Having Her Boss's Baby

by Maureen Child

  “Brady, I’m so sorry...” She reached for him, but he twisted away and her hand fell helplessly to her side.

  “I’m not telling you for your pity,” he ground out. “Hell, I’ve never told anyone all of this, not even the Ryans. They know some, not all. But you need to know. You need to understand. You think I’m rich? All I’ve got is money. You’re way richer than I am in every possible way, Aine.” He pushed one hand through his hair, took a deep breath and blurted out, “You grew up with Molly, your father, your brother. You had a place. You had...love. You never doubted it—why would you? It was always there.” He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets as if he couldn’t figure out what to do with them. “I don’t know what that’s like. Wouldn’t know the first thing about being a part of it. So yeah, you’re richer than I’ll ever be, and damned if I don’t envy you for it.”

  Aine’s heart ached for the boy he had been. But...for the man he was, she felt nothing but exasperation. Couldn’t he see that he was so much more than he believed himself to be? He hadn’t grown up with love, as she had. But there was so much love locked away inside him, burning to get out. She saw it in his friendship with the Ryans. With his generosity to her mother and brother. And she felt it in every touch he’d ever given her.

  “I don’t do families because I don’t know how,” he admitted and speared her gaze with his. “And if I tried and failed, that would damage my own kid, and I won’t risk that.”

  Maybe the two of them weren’t as different as she’d thought they were. Money, after all, was cold comfort if you had no one to share it with. He thought his worth was measured only by his bank account. That was why, she told herself, he was always offering her money. Because somewhere inside him he couldn’t believe that she wanted him for himself.

  “The only way you can damage a child is by not loving it,” she said softly. “By not being there.”

  “It’s not the only way, Aine,” he said tightly. His gaze slipped down to the curve of her belly, then lifted to meet her eyes. “I don’t know anything about families, Aine. They are not for me.”

  “You’re the most stubborn of men,” she snapped. “And blind, as well.”

  “What?”

  “You do have a family, Brady. The Ryan brothers are your family whether you see it or not, and you do just fine there, don’t you?” She moved in closer. “And you’ve claimed Mum’s and Robbie’s hearts, as well. You’ve made a place for yourself with them in such a short time.” Tipping her head back, she stared directly into his eyes so there could be no misunderstanding when she said, “And you’ve mine, Brady. You have my heart.”

  He shook his head. “You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”

  “I heard everything.” Aine grabbed his hand and held it to her belly. At their joined touch, the baby kicked as if he knew his father was there within reach. She watched Brady’s eyes widen with awe and felt her heart turn over again. How this man touched her. How he moved her. How he infuriated her. “Don’t you see, Brady? You’ve made a family already. You’ve got me now, and the baby. Our son.”

  He stroked her belly, bent his head and kissed her, gently, tenderly, his teeth nibbling at her bottom lip and making her insides go soft and yielding. When he broke the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers and whispered, “You say you love me, Aine.”

  “I do.”

  “Then, marry me.”

  “If you stay,” she promised.

  “I can’t,” he said. “I can’t take the chance of messing up yours and my kid’s life. I don’t know how to be what you want me to be.”

  “You won’t, you mean.” Frustration, anger and love circled around inside her, battering at her heart and soul. Every cell in her body cried out for what she couldn’t have, and she heard herself say, “So once again, you’ll sacrifice what you want for my own good. You’ll turn away from what could be and cling to a past that brings you nothing but pain.”

  “Don’t you get it?” His voice was as hard as stone, as merciless as the expression on his face. “I can’t have what I want without risking ruining it. I won’t do that to you—or the baby.”

  Hurt and feeling rejected once again by the man she loved and wanted more than anything, Aine moved away from him, though it tore her in two to do it. Until he realized what he had, what they could have, all of the words in the world wouldn’t make a difference.

  Meeting his gaze, she said, “You know what the hardest part of all this is? Mum was right. You do love me. You’ve said it in every way but words. And I’ll not accept less from you, Brady. I deserve all. We deserve all. I want the words and the promise of them. When you find them within yourself, I’ll be here.”

  * * *

  By morning he was gone.

  Two days later he was alone in his office, watching the sunrise. He hadn’t been able to sleep since leaving Ireland, so there was no point staying in bed pretending otherwise. He took a sip of coffee and spun around in his desk chair to look out the windows.

  The view didn’t ease him because he hardly saw it. Instead, his mind dredged up images of Ireland and the castle...and Aine.

  Brady didn’t see her before he left. Better that way, he assured himself. Easier.

  On who? a voice in his mind asked. Her? Or you?

  The answer was both, of course. He wasn’t a coward, ducking out without seeing her for fear he’d change his mind. He was doing the right thing here. Making the hard choice for all of them. Molly understood. He’d stopped at the cottage to see her on his way out, and rather than being angry that he was leaving, she’d hugged him and told him to come back soon. That he’d always be welcome.

  He didn’t think Aine felt the same way, but he couldn’t really blame her for that.

  She loved him.

  Pain exploded in his chest and radiated throughout his body. Never in his life had anyone ever loved him, and he’d walked away from it. From her.

  He couldn’t breathe.

