by Jeane Watier
“Yeah,” he nodded. “About a year and a half ago, one of her cronies saw me and Brad, my partner at the time, in a little bistro in Dijon. The next time I came home, Mother confronted me. I was tired of living a lie, so I didn’t deny it. She freaked out and threatened to disinherit me. Then she tried to bribe me to change my lifestyle. When that didn’t work, she made me promise to keep it a secret so that I wouldn’t tarnish our family name.”
“Oh, Trevor.” Cassandra could feel his pain. She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey,” he smiled, caressing her hair lovingly. “It’s okay. I’m happy. I’ve been in a great relationship for almost a year now. And I’ve been learning some amazing stuff that’s helped me to see life differently.”
“Really?” She looked at him. “What kind of stuff?”
“I was searching for meaning in life,” he began. “I went through a few rough years. Even thought about packing it in, if you know what I mean.”
Cassandra gasped. Her eyes filled with tears.
Before she could speak, he put his finger on her lips. “Shhh,” he soothed. “That’s in the past. I don’t dwell there. I’d rather focus on what is working and how wonderful my life is now.”
She smiled through her tears. “I’d like to hear about that.”
WHEN HIS MOM left, Jace remained glued to his chair as he struggled to absorb what he’d learned about Cassandra. She’s a Van Broden. There’s no way I could ever go out with her. He hadn’t decided to, but an hour earlier he’d been entertaining the idea. It would never work. Besides, I’m probably just the flavor of the month.
What’s wrong with that? he argued, vividly recalling their escapade on the beach earlier. What’s wrong with taking what she has to offer? So what if there’s no future in it. Something about the reasoning left him feeling empty. He wanted more than that, but he knew he couldn’t have it with Cassandra.
Sophie had advised him to pay attention to how his thoughts made him feel. It wasn’t hard to do. The revelation had left him discouraged. He was disillusioned and confused.
What’s to be confused about? he challenged. I know what I have to do. I have to stop thinking about her. And seeing her…that’s out of the question. He lacked the will power to resist her enchanting ways.
Continuing to apply Sophie’s advice, Jace reached for some general thoughts to diffuse the hotbed of emotion. I know this seems messed, but I don’t have to figure it out right now. He was surprised at the tangible relief the simple statement brought him. Repeating it several times, he honed in on the relief each time, liking the control that deliberate thinking afforded him. In his improved emotional state, he revisited the plan he’d formulated earlier—the plan to change his thinking, to create a framework that would allow him to realize his financial dreams. As he deliberately focused on what he and Sophie had talked about, his clarity returned and with it a sense of hope. That, he realized, felt good, so he poured himself into it with determination.
CASSANDRA LISTENED as Trevor told her about his new relationship and the career he was pursuing. He made reference again to what he’d been learning.
“Tell me more about that,” she encouraged. “I’d like to know what you believe.”
“Do you feel like walking?”
It was late afternoon, and a refreshing breeze blew off the Atlantic. The two of them headed down to the beach. The tide was out, allowing them to walk on the ocean floor along the craggy cliffs bordering the properties above.
“I’ve been studying the Tao,” Trevor began.
“I’ve heard of that.” Cassandra was thrilled with the direction of the conversation. “What is it, exactly?”
“That gets tricky,” he laughed. “The Tao is fundamentally indefinable. But let me try. It’s a metaphysical concept. It’s everything that is, yet it existed before anything else. In it, nothing exists except by comparison. For example, there’s no such thing as high unless it’s being compared to low; no small unless compared to large.
“Tao is often referred to as ‘the way.’ It’s an unseen force, and yet it’s characterized by its lack of force. It says, ‘The softest thing in the world overcomes the hardest.’
“Basically, that means slight, simple, continuous movements accomplish the greatest results. By letting go and trusting that movement, we can see miracles happen in our lives.”
“That’s beautiful,” Cassandra exclaimed. “Tell me more.”
“The teaching stresses non-action—living in harmony with the Universe and letting circumstances develop naturally. It teaches how to overcome by yielding, to be full by emptying ourselves, and to gain by wanting little. It says that all we need will come to us when we find harmony and balance with All That Is.”
“Wow.” Cassandra was amazed at how the teaching compared to what Sophia had been telling her. “I can’t believe you know all this. I’ve been learning stuff, too, and it sounds similar.” She highlighted the first two principles that Sophia had given her. “And this past week she talked about a Source of wellbeing. She compared it to a stream that’s always flowing to us. It’s good and positive and loving, and it contains all that we could ever want. We have the choice to let it in or to resist it. She said that most people, by their very thoughts, are resisting the good that they desire.
“I had doubts at first,” Cassandra admitted, “about the things she was telling me. So I did some research on my own. I found endless references to it on the internet. It’s called the Law of Attraction. People are really into this kind of teaching.”
“People used to say Sophia Langdon was crazy.” Trevor smiled and shook his head. “Turns out she’s a wise old owl after all. I wouldn’t mind seeing her while I’m here.”
“I’m sure she’d like that,” Cassandra replied. “I’m going back next weekend. Why don’t you come with me? We could visit her together.”
“Maybe,” he laughed. “If I can last a week here.”
