Pelvic Flaws (An American in the UK Book 2)

by Nikki Ashton

  “You were the one that wasn’t interested in sex. I was always the one initiating it.”

  I threw my hands into the air. “I’m not talking about sex, you idiot. I’m talking about life in general. You were always working, always had something else to do rather than spend time with us as a family. You’re not like that with Sophie and Jessie so what does that tell you.”

  Carl huffed out a short laugh. “Oh so that’s it, you’re bitter because you think I treat Sophie and Jessie better than I did you and the kids.”

  “I’m not bitter, I accepted that we were over a long time before you met Sophie and I take part responsibility for that. All I’m saying is, towards the end you never invested time in us as family; not like you do with the family you have now. I don’t know, maybe Sophie is better at getting your attention, or maybe it’s because they’re a younger family, and they need you more, I have no idea.”

  “And there we have it,” he said standing up to face me. “The whole reason you’re so bitter and won’t put yourself out for me for one fucking night.”

  “It’s not a case of putting myself out for you,” I cried. “I just don’t want you here. My boyfriend is staying.”

  “Yeah your boyfriend who has landed you with a kid, just when you thought your time caring for small kids was coming to end.”

  “Things change, Carl. Things change and you adapt. Just like you adapted to having a young child again.”

  “Yet again, a dig about my family.”

  I shook my head in disbelief, having no clue what he was getting at.

  “I’m not,” I protested.

  “Yes you are, because you’re bitter that I left you and now you’re saddled with another woman’s child. Go on admit it Katie, you hate the idea of bringing up another child and you know if we’d never split you’d soon be finished with all that. You know it’s true.”

  I looked at Carl’s supercilious smirk and wondered for the first time ever, what I’d ever seen in him. With that one look, all the history we had disappeared and aside from the fact I wouldn’t have my children, I wished I’d never given him a second chance after going out with Ryan all those years ago. Deep down I knew I’d think differently another day – we’d had some good times, we’d had three beautiful children, but at that moment I was finding it difficult.

  “You know what, you’re right. Of course I don’t want to bring up another child, Carl. Of course I wish we’d never separated.”

  He shook his head and started to slow clap and I couldn’t speak, because if I did I was sure I’d say something I’d regret for the rest of my life.

  “I knew it,” he finally said.

  “You stupid, egotistical prick,” I replied, my tone low with incredulity. “I was being sarcastic. I can’t believe you actually think I wish we were still living together. A time when I was lonelier than I’ve ever felt in my life.”

  “Yeah, I do believe that actually. And you weren’t lonely,” he snorted.

  “I damn well was, you have no idea, but you know what, I’m not anymore, and I’ll tell you something else, I’m excited about my future with Dex and Savannah. As for wishing we hadn’t separated, the only times I’ve regretted that is when its affected the kids. When Charlie is torn between pleasing us both, or when Isaac felt that our divorce was all his fault, or when Annie is upset because you have a new Princess in your life – but all those times are fleeting Carl, and that regret is for our kids, not me.” I drew in a breath, not wanting to stop, wanting him to finally hear what I’d been thinking and feeling since the day he walked out. “Yes, I admit I was jealous when you met Sophie, not because she got you and I didn’t, but because you’d got her. You got your fresh start and you got it with a prettier, younger woman and that’s what hurt, because then I began to think you’d lost interest because I was older, because my tits were saggier, and my stomach wasn’t as flat. You cannot imagine how that hurts a woman; to be replaced by someone new and much shinier.”

  “You know that wasn’t how it was.”

  I shrugged. “You could have told me until you were blue in the face, Carl, and I’d never have believed you. Despite all that, I’m glad it happened, I’m glad I felt shit about myself, because if I hadn’t, I may never have realized how I should be treated – and that’s how Dex treats me.”

  “Oh yeah, good old Dex.”