  Just like he hadn’t been able to sleep in his penthouse suite. It had been too...empty. Too sterile.

  He had the distinct feeling his whole damn life was going to be empty from here on out. Brady rubbed the center of his chest, hoping to ease the hollowed-out sensation that had been with him since he’d left Ireland. As if his heart had been carved out and the echoing cavern it left behind was filled with ice.

  “What’re you doing here so early?” Mike spoke up from the open doorway.

  “Couldn’t sleep.” He took another long drink of coffee, hoping to hell caffeine would kick in soon.

  “Wonder why.” Mike strolled into the office, dropped into a chair opposite Brady’s desk and settled in.

  “Jet lag.” Brady frowned at his friend. He wasn’t in the mood for conversation. Hell, he wasn’t in the mood for anything.

  “Yeah, I don’t think so.” Mike folded his hands over his abdomen, tipped his head to one side and said, “You want to tell me why you left Ireland in such a damn hurry? When you had a woman like Aine there? And a son on the way?”

  He never should have called Mike when he’d first found out about the baby. If he hadn’t, then his misery would be private.

  “I had to.” Brady set his coffee aside, pushed up from his chair and walked to the window. Leaning one shoulder on the wall, he stared blindly out the glass. “She says she loves me.”

  “A beautiful woman, pregnant with your kid, tells you she loves you. Of course you had to leave!” Astonishment colored Mike’s voice. “Are you an idiot?”

  “No, I’m not. I just know that I don’t belong there.” Brady spun around and glared at his friend. “How the hell could I be with her and my kid, Mike? I don’t know how to do the family thing.” God, he was tired of explaining that. Tired of hearing that his past was going to reach out and strangle his future. But facts were facts. �
�You can’t do something you’ve never done.”

  “You are nuts. Because what you just said is bull.” Mike stood up, planted both hands on Brady’s desk and leaned forward. “Everybody does just that every day. First time I went surfing I’d never done it before. First time you did the storyboards for ‘Fate Castle,’ you’d never done it before.”

  “That’s different,” Brady muttered, raking one hand through his hair. He hadn’t really looked at it like that, and, okay, Mike had a point. But those things weren’t as important as a family, a kid, were they? “Screw up something like that, you get a do-over. Screw up your kid and it’s forever.”

  “What makes you so sure you’d screw it up?”

  Brady shook his head. Mike already knew why. At least, he knew enough of Brady’s past that he never should have asked that question.

  “You’ve got a shot at something here, Brady.” Mike looked him in the eye and continued, “A woman who loves you, a baby who needs you. You’ve been trying to escape your past your whole life. Well, maybe it’s time to stop running. Maybe it’s time that you make the family that you missed out on.”

  Sounded so easy, and Brady knew it wasn’t.

  “How?” He really wanted to know. To think it could be done. Hope was a knife in his chest, sharp and slicing away at his doubts.

  “The kind of family you wanted when you were a kid and never had?” Mike asked. “Build that. Build it now for Aine, your son—and yourself. Stop cheating yourself out of what you need and want and make a grab for it instead.” He laughed a little and shook his head. “Go back to Ireland. Make the family you missed—before you miss this one, too.”

  Brady stared at him as hope continued to carve away at the black doubts that had been a part of him all his life. Was it possible? He thought back to when he was a kid and all the dreams he’d had about the kind of family he wanted. It was all there, in Ireland, waiting for him.

  If Brady was willing to take the risk.

  He took his first easy breath since leaving Aine and thought it all through again. Wasn’t trying for something great and failing better than not trying at all? And when, he asked himself, had he ever failed when he wanted something badly enough? The answer was never. Why hadn’t he remembered that? Hell, he thought, maybe all he really needed was a little faith. In himself. In Aine. In the kind of future he used to dream about.

  “Mike,” he said, already moving for the door, “I’m gonna need the company jet again.”

  “Yeah?” Mike grinned. “For how long?”

  Brady stopped in the doorway and looked back over his shoulder at his friend. “Just long enough to get me to Ireland.”

  Mike’s grin was even wider now. “So guess you’ll be working long-distance from now on?”

  “With any luck,” Brady agreed. “With the internet and Skype and hell, the phone, I can work anywhere. And you guys will come out for the grand opening, right?”

  “Wouldn’t miss it,” Mike said, and walked toward him, hand extended.

  Brady took it, then yanked his friend in for a short hard hug. “Thanks, man. For everything.”

  Mike slapped Brady’s shoulder. “We’ll want an invite to the wedding, too.”

  “Count on it.” Brady left to pack, then headed to the airport, hoping it wasn’t too late.

  * * *

  “He’ll be back, love,” Molly told her daughter over a cup of tea.

  Her mother’s kitchen was warm and cozy despite the cold wind battering at the windows. Moonlight pearled on the glass and illuminated the surrounding trees with a pale silver glow. But inside, there was warm light and comfort.

  “I don’t think so.” Aine hoped her mother was right, but when she remembered the stoic look of determination on Brady’s features as he told her he couldn’t be what she wanted, her heart ached.

  Three days he’d been gone, and it felt as though nothing would ever be right in her world again. Three days and she could hardly take a step without thinking of him. How was she supposed to live the rest of her life without him?

