Nerds Like It Hot

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  "Sorry, Emily."

  "You said it againl"

  "Oh. Yeah, I did." Irwin put on his glasses and peered down. "Whoa. This looks a lot scarier in the daylight."

  "You need to get down before someone comes along and catches you," Lex said.

  "Yeah, I know." Irwin grinned. "We heard you rap the first time, but Emily was so ... you know . . . close."

  "Irwin. You're mortifying me."

  Irwin peered into the boat. "It's okay. People don't talk about sex enough. It's a natural bodily function. It wasn't your fault that you couldn't climax the first couple of times."

  Emily moaned. "I'm never coming out. I'll live the rest of my life in this boat. Which is appropriate because it's a lifeboat. Ha, ha."

  "Come on out, Emily," Gillian said. "I've been in embarrassing situations myself. You live through it. And Lex is right. If the crew catches you in there, you're in big trouble."

  "Okay," Irwin said. "We've almost put ourselves back together."

  "How did you get up there?" Lex asked.

  "Used the railing.'' Irwin surveyed the situation. "But I didn't realize it was so far down to the water from here. And we'd had a few drinks. I don't know what they were called, but they were blue. And tasty."

  "Tell you what," Lex said. "I'll stand under you, and you can step on my shoulders. You come first, and then we'll get Emily out."

  "I appreciate that, man. Just let me get my pants on." A zipper rasped. "All set. Emily, are you good to go?"

  "Only if somebody has a bag I can put over my head."

  Lex felt sorry for her, but now that he knew Cora wasn't up there, he'd started worrying again. Where could she be? So far he'd heard nothing from Dante. But he had to finish this rescue operation before he and Gillian could keep looking.

  Irwin climbed out first. He didn't weigh much, so Lex had no trouble supporting him on his shoulders. Once Irwin was on the deck, Lex turned back for Emily.

  She poked her head out, her red hair looking like it had been styled in a wind tunnel, her freckles almost obliterated by her deep blush. She looked down, and the blood drained from her face. "Yikes," she said softly. "I'm afraid of heights."

  "You weren't afraid at five this morning," Irwin said. "Remember? You, Tarzan. Me, Jane."

  "You, drunk. Me, drunker, is more like it, Irwin. Nobody's afraid when they're blitzed."

  Lex held up his arms. "Take hold of my hands and stand on my shoulders."

  "He's very strong," Gillian said. "He can lift a mattress over his head. You'll be safe."

  Lex snorted. Trust Gillian to bring up the mattress thing. She was probably subtly reminding him not to lecture these horny little nerds. Well, he wouldn't lecture them. They'd scared themselves so much he didn't think they'd try this stunt again.

  Emily came down, trembling and gasping, but she came down. She was heavier on his shoulders than Irwin. From the way Irwin hugged her when she made it to the deck, the guy didn't mind if she was on the plump side.

  "Thanks." Irwin stack out his hand. "Let me know if there's ever anything I can do for you."

  Gillian stepped forward. "If you were out here at five, you didn't happen to see an older couple go by, did you? She's about my height and he's shorter."

  Irwin snapped his fingers. "I did see a couple like that! Right after we climbed into the lifeboat, I heard voices and looked out. They were walking that way." He pointed toward the bow.

  "Nobody's sitting there," Gillian said.

  "There's a little cubby down at the end," Emily said. "That's where Irwin and I started making out, because we both have roommates and couldn't go back to either of our rooms. Then Irwin got the brilliant lifeboat idea."

  "Thanks for the tip," Lex said. "Come on, Gillian."

  "Gillian?" Emily looked at Gillian's nametag. "It says 'Norma Jean' on your tag."

  "Uh, yeah." Lex shot Gillian an apologetic glance. It might not matter, now that someone had her passport, but he still needed to remember to use "Norma Jean." "She's Norma Jean. I just sometimes use a pet name."

  "We should have pet names for each other," Irwin said. "Let's go get breakfast and think of some. See you both later."

  "Right." Lex was already tugging Gillian toward the bow. Belatedly he remembered to look back and check on Hector.

  "He's gone," Gillian said.

