Possibility Days

by Mary Ramsey

  Lita traced her finger down the stem. “Very neat.”

  Johnny took another swig from the bottle. “He drew that design for me. It’s supposed to represent me as the stem holding the family together after he’s gone.”

  “That’s so sweet.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “You going to give your speech? Don’t let that asshole put you off.”

  “You’re right.” He got unsteadily to his feet. “Damn it, you’re right.”

  “Good boy. I’ll just finish this off for you.” Lita laughed as she took the bottle.

  I followed as Johnny walked to the speaker area. He pushed his way to the front just after Jen’s speech and took the microphone from her hands.

  “Johnny? Are you okay?”

  “Are you okay? Are any of us okay?”

  The microphone screeched with feedback as he stumbled onstage and cleared his throat.

  “Sorry. Um, hello … I’m pretty sure you all are tired of the parade of speakers, so I just want to talk to you quickly about possibility days.” Johnny straightened himself up a little. “When Sean died, his brain was bleeding. He’d been in a horrible amount of pain, but just hours before, I heard him laughing with his daughter.”

  Johnny looked out to the crowd. “Sean had more bad days than he deserved, but when he had a good day, he savored it. He took chances. He went on adventures. He lived, and he loved. Even if he was too sick to truly have a good day, he would find a reason to make it a good day. He tried everything from making it to a photo shoot where the people who cast him were prepared to take a chance on a model with cystic fibrosis, to just staying in bed with his wife and little girl, and making the best of that time. We all loved him and we all believed in him up to the very end.”

  I placed my hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “I love you.”

  “I’ll miss you,” Johnny whispered, handing the microphone back to Jen.

  Jen gave him a hug. “That was very brave, he would have been proud.”

  Shauna ran to him, joining her mother in the hug. “Will you stay for my speech?”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Johnny kissed the top of her head before heading to the seats.

  “That was a nice thing you did,” Sara said, taking a seat next to him with Remy by her side. His hand was on her thigh.

  I was tempted to try to hurt him again, but Cam grabbed my arm. “Sean, focus. Let’s just listen to Shauna’s speech.”

  When Shauna could see both Sara and Johnny present, she took to the microphone. “I miss my daddy so much, but I know he’s in heaven now. I like to think he’s an angel looking as beautiful as he did on earth.” Her lower lip jerked. “Mommy …? I need you.”

  As she extended her arms out, Jen scooped up our little girl in her arms and held her as she gave her speech, telling them all sorts of small stuff from days before I even knew she could remember. She told them I was an awful chocolate thief, that I thought making up the bed in the morning should be against the law, and that I had no idea how to put stuff in a dishwasher the right way.

  “Sounds familiar,” Johnny muttered, but with a smile.

  Then Shauna told them I could really sing.

  To my surprise, they moved to one side of the stage and a video-clip came up of a time when London had been babysitting over the summer, and she’d taught Shauna and Izzy how to play the guitar. This time, they’d gotten me to sing the whole of “Amazing Grace”.

  Johnny took off his sunglasses to wipe tears from his eyes.

  Mom gripped his hand. “He’s with the Lord now.”

  I kissed my earth mother’s cheek. “I’ll miss you, mom.”

  After the memorial, everyone parted ways. Johnny went out for drinks with Lita while Jen stayed at the after-party with Shauna and the rest of my family. I was wondering where to hang out, and what I was supposed to be doing, when Cam came out of nowhere and grabbed my arm.

  “It’s time to go.”

  “To cross over?” I asked.

  “No,” he replied. “Way too soon for that. We’re taking you to your first trial. You’re going to get a chance to take your powers for a test drive.” Cam was about to snap his fingers. “Word of warning. You’re not going to like what you see.”

  Sara lay in bed next to Remy, still wearing her funeral dress. It now looked disturbingly short. Remy lay close enough for her to rest her head against his shoulder. And he was holding a joint.

  “Yeah, totally clean,” I muttered to Cam. “Lying sack of shit.”

