by Arlene James
“Kathryn has to get ready for a dinner date, so we’ll be eating frozen pizza tonight.”
The boys cheered. Tina fixed them with a stern look, adding, “And salad that Kathryn will prepare before she leaves.”
Frankie sighed. Tyler said “Yum,” but the curl of his nose revealed his true feelings.
Kathryn couldn’t help smiling. These boys were a constant source of joy to her. She would miss them. The thought brought her up short, but she knew then that she would leave Loco Man and everyone on it. For her own peace of mind, she must. From now on, she would concentrate on saving her home, as she’d done before she’d met Jake Smith.
“Kathryn will need to leave earlier than usual,” Tina said.
Everyone instantly looked to Jake. Ryder was texturing the walls in the bunkhouse, as the smears of white on his clothing attested, and Wyatt had scheduled a teleconference with a tax consultant. Tina would be busy with the kids and the evening meal. Jake, after all, was the logical choice to drive Kathryn home. He was working on her car. It was only right that work for her be delayed for her convenience. Yet Jake said nothing until he finished his meal and rose to leave the table.
“Back to work,” he muttered, striding for the door, as if he hadn’t heard a word Tina had said.
Kathryn’s face flushed, the breath catching in her lungs.
Ryder gave her a sweet smile. “I’ll be happy to knock off early enough to get you home in time for your date.”
“Thank you,” she managed, but she couldn’t look anyone there in the face. Rising from the table, her appetite gone, she began cleaning the kitchen.
Behind her, Tina said, “I have a better idea. Kathryn, why don’t you drive my old car? I got it registered and tagged recently.”
Kathryn paused. “But that’s Ryder’s transportation, isn’t it?”
“Oh, I don’t mind,” he told her. “There’s plenty of transportation around here.”
“It’s settled then,” Tina decreed. “You’ll drive the sedan until your car’s ready.”
Tears burned the backs of Kathryn’s eyes. Yes, she must leave this job as soon possible. She told herself that she would miss Tina most of all, but she knew that wasn’t so. It was Jake—just the loss of the dream of Jake—that would inflict the deepest cut.
She managed to get through the rest of the day and drive home in Tina’s little sedan. It had been weeks since she’d last driven a vehicle, and Tina’s car was a definite step up from her small, bare-bones coupe. She told herself how pleased she was to have some measure of independence returned to her, but she was no good at lying to herself. As she dressed and prepared for the coming evening, she tried not to think of anyone or anything except what she was doing at that very moment.
Clark arrived right on time, and she found herself in yet another pickup truck. He drove her to Healdton for catfish—excellent catfish, as it turned out. Clark was an entertaining conversationalist and a gentleman. He put her at ease early on, and that didn’t change even when he confessed that he’d had a crush on her in high school and was sorry when she’d dropped out.
It was a surprisingly pleasant evening, and after he drove her home, he kissed her good-night standing on the porch of her house, just as Jake had done. Except it wasn’t the same at all. Clark promised to call her and left her smiling, despite the depression that had settled over her. She’d expected to be relieved at the end of the evening. Instead, she wanted to cry. She finally had a social life, and Clark was a very nice man. Still, she hoped he wouldn’t ask her out again, at least not for a while.
To Kathryn’s surprise and puzzlement, she had two more invitations that weekend, both by telephone and both of which she turned down. It was easier to refuse when the invitation came by phone. One of the men was younger than she was and complained about the dearth of women his age around War Bonnet. The other was several years older and the divorced father of three. She was flattered at the sudden interest, but dating now seemed like a lot of bother for no good reason. Maybe later, when she was over Jake, she’d feel differently.
She’d never been able to talk to anyone else the way she could talk to Jake. Even with Tina, she felt foolish and inadequate at least part of the time. With Jake, she hadn’t just been at ease, she’d been herself. Her true self. Obviously, her true self hadn’t been engaging enough to hold his interest. She should just accept that. She would accept that.
Clark was waiting for her when she arrived at church on Sunday. She’d considered not going, but when she’d refused Tina’s offer to pick her up, Tina had laughed and hugged her.
“What am I thinking? You can drive yourself. We’ll meet you there.”
Kathryn hadn’t known how to tell Tina that she didn’t want to be anywhere Jake might be, but with him ignoring her like she didn’t exist, it didn’t make much difference, anyway. When she saw Clark, she almost turned around and left again, but then he smiled and hurried toward her.
“Thought we might sit together.”
At least she wouldn’t have to sit next to Jake while he looked at everything and everyone but her. Kathryn smiled at Clark. “I’d like that.”
They took a seat several rows ahead of the Smiths and on the other side of the aisle. After the service, Clark offered to drive her home.
“Oh, I drove myself,” she said apologetically.
Just then, Frankie ran up and threw his arms around her. “KKay! We fishin’ today!” Frankie reported. “You come.”
“It sounds like fun,” Kathryn began.
Before she could say more, Clark kissed her on the cheek and said, “I’ll call you.”
She nodded, and he went on his way. Focusing entirely on Frankie, she refused to so much as glance in Jake’s direction. “I’m afraid I can’t go fishing with you today. I have things to do at home.”
