Like a Book

by Bette Hawkins

  “I’ve got plans with some friends at One Two Three down the street, you know, the bar on Brunswick Street? Would you like to come?”

  “I’m sorry, I’ve got to be getting home. I need an early night, I’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow,” June said.

  “Oh, come on, you could come for one drink. Max said you were fun.”

  “I’m sorry, I really can’t,” June said, smiling stiffly.

  “Okay. Well, I’ll see you again soon, then.”

  June stalled, unsure of whether to say anything to make it clear she didn’t intend to see Brie for a second date. She could only imagine the grief that Ollie and Max were going to give her for not being open to Brie at all. They would say that she was too biased because of Trish, and they would probably be right.

  “Oh, um. Depends on my work schedule and everything, it can be pretty crazy so…” June said.

  “No problem, of course. Be in touch?”

  “Sure,” June said. Brie leaned in and kissed her cheek, the lips soft but dry against her skin.

  * * *

  All week, Trish wondered about June’s date, but she never mentioned it again while they were hanging out. It hurt that June might never have said anything if Leigh’s question had not forced the fact out into the open. Trish had been seeing June most days for weeks now, and she thought that they were becoming close friends. Shouldn’t dating be something they would share with one another? How many girls was June seeing, anyway?

  Trish needed to ask her about it. She wanted to know how long June had been dating someone, and she wanted to gauge how serious it was. The idea of June having a girlfriend was upsetting, if only because it would mean that she would have less time to spend with Trish. Time was in short supply as it was. How long would it be before June might stop meeting her for coffee? It had become important to her, more than she would care to admit.

  On the Monday morning following the weekend of June’s date, they sat in one of the campus cafés that was based in the sciences building. They’d had to give up on their favorite spot because of the rain that now beat steadily on the roof.

  Trish rehearsed the casual way she was going to ask about the date so often, that the words sounded strange as they left her mouth.

  “How was your date on Friday?” she asked.

  “Good, good,” June said, not meeting her eye.

  That could mean anything. Maybe June couldn’t look at her because she’d spent the whole weekend in bed with her mystery woman.

  “So, it went well? Did it?”

  June’s eyes darted toward her and away. “Actually, no. Not really. I don’t think I want to see her again.”

  “That’s a shame,” Trish said. “Who was she?”

  “Just someone I met through my housemate’s boyfriend. She was nice and everything, I just didn’t feel like we had too much to talk about.”

  “You didn’t feel like you clicked with her?”

  “That’s it exactly.”

  They were quiet, each of them sipping their coffee. When Trish glanced at June’s profile, she was lifting the coffee to her mouth, her brow furrowed in concentration. Trish wondered if she was still thinking about the date. Had June slept with this woman? If she was so ambivalent about her, why? Trish wanted reassurance that June wouldn’t see her again, but she had no right to ask.

  “What about you, did you have a nice weekend?” June asked, finally.

  “I did, thanks, it was very relaxing. Did you get up to anything else?”

  “I went to roller derby training on Saturday. It’s been pretty intense because it’s coming up to the finals. We’re playing next weekend.”

  “Tell me again, what exactly is it? All I seem to have absorbed is that you skate,” Trish said, laughing.

  “It’s the best game. I got into it because Ollie’s a referee. I went to watch and knew I needed to get in on it. Basically the whole thing is you’re trying to score points going around the track the fastest, but there’s lots of bashing into each other,” June said, smacking her hands together.

  “You look quite happy about that?”

  “It’s an intense sport. See you have two teams and when a team is in play, their jammer is going around here…” she said, using a finger to draw the shape of the track on the table between them. “Trying to get as many points as possible. If you’re on the other team, your job is to try and block them from passing you.”

  “Sounds like fun.”

  “It’s fun to play, it’s fun to watch…you know, if you’re not doing anything on Saturday night you should come along. Bring your sister and Andrew too, if you like?”

  “I’d love to.”

  June winked at her. “You’re in for a treat.”

  Chapter Nine

  On Saturday night, Trish sat in the stands of the high school gymnasium, pulse drumming with the anticipation of seeing June play. All around her people ate hot dogs or french fries, children shouting at one another on the steps of the grandstand.

