Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 4

by Fujino Omori

  “While your reasoning is not flawed, Syr, the only time adventurers consider retreat is after being cornered. It is much more practical for adventurers to avoid those situations rather than plan their escape.”

  An awestruck sound comes out of my mouth.

  Since she was once an adventurer herself, Lyu’s calculated words carry a lot of weight.

  “You must prepare for everything. Find someone worthy of your trust and add them to your battle party.”

  I get what she’s saying. I see Lilly nod out of the corner of my eye and start thinking.

  But…I don’t know anyone like that who I could invite to join us. If I did I would have already asked them. I suppose that’s why she told me to find someone…

  I would ask her, but I’m sure Lyu has some circumstances. The only other person who would be an option would be Nahza, in Miach Familia. But no, she’s no good, either. I don’t want to take anyone suffering from monster trauma into the Dungeon with me.

  Would scouting out someone to join my Familia be the best option?

  I start massaging my temples.

  “Ha-ha! Having some party problems there, ‘Little Rookie’?!”

  “Wha?” I’m so shocked by a sudden loud voice that I can’t respond right away.

  While I recover from the surprise, the customer—a male adventurer, followed by two of his friends—comes up to our table. They stop directly across from me, and right behind Lyu’s chair.

  These guys are…huge.

  Their square faces are covered in scars…Enough to make me cringe.

  “We heard your troubles! You need allies, yeah? Then why don’t you join us, you little bastard?”

  “Eh?!”

  Okay, now I’m surprised.

  Who would’ve expected a square-shouldered, red-faced man I’ve never met before to invite me into his own battle party?

  “E-excuse me?”

  “This ain’t that hard. It’s quite easy, actually. One of my fellow adventurers has a problem, and so out of the kindness of my huge heart, I’m gonna help you out. Hee-hee, doesn’t that sound good to you?”

  “W-well, I wasn’t really…”

  “Of course it does! It’s called havin’ your back, havin’ your back! And considerin’ it’s you, we don’t mind at all if you join us…Yeah!”

  “Uggh…?!”

  How much ale did this guy drink?!

  A wall of alcoholic stench assaults me from across the table. Syr is grimacing next to me, and Lilly has a look of absolute loathing on her face. Oh yeah, that’s right, she’s allergic to adventurers…

  Lyu is the closest one to them, so she should be the hardest hit by that smell. But she is just calmly sitting in her chair. Her stoic face hasn’t changed a bit.

  “So here’s the deal! We’ll take you to the middle levels, and in exchange…”

  …Huh?

  Is this situation getting worse?

  “Let us have these ladies for a while?! I’m takin’ this cute little fairy of an elf for myself!”

  …Whoah. Whoah.

  “I’d like to have an elf fill my jug, if you get my drift. Don’t know how much you’re spendin’, but we scratch your back, you scratch ours. That’s the basics, don’t you think?”

  Sure, I’ll end up spending a lot of money tonight…But what does that have to do with anything?

  The man in the middle is looking down at Lyu, and his buddies are eyeing Syr and Lilly. They look strange, like they’re imagining something extremely perverted. I’ve never seen Lilly look so angry.

  …This is not good, not good at all.

  I will never shake hands with someone who looks at women like that.

  I’m not good at this kind of thing, but I have to be the “man” here. I can’t let anything happen to my friends…!

  I start building the refusal in my head.

  “That is not necessary. He does not need you.”

  However, before I can open my mouth—

  Lyu suddenly speaks up out of the blue.

  “…Ohhh? What was that, little fairy? Are you insinuatin’ that we can’t protect that kid?”

  “Precisely. Now leave.”

  “Hi-hi, you guys, you hear that? She’s sayin’ we’d hold the rookie back! Not the other way around, ha-ha-ha!”

  All three of the men laugh out loud. Not only have I lost my chance to stand up, I’m lost for words, too.

