The Place Beyond Her Dreams

by Oby Aligwekwe

  “You make a good point. And you say Albert has found nothing?”

  “Nothing so far.”

  “That’s serious then, Ona. Knowing Albert, he would have used the best available resource for his search. If that did not produce any results, then Okem must be seriously lost. In that case, it’s your responsibility to find him.”

  I sat upright to improve my focus as I came to the sudden realization that I may have neglected my responsibility towards Okem.

  “I’ll ask Albert again,” I said, trying my best to sound calmer than I was feeling. “The problem is, he shuts down whenever I bring up Okem. I’ll try again, though.”

  Amah shook her head. “Albert may not be your best bet, for obvious reasons. If this is so important to you, I’d say you should try to find Okem on your own.”

  “When he first disappeared, I actually thought about hiring a private investigator to look for him,” I confided.

  “Hian!” Amah exclaimed. “Do you think we’re in a Hollywood movie? Which money would you have used then to hire a private investigator? You were still a student when Okem left. And since graduating, you’ve proudly refused to accept any pocket money from your parents. To add to that, you’re not working yet, and you don’t get an income until you resume your new role, and even then, e get as e be.”

  “I have some money set aside. I don’t think it’s a big deal.”

  “Save your money for a rainy day. I can ask my Uncle in Ajidi to help. He can ask the Ntebe people there if anyone has heard of Okem. Believe me, I’m sure he’s hiding somewhere in Ajidi. That’s where all the runaways go.”

  “Don’t talk about Okem like that,” I chided.

  “Okay o,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Seriously, my uncle is your best bet. Do you have a picture of Okem? I can send it to him, and he can contact you directly if he finds anything since I may soon be leaving for London.”

  “Thank you so much Amah. I’d really appreciate that. Hmm! With all this talk about London, I hope you’ll be around for the wedding.”

  “You should know by now that I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said with a smirk.

  “I believe you, but make sure you get someone before you leave,” I teased.

  “Why do I need to?” she scoffed. “There are many fishes in the part of the Atlantic that crosses the United Kingdom.”

  “But your parents will like you to marry an Ntebe man. What about that boy you’re seeing? The one that just moved back from the states?”

  Amah chuckled.

  “That one? Do you know what he said to me the other day?”

  “What?” I asked, adjusting myself on the bed.

  “That if I like we can do it.”

  “Do what?” I asked, laughing and pounding my fists on the pillow when I finally understood what she meant. “Amah, please don’t kill me!”

  “Ehen. That’s the one you want me to stake my life on. Please, I want a prince like Albert. I’m sure Albert doesn’t ask you to ‘do it.’ If he did, I’d have known by now.”

  * * *

  Amah kept her end of the bargain and contacted her Uncle in Ajidi on my behalf. He sent me updates at intervals, but the search revealed nothing for weeks. The last time I heard from him, he had concluded that Okem could not be in Ajidi at all. The other alternative he offered was that he had either changed his name to stay anonymous or had died a while ago. I refused to believe that Okem was dead. Had that been the case, I would have felt it in my soul. Our hearts were still intertwined.

  * * *

  One month to the wedding, Albert invited me to dinner. It was in June, the weekend after the Children’s Day celebration. He agreed to pick me up early so we could avoid driving home in the dark. The boundary clashes had subsided, although there were still rumors of robbers and ne’er-do-wells in the streets. I took some time to apply my makeup, hoping to impress him as I hadn’t seen him in days. He had visited the day before but missed me by a few minutes. Ifedi had seen him and accepted the dinner invitation on my behalf.

  Albert took me to a lavish restaurant on the outskirts of Ide. He looked adorable in casual pants with a simple t-shirt and a jacket. I had on a fitted navy-blue dress, gold accessories, and red sandals. The wait staff were courteous, serving course after course of tasty dishes. For entrée, I had a pasta dish with an assortment of seafood and vegetables, and we also tried the popular nkwobi entrée.

