by Jeane Watier
“So it’s our belief system, then,” Richard interjected. “Our belief system determines our experience.”
“I’m sure of it,” Cassandra stressed. “And we have the power to change that. Whether we’re aligning with the Universe in an attitude of trust or deliberately focusing in a more positive manner, we have to come to a state of believing that all can be well before anything can change.”
“I think you’re right.” Both men said the words in unison, and Cassandra glanced from one to the other in surprise. No one spoke.
“Maybe I’m not too old to change,” Richard admitted.
Cassandra watched her father. He was gazing at Trevor with love in his eyes and an air of determination on his face.
“I’m proud of you kids.” He looked at them and stressed, “Both of you. I know things haven’t been very pleasant around here, but there’s got to be a way for that to change. Cassandra’s got the right idea, wanting us to be a real family again. I want you to know that I love you both, and I’m going to do whatever I can to make that change possible.”
Cassandra brushed away the tears streaming down her cheeks. She was bursting with pride for her father, knowing how difficult the speech had been for him. Trevor’s eyes were misty as well. She could feel her brother’s joy. As she thought about the change her father spoke of, an image came to mind. She saw her family together, laughing as they had in the past. Suddenly she had an idea. “Daddy, do we still have those old home movies?”
“Sure, kitten,” he replied. “I believe they’re in the basement somewhere. Why?”
“We used to watch them every summer. It might be fun to dig them out and watch them as a family tonight.”
JACE STOPPED by Sophie’s, Saturday morning, to see whether she needed to go out.
“The harbor festival is on this weekend,” she informed him. “I’d like to go down to the waterfront.”
“I made an appointment to get your car serviced this morning. Why don’t I drop you off first? They said it should take less than an hour. I can pick you up when it’s done.”
“That sounds fine, Jace.”
He couldn’t help but notice that she was dressed up more than usual. She had on a pale pink skirt with delicate white flowers all over the pleated fabric, and a white blouse with a lace collar. Her hat was pale pink as well, and the fabric on the band matched her skirt. What really caught his attention was her jewelry. She had on a glittering pendant necklace and matching earrings. They looked old. She had several rings on her fingers as well. He questioned whether the jewels were real. I doubt it, he surmised. They’d be worth a fortune if they were. She probably got rid of the real stuff long ago.
“You look nice this morning, Sophie,” he grinned as he held the car door for her.
“I never wear these anymore.” She held out her hands and studied the rings. “I’d forgotten I had some of them.”
She reminded Jace of a child playing dress-up. On such a petite woman who was always modestly dressed, the jewels stood out and looked somewhat garish when he was used to seeing her unadorned in that way. He decided it was just another way of trying to recapture her youth or pay tribute to what once was—a sincere act that made her even more adorable.
As they arrived at the festivities, they could hear a band playing. People were beginning to gather on the street corners. “Hey, a parade!” Jace almost wished he could stay. Something about a parade brought out the kid in him. Instead, he pulled into a loading zone and got out to open the door for Sophie.
“Thank you, Jace.”
As she smiled up at him, he noticed how radiant she looked. He was tempted to take her picture with his cell phone, but he didn’t want to embarrass her. “I’ll be back in about an hour,” he reminded her. “Do you want to meet here?”
“Yes, that will be fine.”
The dealership was on the outskirts of town in a new auto mall that had been built the year before. Jace parked the car, left the keys with the service technician, and went into the main building. With nothing to do but wait, he got himself a coffee and picked up the morning paper.
When he’d finished his coffee and looked over the entire newspaper, he got up and wandered around the new vehicle showroom. He sat in the driver’s seat of a shiny new Accord, this one metallic gray, and imagined that he was there to buy it. He pictured himself talking to the salesperson, bartering for the best deal, and even getting some extras thrown in. They shook hands after signing the paperwork, and he saw himself pulling away in the new car. Though the feeling was conjured, pride of ownership swelled within him. He’d begun to practice similar scenarios, and being in the showroom added detail to his visualizations. It gave him a real rush.