  “Yes, good old Dex. He actually sees me, he knows me and he makes sure I know how bloody amazing I am, because I am. I’m fucking amazing. I’m glad you left, it was time, and we were done and if you hadn’t gone, I would never have met Dex and I bloody well love him. Now go back home to your wife, Carl. Apologize, tell her what a prat you were, and that she’s the best mum and wife ever.”

  We stood, silently watching each other, me breathing heavily, having barely taken a breath to let everything out. Finally, Carl nodded and picked up his bag and jacket.

  “For what it’s worth,” he said, turning to face me as he reached the door. “I regret what I did to us. I knew I was pushing you all away by working all the time and not getting involved in family life, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it and I’ll always feel ashamed about that. I think when Dex came along, I saw the light in your eyes again, a light that I’d put there once and it hurt that he’d been the one to put it back. I wanted you to think I’d been the better partner and he was just a poor substitute, but…” he paused and scrubbed a hand down his face. “But, I was wrong, he’s the better man, Katie.”

  I drew in a breath, my throat suddenly feeling tight as I watched the man I’d loved for over two decades admit that he was partly to blame for our marriage breaking down. I’d always thought it had been totally my fault, I’d not been enough for him, not done enough to save our relationship, but over the last couple of months I’d realized you can’t invest yourself in someone if they don’t want to be invested in.

  “He’s a different man, Carl,” I replied. “But he’s the better man for me, just as Sophie is the better woman for you.”

  He nodded and quietly left me standing alone in my kitchen, finally feeling free of the burden of blame and knowing I was more than ready to move on. More than ready to start the next chapter of my life with Dex, Savannah, and my kids.

  Once I heard the front door close, I went back to the lounge to continue the evening with my family.

  “You okay, Mum?” Isaac asked, moving up the sofa to make space for me.

  “Yeah, fine. All sorted.” I looked around the room. “Savannah isn’t still pooing is she?”

  Isaac exchanged a glance with Annie and then to Charlie, who was lying on the floor gazing up at the film showing on the TV.

  “He went,” Isaac said, quietly. “I asked him what was going on, but he just said they needed to go.”

  “I don’t understand. Was this after he came down from the bathroom? Was Savannah ill or something?”

  Isaac shook his head. “He came to see you and Dad in the kitchen and then came back and said they were leaving. What happened, did he have an argument with Dad or something?”

  “No, he didn’t come into the kitchen.”

  “He looked a bit like he might be sick,” Annie said, a flash of worry marring her pretty features. “What’s going on, Mum?”

  I shook my head and got up from the sofa, pulling my phone out of my jeans’ pocket. “I just need to make a call.”

  I left the lounge and called Dex’s number as I went back to the kitchen for some privacy.

  “Hey, you’ve reached Dex Michaels, sorry I can’t answer but I’ll call you back. Leave your number.”

  His voice sounded bright and chirpy, but I knew with dread that probably wasn’t how he was currently feeling. He must have heard something between Carl and me that upset him, but I couldn’t recall anything that would make him think it’d be better for him to leave. As for him leaving, it wasn’t Dex. Dex was a man who acted on things head on – he wasn’t someone who reacted.

  “Hey lo
ve, it’s me. I’m just wondering why you went home. I thought…I thought you were staying over. Sorry Carl kind of hijacked our night, but he’s gone and…well, call me back.”

  I ended the call, and felt the bile roil in my stomach, because I knew Dex wouldn’t be calling me back.

  Dex

  The woman from Social Services had been for a home visit and how she didn’t whisk Savannah away with her, I’d never know. One look at the poor kid and you’d think she’d recognize a man out of his fucking depth.

  We’d had a bad morning, both me and Savannah. I’d woken up grumpy and she’d started pitchin’ a fit the moment she realized there was none of her favorite breakfast cereal left. The kid loved fucking Weetabix and it was beyond me why – it tasted like what I imagined a cowboy’s sweaty ass crack might taste like after a day in the saddle. Savannah, though, well she thought it was the bomb and screamed the place down when I placed porridge in front of her instead.