  While we ate, Albert regaled me with stories about the fires he had to put out as he slowly took on the affairs of the kingdom, and I shared the progress I had made with the wedding planning. A man and a woman walked hand-in-hand into the restaurant, and the man reminded me a little bit of Okem, especially as he kissed the lady on her forehead before he took his seat. They sat two tables away from us. Out of curiosity, I glanced in their direction at intervals, innocently pondering their status—if they were married, dating, or if they were just friends. I guessed I had glanced one too many times when Albert cleared his throat.

  “Why do you keep looking at those two?” he asked with creased brows, his eyes piercing through mine.

  “I don’t know. It’s just...” I said, shaking my head.

  “Then focus,” he said, slowly pointing his middle and index fingers back and forth at eye level.

  “I’m sorry. That guy reminded me of Okem. I can’t say what it is exactly, but when they first came in, I thought I’d seen a ghost.”

  Albert was quiet from then on. I realized something had gone terribly wrong when he grabbed my hand forcefully and walked into his room when we got to the palace.

  “You embarrassed me today,” he said, the moment he shut the door behind us.

  “How?” I asked, stunned by his accusation.

  “What was the point of that stupid display at the restaurant—behaving like a common tart? All because of that vagabond you insult my status,” Albert berated me. “After everything I’ve done for you? After all this time since Okem left, not to mention our engagement that captivated the whole kingdom, you dare to bring up your servant boy as though I, Albert, am of no consequence.”

  “What the—”

  The words were barely out of my mouth before his hand flung forward and landed on my left cheek. The cracking sound and the vibrations, starting from my temple and spreading all the way to my jaw, left me in a senseless daze. I stared at him wide-eyed as my hand slowly swept across my stinging face.

  “Albert,” I screamed, as a rage crept through my body.

  “Shut up, or I’ll do worse than slap you,” he hissed as his entire body shook.

  I froze to the spot, unable to cry as I tried to make sense of the attack. The only evidence that I was alive was the sound of my heart thumping in my chest, threatening to burst. I had never experienced such fury, not from him, my father, my grandfather, Okem, or any male I’d ever encountered. As he spoke, he pointed angrily at me. I remained still to avoid further assault. At the time I did not think to flee, I could not think anything. All I wanted was to understand the reason for the outburst. It had to have been for much more than the incident at the restaurant since the Albert I knew would never resort to using his strength to subdue a woman.

  “Don’t you have any shame? How can you, my fiancée, engage someone to look for a man, one that used to be your help? Don’t you have respect?”

  He spat his words as his eyes bored through mine. As I opened my mouth to respond, he threw a brown envelope, identical to the one Amah’s uncle used to mail the results of his search for Okem at my feet. When Albert visited our home the day before, Ifedi, had accidentally handed him my mail when she gave him the RSVPs. A fatal error, only I didn’t realize how fatal such an error could be until then. My head still reeling from the slaps I received, I picked up the envelope and slowly walked to the door.

  “If it weren’t for me, you’d be nothing,” Albert continued. “His own family is so poor they discarded him for your grandfather to train. He may have lived under the same roof a
s you, eaten the same food as you, and learned some manners along the way, but he was always and will always be a nonentity. Your status as my bride to be has elevated you beyond what you can ever comprehend, and you dare sully that by mentioning that degenerate in my presence? Don’t you ever insult me like that again! Remember, you caused this. If you hadn’t brought him up, none of this would have happened. Come let me drop you off!”

  I walked behind him on the way to the garage. After we got into the car, he paused with his hand on the ignition and sighed. I could feel the heat coming from him, and I was sure he could hear my elevated heartbeat. We rode in silence until he pulled into my grandmother’s gate.

  “Goodnight,” he said, in a voice so soft and calm, that no one could have guessed what he had just put me through.

  I shut the door quietly without responding. As soon as I stepped into the house, hot tears ran down my face. What just happened? I asked myself repeatedly. The throbbing in my cheeks told me it was real. I held my face, which by then was devoid of any feeling as it had grown numb from the assault, and walked to my room. What I’d just experienced left me in despair. I felt like I was falling into a deep dark hole, my internal organs strangling one another as they struggled to make their way out of my mouth. I had never wished more than I did at that moment that my grandfather was still alive to protect me.

