The Opposite of Never

by Mary Kathleen Mehuron

  Zelda and Spencer still held on to each other, but Kenny separated himself from them a bit and planted his feet. He announced, “Zelda’s getting tired, but she would like to ask one more thing. We are going to lower the casket into the grave and close the vault.” He pointed to his left. “There’s a shovel by the pile of excavated dirt. She’d like each person to take a shovelful and throw it over the vault. As we do it, she’d like us all to sing ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow.’ I think we all know the words; we old folks grew up on that movie.”

  Linda tried to start the song off for everyone in the key of G. She knew her voice would boom over the others, but the men wouldn’t be able to sing at all if she started it out too high. She belted out the word “some” in the low part of her register. The others did their best to join her and put as much feeling as they could muster into their serenade.

  Kenny got down into the dirt grave and Rolland handed him the beautiful box with the remains of Zelda’s baby in it. When he laid it into the cement vault, all the women present let out a rasping wail and the song ended abruptly. Because Zelda had asked for this, they started again on the second line and kept on, nearly shouting through their sobs.

  Rolland was conscious of the scraping sound the shovel made as he dug it into the pile of dirt. He threw the soil in and looked down. The small cement shelter was perhaps the saddest thing he had ever seen. When he handed off the wooden handle to his wife, he struggled not to well up. Because Yvonne was the nearest to him, hers was the voice that he heard above all the others. He had never loved her more than he did at this moment, in her off-key, but very loud attempt to keep the music going. As she threw her spade full in, she bellowed with all her might.

  Linda took her turn next, and she and Yvonne quickly embraced. It was as if they were infusing each other with the fortitude to bury Zelda’s Carter and help everyone involved. Through a kind of unspoken pact, they agreed the only one who was allowed to fall apart was Zelda. As Linda worked at her turn with the dirt, the two of them forcefully got through the next few lines.

  “Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, thaaaaat’s where you’ll fiiind me.”

  In that moment, the older folks honestly felt if they tried hard enough they could melt Zelda’s troubles like lemon drops. They hoped the lyrics and the sheer effort they put into this song would deliver the girl from a pitifully low point in her life. They were experienced enough to know someday soon she would be up again. On her best days, she might even feel like she was soaring high above the chimney tops.

  The group emphasized the lyrics to express to Zelda that she was vivacious and young and beautiful. They were proclaiming to her that she had her whole life ahead of her. In their fervor, they greatly exaggerated the rhythm of the song. The men were so lost in the moment that they bobbed their heads on the downbeat.

  The group finished with a surprisingly well-executed crescendo. When the last note died out, all that remained was the scraping sound as Kenny and Spencer took their turn in completing the burial. The two most important men in Zelda’s life spent many intense minutes shoveling until they were fatigued. Finally, the crowd stood in silence, holding their breath, as Spencer held out the shovel to Zelda. “Here Zel, it’s time to say goodbye.”

  As she dug into the mound of soil she thought, I never got a chance to say hello.

  Twenty-Three

  “One is easily fooled by that which one loves.”

  —Moliere

  It was early morning, and Margot had unexpectedly stopped by Georgia’s house as she was headed for work. She sat across from Georgia at the kitchen table and glared at her. Georgia was still in her pajamas and was startled when Margot walked in, but she recovered quickly and offered her a cup of tea.

  As more of a social convention than genuine interest, Margot asked how things were going. Georgia told her about the baby’s funeral the day before. Her daughter’s response was abrasive: “It’s not like it was a real baby. She didn’t even know it.”

  “Maybe since you weren’t with us, it’s hard to understand how horrible it’s all been. Zelda suffered a horse kick to the abdomen so traumatic it ripped her body inside and killed her baby. She almost bled to death and she’s trying to deal with horrible pain without narcotics. She’s devastated. It’s been hard on all of us watching her go through it.”

  “But, it’s over now, isn’t it? It has a happy ending. She’s getting better, has a terrific boyfriend by her side, and friends who rallied around her. You’ll feel better in a few days, Mom. Can we please talk about something else?”

  “The funeral was yesterday, Margot. I may need more than a few days to get over it. Would you like another cup of tea?”

  Margot nodded, and Georgia went over to the sink to put more water in her blue enamel kettle. She looked though the double window over her white porcelain sink out at her garden. While it was still beautiful, it was getting overgrown. She used to do the pruning herself, but the plantings got bigger, she got older, and the weeding and cutting plants back got away from her. She resolved to call Rolland about hiring someone to get it under control. I have to start thinking about getting this house ready to put on the market. Kenny’s application for subdivision had been approved. There’s so much work to do before I can even think about moving. Georgia was staring, thinking hard, when Margot spoke.

  “I came here to discuss a problem, Mom.”

  Georgia was still facing away but suddenly she was listening carefully, her senses on high alert. She scrunched her face up in a grimace wondering, How much more angst can I take today? Margot has asked me for money twice this month. She is twenty-six years old. It’s time for her to stand on her own two feet.

