The Place Beyond Her Dreams

by Oby Aligwekwe

  “Oh my goodness!” I exclaimed. “Thank God we didn’t run over him.”

  “This is so ridiculous. There is so much unlawfulness in this town. I hope you’re ok,” he said, sighing deeply and turning the steering to get back on the road.

  * * *

  We arrived at Ntebe at the perfect time of day. The sky was streaked with orange clouds that created a beautiful hue on the buildings and the trees. The air, though still stuffy from the remnants of the smoke from the riots, held a promise of rain. I couldn’t wait for it to finally come and wash away the residue. Ifedi and my grandmother were waiting at the gate. My grandmother had bags under her eyes, and she appeared dreadfully worried. I knew she would have been trying to reach me. The phone lines had been destroyed by the violent youth. She knew Albert was on his way to pick me up, but she still had her heart in her mouth as she waited anxiously for us to return. When she saw the car driving into the compound, she ran towards us and gave me a big hug soon after I stepped out.

  “Thank God,” she sighed, throwing her hands in the air while she performed a small dance. She twisted her waist slowly from side to side before a sad look registered on her face. “Did you see what happened at the boundary?”

  I nodded, too tired to speak.

  Albert answered for me.

  “Terrible devastation. They have arrested the culprits.”

  “Well, I hope they deal with them thoroughly this time. This sort of thing needs to stop happening,” my grandmother responded.

  “The youths are just pawns used by the greedy landowners to advance their selfish interests. Someone has to clip their wings, and I’ll make sure I discuss this with Father,” Albert said.

  “I would like to see your father take care of that before things get out of control. Things have really deteriorated since my dear husband passed,” she added in a deeply emotional tone. “He and the other chiefs had a way of handling our Ntebe youths to prevent them from going haywire. I don’t know what our village head is doing to curtail this problem.”

  “It will require a joint effort between Ide and Ntebe. We’ll form a task force to resolve this, and if that doesn’t work, we may have to involve the federal government.”

  My grandmother nodded her head in agreement. “Come inside. I thank God for bringing my children back safely,” she said, flinging her hands in the air.

  As Albert opened the trunk to bring out my luggage, Okem stepped inside the compound.

  “Okem, you’re home,” I said excitedly, tears welling up in my eyes.

  He greeted Albert cordially with no trace of jealousy or resentment. Ifedi and Okem took my bags inside, and I gestured to Albert to come in.

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “You won’t even try the goat meat pepper soup I prepared for you?” my grandmother asked, sounding sorely disappointed.

  “No. I have to get home and let Mother know I’m alright. I’m sure she’s worried right about now.”

  “Oh. I understand,” my grandmother responded. “Please send my regards to her.”

  “I will.”

  My grandmother walked into the house, and I waited behind to wish Albert goodnight. Just before he got in his car, he lowered his head and kissed me lightly on the lips. My heartbeat increased, and a warm feeling swept through my entire frame, leaving me breathless.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, as I struggled to avoid his gaze.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  “Have a good night.”

  “You too.”

  I waited until he drove past the gate before I slowly walked into the house, struggling to drag my mind back from the countless thoughts passing through it. I didn’t know what to make of the kiss, but I was happy to be home safely with the people I loved. There was no better feeling in the world than that.

  * * *

  I headed straight for my room, arriving as Okem and Ifedi were just dropping my bags.

  “Can you excuse us for a moment?” Okem said to Ifedi.

  Ifedi did not immediately oblige his request. At first, she hissed, and with a grimace, she lugged one of my bags on the bed and slowly started taking out one item after another, pulling a chuckle from me.

  “Just a moment please,” Okem repeated.

  “Don’t stay too long,” she said, when she finally responded. “I also need to spend time with Ona. I haven’t seen her in so long. Besides, dinner is ready. Five minutes max!”