  Luckily we’d got over that little problem when I shook a few M&Ms into it – shoot me, I was not in the mood. Then it all started again when I got her dressed. Savannah wanted to wear her swim suit, denim shorts and pink gumboots. I wanted her to look like a normal child for when Mrs. Walsh, the Social Worker, came around. After battling for thirty-fucking-minutes, we finally agreed on a pink Unicorn tee with the shorts and gumboots. She also wanted to do her own hair and I just didn’t have the energy to argue, so when she came out of her room with three pigtails, one sticking out from the top of her head, just as I was letting Mrs. Walsh in, I pretty much wanted to lay on the ground and have a temper tantrum of my own.

  Thank God the meeting went well and Mrs. Walsh was pleased with the progress that my ‘bright, attentive, strong-willed’ little demon was making and said she’d be back in a couple of weeks.

  Now was nap time and Savannah was fighting it with everything she had. I had taken Katie’s advice and pretty much stopped the afternoon nap – Mrs. Walsh had also suggested it was time – but I was so bone tired, I needed some shut eye of my own. So today I was confusing my kid’s routine and making her take a nap.

  Listening to Savannah singing and intermitting it with cries of ‘you’re so mean, Daddy’, I laid my head back against the couch and let out a sigh, grateful that she at least never tried to leave her room. I knew that this was just a bad day, and for every one of them there’d be a dozen good ones, but at the moment this bad day was feeling more fucking hateful because of my situation with Katie.

  Over the last couple of days she’d called me numerous times and sent at least ten text messages begging me to answer her, but I didn’t have it in me. I didn’t want to hear her lies or excuses. I’d already heard loud and clear what she’d had to say – she didn’t want to help bring up Savannah and she wished her and Carl had never split. Well Savannah and I were a package and I wouldn’t be a fucking second rate substitute for anyone, not even Katie.

  As I contemplated everything that had gone on and whether I should call Debbie for a booty call – I realized pretty quickly that was a shitty idea; not fair to Debbie and not what I wanted when I was still so damn hung up on Katie - I could now only hear soft singing from Savannah’s room, and I heaved a sigh of relief. At least I wasn’t mean daddy any longer. I decided to close my eyes for a few minutes. I knew I wouldn’t sleep, since I’d brought Savannah home I was like the old joke about Chuck Norris – I didn’t sleep, I just waited. Any little sound and I was on high alert in case Savannah needed me. Closing my eyes and relaxing for just a little while would have to be enough.

  When my body started to relax into the couch and my breathing started to even out, there was a loud banging on my door startling me to attention.

  Fuck my life, I get a few minutes to relax and someone decides to bang the door down.

  “Daddy, someone’s banging on the door.” Savannah shouted from her room.

  When I got into the hallway, she was standing at her doorway, hair mussed, holding a doll by its hair in one hand, while four fingers of her other hand were in her mouth.

  “Okay sweetheart, go back to your nap and get those fingers out of your mouth.”

  “But Daddy, I wanna see who’s here.”

  I didn’t answer, knowing it was pointless, and moved to the door. Just as I was about to open it, the banging started again.

  “Okay,” I grumbled. “Cut it out.”

  Swinging it open I was faced with a sweaty looking Katie.

  “So you are alive then,” she said, breathlessly. “Because you know, answering a call or a text might have stopped me worrying about you.”

  “Yeah, I’m alive.” I rested my arm on the door jamb while holding onto the door with the other, blocking her view into my apartment. “What do you want?”

  “Daddy, who is it?” Savannah was now beside me, tugging on the leg of my sweatpants.

  “It’s Katie, sweetheart.”

  She pushed between my legs and poked her head between them and I was pretty grateful she was a shortcake and I was tall, because it could have been a pretty painful situation otherwise.

  “Hi Katie,” Savannah said brightly. “Where’s Charlie?”

  Katie crouched down to Savannah’s level. “He’s at school, but he said to say hello.”

  “I miss him,” Savannah sighed. “Elmo misses him.”

  “He misses you too.” Katie looked up at me and chewed on her lip.

  “What is it you want?” I asked.

