by Arlene James
After carefully thinking over all he’d said and done, she had concluded that she’d been a safe first date for him after his wife’s death, a way to test his readiness to begin again. No doubt he had asked her out precisely because she could have no expectations where he was concerned. He’d been up-front about it. Besides, a man like Jake could spend time with any woman he wanted. He certainly didn’t need a plain gal like her. It was enough that her first kiss had been the stuff of legends. Even if it proved to be her only kiss, she would treasure the memory always.
After Sunday and the way that kiss had affected him, along with his tendency to act on impulse with her, Jake decided that keeping his distance would be best for both of them. It spared him temptation and her the idea that he was ready for more in a relationship than he was. He still didn’t understand what drew him to her, given how different she was from Jolene, but it didn’t matter. He was in no position to pursue any woman now, and if the garage wasn’t a success, he might never be.
As the oven that was August cooled into the slightly more tolerable temperatures of September, school started. Jake asked Ryder to take over driving Kathryn back and forth to the ranch, telling everyone who would listen that he was too busy to drive her himself. Kathryn hadn’t turned a hair. She privately accepted a check from him every Friday with downcast eyes and a silent nod of thanks. During meals, she remained quiet and subdued, saving her smiles and conversation for Tina and Frankie, who missed Tyler dreadfully during the day. Jake told himself that Kathryn was fine.
They were both fine, even if he felt hollow inside.
As September moved along without any rain, Jake’s composure felt as dry and fissured as the landscape, and his brutal work schedule—mornings and evenings on the shop, afternoons on Kathryn’s car—wasn’t helping. Kathryn’s car was slow going, mostly because he was determined to spare her every penny he could, and that meant searching out the cheapest parts and sometimes opting for used ones, which often required reconditioning.
By the second Monday of the month, he felt ready to shatter. After a couple hours of cleaning an old part, he was ready to install it, but then he realized he’d mislaid his work gloves. Those gloves gave him a sure grip and helped prevent busted knuckles. He’d taken his extras to the shop site so he didn’t have to manage those concrete blocks with bare hands. He went to his truck to see if he’d left his new gloves, or even an old pair, in there. All he found was a pair of heavy, mangled cotton gloves. Making a mental note to buy a few extra pairs of leather ones to stash around the place, he paused to think where his good leather gloves might have gotten to. Suddenly, he had a clear memory of leaving them atop his dresser.
Despite the need to avoid Kathryn, Jake quietly entered the house and climbed the stairs. Neither Kathryn nor Tina was anywhere in sight. He went first to Frankie’s room. His son napped peacefully beneath the ceiling fan in his bedroom. Jake tiptoed to his own room and found the gloves exactly where he remembered leaving them the night before. Congratulating himself on accomplishing his task without inadvertently walking into the lion’s den of Kathryn Stepp’s gentle presence, Jake slipped downstairs and headed for the back door, only to freeze when he heard Tina’s voice coming from the master bedroom.
“So he did kiss you.”
“All right, he kissed me,” Kathryn confirmed softly.
Jake had no doubt about which he the two women were speaking. He told himself not to listen, that eavesdropping was wrong and dangerous, that nothing good could come of overhearing their conversation. Like so many other times, he ignored his own best advice where Kathryn Stepp was concerned.
“I knew it!” Tina crowed. “And?”
“And what? It meant nothing.”
“Oh, please,” Tina scoffed. “I know these Smith brothers. Everything means something to them.”
“Not in this case.”
“What was it like?” Tina asked.
For several seconds, Kathryn said nothing, then she spoke again. “Unique.”
Jake frowned. Unique? His kiss was unique? What did that mean? He folded his arms and leaned his head forward slightly in the hope of hearing better.
“That’s it?” Tina prodded.
“I don’t know what to tell you. I have nothing to compare it with.”
Jake pressed back against the wall, imagining Tina’s shock.