  Remy handed the joint to Sara who took a long drag, and then proceeded to blow smoke rings.

  “Will the pain ever stop?” she asked, staring at the ceiling.

  “Pain is the universe’s way of proving you’re still alive.”

  “Makes sense,” Sara said as she took another long drag. “Like how you’re supposed to pinch yourself to check if you’re in a dream or not.”

  “You’re a very wise woman, Sara.” Remy leaned back and unbuttoned his suit jacket to reveal his naked chest.

  “Why is he not wearing a shirt?” I snapped at Cam, then winced at the sight of Remy’s front. His body was a roadmap of scars, including a stab wound. There were also old track marks all over his abs. “Jesus. I didn’t even know you could shoot up in your stomach.”

  “Is that seriously the only thing you’re concerned with right now?”

  “Sara wouldn’t cheat on Johnny.”

  “I’m glad you’re so confident.”

  I watched as she flipped onto her side and walked her free fingers down his exposed skin from his chest to his abs, and then down his hips to his already open zipper.

  Oh fuck.

  “Tell me about your childhood,” Sara said in a sultry whisper.

  Remy took the joint and breathed deep. “I’ll tell you the good parts. My dad met my mom when he was stationed in Hawaii. She was a native girl with the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.” Remy laughed. “She was also a drug-addicted crack-whore. He married her because he thought he could change her, or save her, or maybe he was just a dumb twenty-year-old hard up for sex. Either way, it took her less than a year to break his heart. Long story short, since my father was going to be serving for a long time, she got full custody of me, made my life a living hell, and had me in hospital often enough that docs picked up on my heart defect.”

  “What’s wrong with your heart?” Sara asked, slipping her hand inside his zipper.

  “Arrhythmia. Mom thought she could pray away my sickness. And when that didn’t work, she tried to beat it out of me. Dad got custody again, though. He moved us to North Dakota, where I finally got surgery for the problem.”

  Sara placed Remy’s hand on her thigh as she slipped out of her nylons. “Actually … don’t tell me about your childhood. Not right now, anyhow. Tell me about your dad.”

  With Remy’s dick standing at attention, and my sister’s underwear tossed to the floor, the two moved their bodies into position and started having awkward, giggly sex. Remy was still holding the joint so Sara took it from him, extinguishing it with moist fingers.

  “My dad was a good man. When I didn’t love myself, I could always count on his love. He helped me know what it is.” Remy reached up and pulled Sara close for a kiss. “I think I love you, Sara.”

  I closed my eyes as Remy changed positions, putting himself on top. He fucked my sister, his demented surfer voice echoing in my ears as he talked some shit about her amazing energy flowing through his body.

  “Cam, this is so fucked up.”

  “It’s going to get so much worse.”

  “What the hell are we waiting on?”

  “The right opportunity. I promise you, it won’t be long.”

  “Fine.” I turned my back as Remy finished with a long grunt before rolling off Sara. I didn’t turn back until they quit panting and gasping.

  Remy ran his fingers through his hair. “We have a connection; this is real.”

  “I feel it,” Sara said, holding
his hand.

  “You hurt her,” I growled, “and I will end you.”

  “During the last year of my father’s life, I went home to be his caretaker. But he told me he wanted to die someplace beautiful. So I took him to a cabin his father used to own.”

  “Used to?” Sara asked.

  “Yeah, it was foreclosed on, then abandoned, so no heat, electricity, or running water. But God, was it stunning up there in Alaska. I really want to make it back someday.”

  Sara turned to him with a smirk. “You’re telling me you lived in Alaska with no electricity?”

  “There is such a thing as a generator. Anyway, for just a little over a month we were together. We burned firewood, purified our own water. I treated my father’s pain with teas and other herbal remedies.”

  I rolled my eyes. “So you spent a month in Alaska smoking pot.”