  * * *

  I cried myself to sleep that night. In the morning, I felt raw. I thought of Okem, and then my thoughts drifted to Albert. Since Albert had never assaulted me until then, I concluded the incident was a one-off resulting from my bad behavior. Searching for Okem behind his back was bad enough. Involving the entire world in that search was belittling.

  Too ashamed about the incident, I swore not to breathe a word about it to anybody, especially not my grandmother. Telling her would mean revealing my role in the issue. I stuck to my convictions and told no one, not even Ifedi, who observed the marks on my face. I spent the rest of the day in my room to hide my distress. My grandmother left me alone. She must have thought I just needed to rest after my big date the night before.

  Albert didn’t let it pass. He came to see me in the evening. I met him in the parlor upstairs, away from the prying eyes of my grandmother.

  “I am so sorry about yesterday,” he pleaded. “Please forgive me. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “It was the devil,” I said, glaring at him.

  “What?” he asked earnestly.

  “The devil came over you.”

  He paused and knelt before me, and I looked away, disappointed he hadn’t caught the slightest hint of my sarcasm.

  “I swear,” he said, touching the tip of his lip with his index finger and pointing it to the ceiling, “that I have never ever touched another woman in my life.”

  I turned to stare at his face in astonishment. I didn’t know what I was searching for, but that last comment hurt me as deeply as his crime did. I must’ve been the worst kind of woman if someone as kind and as calm as Albert could raise his hand against me.

  “What you did drove me insane,” he continued, cutting through my reverie. “Please forgive me.”

  I remained still.

  “I won’t do it again,” he pleaded. “Please, my darling. Please forgive me.”

  “I forgive you,” I finally said when I couldn’t bear his pleading any longer.

  Although I believed the promise he made to never assault me again, the incident marred our relationship. One week later, after hours of pleading and uncountable gifts, I decided to really forgive him and blamed myself for provoking him.

  Chapter Twelve

  IT HAPPENED AGAIN. Was this my punishment for choosing status and wealth over love? Was Albert my burden to bear for driving Okem away?

  One night, after a protracted argument about something so insignificant I barely remember, Albert lifted me and threw me across my bedroom. As my head hit the wall, I became momentarily unconscious. Still dizzy when I came around, I froze until I saw him march out of the room and shut the door behind him. Realizing that what I thought was a one-off was actually a pattern of behavior, I cried until my eyes became sore.

  I lay on the floor pondering how I got myself into such a situation. An hour later, I dragged myself to the sofa and sank further into sadness. Before I knew it, I was walking along the seashore in Luenah.

  It was a particularly busy day. Familiar and unfamiliar faces roamed around, waving as they passed me by. For the first time, I noticed variations amongst the people. A number of the men and women, even the children, had a sad look about them. They looked down as they went by. Around their heads hung a wreath of dry weeds. The sorrow in their eyes caused me to briefly forget my own problems and ponder how a living being could be so bent out of shape. As I turned around the corner, my grandfather appeared and took my hand. We boarded the carriage en route to the shrine. On the way, he spoke softly to me.

  “Remember the story of Jonah.”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “God sent Jonah to prophesy against Nineveh. But Jonah had other plans. He boarded a ship to Tarshish, and God sent a mighty tempest to threaten the sea and everything in it. Jonah’s ship was at risk of destruction. His fellow mariners were afraid and did everything in their power to lighten the load in the vessel, hoping that would prevent them from drowning. When that didn’t work, they prayed to their various gods to quell the tempest and cast lots to reveal the cause of their predicament. The lot fell on none other than Jonah, which forced them to throw him into the sea where a great fish was waiting to swallow him. Jonah remained in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights. He prayed and cried to God to rescue him and promised to do God’s will if only He would honor his request. The third night, God spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.”