  Georgia put the kettle on the stove to boil and then sat back down across from her daughter trying to steady her breath. Dolly Parton came over and put her head in Georgia’s lap. After stroking the scruff of her neck for a while, she inched her away, and her good girl lay down by her feet.

  “Mom, I have a letter here from Dad that I want you to read. And I want you to understand what he expresses in it is the same thing he told me over and over all the time. Especially when he was feeling . . . sentimental.”

  “When he’d had a few drinks, you mean.”

  “Mom!”

  “Well, let’s be honest, at least.”

  “I’d like for you to read it.”

  “All right.” Georgia reached for the envelope. Enclosed was a large and ornate birthday card with plenty of space to write inside. Every available inch was covered in Jack’s handwriting. It took her breath away to see it. She fingered the fabric of her collar and let out a sob.

  “What?”

  “Seeing his handwriting brings it all back.”

  “I know.”

  It read, “Happy birthday Margs, my darling. I want you to know the day you were born was one of the happiest of my life. Of course, I love your brothers, too, but there is something special about having a little girl. A father immediately wants to protect her and provide for her, that’s just instinct. Even though you are a grown woman now, I still feel the same way. You will never stop being my little princess. I’ve worked very hard to get to a place of financial stability. Frankly, I don’t want you to have to work as hard as I did. I got ahead of the game so you can start out ahead. You have important moments coming up in your life—a wedding, buying your first house, children, and then educating those children. You can count on me to help you. As long as I live, you can lean on me.”

  Georgia was struck by the fact she hadn’t been mentioned at all. He talked about the day Margot was born as if she had been dropped off by the stork instead of being squeezed out of Georgia’s body after thirty-four hours of hard labor. And he worked very hard to get to a place of financial stability? It always infuriated Georgia that because Jack made more money than she did, he acted as if he were the sole breadwinner. How many times had she pointed out to him that she worked full-time and took care of t
he children and the household? She asked him to put a dollar value on the hours she put in every week on housework alone. Until the day he died, she’d washed and folded his clothes. He literally didn’t know how to use their vacuum. Georgia reined in her disappointment and tried to return her thoughts to Margot.

  “That’s a lovely card, honey.”

  “Yes, but you see what I mean?”

  “It’s early. I’m barely awake. Why don’t you just tell me what you mean?”

  “You get kind of bent out of shape when I ask you to help me make ends meet, but that’s what Dad wanted.”

  “I don’t think that’s true. He wanted you to have a real career and learn to be prudent. He wanted you to be a strong independent woman.”

  “I have a job, Mom.”

  “You went to Duke University to the tune of sixty thousand dollars a year.”

  “That was including my apartment.”

  “It all counts, Margot. I’m still paying off some of the loans. And you’re making what at your job? Fifteen thousand a year as a barista? Of all the jobs out there you have chosen to make coffee as a way to try to make a living. You are only on the schedule thirty hours a week. There are no benefits at all. We all worked very hard for you to get into a good school. You earned your business degree and you did very well in college. It’s time to use that credential and get more challenging work.”

  “Dad clearly said he didn’t want me to have to work as hard as he did. He told me that many times.”

  “I don’t think he meant for you to have a job that pays minimum wage. And there is a second factor in play here. There are many ways you could cut back on your expenses, Margot. There is no reason for you to be driving around in such an expensive car. How did you even get the down payment for something like that?”

  Margot lowered her eyes to the top of the table, a gesture Georgia understood immediately to mean that her father had given it to her without Georgia’s knowledge. “Oh, I see.” Georgia’s face flushed bright red.

  Just then, the kettle squealed with a blast of steam. Georgia grabbed both their cups off the table and set about brewing them another round of English breakfast tea. She took her time, as she was trying to conceal her flushed face and the tempest of emotion that was roiling inside of her. When she sat down, she squared herself across from her daughter. “You go out to dinner every night. In fact, it looks like you eat all your meals out. If you shopped at the supermarket, you would save a ton.”

  “I don’t go out every night.” Margot had raised her voice. Dolly Parton pointed her nose in Margot’s direction and let out a low growl.

  “It’s all right, girl,” Georgia patted her dog. “Who do you think has been paying your credit card bills?”

  “Oh.” Margot colored. “I thought Dad’s partner was doing that.”

  “Your father has been dead almost a year. We can’t continue to take advantage of his old business and continue counting on John’s help and kindness. He’s been terrific in getting the affairs in order. That’s as much as we can ask. Besides, that credit card was for emergencies, not to subsidize a lavish lifestyle. Look, I wish we weren’t having this conversation right now because I’m tired, but I would have had to bring it up sooner or later. I can’t afford to continue paying out money like this. You kids will close soon on the camp. That will leave you each with almost seventy thousand dollars, and that’s a big windfall for someone still in their twenties. I hope you put it in the bank and add to it until you have enough for a down payment on a house or a condo maybe. In any case, from now on, you have to handle your own bills.”

  “This is exactly what I have been worried about.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes, Dad said I was special to him.” She held her quivering chin up confrontationally. “I want to see Dad’s will.”