  "Really? When did he leave?"

  "About the time you were getting Irwin down. I glanced over to check, and just then a thin woman with short blond hair came up to him and started talking. Eventually he left with her."

  "Interesting."

  "A Mafia hit guy wouldn't get involved with one of the other passengers, would he?"

  "Depends on whether it would be useful to him, I guess. God, I hope Cora and Little Ben are around this corner. I'm sick of this wild-goose chase we've been on."

  They rounded a slight curve, and Gillian chuckled. "Wild geese located."

  In the shelter of a nook just big enough for two deck chairs, Cora and Little Ben were tucked in together, holding hands ... and snoring.

  "I AM SO, SO SORRY," CORA SAID FOR THE HUNDREDTH time as Lex, Gillian, Dante, and Little Ben all sat eating pastries and fruit on A Deck.

  Gillian marveled that Cora looked so fresh, while Gillian, who had raced out of the room without putting on makeup or even running a comb through her hair, felt like a total wreck. She needed to find out more of Cora's beauty secrets.

  "I want to know how in hell you left the room without me hearing you," Dante said. "I swear I didn't close my eyes all night. Then suddenly, it's light outside, and you're AWOL."

  Cora reached over and patted his hand. "Dante, sweetheart, you sleep like the dead. A chorus of dancing girls could have come through the room and you wouldn't have heard a thing."

  "Not so!" Dante puffed up with indignation. "A chorus of dancing boys, maybe. A chorus of dancing girls, and I would have been wide awake."

  "In any case, I should have left you a note, but I wasn't sure what to say. I was going to Benjamin's room, but I didn't know if we'd stay there, or go for a stroll, or what. So I took my walkie-talkie, thinking you could call me when you woke up."

  "Which I did. And you didn't answer."

  "Because Benjamin and I had dozed off in our lounge chairs. My mistake."

  "It's all my fault," Little Ben said.

  "How can it be your fault, Benjamin? I started the whole debacle. I'm the one who came and knocked on your door at four-thirty in the morning."

  Little Ben's cheeks turned a light pink as he shot Cora a fond glance. "I could have said no."

  "I doubt that. Early morning is a prime time for senior citizen nooky." Cora patted her hair and smiled. "So I made you an offer you couldn't refuse." Then her eyes widened as she looked at Gillian. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

  "It's okay." Gillian had felt sick to her stomach at hearing the Godfather line, but she couldn't expect everyone else to be sensitive on the subject. Still, the croissant she'd been munching now tasted like cardboard. A few tables away, Hector Michelangelo was having breakfast with the thin blonde who wore wire-rimmed glasses. Even though he'd found himself a girl, he still made her nervous.

  Little Ben laughed. "I take it Norma Jean isn't a fan of The Godfather movies?"

  "Actually, I am." Gillian decided to ignore Hector. He wouldn't make a move out here in the open, anyway. "Watched them all."

  "It's great entertainment." Little Ben stirred cream into his coffee. "But those things don't happen anymore, thank God."

  An uncomfortable silence settled over the table.

  Little Ben glanced around. "That was a conversation stopper! Does someone have information about the Mafia that I don't?"

  "Not really." Lex reached under the table and squeezed Gillian's knee. "So, what's everyone going to do today?"

  "Limbo contest!" Cora said immediately, as if grateful for the change of topic. "I want to see if I can still shake my booty. Benjamin, will you take the limbo challenge? You
get extra points if you go under the bar as a couple."

  "Let me think about it."

  Cora smiled at everyone. "He'll do it."

  "BJ and I are doing it," Dante said. "I called her room and asked her to meet me up here, but I guess she's primping."

  "I'm right here." BJ walked up to the table in lime-green shorts and a matching halter top. "Nance and I are both doing the limbo, right, Nance?" She turned to her roommate, who strolled over in a black and white striped miniskirt and a white sports bra. She'd accessorized with gold bangle bracelets and gold hoop earrings.

  Nancy smiled. "Don't you know it, girlfriend. I've talked Jared Stevenson into being my limbo partner." She shimmied her hips.

  "Jared?" Cora's perfect eyebrows rose. "Doing the limbo? That will be worth the price of admission."