  I continued to watch the spectacle with amusement. It was unlike Ifedi to be so authoritative, but I guessed she felt it was her right to make sure I wasn’t left alone in a room with a man, even if that man was Okem. Who could blame her? She had been with me for so long that at times she forgot I wasn’t a small child anymore and didn’t need her to protect me.

  As soon as she left, Okem pulled me to a corner and looked at me with steely eyes. His Adam’s apple bounced up and down as he swallowed a few times.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Are you going to marry that guy?”

  “Albert?” I asked, surprised. “I’m not sure. Why do you ask? He hasn’t even asked me.”

  “He hasn’t?”

  “Well, he has once alluded to that. Something about wanting me by his side. But no. He hasn’t asked me.”

  Okem heaved a sigh of relief.

  “Well then. If Albert asks you, will you say yes?” He was staring into my eyes, waiting eagerly for an answer.

  I didn’t want to deal with the barrage of questions Okem was throwing at me—I was yet to recover from my trip. One part of me wanted to assuage his fears, and another wanted to ask him to leave me alone. He was wearing me out with his questioning, but I chose to take the high road and remain calm.

  “Will you say yes?” he repeated, sounding a little defeated this time.

  “I don’t know,” I whined. “I’m not sure. I’ll wait till he asks.”

  “I thought you loved me. Why would you even consider him?”

  I had never heard Okem use that word to describe my feelings for him. I know we admired each other very much, and that admiration had changed dramatically over the years. But love? Did he really say that? Out loud? I stared at him as a combination of rational and irrational thoughts floated through my head. I had loved Okem like a friend. Indeed, our love had since grown to become so much more. It had grown to something I couldn’t explain, and until now, I had never felt pressured to attach a label to it. What did he expect me to say? I knew for sure he was trying to force me to decide between him and Albert. I couldn’t even decide what dress to wear for a party, or what to eat for dinner—how could I choose between two men?

  I looked up a few seconds later, and he was still standing there, willing me to answer. Starting to feel weak in the knees, my heart blurted, I love you Okem, though my lips remained shut. I loved him from the bottom of my heart, but I had to be sensible. We were classes apart, and I never imagined that the love I had for him could truly turn into something romantic. He had kissed me once when I was feeling a bit naughty. And I must admit that I felt a little something then. Actually, what I felt was more significant than I described. It was amazing. This happened right before the last semester of school. The kiss had lingered in my mind for months. And since I hadn’t imagined that spending my life with him was a practical option, I had brushed it off as quickly as it had happened. My grandmother would never allow me to marry Okem, so why bother? She was already making plans to become in-laws to Albert’s parents. It didn’t matter to her that Albert hadn’t asked me to marry him. She believed the friendship she’d built with his parents over the months was a sign that we were meant for each other.

  As I deliberated our plight, Okem grabbed me by the waist and brushed his lips softly against mine before kissing me fervently. I did not have the strength to resist him, so I kissed him back with butterflies in my stomach and light bulbs flashing through my mind. It felt like my head would explode. Nothing
could compare to the feelings Okem’s kiss erupted in me. It felt magical and out of this world.

  He released my waist as we heard a knock on the door, and Ifedi walked in.

  “Ifedi,” I gasped and looked around for a bit of distraction, anything to hide my embarrassment. I was convinced she could see through me.

  “Okay, time is up. Come and eat, both of you,” she announced, acting completely oblivious. I wondered if the look on her face was plain pretense or just annoyance. She had a habit of listening through doors, so I didn’t doubt she’d been privy to our entire discussion.

  We both walked silently behind her like two lambs to the slaughter. As soon as we were out of the room, I glanced at Okem. The look on his face was a combination of triumph and euphoria.