He glanced at his watch and realized he’d been at the dealership forty-five minutes. The car would likely be done. It would be tight, but if he left right away, he could get back within the hour to pick up Sophie.
“Sorry,” the girl at the desk shrugged, “they’re really busy back there. One of the guys is sick today. They just started on your car; it’ll be twenty minutes or so.”
Jace frowned. He hated making Sophie wait. I wish she had a cell phone. He’d suggested it on more than one occasion, but she’d laughed at the idea, insisting it was unnecessary.
The time dragged as Jace checked his watch every few minutes. He wished he had arranged to meet Sophie at one of the venues rather than on a street corner. The idea of her waiting in the hot sun distressed him. He got up to check again. “I’ve been here over an hour, and now I’m late for a meeting,” he explained politely, hoping they might be willing to rush if they saw him as a busy young professional. “Can you check to see if my car is ready?”
“It’s almost done, sir,” the young girl replied. “I’ll get the paperwork for you.” She typed something into her computer. “How would you like to pay for that today?”
“Pay?” Jace felt the familiar panic that often accompanied an unexpected bill or expense. “I thought it was covered under warranty.”
“Let me check.” After typing some more, she apologized. “You’re right; it’s covered. I’ll just need your signature.” She handed him the paperwork.
After ten minutes he was on the road, but it was nearly forty minutes past the time he’d agreed to pick Sophie up, and he felt really bad. With nothing to do but get there as quickly as the speed limit would allow, he tried to downplay the guilt he was feeling. Hopefully she got tired of waiting and went to find shade or a place to sit down. I’m sure she won’t be upset. She knows I can go and look for her.
He’d become accustomed to analyzing his feelings, so he questioned the panic that had arisen when asked to pay for the work done on Sophie’s car. What was that all about? Why the panic? It wasn’t a big deal. I have room on my credit card, and Sophie would have reimbursed me right away. Having believed he’d made progress in that area, Jace felt discouragement creep in. Obviously I’ve still got some work to do.
What he longed for was solid evidence to show that his change in thinking was paying off. How long does this process take? he wondered. How long will it be until I see proof? He decided to ask Sophie about it when he picked her up. He decided, too, that he’d offer to take her somewhere for lunch to make up for being late; it was the least he could do.
When Jace arrived at the spot he’d dropped her off, Sophie was nowhere in sight. He was relieved, hoping it meant she’d gone back to one of the venues. He found a place to park and walked toward the tents set up near the waterfront. After checking several, he found her sitting inside the opening of a security tent. He immediately offered an apology.
“It’s all right, Jace.” She responded in her familiar, sweet voice, but her face looked pale. “These things happen. I’m fine.”
“But I feel bad for making you wait,” he insisted. “Can I take you out for lunch or something?”
“Oh, that would be lovely, Jace,” she said. “Maybe another time, though. I’m feeling a little tired now. I’d
like to go home and have a rest.”
“Okay.” He could see how tired she was and didn’t try to convince her otherwise. The advice he sought would have to wait as well. As he drove her home, she lay back against the headrest, her eyes closed. By the time they arrived at the apartment her color had returned, and she looked a little better. He walked her to her door. “Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked. “I could pick you up some lunch, or make you something. Have you eaten?”
“Jace.” She put her hand on his arm and gripped it firmly. “I want you to stop worrying. I’m fine. I had a corn dog down at the fair.” She shook her head as a far-off look appeared in her eyes. “I haven’t had one of those in years. Phillip used to say that I’d live to be a hundred if I’d just stop eating those wretched things.” She laughed at the memory, then turned to go into her apartment.
Jace knew he should leave so that she could rest, but he couldn’t resist the impulse. “Just a minute.” He pulled his cell phone from his pocket. “Don’t move; I want a picture of you.”