  "Don't look now," Dante said, "but you already paid it. So you might as well enjoy the show." Then he glanced at Lex. "What do you say, buddy? Are you limbo worthy?"

  "That's not my thing," Lex said.

  "Well, it needs to be your thing," Cora said. 'I’ll bet Norma Jean wants to compete, don't you?"

  "Uh, I don't really—"

  "She does," Cora said. "I can see it in her eyes." Then she gave Gillian a warning glance. "You want to be part of the action, don't you? Lots of people will be on A Deck, ready to try this. You don't want to miss out."

  Gillian got the message. The more she stayed with crowds of people for the next forty-eight hours, the better. She hadn't tried the limbo since college, but staying out in the open during the day made a lot of sense. And Norma Jean would definitely limbo. Gillian needed to stay in character.

  "Okay," she said. "I'm in. Lex?"

  "Uh..."

  "Hey," Dante said. "If you don't want to, Lex, I can see if they'll bend the rules and let me limbo with two different partners. I don't mind. It'll be fun."

  As Lex stared at Dante, a mutinous light flared in his eyes. "Nope. I'll do it."

  "You don't have to," Dante said. "I'm sure they'd let me go through twice. I just couldn't win twice."

  "I'll do it," Lex said again, although he didn't look particularly happy about the prospect.

  Gillian felt a little bit sorry for him, but on the other hand, she'd love to find out if he could pull it off. Watching him attempt the Limbo would be a great way to take her mind off the possibility of getting whacked.

  "Thanks, Lex," she said.

  "It won't be the first time I've made a fool of myself." He pushed back his chair, and his expression became more cheerful. "Guess we'd better head back to the room and get ready, huh?"

  That's when she realized that the limbo contest didn't start for another hour and a half. A lot could happen between now and then.

  NEIL HAD FOUND OUT WHAT HE NEEDED TO KNOW.

  Little Miss Norma Jean would limbo. Excellent. A large metal drum filled with emergency equipment was tethered to a catwalk conveniently located above the area where the contest would take place. Neil had noticed it earlier and thought it might work to his advantage.

  After Dante excused himself and left for his cabin to get ready for the contest, BJ turned to Neil. "I saw Dorothy already this morning. I talked to her while you went up to see Jared and ask him about the limbo contest."

  Neil smiled. Before he'd proposed being partners in the limbo contest, he'd given Jared the blow job of his life. The poor man would have agreed to swing naked from the flagpole by the time Neil had finished with him. But all Neil had really wanted was a limbo partner, which would give him a reason to be there, and a cover if he should suddenly have to take a leak ... aka, a quick trip to the catwalk.

  "So how did Dorothy look?" Neil asked.

  "Really good. She's so grateful for the time you took with her, plus treating us to drinks and stuff."

  "She's more than welcome." The stuff had been a frank talk about sexual techniques. Neil had discovered that BJ and Dorothy needed a few pointers, and after the three of them had shared two bottles of champagne, they'd all been in the mood to get down and dirty. Neil felt confident that both women were now ready to make slaves of the men they took to bed.

  "Dorothy went up to Hector this morning and started a conversation. They had breakfast together. He may even do the limbo contest with her this morning."

  "That sounds like progress." Neil was taking a certain amount of pleasure in spreading sexual freedom throughout the ship. He'd definitely liberated Jared Stevenson the Third, and it sounded as if Dorothy and BJ were on their way to some good times.

  Neil, however, hadn't indulged in anything more than vicarious thrills so far. He thought that might change soon. Jared was having too much fun to be put off by discovering that his current love interest was slightly different than he'd imagined. Tonight Neil might reveal himself and see what interesting trouble the two of them could get into in that plush suite Jared occupied.

  But in the meantime, Norma Jean was the main person on his mind.

  Twenty

  as lex started walking back to the stateroom with Gillian, he thought about the leftover condom. He might have to humiliate himself up on A Deck in another hour and a half, but before that happened, he had a chance to give Gillian another couple of orgasms. Maybe then she would think more kindly of him when he fell on his ass going under that damned pole.