  Chapter Eight

  I CONTINUED TO see Albert during that break, although I couldn’t quell thoughts of Okem—a consequence of our most recent kiss. The kiss opened my eyes to my true feelings for him—feelings that continued to grow to the point that he occupied both my waking and sleeping thoughts. I was miserable and confused with Okem constantly on my mind. Anyone could see that whatever was bothering me affected the progress of my relationship with Albert. After Ifedi commented on my dilly-dallying between two men, I started to avoid Okem to allow room for my relationship with Albert to grow. Since my relationship with Albert was still the more practical option, it provided me with the justification I needed to erase the feelings of guilt that were cropping up in my head because of how I treated Okem. Soon, I began to anticipate the comfort a marriage to Albert would afford me. But that didn’t reduce the pain I felt from missing Okem. Until that kiss, I had never seen Okem as more than a best friend. Well, who was I kidding? The truth was that for a while, Okem and I had been inseparable, and everyone who knew us could tell that from a mile away.

  Albert always hated my relationship with Okem. He couldn’t understand why despite the difference in our status, our bond of friendship was stronger than any he’d ever seen. He could feel Okem’s love for me. I could tell from his jealous tantrums. What I couldn’t imagine was how he would feel if he understood the depth of my own feelings for Okem.

  * * *

  Two weeks into my holiday, Okem marched towards me while I was curled up on the sofa in the parlor.

  “I’m tired of you ignoring me,” he said in a baritone, a dull expression clouding his perfectly sculpted face.

  “How did you come to the conclusion that I was ignoring you?” I’d asked, rolling my eyes.

  “I just know. Anyway, I came to tell you that I’m leaving home.”

  Instantly, my nonchalance turned to fear, my thoughts flew in every direction, and my heart almost rushed into my mouth. I hated to imagine what would happen if Okem followed through with his threat.

  “Where will you go?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. Anywhere but here.”

  “You shouldn’t. This is your home,” I retorted, trying hard to hide my discomfort. “My grandma will be devastated.”

  “What about you? Will you be devastated?”

  I turned my head away from him and looked into the distance.

  “Will you?” he repeated. “You can’t even give me a straight answer.”

  “Don’t go, Okem,” I blurted.

  “I have to. I can’t bear the thought of you marrying that guy. I have to go out there and try to create something I can be proud of.”

  “Why? Okem Don’t go,” I pleaded. “I’ll—”

  “You’ll what?” he asked, kneeling before me and looking up to my forlorn face. “Will you miss me? Come with me.”

  My heart was in my mouth, and I realized I couldn’t let him go. At the sound of the doorbell, he sprung to his feet and walked out of the room. Ifedi appeared out of nowhere to get the door. I shook my head in confusion just as Albert walked in.

  “Did I meet you at a bad time?” Albert asked.

  “No,” I lied, staring out of the window, my blank eyes not really seeing the beautiful garden within my view.

  Albert took my hand and led me to my grandfather’s study.

  “It doesn’t seem like nothing,” he said. “You seem terribly upset. Hey, I have some news for you. Maybe that will cheer you up. I’ll be joining father next month in his business in Ide. I decided to stay home rather than constantly shuttling back and forth to Ajidi. That’s how much I want to be near you.”

  I smiled through pursed lips. At least someone is staying, I thought to myself.

  “Are you happy about the news?” Albert asked.

  “I’m happy,” I said, looking into his eyes, and forcing another smile.

  “You don’t look at all happy.”

  “I’m just feeling tired.”

  “Sorry to hear that. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you, but I wanted to wait until I had concluded this business matter with my father. Now, there’s no reason for me to wait any longer.”

  My heart fluttered. I thought I knew what this was all about, but I couldn’t be so sure. I heard Ifedi skittering around the door, and when I turned, she acted as though she was searching for something and then left soon after. Albert grabbed the handle and gently closed the door, but I was sure Ifedi had her ear pressed against the wall, waiting to hear what Albert was about to say.

  “Will you marry me, Ona?” Albert asked after a few seconds had elapsed.

  I was sort of expecting him to ask me, but I was still stunned by his directness.

  “You don’t have to answer now,” he declared before I had time to speak. “Think about it and let me know tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” I said, a little discomfort seeping through my tone.

  “Take some time to think about it and let me know. When I see you’re ready, I’ll make a formal proposal, until then just know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  I loved Albert, but I didn’t think I could say anything to him until I had sorted out my feelings for Okem.