She smiled lovingly at him, not at all daunted by his impulsiveness.
As he turned to leave, she said his name. “You’re doing fine. Don’t take stock too soon. Just keep focusing on what you want. You’ll know you’re on the right track by how you feel. Remember, every coin has two sides.”
Deciding to acknowledge rather than ignore the odd timing of her advice, he gave her a kiss on the cheek and a promise. “I will, Sophie. Thanks.”
Jace had plans with Chad that afternoon, but his gut told him he should stay home. He was concerned about Sophie. She’d probably be all right after a rest, but he wanted to be close by if she did need anything.
IT WAS EASY to persuade Trevor to travel back to Port Hayden with her. He was returning to Europe in a couple of days, and Cassandra wanted to spend as much time with him as she could. She was truly glad he’d made the effort to visit. Not much had changed in their mother’s attitude or behavior. However, Cassandra had noticed Trevor and their father sitting down together on several occasions. She was thrilled to see that a change in focus was already producing positive results. “I saw you and Daddy talking,” she acknowledged. “That’s progress.”
“Yeah,” he laughed. “It was awkward, but he took the initiative, and I appreciated that. He can’t seem to bring himself to ask about my relationship with Maurice, though. I decided not to make him more uncomfortable by offering details.”
“That’s probably best. This is going to take some time, Trev,” Cassandra advised. “What else did you talk about?”
“I told him about the screenplay Maurice wrote, told him I’m planning to produce it. He offered to put up the financing.”
“Really? That’s wonderful.”
“I may have to use a false name, though,” he added.
“Did Daddy say that?”
“No, not at all. It’s just…you know what Mother said about not bringing shame to the family.”
“Trevor, I’d be proud to see your name on a film! And I’d tell all my friends about it, too.”
“It’s just that the subject matter is…well…it portrays a gay man. It’s really well written, though, doodlebug. Not like recent films and TV shows that stereotype homosexuals. This depicts the main character as human with struggles and issues that anybody could relate to.”
“I can’t wait to see it.”
“You don’t know how much that means to me…to hear you say that, to feel your support.”
“I know,” she smiled.
“And what you’re learning,” he remarked, turning the attention away from himself. “The stuff Sophia’s teaching you. I think that’s terrific. This could be bigger than you realize.”
The word bigger caused the hairs on Cassandra’s neck to do their dance. “What do you mean?”
“The teaching is clear, and the way you understand it and apply it…maybe you could write a book or teach it or something.”
She told Trevor about her undeniable sense that there was something bigger in store for her. “That could be part of it,” she concurred. “I don’t know…it feels like there’s more. I’m curious, but I guess I’ll have to let it unfold naturally. Aunt Sophia hasn’t finished giving me all the principles. She mentioned five, but I’ve only gotten three. I’m hoping that once I have them all, I’ll know what I’m supposed to do with them.”
“You will, doodlebug. Don’t worry.”
The time went by quickly, and they arrived in Port Hayden by lunchtime. After a meal at their favorite restaurant, they stopped by the Town House to drop off their luggage before heading to their aunt’s place.
“Let’s take the Rolls,” Trevor suggested playfully. “I’ll be your chauffeur.”
Cassandra felt some reluctance when she realized her brother was serious. She hoped to see Jace and felt that arriving in that manner would not only emphasize the difference in their situations, the stately car might remind him of their first two unpleasant encounters. She understood the power of a first impression and would give anything if she could erase those altogether. “I guess,” she agreed reluctantly. He’d already opened the overhead door of the garage, and was admiring the vintage car. She didn’t want to dampen his enthusiasm.
As Jace came to mind, her tension began to grow. She wished they’d at least made tentative plans to see each other again. Simply showing up at his door could be awkward. She acknowledged her qualms as they drove through town. “I can’t believe how nervous I am. It’s even worse than last weekend,” she laughed uneasily. “And then I had good reason to believe he hated me.”