  I’m already halfway out of my chair, but I don’t know if I should get all the way up or sit back down.

  “Listen, girly, we’ve been in and out of the middle levels for years now.”

  “Is that so?”

  “That’s right, Level Two. The lot of us, yeah.”

  “Thank you for the information. Now, begone. The likes of you are not worthy of him.”

  Silence. The men who had been laughing up until now go quiet, their faces contorting in anger.

  Their grins come back a moment later. But their eyes…They’re like the dark, dead eyes of a mask.

  Even I can tell the tension around the table has shot way up.

  “Girly, what are you tryin’ to say? That we’re trash, lower than that punk-ass kid?”

  The man takes a step forward and reaches out to put a hand on Lyu’s shoulder.

  Ah! I’m about to jump to my feet when I remember something someone told me not too long ago:

  —Elves do not allow someone they don’t trust to touch their skin.

  “Hands off.”

  Lyu’s next movements are all a blur.

  She reaches out and grabs my nearly full ale jug with lightning speed, and slams it back over her shoulder toward the oncoming hand.

  A heartbeat later, THUNK!

  The man’s hand is now crammed into the sturdy jug, his eyes wide in shock. A soft “Eh?” comes out of his mouth.

  Lyu turns around and jumps to her feet, twisting the jug in the process.

  “Ow-ow-ow-OOOWWWWWWWW!!”

  The man screams at the top of his lungs; his elbow points out at an impossible angle.

  “I apologize. It appears that my reasoning was much more selfish than I originally thought. I don’t want Mr. Cranell to join your battle party.”

  Her words were like whips slicing through the air, the man writhing in pain beneath her.

  “And I will not allow you to look down on him. He is my good friend.”

  She zeroes in her icy glare on him and gives the jug yet another twist.

  The man’s scream goes up an octave. His buddies rush to his aid and start pulling.

  POP! PLUNK! The man’s hand finally comes out of the jug and he lands flat on his ass.

  “…You BITCH!”

  “Frickin’ girl!”

  “The hell are you doin’?!”

  Did Lyu just really say that about me? A warm feeling grows in my chest as the enraged men converge on her.

  In no time at all, Lyu has a small sword in her grasp. All three of the adventurers move to attack her together. But before they can—

  SMASH! BANG! Two loud cracks erupt from behind his buddies’ heads.

  ““Ghaaah?!””

  Both of the men fall to the floor with a dull thud.

  Two cat people are standing behind where the adventurers once were, holding broken chairs over their shoulders.

  “—Nyfufufu. Gotta watch yer back, meow!”

  “Men are such a pain, meow—”

  Chloe is laughing like she’s one of the gods herself, while Ahnya’s ears are twitching back and forth out of annoyance.

  I know the girls snuck up behind them but…down in one hit?! Those guys were Level 2!

  “Sir. Our elf tends to be rather violent. Backing down now would be a good idea.”

  Runoa calmly walks past the scene, carrying a ton of dirty dishes in her arms, and gives the man a friendly warning.

  He’s completely outnumbered in a small space, but he looks like he’s itching for a fight. Am I seeing this right?

  �
�Ah—ah, there they go.” I can feel the eyes again, and many people are saying things. But they’re not scared, it’s like they knew this was going to happen. Their stares move past me and onto the man. He’s on his own little island now, and the center of attention.

  “…Wh-what the hell are you people?!”

  Bathed in a magic-stone lamp spotlight, the man reaches behind his back and draws a white blade.

  It’s a shortsword. He’s consumed with rage, his body shaking. There’s no way to tell when he’ll make his move.

  The staff of The Benevolent Mistress all have their eyes locked on him.

  Zing! A shiver shoots down my spine.

  I have a feeling things won’t end well for this guy. Just then—

  An explosion comes from a different direction.

  What is it this time?!

  Every head in the room snaps in the new direction with blinding speed…And now I’m really lost for words.