Cassandra tucked her arm in Trevor’s to show support. “I’m here for you, Trev.”
“Thanks, doodlebug, I appreciate that.”
They continued walking and sharing what they’d been learning. Cassandra was fascinated by her brother’s spiritual understanding. Trevor had heard of the term Law of Attraction and wanted to hear more of what Cassandra had to say.
“Does your boyfriend believe this stuff, too?” he asked as they turned to walk back.
“He’s not exactly my boyfriend.” She had to laugh at the confused look Trevor gave her. “We’re not dating—at least not yet. It’s complicated.”
Cassandra spent the next few minutes telling her brother how she and Jace had met. She included the fact that he was Sophia’s neighbor and that his mom worked for their parents.
“And you really like this guy?” Trevor probed. Cassandra didn’t hear judgement in his voice, simply brotherly concern.
“Yeah,” she nodded. “I do.”
“I’m assuming he feels the same.”
Cassandra couldn’t answer. She had no idea how Jace felt about her. Her brother’s words caused her to question what existed between them, and doubt began to creep in. She longed to talk to Jace, to discuss the status of their relationship, among other things. There was so much they didn’t know about each other. She truly hoped they could spend time together on the weekend.
“ELISE!” The thought was like a blow to the side of the head. Jace had a date with her in an hour, and he’d forgotten all about it. Suddenly he wasn’t sure he wanted to go. Being with Cassandra earlier and then dealing with the realization that he could never see her again had left him in a strange place. It was like breaking up with someone and wanting downtime before seeing someone new.
But that’s not the case here, he argued. I haven’t actually broken up with Cassandra, because we’re not dating. And I’m already going out with Elise. God! He groaned at how screwed up the situation had become. I’ve had sex with them both today!
He wasn’t pr
oud of his actions. He certainly hadn’t planned it that way. He wasn’t even sure how it had happened with Cassandra. One minute they were walking on the beach—he remembered feeling angry and wanting answers—and the next, they were making out.
Jace longed to understand why she had such a spell over him. What is it about the woman that makes me lose all common sense? Away from her, he could think rationally and knew what he needed to do. He could feel the resolve, yet it left him with a decision. Whether he ever saw Cassandra again or not, he needed to decide whether he wanted to continue seeing Elise.
He weighed the pros and cons. She’s pretty and fun to be with. We have things in common. She’s mature and knows what she wants in life. We’re in pretty much the same social class. He had no trouble listing her positive assets, yet the negative left him stumped. He couldn’t think of anything specific. Nevertheless, something was amiss.
He sat for a moment before it dawned on him. The only thing wrong with her, Jace sighed, is that she’s not Cassandra.
CASSANDRA SILENTLY observed her family’s interactions as the week unfolded. Her mother was distant and uncommunicative, and Trevor was clearly ill at ease. Her father was quieter than usual, as well, and she could see signs of stress showing on his face. She found him alone in the den one afternoon and went to sit next to him.
“It’s been an interesting week, hasn’t it?” he remarked ruefully.
She was considering how to respond when he added, “I’m glad that you and Trevor are close.”
“Me, too,” she replied. “It’s so good to see him again.”
“Your mother is having a hard time.”
“Mmm,” Cassandra nodded. “The tension around here is pretty thick.” She laid her hand on his arm. “Daddy, what about you? How are you doing with all this?”
“I’m caught in the middle, kitten.”
“How do you feel, though?” she persisted.
“You’re starting to sound like your old aunt,” he laughed softly.
“Maybe that’s a good thing.”
“It is a good thing,” he granted. “Don’t get me wrong; we could all learn from her. It’s just…I’m feeling like an old dog these days. I don’t know if I can change my ways of thinking that easily. I want to, but…”
Cassandra wasn’t sure whether he was referring to his views on homosexuality or his willingness to embrace Sophia’s unconventional beliefs. Though she wanted to discuss Trevor’s situation, she had to allow that it might be the latter. “Daddy, you’re not old,” she comforted. “Besides, much of what Aunt Sophia believes is just common sense.”
“It’s not that, kitten,” he replied. “It’s changing my views about life and the ways of society—what’s deemed acceptable and what isn’t. When you’ve been taught to think a certain way for nearly sixty years, it’s not easy to change direction. And even if I could…” he shrugged helplessly. “Your mother…she’s not likely to change her thinking.”
“So what then?” Cassandra started to get frustrated. “If no one is willing to change their thinking, where does that leave Trevor?” She couldn’t say it aloud, but her thoughts naturally led to her own situation. Where would that leave me, if I chose to marry someone like Jace?
Her father sighed heavily, and Cassandra noticed for the first time that he looked older than his years. His eyes were troubled, reflecting the pain caused by issues he wrestled with. She regretted her outburst. “Daddy, I’m sorry. I can see how hard this is on you.”
“I love my son…” His voice was choked as he turned away. “But I’m having trouble understanding, and certainly relating to, the lifestyle he’s chosen.”
Cassandra reached for his hand and held it while she waited for him to continue.