“You’re telling me that you can’t compare Jake’s kiss to any other because you’ve never had any other?” Tina demanded.
“Jake was my first date. If you can even call it a date.”
“What do you mean?” Tina sounded indignant, almost angry. “A date is a date.”
Jake waited for Kathryn to reveal that he had tricked her into going out with him. Instead, she said, “We meant to go to a movie, but we wound up just having milkshakes.”
“Milkshakes!” Tina squawked. “What is this, 1950? Were you wearing bobby socks and a poodle skirt?”
Jake squeezed his eyes closed in a grimace. Tina was right. He hadn’t even given the woman a proper first date. Hearing Kathryn’s laughter didn’t ease his mortification one bit.
“No, I was wearing a very nice dress. You saw it. The blue one.”
“He took you for milkshakes in that?” Tina demanded. “What is wrong with him?”
Jake rather wanted to know that himself.
“It didn’t mean anything,” Kathryn said again, her voice breathy and hushed. “I think I was a safe choice for his first date since the death of his wife. That’s all.”
A safe choice? It was all Jake could do not to snort in derision.
“What a dope!” Tina exclaimed.
Kathryn ignored that, asking, “Where did Wyatt take you on your first date?” Jake got the feeling the answer was important to her.
Tina stammered for a moment. “It—it was...well, w-we...come to think of it, we didn’t actually date at all, not in the strictest sense of the word.”
“But you’ve both dated others, right? So you both knew exactly what you were looking for.”
“I dated quite a bit when I was younger, and of course, I was married before,” Tina told her. “And Wyatt, well, just look at him. I’m sure he dated lots of women before he met me, but no one ever knows exactly what or who they’re looking for, not that either of us was particularly looking for anyone. I, in fact, was definitely not looking.”
“But you must have known what you didn’t want, at least,” Kathryn pressed.
“Absolutely. I didn’t want anyone like my ex. I guess, now that I think about it, I wanted someone like my stepdad.”
“Dodd Smith.”
“That’s right.”
Kathryn seemed to consider that before slowly saying, “I don’t want anyone like my father. Beyond that...”
“Have you even known anyone else to compare your father to?” Tina asked.
“Beside the Smith brothers? Not really. Well, a little. Teachers and people like that.”
“But you haven’t been in school in years,” Tina pointed out.
“It has been a long time,” Kathryn agreed, “and I was awfully shy back then. I didn’t know anyone well.”
“Back then?” Tina chuckled. “And now?”
“Now I know you,” Kathryn pointed out, and Jake could hear the smile in her voice.
“And I know you,” Tina responded warmly. From the sound of it, they were hugging.
Jake hurried away before they discovered him. Tina was correct that Kathryn deserved much better than Jake had given her, but he didn’t dare try to offer her anything more. If he took her out again, let alone kissed her again, she’d expect more than he could give her. It wouldn’t be fair, to either of them.
Sick at heart, Jake went back to the barn, but he couldn’t concentrate on the work. He recalled how she’d looked this past Sunday in a simple gray knit dress wit
h hardly any sleeves. The knit had hugged her curves lovingly, its gently bowed neckline resting just below her pretty collarbone. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her. Memories of his “unique” kiss had kept him awake that night. It wasn’t the first time.
Suddenly, he felt as if he were drowning. The lingering heat, the frustratingly slow process of building the shop while working on Kathryn’s old car, the uncertainty of his financial future and this nameless ache inside of him poured out in a flood of frustration. He had to get away, if only for an hour or two.
Resolved, Jake returned to the house, glanced casually at Kathryn and Tina, who were preparing the evening meal, and reached for his hat.
“Sorry, ladies, I won’t be home for dinner. Tell Frankie I’ll see him soon as I get back.”
“If you’re going into Ardmore—” Tina began sharply, parking her hands at her waist.
“Not this time,” Jake interrupted apologetically. “There’s a guy with a bunch of junked cars in a gully on his place. I’m going to see what I can find there. I’ll make a run to Ardmore for you later, though.”