  The counter…It was waist height just a moment ago, but now it’s in the shape of a large V. The poor customers sitting at the counter…Their mouths are hanging open in shock.

  And standing at the base of the V is Mia, her outstretched fist right in the center.

  Runoa and all the other waitresses suddenly shiver with fright.

  “If you wanna brawl, take it outside. This place is for eatin’ and drinkin’.”

  Silence falls over the entire bar. All the waitresses immediately break eye contact with Mia and go back to work.

  Finally, Mia stands up straight and squares her shoulders directly at the adventurer himself.

  “And you, ya blockhead. Be sure an’ take those idiot lumps on the floor out with ya. If ya try an’ cause any more ruckus—y’all will wind up six feet below my bar.”

  Doesn’t that mean he’ll be…A bead of sweat rolls down my face as the adventurer silently nods up and down.

  Lifting his fallen comrades up by their shoulders, he makes for the door with his buddies’ feet dragging behind him.

  “Hey, crap-fer-brains! You gotta pay first!!”

  “Y-yes, ma’am!!”

  The man drops what looks to be all his money onto the floor in fear of Mia’s rage. A bag full of coins clinks as it hit the ground at her feet.

  After the three of them practically fall through the door, the usual din of the bar starts back up again. Prums start drinking and singing as if nothing ever happened, their voices echoing through the building.

  A bar where Level 2 parties run away in fright…

  All I could do was watch…

  “My apologies, I have destroyed the atmosphere on your special night.”

  “N-no, don’t worry about it…”

  “Hee-hee, Miss Lyu really is very strong…Lilly’s lower back is still tingling.”

  I’m still trying to shake off the panic that overtook me, and here’s Lilly teasing Lyu about her apology.

  Am I the only one here who’s not used to something like this…?

  Tension is still in the air from what just happened when Syr suddenly claps her hands together and stands up.

  “Well, shall we try this again from the start?”

  …She’s pretty strong, too.

  She orders a new round of drinks for all of us and a moment later we’re clinking glasses again. I can’t help but smile as I watch her work.

  Once again I’ve been reminded of what the staff of The Benevolent Mistress is capable of doing.

  After that, we enjoy good food and ale well into the night.

  Beautiful blue skies and a light breeze in my face.

  It’s the morning after my party at the bar.

  Using my hand to shield my eyes from the sun, I look up at the massive structure in front of me.

  A white tower, Babel.

  I’ve decided to go to Hephaistos Familia’s weapon shop to find the equipment I need.

  I don’t have to worry about the quality of weapons and armor sold here. Considering I don’t know how to tell the good stuff from the bad, there’s no reason for me to look anywhere else. But above all, Eina brought me here before, so I don’t feel nervous going in.

  I’m not concerned about money today, either. I’ve been able to save up quite a bit recently…Not to mention the Minotaur’s magic stone was worth 50,000 vals. Lilly told me that even the clerk at the Exchange was surprised, so I’m pretty sure that Minotaur was something special…It was wielding a sword, after all.

  Anyway, I have more than 100,000 vals on me right now. I walk through Babel’s main gates with a smile on my face.

  Rather than riding the elevator, I take the stairs all the way to the eighth floor.

  The best part about the stairwell is definitely the view out of the windows. The blue sky is absolutely stunning today.

  Ah, here it is.

  The eighth floor.

  The layout is like a big doughnut, with a hole in the middle for the elevator to go through. The shops are built on both sides of the circular hallway. Each shop has its own combination of swords, spears, and the like outside its entrance or on its sign as decoration.

  Stopping to take a look at some of the tenants along my way, I arrive at my destination.

  Since the thing that protects my body, my light armor, was completely destroyed, coming here first makes the most sense.

  Just like before, it’s like a forest of armor in here. Most of it is designed to protect the torso, but the color schemes are a lot plainer than the last time I was here. There’s a lot of black and gray.

  As long as I stay on this floor, I should be able to buy…pretty much anything?