  “Why don’t you move back here to the cottage for a while?” her mother asked, reaching out to take Aine’s hand and give it a squeeze. “Truth be told, I could use the company, as I’ve hardly seen Robbie. Since Brady gave him that art program, the boy’s been locked in his room creating all manner of horrible creatures from zombies to slavering hounds—” She broke off and sighed. “I’m sorry to mention his name, then, if it hurts you so.”

  “No,” Aine said, forcing the smile her mother needed. “It’s all right. I’m glad Robbie’s enjoying the program, as Brady said he had real talent.”

  He’d even talked about offering Robbie a job once the boy finished school, and now Aine wondered if that promise would disappear. So much had changed with his leaving. She could hardly bring herself to care about the progress on the castle.

  The roof tiles had finally arrived and were near to finished being laid. Soon the top floor would be renovated and then the hotel would be open for business. Would Brady come back for the opening?

  “Thanks, Mum,” Aine said softly. “But I’ll stay at the castle still. It’s worked out well, me being close at hand for Danny and the rest of the crew. And to be honest, I’m not really good company right now.”

  She didn’t want comfort, no matter how well meant. She wanted to feel the pain of Brady’s loss because it kept him near. She needed to be by herself, to get used to being alone. When she stood up, Molly joined her, coming around the kitchen table to envelop her in a hug.

  Stroking her daughter’s hair, she murmured, “There’s always a chance for love, Aine. Never stop hoping. Never stop, because when you do, that’s when all is lost.”

  Eleven

  The second time he drove to the castle, Brady knew exactly where he was going.

  To the only place he wanted to be.

  Moonlight guided his way down the narrow curving track, past the iron gates now painted a bright silver and along the graveled drive. He spared a quick glance at the cottage where Molly and Robbie lived, but drove on to the main castle. It was a dark shadow against a moonlit sky and seemed to loom over him, daring him to step inside, to claim what he’d come for.

  Brady was up to the challenge.

  Finally, he was ready to leave his past behind and was ready now to reach for more. To take what he wanted, needed. He only hoped he could convince Aine that he was a changed man. That it was she who’d changed him. He used his key to open the front door, then quietly closed and locked it behind him. The silence was all encompassing and he did nothing to shatter it, taking the stairs with hardly a breath of sound.

  He turned on the landing and headed for her room, praying she was still there and hadn’t moved back to the cottage. Her door wasn’t locked, and he took that as a good sign. Moving into the shadow-filled room, he stopped at the foot of the wide bed and watched her sleeping. Moonlight was here, too, slanted across the bed, making her dark red hair shine as it picked up threads of gold in the auburn mass. She had one arm crooked behind her head and the other cradling their child.

  The heaviness in his chest that had been with him for days lifted. His heart swelled as a rush of warmth spread through him. Everything he wanted in life was there, in that bed.

  He stripped out of his clothes and gently eased into the bed beside her. Brady pulled her to him and he marveled to notice that she didn’t wake up. Wasn’t frightened. Instead, she curled into him, draping one arm across his stomach, as if she’d only been lying there waiting for him to touch her.

  For the first time in days, Brady’s heart lurched into life and the sensation was almost painful.

  The scent of her filled him; the warmth of her sighs against his skin fired his blood as well as his soul. And because he couldn’t resist her another moment, he bent his head and k
issed her. Sleepily, she kissed him back, sighing as she did so her breath became his, and then she woke, opened her eyes, stared at him and whispered, “Brady?”

  When she would have pulled away, he only wrapped his arms more tightly around her, holding her close, half-afraid that if he let her go, she’d remain out of his reach forever. “Aine, I’m back. I’m here to stay, if you’ll have me.”

  She looked up at him, not speaking, just watching him through those moss-green eyes. He didn’t have a clue what she was thinking, feeling. This was a hell of a time for her to figure out how to mask her emotions. Worry pealed in his brain like warning bells going off.

  Brady started talking, knowing that choosing the right words now was the most important thing he’d ever done. He wanted to be poetic. Romantic. He wanted to tell her that he wouldn’t take no for an answer anymore. She was going to marry him. He wouldn’t settle for less. Yet looking at her made him say only the simple truth. “I want to be here. With you. And I really need you to want me, too.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, he spread one hand flat on her rounded belly and said, “I want to be a father to our baby. I want to be good at it, so I will be. I finally remembered that I’ve never failed at anything when I really want it. And I’ve never wanted anything like I want you and the family we can make.”

  At his words, he felt that small ripple of movement beneath his hands that told him his son was real and alive, and his heart filled even beyond what he would have thought possible.

  “I want to live here in Ireland, with you. I can work from anywhere,” he told her, words bursting from him as if they’d been dammed up behind a wall of stubbornness and had only just broken through. “We’ll build our own house here, on the grounds. Behind the maze, maybe, I don’t care. We’ll be near your family, because they’re almost as important to me as they are to you.”

  She swallowed hard and blinked back tears.

  He hurried on, “I figure we can live here in the castle until the house is built. Any kind you want. We can build it to match the cottage, or even a replica of the castle itself if that’s what you want.”