  My grandfather’s voice was soothing. Like a balm, it eased the pain in my aching heart.

  “Thanks for the refresher, Papa. I remember that story from my Bible study days as a kid.”

  “You’re welcome, my dear. The challenge now is for you to understand how the lesson applies to you.”

  “You read my mind. What has Jonah got to do with me?” I said, shaking my head.

  “How did you feel the first time Albert hit you?”

  “Horrible. Albert has broken my heart to pieces.”

  “Why do you think he did it?”

  “It was partly my fault. I...I hurt his feelings.”

  “Whose feelings are you responsible for, yours or his? Whose feelings matter more than anything else in this world?”

  “I...I...don’t—.”

  “Try, my dear. Whose feelings do you have control over?”

  “Mine, I guess.”

  “Good! Tell me, after everything Albert has done to you, how do you feel about yourself?”

  His questions perplexed me, but after a minute’s pause, I responded. “Less than optimal. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. Grandfather, I’m ashamed.”

  “I can see why, but you need never be ashamed of your struggle. It’s the shame, not the struggle that will consume your self-worth.”

  I shook my head, trying to make sense of what he’d just said.

  “But Papa, how could you have let him treat me that way? Couldn’t you have helped me avoid this situation? Now, all I can think about is an escape but how can I? I’ve become so entangled in this mess.”

  “You had the power of choice and self-will. I couldn’t save you from the situation. Not like you think. We all have to live with the consequences of our choices. As you know, the fact that you’re an Eri, with access to Luenah doesn’t exempt you from trouble.”

  “Am I being punished like Jonah?” I groaned. “Like Jonah, I should have known right from wrong. Papa, have I done an unforgivable thing by choosing Albert?”

  “I don’t think you fully understand, my dear. Jonah was not swallowed by the big fish as retribution for his crime. God doesn’t derive pleasure in punishing His
people. Jonah was swallowed to receive protection from the sea. Now, picture this. The belly of a whale is large. There was air. Jonah could breathe. Then, think of the alternative. If the whale had not swallowed Jonah, one of three things could have happened. He could have been swept away by a current, drowned, or been eaten by a shark. God allowed the whale to swallow Jonah, so He could protect him while He matured him. Even though he disobeyed God and stubbornly chose the path he thought would bring him happiness while ignoring directions, God still had a plan for him. Like Jonah, your entanglement with Albert does not signify the end of the road for you. Though it may sound ludicrous, you need to have faith and recognize that the situation may have arisen for your benefit. It may be God offering you protection and an opportunity to mature. What Albert did to you is an abomination, and it was not your fault, so you need to stop beating yourself up.”

  “I understand now, Papa, but I blew it. I’m sure all this has something to do with the box and the exchange it’s supposed to receive. I felt it in my heart and soul the moment Okem disappeared. Even now, I still can’t fathom what I should have given in exchange.”

  “Every choice we make has its own set of unique outcomes. You love Okem, but because you focused on pursuing what you thought would bring you happiness, you missed your chance to be with him. Even before Okem disappeared, you weren’t sure if you should give up the comfort Albert could afford you for the plain life Okem would have given you. The fact that Okem eavesdropped on your conversation is irrelevant when you consider that the exchange was completed long before that fateful day. You weren’t really sold on him, and he knew that in his soul. Exchanges have time limits. If one misses the chance to give the foremost exchange for love or duty and focuses on their quest for happiness, they must wade through life waiting and searching for the next opportunity to provide a worthy enough exchange to get them where they need to be.”

  “How long must I wait? And will things stay as they are?”

  “I can’t say, but here is an encouraging thought: We humans often miss the foremost path. Most times through our own fault and sometimes, through no fault of our own. No matter what, God will still deliver you to your destination. The subsequent paths will be more arduous than the foremost one, but regardless, you will learn all the lessons you need along the way. You may have missed your first route, but don’t panic. Remain steadfast, and you will soon get back on the right track as soon as your exchange is complete.”