  I take a look at the price tags on the armor closest to me…21,000, 35,000, 46,000…Yeah, I should be okay. I can’t splurge, though. Armor isn’t the only thing on my list.

  To think that a day like today would come…Even a few weeks ago I couldn’t even imagine it.

  …Are they not selling it anymore?

  From the very sturdy to the downright gaudy, this shop has a wide selection of expensive armor on display. But I’m looking for the work of one particular smith.

  I wore his work every day until it was destroyed by the Minotaur. Its name was rather…strange—“Pyonkichi”—But it was light, strong, and fit my body like a glove.

  I walk all around the store before swinging by the corner where boxes of parts of armor not on display are kept and have a look. This is where I found the smith’s work before.

  And they have…nothing.

  “…”

  I can feel a knot of disappointment growing in the pit of my stomach. There’s no reason I have to buy something he made, but still.

  Welf Crozzo…

  …Well, I might as well ask.

  Feeling defeated, I drag my feet toward the customer service counter.

  There should be a ton of armor that’s as good as or better than my old stuff in this shop, but I can’t bring myself to take a look.

  When did I become this guy’s fan?

  “Why such…horrible…!”

  “?”

  Just as I’m getting close to the front of the store, an angry voice shoots out from beside the counter.

  There are actually two counters at the front of the shop, and a customer seems to be having a very heated argument with a Hephaistos Familia clerk.

  “Why always…the middle of nowhere…! You have something against me…!”

  The closer I get, the more words I can make out.

  There’s a young man, a human, exchanging words with an extremely exhausted store employee. He’s wearing what looks like a long black coat…but it’s in really rough shape, almost like rags.

  He’s got a head full of flaming red hair, and he looks a little bit older than I am. Maybe a little taller, too, and muscular but not beefy.

  I can see his face as I step up to the counter. But the front of his hair looks rather strange. It’s like his short-cut hair had grown out, but he took scissors to his bangs because they were getting in his eyes
.

  There’s a box of light armor parts on the counter in front of him. Judging by his choice of words and angry demeanor, my best guess is he’s also an adventurer. Maybe the armor he bought was defective?

  “This is my lifeblood, you hear me? At least treat me like everyone else!”

  “This was a decision made by management…It needs to sell, and without that…”

  “Oh, so you’re going to bring that up, huh?! Well then, I’ve got a few things to say—!!”

  The adventurer in the black body-length jacket is refusing to back down, his rage building.

  The clerk behind the second counter watches the argument with a slightly annoyed look on her face until she realizes I’m standing in front of her. “Welcome!” she says with a smile.

  Doing my best to ignore what’s going on next to me, I rest my hands on the counter and prepare to ask my question.

  “Can I help you with something?”

  “Yes. Do you have anything made by Welf Crozzo…?”

  —Silence. The argument stops on a dime.

  The clerk’s eyes go wide, and the two people at the other counter slowly turn to face me.

  Huh…wh-what?

  Three sets of eyes are locked right on me; this is so awkward.

  “…U-um, are you looking for Welf Crozzo’s work…?”

  “Y-yes. I want to buy armor made by Welf Crozzo…”

  I’ve never heard someone so scared to ask a question in my life. Just responding felt like something bad would happen if I said something wrong.

  But the first person to react isn’t the clerk in front of me but the young man who had been arguing at the other counter just a few moments ago.

  “Hee…ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Would you look at that! There is at least one name on my list of clients!!”

  After laughing at the top of his lungs, the young man turns to face the clerk before slamming his hand down on the counter.

  The clerk can’t respond, he just stands there doing his best to avoid making eye contact.

  I am so confused right now…The young man must have noticed the look on my face because now he’s looking this way.

  “Yessir, adventurer, if you’re looking for Welf Crozzo armor…”

  “Eh?!”

  “Right here.”

  Swish. He picks up the box and slides it onto the counter in front of me.