  "Now would be a good time to try my ship-to-shore call," she said.

  "I think you should wait." It might have been his idea originally, but he didn't want her to try it now, or ever. He didn't want her to even think about it or walk past the room where they had the ship-to-shore telephones.

  "I don't want to wait. Everybody agreed I could do it today. Neil could be on a plane headed for Tahiti by now. The longer I wait, the harder he'll be to hunt down."

  "By going into that room and making a call, you label yourself as a witness ready to cooperate. If someone on the ship is watching you, and I'm not saying they are, but if they are, then once you go in that room, they'll know you're a threat."

  They'd reached the bank of elevators, and Gillian paused. I don't even know where the place is. I need a map of the ship."

  "I'll bet there's one in our room."

  She glanced up at him. "That was a fast suggestion."

  "It's the easiest way to find a map." As he punched the down button on the elevator, he wondered if there was any chance she'd buy his logic. Probably not. "Otherwise you have to go all the way to D Deck and ask at the purser's office."

  "I think going to our room is part of your devious plan to distract me from making that ship-to-shore call."

  "Look, it's no secret that I don't want you making that call. I think trying to do it puts you in more danger. Let's say you walked down there and someone else was in the room."

  "I'd have to try again later." The elevator door opened and she stepped inside.

  He followed her in and punched the button for C Deck. Fortunately they were all alone in the elevator. "And suppose someone saw you go in there and come out again? They'd know you intended to make a call, a call you didn't want anyone else to overhear. Wouldn't that motivate them to get more serious about taking you out?"

  "I guess so." She played nervously with the hem of the T-shirt she'd thrown on when they'd left the room in such a hurry. "But I don't know if it makes much difference. If they're watching me, they're looking for an opportunity to take me out, anyway."

  "Not necessarily." Lex wasn't sure of his argument, but he'd make it for all he was worth if it would keep her out of that ship-to-shore phone room. "I have a new theory."

  "I'm listening."

  "Let's assume Neil's stepfather knows that you saw Neil kill Theo."

  She ran her hands through her hair and blew out a bream, as if releasing tension. "I think we can safely assume feat"

  He made himself forget about how tempting her breasts looked under that thin T-shirt. "Then he finds out that you jumped on this cruise instead of going back to work. Didn't give any notice at work, just le
ft for Mexico. What's he going to think?''

  "That I'm running away?"

  "Yep. And maybe he's willing to leave it at that. If you're running because you don't want to get involved in this nasty murder case, that could suit him just fine. He just wants to make sure that's what you're doing, so he sends someone to watch you."

  "Hector Michelangelo."

  "Maybe." Lex still wasn't sure about that, especially if Hector had found himself a girlfriend, but nobody else had popped up who looked like a Mafia type.

  "So you're saying as long as I act like I'm on this cruise to have a good time, they might just let me go?"

  "Could be."

  "What about them stealing my passport?"

  "Maybe it was simply to let you know you're being watched. Maybe if you don't make any false moves, they'll return it." The elevator stopped at C Deck and Lex gestured for her to go out ahead of him.

  "This is C Deck," she said.

  He pushed the button to hold the door open. "I thought you wanted to go back to the room to get the map. Would you rather head down to the purser's office and ask for one there?"

  She stood in the elevator doorway, her eyes filled with indecision. "Lex, I don't want Neil to get away with this."

  "Let me make the call on the way back." He wasn't planning to come back, but now wasn't the time to discuss it. He didn't want Neil getting away with murder, either, but Gillian was more important to him than bringing Neil to justice.

  If that made him a washout as a PI, then so be it. His career as a PI was over, anyway. Until he learned to speak better Spanish, his job options in South America might be severely limited. Fortunately he was still strong enough to dig ditches.

  "I'm afraid if you call on the way back, it'll be too late," she said.

  The elevator buzzed in protest at the length of time Lex had kept his finger on the button holding the door open. "Let's talk about this in the room, okay? You can look at the map and decide what you want to do."

  "Okay." She stepped into the hall.

  It was a small victory, but he'd take it. Once he got her into the room, he planned to convince her that there were far better things to do with the next hour than make phone calls.