Frankie dropped his head, but then he snagged Kathryn’s hand and towed her toward the door in Tina and Wyatt’s wake. She was aware of Jake trailing along behind them, but neither acknowledged the other. When they reached Tina’s SUV, Frankie urged her to get in.
“Sweetie, I’m not riding with you today. I drove myself here, and I’ll have to drive myself home.”
“Come on, son,” Jake said, sweeping around Kathryn to pick up the boy. “I’ll belt you into your seat.”
“No!” Frankie bawled, shoving at Jake’s hands. “KKay do it!” Jake made an exasperated sound and plopped the boy into his safety seat. “KKay do it!”
Jake backed out of the vehicle and walked away without another word. Kathryn had helped Tina buckle in the boys the previous week, so she had little difficulty getting the restraint system in place. Again, Tina invited her to Sunday dinner, but again Kathryn declined. It had become something of a ritual.
“I’m sure you’ve had enough of me for one week.”
“Are you sure it’s not the other way around?” Tina asked softly, frowning.
Kathryn couldn’t let Tina think that. “Not at all. You’re like family to me now.”
“And even family needs some personal time,” Tina remarked, smiling.
Kathryn nodded, but home had never felt quite so empty as it did that hot Sunday afternoon in mid-September.
* * *
Jake didn’t like to work on Sundays, but he couldn’t seem to relax that afternoon. Watching Kathryn with Clark Goodell had told him that her date with the local cowboy had gone well. They seemed at ease together, and Kathryn had never looked finer. Jake suspected that Tina either knew the details of the situation or soon would, but he didn’t dare ask. He told himself that it didn’t matter, that it was all for good, but something more than curiosity gnawed at him. He tried to think of Jolene, to call up the old grief and feelings of loyalty. That didn’t help. Memories of Jolene left him with a sense of gratitude and melancholy but did nothing to blot out the vision of Kathryn sitting beside Clark in
church.
Desperate for distraction, Jake went over every detail of his business plan. He looked at his estimates and adjusted the numbers to reflect the additional outlay of Kathryn’s salary. That reminded him that he still hadn’t informed the rest of the family of her raise in pay. Today he wondered why he bothered to keep it a secret.
At first, he’d feared that the extra pay would betray his interest in Kathryn, but now that she was dating Clark Goodell, that was no longer an issue. No one could say that Goodell let moss grow under his feet. He must have beat a path straight from the diner to Kathryn’s door. And she obviously hadn’t turned him away.
Suddenly, Jake wanted to throttle someone, but the only villain in this piece was him. He’d tricked her into going out with him, then told her in no uncertain terms that he wouldn’t be dating her or anyone else again any time soon. And then he’d kissed her. He’d tried to convince himself that they could be friends without expectations of more in the future, but that friend stuff would only work if he could maintain a safe distance, and after that kiss he wasn’t at all sure he could. God knew he’d tried, but the best he could do was to skulk around her wishing it could be different and feeling like a ghost.
He tried to imagine some way to make it work, but what if the garage failed? If the garage failed, he and Frankie would wind up back in Houston, or they’d have to move to some other big city where he was sure to find work. How could he ask that of Kathryn, knowing how difficult she found it to meet strangers and make friends?
Good grief, he was thinking of marriage. The very idea shocked him, but what other option did he have with a woman like Kathryn? She deserved marriage and would remain alone for the rest of her life before she’d settle for anything less. He didn’t want her to live her life alone, so he had to accept that she’d wind up with another man, probably sooner rather than later. She was entitled to every happiness, and he wanted that for her. Still, he couldn’t seem to keep a civil tongue in his head when he saw Kathryn on Monday.
She served up a massive submarine sandwich for lunch. He took one bite and complained, “Did we run out of mustard? This is as bland as cardboard.”
Kathryn silently set the mustard jar in front of him. He proceeded to drown his portion of the sandwich in the tart yellow stuff, then he had to choke it down with everyone glaring at him. Later, when Ryder asked to borrow Jake’s truck, Jake started digging out the keys and grumbling.
“Man, I’ll be glad when that stupid car is finally running so we can get back to something like normal.” He tossed the keys onto the table.
Stiffly, Kathryn turned from the sink and walked over to the peg where she’d hung her bag that morning, saying, “That’s not necessary.” She pulled out the keys to Tina’s little sedan and carried them to Ryder. “It’s your car,” she said. “I only need it for twenty minutes a day, and even driving it for that long makes me uneasy.”
Ryder glowered at Jake then took the keys from Kathryn. “Thanks, Kathryn. I’ll return the keys to you later, or drive you home, whichever you prefer.”
Nodding, she smiled wanly and went back to the sink.
Ryder sent Jake another hard look, shaming him to the point that he called her that night and apologized.
“It’s all right, Jake,” she said in that soft, shy voice that made him want to reach through the phone and wrap his arms around her. “You’re under a lot of pressure.” Then she changed the subject. “Tina and I have been talking about taking Frankie to the lake to swim. I don’t know how much help I’d be, though. I never learned to swim myself.”