“Don’t bother.” Tina looked at Kathryn. “Want to take a drive into Ardmore tomorrow?”
Kathryn bowed her head, her lips clamped firmly between her teeth, but then she nodded. Tina waved a hand at Jake, dismissing him. Clearly he had sunk in his sister-in-law’s esteem. He couldn’t blame her. He wasn’t thinking too highly of himself just then.
Jamming his hat onto his head, he went out the door. A couple hours later, he had removed several small parts from the rusting jumble on a property east of town. It was almost dinnertime, and he needed to get something into his stomach. He drove into War Bonnet and walked into the diner, where he took a seat on a stool at the counter.
A vaguely familiar-looking man soon claimed the stool next to him. He smiled at Jake and said, “You’re just the fellow I’ve been wanting to see.”
Jake didn’t place the guy until he removed his hat and laid it, crown down, next to his elbow. “It’s Goodell, isn’t it? With the Cattlemen’s Association.”
“That’s right. Clark Goodell. And you’re one of the Smith brothers.”
“Jake.”
The two shook hands. The waitress dropped off glasses of water, slung menus at them and said she’d be back. Jake opened the small bill of fare, but Goodell didn’t reach for his menu, his gaze fixed on Jake.
“I hear that KKay Stepp is working for your outfit now.”
Shocked, Jake frowned at the other man. “Yeah, so?”
“I’m just wondering...is she seeing anybody?”
Ice water suddenly poured through Jake’s veins. “And what concern is that of yours?”
“Look,” Goodell said with a slight smile, “Kathryn is highly thought of around here.”
“Not surprised by that,” Jake growled.
“She was completely devoted to her mother,” Goodell went on, “but I’m told that she was seen recently at the movie theater in the company of a man.”
“And that would be your business how?”
Clark Goodell looked away. “We went to school together.”
“Okay. And?”
Goodell fixed him with an implacable gaze. “And I want to know if you or one of your brothers has a claim on her.”
It took every ounce of Jake’s willpower to keep his fists tucked beneath the counter. “My oldest brother is married.”
“So that leaves him out,” Goodell prodded. “What about you and the other one?”
Jake took a long drink of water. Looked like the joke was on him. The men around here weren’t blind and stupid, after all. For Kathryn’s sake, he was glad of it, but knowing that her options were about to explode crushed him in a way he hadn’t expected.
“She’s not seeing anyone,” Jake made himself say before draining his water glass. With that, he got up and walked out of there.
His appetite had vanished, and he was starting to feel sick to his stomach.
He had the feeling that would get worse before it got better.
Chapter Ten
Exhaustion pulled at Kathryn as she dropped down onto the sofa in her living room the next evening. After their trek to Ardmore that morning, Frankie had run rampant all afternoon. Kathryn had done her best to distract and entertain him, but Tina had finally reached the end of her tether and sent him to his room. He hadn’t even taken a nap. He’d just lain in his bed babbling some fiction about horses, dogs and talking cars. Dinner had been a tense affair, with Tyler whining about homework, Frankie pouting, Wyatt distracted with the beginning of construction of the carport and Jake silent and brooding throughout.
Kathryn was starting to think Jake resented her presence. In fact, she’d begun to wonder if she could continue as an employee at Loco Man Ranch. In answer to a pointed question from Wyatt, Jake had estimated that her car would be ready within another week or so. Kathryn had told herself that it might be best if she went back to the home care agency as soon as her car was drivable. Then she’d come home just now to find a letter from her father in her mailbox.
He warned her that he had consulted an attorney. Though declaring that he didn’t want to force her hand, he revealed that he’d had the house evaluated by a Realtor. All he was asking was that she put the house on the market—as if that wouldn’t destroy her world. Her plan to offer him monthly payments to buy out his interest in the house would be completely unworkable if she went back to the home care agency. What was she going to do? Work two jobs, perhaps? If she could find two jobs around here.