  “The day he died, we sat on the porch watching the sunrise. He turned to me and said, ‘You’ll only know true happiness when you find the person who loves you with every breath and every heartbeat. And that person will heal your soul.’” Remy took a deep breath. “Sara, I want you to come with me to Reno.”

  The rage burned deep in my soul. I suddenly felt Cam grab my shoulder.

  “Open the door.”

  I lunged over and reached for the knob, but my hand passed through. “Fuck!”

  “Sean, I need you to focus. Take everything that you’re feeling and aim it at the door.”

  I closed my eyes to concentrate, but all I could hear was Remy whining about how he’d gotten clean for her, and how they could start a new life together.

  “Diego wanted to start a life with you,” I shouted at the hippy. “He’s the one you should have gone back for!” Suddenly I heard a muffled voice on the other side of the door.

  “Sara?” Jen called again. “Are you alright?”

  I focused on the door as the knob rattled. “Jen, hon, you need to stop them.” I thought of Johnny’s betrayal, and with a wave of my hand, the door flew open.

  “What the fuck?” Jen stormed in the room, her fist clenched. “Remy, you’re a real bastard. I can’t believe my father still loves you. And before you say something moronic like ‘he’s forgotten all about me’ or ‘he walked out on me’, just know—I talk to him four times a week. He never stopped loving you!”

  Remy pulled the covers further up his body. “Then why did he leave? Why did he break my heart?”

  “You never read his goddamn letter,” Jen screamed. “Dad was just living with my mother for show. They were going to file for separation!”

  As Sara stared, looking stunned, Remy got out of bed and started to redress in a hurry. “I don’t buy that for a second.”

  By the tone of his voice I could tell he was lying. He knew in his heart he should have opened the letter.

  Jen glared. “My father was researching teaching positions in Alaska.”

  Remy cupped his hand over his mouth.

  “Yeah, Alaska. He wanted to take you there because you told him it was the most beautiful place you’d ever lived in. He told me it was where your father was buried.”

  Remy darted for the door, disappearing into the night.

  Sara shrugged. “Whew, glad that’s over with.”

  Jen shook her head in disbelief. “This is far from over.” She grabbed Sara by her wrist. “You’re so disrespectful—to your husband, to my father … You claim to love my father, you always call him your hero. Why the fuck didn’t you tell Remy to go back to North Dakota?”

  “He just needed a friend—”

  Jen slapped her hard. “Being a friend doesn’t mean you have to fuck him. You knew everything I knew. My father trusted you!”

  Johnny and Lita appeared in the doorway. Johnny’s gaze was on the rumpled bed and his face was pale. “Is this why Remy’s peeling away like a robber fleeing a crime scene?”

  Lita nudged his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Johnny.” Lita approached Jen. “What exactly happened here?”

  Jen’s focus was still on Sara. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

  “I’m sorry.” Sara quickly grabbed her underwear from the floor. Sensing her husband’s destroyed gaze, she finally summoned the gall to meet his eyes. “Johnny, please forgive me.”

  Johnny looked at Sara. “Why?”

  Sara looked to the floor. Her hands trembled. The high was wearing off, and reality was quickly taking hold. “I don’t know what I was thinking. After everything we’ve been through, I just felt … really close to Remy. When he asked me to go back to Reno with him, I—”

  “I want a divorce.”

  His calm voice got Sara into a panic. “No, you can’t mean that—”

  Johnny remained still. There were no tears in his eyes. “Maybe this was the way things were meant to be.”

  “I stayed with you through cancer,” Sara cried. “Johnny, I love you.”

  “And you loved Remy,” Johnny said shaking his head. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

  Sara looked like she was about to argue, so I gripped her shoulder. “You need to do right by him.”

  Johnny sighed. “The only thing that stopped you from screwing Remy in Los Angeles was Sean. He knew the kind of predator that Remy was. All I want is a clean break. I’m just so tired of you hurting me.”

  “Where are you going to go?” Sara asked.