  Commentators were set up at a table on the far end of the track, holding microphones and controlling the pumping music.

  “Now everyone, get ready for an epic battle between the Melbourne City Rollers and the Hawthorne Harlots!”

  It was thrilling to watch as the players took to the track, skating with their arms raised or spinning around as they entered. Trish admired the women’s strong bodies, and the refreshing range of shapes and sizes that were represented. The players sped around the track in their skates and helmets, a Bikini Kill song blasting as the commentator introduced them. They wore their colors with hot pants, tights, shorts, and in some cases even fishnet stockings.

  “This game will determine who makes it to the semifinals, so let’s all make some noise!”

  June was wearing tights with shorts over the top of them, and a tank top that revealed more of her arms than Trish had seen before. Her shoulders and biceps were lean and toned. The tank top was tight enough that Trish could also see the roundness of her curves. Trish’s mouth went dry as June found her in the crowd and grinned up at her, giving a salute.

  The women were all standing in their skates, frozen in place until the buzzer went off. Then they were in motion, and Trish followed June in the pack. As June had explained, there was a fierce physicality to the game, and Trish winced when one of the women tumbled to the ground. Her teammates helped her up again. Trish couldn’t take her eyes from June as she weaved around the track, blocking her opponents, skating fast with her chin jutting out.

  Leigh and Andrew already had plans for the night, so Trish braved coming here on her own. The idea of going to an event like this alone was terrifying, but she wanted to push herself. Before the game started she had met June at the front of the gym.

  June had enveloped her in a hug when she said hello and Trish leaned into it. June kissed her cheek, the soft lips brushing against her skin, and it was all Trish could do to not make a sound or turn her head to press their lips together.

  “Thanks so much for coming. Always good to have another cheerleader for the team,” June said, releasing her slowly.

  “I wouldn’t miss it. I’m looking forward to finally seeing what this is all about.”

  “So, Ollie and I are going to have the team and any friends they want to bring over for drinks after the game. Would you like to come?”

  “Of course.”

  Remembering the way June smiled, Trish worked to pull her focus back to the game in front of her. Although June thoroughly explained the rules, Trish couldn’t follow everything that was happening. It was easy to pick out the jammers, because they wore a big star on their helmets. The crowd roared when a jammer was finished rolling around the track. Trish often had trouble figuring out which team was which, though she understood that June was in the Melbourne City Rollers. She watched the numbers change on the scoreboard and let it wash over her, enjoying herself despite the confusion. Trish cheered along with the crowd, raising cold beer and salty fries to
her lips.

  It didn’t matter at all that she was alone, because everybody was too engrossed in the game to notice her. Nobody could know how she felt as she watched June roll around the track, looking so in command of her body. She cringed when June was knocked over as she attempted to block the jammer from the other team, three women becoming tangled in a blur of limbs. June got up again quickly, looking even more determined.

  It was nail-bitingly close, and the crowd was in a frenzy by the time the clock had two minutes to go. The jammer for the Rollers was poised, ready to go as soon as the buzzer went off.

  “This could go either way folks…the Harlots are ten points up,” the commentator said.

  The jammer flowed around the track, speeding past the Harlots.

  “That’s fifteen points for the Melbourne City Rollers, the Rollers claim victory!”

  The room erupted into cheers. Spectators moved forward to stand around in a circle while the players rolled around and touched their hands, Veruca Salt blaring from the speakers. Swept along with the crowd, Trish moved to join them. June slapped her hand as she passed, treating Trish to a smile that was just for her.

  They’d agreed to meet outside the front of the auditorium and Trish waited. Tonight, she would meet all of June’s friends, and she was sure they would find her terribly boring. She couldn’t go. It would mean sitting alone in a corner, or even worse, June might feel obligated to babysit her all night. The people at the party would all be roller derby players, girls that were tough and cool in the way that Trish herself had never been. She wasn’t any good in large groups. This was definitely not her scene.

  June strode toward her. Just the sight of her started Trish’s heart racing. June’s skates were slung over a shoulder by the laces and she was still wearing her clothes from the game. She’d taken off her elbow and knee pads.

