asked, once I’d collected the items from the kitchen. Remy had stripped naked already, leaning against the wall of the house with his arms and legs spread. Jayden tossed him the soap, then doused him with the garden hose while Remy lathered up, shivering badly.

  Eventually Jayden had Remy clean enough to toss him a towel and sent me inside to get clothes for him.

  I wheeled myself into Johnny’s bedroom and selected a sweatshirt and sweatpants. A few minutes later, Remy was kitted out, his hair rough-dried, and he was flat on the bed, eyes closed. Jayden signaled me in the doorway to let me know he was heading off to find something.

  As Jayden left, I moved closer to Remy. “Hey, you okay?”

  “Is that psychopath gone?”

  I couldn’t help but snicker at the way Jayden had made him dance with the pressure of the icy water. “What the hell happened to you, man?”

  “Old habits die hard.”