  “Other than the camp, I am the only heir. His will is none of your business.”

  “Then, I am going to hire a lawyer.”

  Now, Georgia was the one who had raised her voice, “For what?” Dolly Parton jumped to her four feet alert and bared her teeth at Margot.

  “I’m going to sue you for the right to read the will and to be sure he didn’t leave anything else to me.”

  “This is real life, Margot, not a bad television movie. If you were named in the will, you would already know about it. What do your brothers say about this?”

  “I don’t care what they have to say. Dad said I was special. He wanted to pay for my wedding. My first house. My children’s education. He never mentioned my brothers.”

  Georgia knew if she didn’t get out of there that very minute, she would say things she couldn’t take back, so she pointedly looked at the clock and told Margot, “I have to meet Linda.” This was true; they had set a time to go hiking. “I have to change my clothes and run.” Unable to conceal her disgust she sarcastically added, “By the way, to hire a lawyer you have to pay a retainer and that costs thousands of dollars. I’d suggest Gary Wilmore, he’s very good.” With that, she stormed to her room with Dolly following at her heels. She changed and grabbed her car keys and her dog’s leash. When she went back in the kitchen, Margot had her head stuck in the refrigerator foraging for food. Georgia barked at her child, “Keep your hands off my sliced turkey.”

  “What?” Margot stood up straight as she closed the door and turned toward her mother with widened eyes.

  “Keep your hands off my food. I’m leaving.” With that, she got into her car and tore off toward the trailhead at Barmy River State Park.

  Twenty-Four

  “Some people go to priests; others to poetry;

  I to my friends.”

  —Virginia Woolf

  Linda, I’m sorry I’m late.”

  “No problem. I always keep my Kindle in my pack. I’ve got a good book going, so I just read in my car.”

  “You won’t believe what just happened. I can hardly breathe. Let’s start walking; it will help me to calm down.” Georgia gulped in the balmy air swirling around them as she plodded ahead with her Aussie in tow.

  Linda searched for something to say to break the tense silence that followed, “I bet this fog will lift by the time we get to the summit.”

  “That will be great, but to tell the truth, I’m afraid that I’m so upset that I’ll hardly notice. What I need right now is the exercise to burn off my anger.”

  They crossed a long wooden bridge that spanned the length of a vast beaver pond. Both of them, in tacit agreement, remained absolutely silent. Many a time they had seen moose standing in the water and grazing on the succulent wetlands’ quillwort, which looked like tall grass. On one startling occasion, they had come across a wolf mother and her litter drinking at the edge. Always prepared, Linda had stopped, dipped into her pack for a camera, taken a video of the canine family, and posted it online. Over two hundred people had commented on it.

  The second they stepped off the far end of the bridge, Georgia released Dolly Parton to run free and started talking. “Margot showed up at my door this morning with a letter from Jack. In it, he told her he was always going to take care of her and he really didn’t want her to work too hard. I had already found out he had been paying her credit card bill, but it came out today, during our conversation, that he gave her the down payment for her car. I was floored! Jack died right after she bought it, so I guess I didn’t have time to give the purchase too much thought. Although it makes sense, she practically works for minimum wage. How else could she afford it? Anyway, and you are not going to believe this, she told me she was going to hire an attorney.”

  “An attorney? Why?”

  “To sue me for the right to read Jack’s will. She thinks he left her money and I’m stealing it from her.”

  “That bitch.” The minute Linda said it she clapped her hands over her mouth and her eyes bugged out. “Oh, I’m so sorry Georgia! It just popped out.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I know! Thank God, we are out here climbing. I’m so unnerved I h
ave got to keep moving.” Georgia got a bit winded when they reached a steep part of the trail, but they continued to pant up the hill. “The worst part to me . . . Linda, you must promise you won’t tell anybody about it, ever . . .”

  “Georgia, if we both start telling each other’s’ secrets, we will have to leave town.” They giggled at the truth in what Linda just said and stopped walking long enough to hug. When they started hiking again, Linda quickly gave her a few extra pats on the back.

  “Margot made a point of telling me she deserved more than her brothers because her relationship with her father was so much more special. My daughter is threatening to sue me and throw her siblings under the bus. Who does she think she is? Apparently this is my fault. Everyone blames the mother.”

  “Georgia, honey, this is only happening because Jack died. Margot was Daddy’s girl.”

  “Linda, I think what happened today takes ‘Daddy’s girl’ to a new and very unhealthy level.” Linda was below Georgia on the trail and when Georgia pivoted around abruptly, Linda had to catch herself from falling backward. “She’s my daughter, too.”

  “Yes,” Linda agreed although she was still getting her footing. She wasn’t sure where Georgia was headed with this statement. “She is.”

  “It’s not too late. I can help Margot and eventually heal this betrayal over. All the kids are going to realize a large sum of money when the camp closes. I intend to guide them. They need to use it wisely, and when I sell my house, I have to lead the way into our new life. It’s not smooth, it’s not easy, but it’s up to me. This is my family.”