  “I don’t know,” Johnny said sadly. “In time, maybe we can be friends, but I can’t stay married to you.”

  This was all Remy’s doing; he chose to go after Sara instead of figuring things out with Diego.

  I looked to Cam with a sigh. “Please tell me Remy’s going to where your mom currently is?”

  “Actually, that’s up to you.”

  Twenty-Six

  Cam snapped his fingers, taking us to the scene of a horrific accident. Remy’s black Honda Civic was smashed into a tree. There was a deer licking Remy’s outstretched hand.

  I stood there, confused. “Cam, what’s happening?”

  “It’s all up to you. Play the game from your heart.”

  I approached the car. The entire front was smashed. Remy would have to be cut from the vehicle. I peered inside. Remy’s face was covered in blood from a massive gash. His nose was likely broken. Way worse, his chest was pinned to the steering wheel. If he was even alive, he didn’t have much time left.

  It seems Cam and I got to him at the point he was hovering on the edge. His spirit separated a little from his corporeal outline, and he groaned.

  “Hey, Remy.”

  “Hey,” he said softly. “I fucked up real bad.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “So what happens now?”

  “Wait a moment.” I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, the landscape matched what I’d seen in my head. The road further down from the tree split into three paths. “Remy, I need you to take my hand and get out of the car.”

  He did as I asked. In his spirit form, he looked like the Remy I knew back in North Dakota. He was meek, humble, and wearing a simple sweatshirt and jeans. It almost made me smile.

  “Before you are three paths,” I told him.

  “But only one is correct?”

  “I haven’t decided yet. Just pick one and see what happens.”

  Remy started along the center path.

  I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I’d never been to Alaska, so I would have to use my imagination. With a wave of my hand, snow began to fall. Not too much, just enough to set the scene. I changed the road to cobblestone and added a few cafés and a bookstore. After all, this was supposed to be a college town. “Diego,” I whispered.

  Like magic, the man appeared. He was dressed like a college professor, wearing a tan suit jacket over a dress shirt and khakis. “Late as always,” Diego said with a smile.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry, man,” Remy muttered.

  Diego smiled. “I know how you are when you get really inspired with your painting.” Diego lifted Remy’s face.
“You’re shivering, my love.” He put his arms around Remy, holding him close.

  There were tears in Remy’s eyes. “I always loved when you held me.”

  “All I ever wanted was to take care of you.” Diego kissed Remy’s lips. “To love you. All you had to do was come back for me.”

  I decided to shake things up a little bit, and with a flick of my wrist, the landscape spun, morphing into a scene of passion in a dorm hallway. Diego took off his jacket as he moved Remy towards a door. He opened the door to reveal Sara on the bed, wearing only her underwear.

  Remy looked bewildered.

  “What?” Diego asked, his voice gradually transforming into mine. “I thought you enjoyed screwing your cousin’s girl.”

  I faded the scene to black, then brought him back to the crash site. He looked around for a moment, scared and perplexed, then glared at me.

  “Sean, you’re such an asshole!”

  “You’re the asshole.” I punched Remy in the face using all the anger that had built up from seeing the way he’d broken Johnny and Sara apart. As my fist made contact, I saw his whole past: every sexual encounter; every man and woman he’d been with since walking out on Diego. It made me sick.

  Ditching my initial plan to show him three different scenarios, I created a door to take him back to the mess he’d left behind. “In,” I barked at him.

  Remy opened the door and walked in on the argument he’d peeled away from. Everyone was shouting, crying. And Johnny had just asked Sara for a divorce.

  “I don’t want to see this,” Remy cried.

  “You did this.”

  We watched as Sara took off her engagement ring, looking at her flower ring tattoo.

  I looked to Remy. “What do you have to say for yourself? This is what you wanted, right? You didn’t care about Diego, you didn’t care about Johnny. Fuck, you didn’t even care about Sara, running out of here like a little bitch.”

  “I was going to go back to North Dakota,” Remy said in a trembling voice.