  * * *

  After Albert left, I stood still pondering everything that had just happened. A few minutes later, Ifedi rushed into the study with a sheepish grin on her face.

  “Do you love him then? Will you marry him?” she asked.

  I stared at her and refused to respond.

  A moment passed before she asked another question.

  “What about Okem?”

  “Okem? What about him?” I eyed her furtively.

  “Do you love him? Will you marry him if he asks?”

  “Hmm... marriage? I haven’t thought about that. I don’t know how people will feel about me marrying someone of a lower status than me. They will think I have no taste. They will castigate me and wonder why I gave up comfort for... did you hear that?”

  I shot up as I heard a rustle behind the door.

  “Go on,” Ifedi urged me.

  “What was that? I could have sworn something moved behind that door.”

  “It could be the servant setting dinner. Don’t worry about it. What were you saying? Do you prefer Albert, then?”

  “No. Despite that little hitch and the fact that I have to convince my grandmother to let me marry Okem, I don’t think there’s any other person on this earth for me besides him.”

  “Really?” She asked wide-eyed.

  I nodded, my gaze absently wandering all over her face.

  “How can you say that? Albert is more than suitable. What is wrong with you Ona? Why can’t you make a simple rational decision? You’re not a child anymore.”

  As she spoke, my mind floated between Okem and Albert before an uneasy feeling overcame me, and I sighed to release the pent up emotion.

  “What?” she continued, shaking her head fiercely. “What do you have to say about what I just told you?”

  “I agree. Albert is wonderful, but I’ve just realized Okem is my soul mate!”

  My eyes welled up with tears the moment I said those words.

  “Really?” Ifedi shrieked, looking arou
nd as though seeking confirmation for what she had just heard.

  “Yes! He’s the one I want to come home to every night. I want to tell him all my secrets, and I want to bear all his children...a dozen, if God will allow me.” I stopped and put my hands on my chest to control the heaving as I came to that final realization. “Okem is the one I love. It’s always been Okem. He doesn’t have to leave after all. And if he insists, I’ll just go with him. I’ll head down to his room right now and tell him how I feel.”

  Ifedi’s jaw dropped as I pranced out of the room following my announcement.

  I ran past the living room and through the entire hallway to Okem’s bedroom at the north end of the house overlooking the yard where the gardener reared his goats. As I approached, I called his name, “Okem... Okem,” as I usually did. Most times, he would abandon what he was doing and run down the hall when he heard me approaching, but all I heard this time were echoes of my voice, and then silence. When I got closer, the door to his room was slightly open. I looked inside and his bed was bare. I looked around the room; it was stripped of any sign of life. When I looked behind me, Ifedi seemed just as stunned as I was as she stared at the empty room.

  “What happened?” I asked Ifedi, as though she must know.

  She shook her head twice. “He must have heard you.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t know,” she said demurely, throwing her hands up in the air. “He was... He must have been listening at the door.”

  “And so what? I said he was my world.”

  I was trembling and gasping for air. Tears stung my eyes and rolled down my cheeks while I stumbled towards his bed and plopped down. “I said he was my soul mate,” I repeated, grabbing my stomach.

  “I don’t think he heard that part. If you recall, we heard the rustle behind the door after you said he belonged to a different class. He must have left then.”

  “What?” I screeched.

  I felt as though someone had taken a dagger and pushed it into my heart. The pain was deeper than anything I had ever felt in my lifetime. It was deeper than the pain I felt when my parents forced me to move in with my grandparents. It was even deeper than the pain of when my grandfather left our world. Everything seemed to be at a standstill. No movement from the leaves on the mango trees outside, even with the heavy wind. No movement from Ifedi, who always knew how to calm me down. No movement from the birds who had been fluttering outside the window just a moment ago and no flutter at the gate to indicate Okem’s return. It was as though the entire world had frozen because my own heart had grown cold.