“You never learned to swim?” Jake yelped. “Well, you must. Everyone needs to know how to swim.” He opened his mouth to say he’d teach her, only to remember at the last moment that he was keeping his distance. And Clark Goodell was not. “Maybe Clark will teach you,” he heard himself say, then he wanted to bite off his tongue. She said nothing to that, so after a moment of sheer agony, he asked, “How’s that going, by the way?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I saw you sitting with Clark Goodell in church on Sunday.”
“Oh. That went just fine.”
She wasn’t willingly going to give him anything more. He should have expected that, given how introverted, cautious and closed off she could be.
“How about your dinner date? That go okay, too?” He had to ask.
She was slow to answer. “It was very good. If you like fried catfish.”
“I love fried catfish.” And yet he hadn’t been the one to take her to dinner. “Apparently not as much as old Clark, though.”
“How did you know Clark was the one to take me to dinner?”
Stunned that it might have been someone else, Jake stuttered. “I—I j-just assumed. You had a dinner date on Friday and you were sitting with him in church on Sunday. Seems logical the two are connected.”
“I know he spoke with you,” she said.
Jake closed his eyes. He could’ve warned off Goodell, could’ve staked his own claim, but that wouldn’t have been fair. To anyone. “Yeah, Goodell spoke to me at the diner.”
“The diner? You discussed me at the diner?” Her voice shook. “That’s gossip central. And what else did you discuss at the diner, Jake? My father the drunk who can’t keep a job? How my mother had to drive to Duncan and back every day for work to support us? That she crashed her car one rainy night and would need constant care from that point on? Maybe how he walked out on us.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Jake said, grimacing at the thought of all she’d been through. Her family must have been the subject of much gossip at one time, and a shy woman like Kathryn would find being the talk of the town mortifying.
“Oh, of course. That’s old news,” she retorted. “Maybe this time you heard that he’s threatening to sue me for his half of my house!”
Good grief. No wonder she had despaired when her car had broken down. After all he’d done, her father had some nerve trying to get money out of her for her house. She must be worried sick about that.
“No,” Jake told her quietly. “I didn’t hear any of that. Clark only wanted to know if you were seeing someone. Apparently, whoever saw us at the movie theater recognized you but not me. I knew by the way Clark reacted that he would be calling you, then when I saw you sitting with him in church yesterday...”
“You naturally assumed it was Clark who took me to dinner on Friday night.”
Jake forced a light, congratulatory tone to his voice. “Apparently, he knows all the good places to eat around here.”
“It was good,” she said, adopting his tone. “Maybe I should take you there after you’re finished with my car. To thank you.”
Part of him rejoiced. Part of him quailed. But what harm could a meal do? They had eaten many meals together. Before he could accept her invitation, she spoke again.
“Oh, no. That’s no good. That would just be me doing what you did. I’ll give you the address of the restaurant. Then you can go whenever you want. With whoever you want.”
Jake closed his eyes, fighting with himself. He considered saying that they could go together once the shop started paying off, but that took for granted that the shop would provide income and that she would wait.
What if she waited and it didn’t happen? What would that cost her? A chance at happiness? A chance for marriage and a family of her own? He couldn’t do that to her.
Resigned, he put away his justifications.
“I’ll have your car ready soon,” he told her softly.
A moment later he ended the call, as depressed as he’d ever been in his life.
Chapter Eleven
Looking up from the sewing machine, Kathryn glanced at her phone sitting on the counter at her elbow. She’d set a timer then ignored it, and now Tina had to come in, probably to tell her that she needed to start lunch.
“I’m so sorry. I was just going to finish this one row of stitching then get back to work, but I got caught up in the project and lost track of time.”
Tina chuckled, waving away her concern. “No need to apologize. What are you working on? Another gorgeous dress, I see.”
Kathryn shook out the silky brown fabric, holding the garment by the narrow sleeves, which she’d shortened to elbow length.
Tina fingered the fabric. “Oh, my. Your mom had excellent taste.”
“I always thought so, especially with her work wardrobe.”
“What did she do?”
“She was an insurance agent. She started as a secretary and taught herself the business. She knew everything there was to know about all kinds of insurance—auto, home, health, life... I shudder to think what would have happened to us if she hadn’t had excellent health insurance.”
“She was a well-dressed insurance agent,” Tina said.
Kathryn sighed. “I just wish she’d had some more casual things.”
Tina’s eyes lit up. “We have to go shopping.”
Kathryn threw up her hands. “Never fails. What did we forget?”
“Not for the ranch,” Tina declared, pulling Kathryn up by the arms. “I need to buy Tyler a few more things for school, and Frankie’s jeans are already too short. He’ll never make it through the fall with what he’s got now.”
“Grows like a weed, doesn’t he?”
“He does. So we’re going shopping. And we’re not taking the boys.”
“But—”
“Not taking the boys,” Tina repeated firmly. “I have their sizes, and it’s easier to choose for them when they’re not around. And I want you to have all the time and freedom you need to shop for yourself.”
“Oh, I don’t know if—”
Tina held up a finger. “I’m pulling rank on you, girlfriend. I’m the boss, and I say we’re going shopping.”