“I guess that means there’s more at stake now.”
“Yeah…I guess.” Cassandra hadn’t allowed herself to dwell on it, but her brother was right. There is a lot more at stake. Last weekend, I would have been disappointed if he’d walked away and never wanted to see me again, but now… She decided not to go there. She was certain that once they saw each other again and had a chance to talk, everything would be okay. It’ll work out, she breathed, somehow.
They arrived at the apartment building and parked behind the black Honda. “He’s here,” she told Trevor, not sure whether it was good news or bad as her anxiety increased dramatically. Entering the building, she turned to him. “This is killing me. Do you mind if I stop by Jace’s before I go up to Aunt Sophia’s? I’m hoping we can make a date for later.”
“No problem, doodlebug.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll go and surprise the old girl, see if she remembers me.”
As Trevor went up the stairs, Cassandra stood looking at Jace’s door. She took a deep breath and knocked.
“Come in.”
It sounded as if he were expecting someone. She hesitated, quite sure that someone wasn’t her. Opening the door slowly, she called out his name. It was a few long seconds before he appeared from the kitchen. “Trevor and I…” She paused, wanting to make herself perfectly clear. “My brother, Trevor, and I came by to see Aunt Sophia. I saw your car…the Honda, I mean, and…”
JACE STARED AT the familiar face as Cassandra offered an awkward explanation for being in his apartment. He felt the overwhelming urge to run, just as he did when he first saw her at the beach. With her standing in his doorway, that wasn’t possible, yet he had to act quickly. If he kept staring at her, he’d be in danger of losing all power of reason. He steeled himself to say what needed to be said. “Cassandra, I…” Before he could continue, a man appeared behind her.
“Hi.” The man reached past Cassandra and offered his hand. “I’m Trevor. You must be Jace.”
Jace nodded mechanically and shook his hand.
Trevor addressed his sister. “There’s no answer at Sophia’s. She must be out.”
“She’s home,” Jace countered, suddenly regaining his senses. “I dropped her off about an hour and a half ago. She’s probably sleeping. She was pretty tired after going to the Harbor Fair this morning.”
Cassandra looked at Jace and then her br
other. “Maybe we should come back later.”
“Why don’t I try phoning her?” Jace replied, recalling how pale she’d looked when he’d picked her up. He dialed her number, and they all stood in silence as it rang repeatedly. “Something’s wrong,” he declared, aware of the panic rising in his chest. “I think we should check on her.”
“Do you have a key?” Cassandra asked, looking concerned for her aunt.
“Yeah.” He grabbed it off the table by the door and moved past Cassandra and her brother without another word. He was up the stairs in several long strides, stopping to give a couple of loud knocks before he unlocked the door. He called her name as he entered the apartment with Cassandra and Trevor close behind him. There was no sign of her, so Jace went to the bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and again he knocked, hoping to hear a reply. When there was no response, he entered the room and stopped short. “Sophie?” She was lying on her bed, eyes closed.
“Aunt Sophia?” Cassandra ran to her and quickly diagnosed her condition. “Call an ambulance!” she instructed.
Trevor made the call on his cell phone, and the three of them gathered around Sophia’s bed, staring helplessly. “She has a pulse, but it’s weak,” Cassandra stated, her voice trembling.
“I’ll wait outside for the paramedics,” Trevor offered.
Jace took in the scene before him. The pale little woman lay motionless, barely alive. He felt sick. He’d suspected something was wrong earlier, and he hadn’t listened to his instincts. “I shouldn’t have left her,” he declared softly, shaking his head.
Cassandra glanced at him, but said nothing. She was rubbing Sophia’s arm, repeating her name, trying to get her to respond.
“She was really tired when we got back. I offered to get her something to eat, but she insisted she was okay. She had to wait on me…at the fair this morning,” he explained clumsily. “I was getting the car serviced, and it took longer than I expected. I had no way of getting in touch with her.”