She needed to work up some numbers, but before she could do that, a knock sounded on her door. Her heart in her throat, she jumped to her feet.
Had her father come in person to demand that she accede to his wishes? His mail had come postmarked from Tahlequah, but that was only a little over four hours away. With the second knock, Kathryn lurched toward the sound.
Seeing a cowboy hat through the high, narrow window in the door, she threw the bolt and yanked the door open, only to find herself staring at a stranger. Of average height, with a blocky build and dressed in the standard cowboy fare of boots, jeans, button-up shirt and hat, he smiled at her, displaying dimples. He swept off the hat, revealing short, sandy hair atop a squarish face with twinkling blue eyes.
“Hello, Kathryn.”
Something clawed at the back of her mind, a memory long abandoned. With it came a name—and complete shock. Only the dimples and the blue eyes remained of the classmate she’d once known.
“Clark Goodell!”
The dimples deepened. “The same. How you doing? It’s good to see you. You look great, by the way.”
Her hand went instinctively to her hair, the top part of which she had pulled back in a short, thick ponytail. She had decided to grow it out again and was trying her hand at various styles in the meantime. “I do? I—I mean, I just got home from work, so...”
He leaned a forearm against the doorframe. “Loco Man Ranch, right?”
“Yes.”
“How’s that going?”
She shrugged. “I cook and clean, help with the kids, do some decorating. I like it.”
“Glad to know it. I also hear you’re getting out and about.”
“Oh. Uh. Yeah, I guess.”
“I know you’ve been seeing someone,” he said softly.
“What?”
“Weren’t you at the movie theater in Ardmore with someone a while ago?”
Kathryn’s jaw dropped. “Oh. That.” She didn’t know how to explain her outing with Jake, so she retreated into silence.
“I was just wondering if it’s exclusive,” Clark said smoothly. “Jake Smith didn’t seem to think so, but he looked kind of stumped when I brought it up.”
Kathryn’s heart thumped. “You spoke to Jake about me?”
Clark had t
he grace to appear abashed. “I figured if you were seeing someone it was probably one of the Smith brothers.”
Her chest ached so deeply that she could barely breathe. “No,” she whispered. “I’m not seeing anyone exclusively.”
“I’d like to ask you out for dinner, then,” Clark said, smiling.
Kathryn blinked, beyond speechless.
“You were always so sweet and shy,” he went on. “I can see that hasn’t changed. So, dinner? Would Friday work for you?”
For some reason, she wanted to cry, but that would be foolish. Clark had only confirmed that Jake wouldn’t be asking her out again. She had tried not to let Jake’s rejection hurt, but it did. She knew herself well enough to know that if she retreated now, she’d spend the rest of her life grieving what could never have been. Lifting her chin, she pasted on a smile.
“Friday will be fine.”
Clark hung around for several more minutes, setting the time and place for their dinner together. He gave her a card with his phone number on it. Kathryn saw that he worked for the local cattlemen’s association. He was probably a friend of Jake’s. Her disappointment escalated. How many ways did Jake have to tell her that he lacked interest in her? She supposed it would be the same with Clark. He’d discover how dull and unexciting she was, and that would be that. Still, she couldn’t find the strength to take back her acceptance of his invitation. She had never learned how to be that rude.
Over the next two days, she hastily made over another outfit and resigned herself to an uncomfortable evening in the company of Clark Goodell. Clark had always been a polite, well behaved boy in school, with a strong desire to attend Oklahoma State University. She hadn’t even realized he’d returned to War Bonnet after college, but then she hadn’t thought about it one way or another. And now she was going to dinner with him. Belatedly, she realized she should’ve made the date for Saturday rather than Friday. Had she done so, she wouldn’t have had to explain to Tina why she needed to leave early, and Tina wouldn’t have announced the same at lunch on Friday.