  Katie stood. “What’s happened? You were there one minute and gone the next. You won’t answer my calls or text messages, so I have no idea what’s going on.”

  “You have no idea?” I asked incredulously.

  She shook her head. “None.”

  Savannah shifted and pulled herself back through my legs and when I turned around she was looking up at me with a grin.

  “Daddy is Katie coming in? Because we don’t have any soup.” She looked at me earnestly, as she shrugged her tiny shoulders.

  “She’s not coming in sweetheart, or staying for dinner.” I frowned, wondering what on earth she was talking about.

  “But she’s here,” Savannah insisted. “Grandma always said when someone came to the house ‘company’s coming; add a cup of water to the soup’.”

  I couldn’t help but smile as her lips turned down in worry.

  “It’ll be fine, Savannah. Katie’s not staying, sweetheart.”

  Taking advantage of me having my attention on Savannah, Katie pushed into the hallway and closed the door behind her.

  “Katie,” I groaned. “I have nothing to say.”

  Her voice was firm and her stance solid, as she said, “Yeah, well I do. Now go and make some coffee and I’ll see to Savannah.”

  “Katie,” I growled out her name in a warning.

  “Dexter,” she mimicked making Savannah giggle.

  “Don’t call me that. I fu-I hate that name.”

  “It’s the name your mother gave you, so suck it up big boy.”

  Before I had chance to reply, she was leading Savannah by the hand back down the hallway talking animatedly about Elmo and Rebecca, the doll in Savannah’s hand.

  Sighing and resisting the temptation to kick the wall, I went to the kitchen and started to brew a pot of coffee. Ten minutes later, Katie appeared, looking a little less sweaty and minus her leather jacket and boots.

  I looked her up and down. “Make yourself at home.”

  “Savannah’s asleep,” she replied, moving alongside of me in the kitchen. “Now are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

  “Don’t give me that BS, Katie, you know.”

  She shook her head. “No actually, I don’t. If I did I wouldn’t have been calling and texting you and I wouldn’t have walked the four miles here to see you.”

  That stopped me in my tracks. I pushed a button on the coffee maker and looked at her.

  “Why the hell have you walked here?”

  “Well I was coming in my car, but it decide
d today was the day it finally wanted to give up on life.”

  “It fucking broke down again? I told you to get something better weeks ago.” I leaned back against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest, mad that her crap car had let her down again.

  “I know,” she said on a swallow. “But I can’t afford it. N-now tell me what the hell is wrong.”

  She wasn’t even looking me in the eye, but perusing my body and I couldn’t help but smile. I was wearing a thin white tee with my grey sweatpants, an outfit that I knew Katie liked. An outfit that always made it difficult for her to keep her eyes and hands off me. How fucking fitting it would be the outfit I’d be wearing on the last occasion we’d ever speak to each other.

  As her eyes lingered around my crotch, my damn dick decided that four weeks without being inside Katie was too long and like a puppy getting excited about its owner coming home, the damn thing sat up and begged. Admittedly, it was a half-hearted beg, but all the same it knew who its mistress was.

  “Why the hell can’t you wear underwear like any normal man?” she exclaimed, pointing at my semi. “It’s so bloody distracting. I came here for a serious conversation and you’re pointing that thing at me.”

  “Well don’t look.” I shrugged.

  “It’s hard not to. It’s bad enough knowing it’s under there without any clothes on it, but when it’s hard as well, it’s too…I don’t know, too much.”

  “Never heard you complain before,” I muttered.

  “I wouldn’t be complaining now if we didn’t have things to discuss, like why you left on Saturday night. You were happy and joking one minute, trying to get in my knickers, and the next you buggered off home without an explanation.”

  I narrowed my eyes on her. “Think about it darlin’, who fucking turned up to turn the mood sour?”

  “Carl, I know. I explained to you on my numerous voicemails that he stayed all of twenty minutes and then left. I also explained that he wanted to stay and I’d said no. Is that why you’ve been avoiding me, because he asked to stay?”