“It’s being caught in the middle that’s the hardest, though. If I were to speak up…” He had to stop again. “If I were to show my support for the choices Trevor is making, your mother would think I was opposing her. And yet my silence is sending a message, too. I’m sure Trevor takes it to mean that I’m siding with your mother. He’s been here five days, and we’ve hardly said a dozen words to each other.” He shook his head. “I feel like I can’t win, kitten.”
Cassandra felt his pain and wanted more than anything to help. “You know, maybe what Aunt Sophia believes could apply here,” she offered. “She says that our thoughts create our reality, that what we focus on expands to become what we experience in our lives.”
“I’ve heard her say something similar, but how do you think it applies in this situation?”
She was glad her father was willing to listen. Sophia’s advice had come to her for a reason, and maybe that reason was to share it with others who needed it. Her newfound wisdom could help her family; Cassandra was convinced of it, and she was eager to put it to the test. It might be what they all needed.
SOPHIE SEEMED especially cheerful as Jace drove her to the market. He had to admire her spunk. She was well into her eighties and showed no signs of slowing down. Her mind was relatively sound, and she was happy. He felt honored to know her, to have the opportunity to learn from her. She brought out the best in him, and he decided to tell her how he felt. “I really appreciate all that you’ve been telling me, you know.”
“I know,” she nodded. “I can see the change in you.”
“Really?” Jace knew he felt different but didn’t realize others could see the change. “In what way?”
“You’re more confident. You know more clearly what you want, and you know what steps to take to get there. Remember what was missing in your life when we first talked?”
So much was missing in his life then, and for the most part much of it still was. He had to ask what she was referring to.
“Control,” she replied. “You wanted to feel like you were in control.”
“You’re right,” he exclaimed. “I’d forgotten about that.”
“And don’t you feel like you have more control over aspects of your life now than you did back then?”
“Yeah, I do,” he smiled.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?” She sounded pleased, and her expression oozed with satisfaction. “A good feeling always means you’re heading in the right direction.”
Jace was heading in the right direction; he could feel it. Not much had changed in respect to his financial situation, yet he was on the right path. If he kept going he’d make it. “Sophie,” he grinned, “what would I do without you?”
“You’ll do fine, dear.” She patted his arm. “You needed someone to remind you of what you’d forgotten, that’s all. You’ll be just fine.”
He frowned at her response. It sounded as though she wasn’t planning to be around much longer, and it left him with a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach. When he glanced at her again, her eyes were closed, and she looked content. She nodded as if agreeing with her own thoughts and then murmured, “She’s found what she’s looking for, too.”
She? Jace didn’t know who Sophie was talking about. She was acting peculiar again, but he let it go, smiling as he thought about the gossip that circulated about this once-wealthy socialite. She wasn’t crazy; he knew that for a fact. She was his friend, and given his fondness for her, it wasn’t hard to overlook her occasional odd behavior.
CHAPTER 13
“WHAT IF WE could imagine Mother being more open minded about this?” Cassandra began to express the thoughts that were bubbling up within her. “What if we could imagine the four of us together, laughing and talking? Everyone getting along and looking for the best in one another, accepting one another?
“Daddy,” she continued excitedly, “if we could focus on that instead of what’s wrong, maybe the situation could change.”
Her father caressed her cheek. “I believe it could, kitten. It’s a pretty big if, though.”
“Aunt Sophia talks about focus.” Cassandra ignored her father’s last comment. “She says it’s like the hub of a wheel. Our thoughts, our feelings, even our experiences are dep
endent on our focus. I think I get it now!” The exhilaration increased as the insight unfolded in her mind. “We get to choose. We don’t have to let whatever’s in front of us dominate our thoughts or determine how we feel. We don’t have to let society’s views shape our beliefs. You know…” She paused as another idea called for her attention. “I think that’s why Aunt Sophia is happy. I think that may be the key to what she’s discovered, the secret to happiness!”
Trevor walked by the doorway to the study and stopped to give his sister a puzzled grin. “You’ve found the secret to happiness?”
“I think so,” she laughed.
As Trevor walked into what was deemed his father’s private space, Cassandra could see how unnerving it was for him. She looked at her father and saw the lines in his jaw tighten. How can I not see this in a negative way? She longed for her aunt’s wisdom.
“Trevor…” She decided to draw him into the conversation. “You and I have talked about this a little. Do you think it’s possible to control your focus, thereby controlling your experience?”
“I think that’s part of it,” he replied, relaxing slightly. “I believe it’s beneficial to change our thoughts—to look at any situation in a more positive way—but the real power comes when we align our thoughts with the Universe and trust that everything will work out for the best.”
“Aren’t they the same, though?” she argued. “If we align our thoughts with the Universe, it makes sense they’d be positive, uplifting thoughts. And if we’re doing it deliberately, then we are controlling our focus.”
“I’ll give you that, doodlebug,” he smiled, enjoying the interaction. “But one is active and one is passive. One is working at changing our thoughts in order to change the situation; the other is allowing things to happen and trusting they’ll be in our best interest.”
“Okay, I can feel the difference,” Cassandra nodded. “I’m just trying to understand what exactly Aunt Sophia has found. It sure doesn’t seem like she works at it. She believes that everything will turn out fine and it does.”