  “Congratulations. That was so much fun to watch, really. And you were great,” Trish said, touching June’s shoulder. June was sweating lightly, and her skin was slick under Trish’s fingers.

  “Thanks. Hey, do you mind holding my skates? I’m getting cold.”

  Trish took them from her and watched while June rifled through her backpack to find a sweater. Trish spun the wheels of the skate against her hand. She hated the thought of just leaving, of missing her chance to spend more time with June.

  “Ollie’s going to be here any minute. He’s just packing some stuff up. I can’t wait for you to meet him. Just…you know how we said we were going to keep that thing secret? That goes double for Ollie.”

  “Of course.”

  “Here he comes.”

  A short, good-looking guy with red hair and a neatly trimmed beard was walking toward them. He’d added an eccentric twist to his referee uniform with a pair of knee-high rainbow socks.

  “Hey. Ollie, this is Trish; Trish, this is Ollie,” June said.

  “Nice to meet you, Trish.”

  Trish caught the way he looked her up and down, and she wondered if it was in her head or if he really had taken an instant dislike to her.

  “Car’s that way,” he said, pointing across the parking lot that was next to the gym.

  June hung back with Trish while he walked ahead of them.

  “Hey, listen, I’m not sure if I can come tonight…”

  June stopped and turned toward her, the corners of her mouth downturned under the lights overhead. “Oh.”

  “I’m sorry,” Trish said.

  “We can give you a ride somewhere if you want.”

  “That’s okay, I can just catch the train.”

  “It’s dark. I’d really feel better if we dropped you off? I mean, if you have to be someplace else, we can just take you to a station?”

  June’s shoulders slumped; she was deflated after being so happy just moments ago. Trish didn’t want to leave her, and it seemed like June really wanted her to come to the party. Trish told herself to be brave. “You know what, I’ll come to your place. The other thing can wait.”

  June grinned, gesturing toward the car. “You want the front seat?” she asked, holding the door open.

  “No, please, you take it.”

  Trish moved into the backseat, sitting in the middle so that she could lean forward and hear June and Ollie talking.

  “So that new jammer is pretty good, huh?” Ollie asked.

  “Oh yeah, she is super-fast.” June looked over her shoulder at Trish. “That’s the one who races around and gets all the points.”

  Trish nodded, and glanced over at Ollie. His eyes flicked toward her in the rearview mirror, looking at her blankly. Trish was finding him difficult to read, but there was a coldness about him that surprised her. June’s description had given Trish the impression that Ollie would be much nicer than he was. Trish wanted him to like her, but more importantly she wanted to like him. So far it was a mystery to her why June and Ollie were so close.

  “Is Max coming tonight? I didn’t see him at the game,” June asked.

  “He was out having dinner with some friends, but he’ll be over at our place soon. Oh, and I’m sorry to tell you this, but he’s bringing a few people. Brie’s going to be in the group.”

  Trish stared out of the window. If she had known that Brie was going to be coming, she would have listened to her instincts and gone home. She wished could have a private moment with June to talk about this, to see if she should make herself scarce. She couldn’t imagine talking about it with Ollie here, though.

  “I wish he’d asked if he could bring her. It’s a little weird,” June finally replied.

  “I know, I know. But I don’t think it’s his fault. She caught wind of it and insisted.”

  “I don’t know why she would do that, though? I called her and told her thanks, but that I didn’t want it to go anywhere. I don’t know what more I can do.”

  “Maybe she just wants to hang out as friends then. She’ll probably be cool about it all,” Ollie said.

  “Maybe,” June said. Trish caught another look from Ollie. She met his eyes and then looked out of the window again. She shouldn’t be here.

  When they arrived at the apartment, June offered to show her around. There was a strong lemon scent like the place had been scrubbed down, and now it was clean but untidy. There were stacks of books and records everywhere. As they walked down the hallway Trish glanced into the bedrooms to find that both June and Ollie slept on mattresses on the floor. Furniture was scarce, and milk crates and boxes served as tables here and there. Almost every wall was covered with paintings. June explained that most of the pieces had been given to them by artist friends.

  As they walked out of sight of Ollie, Trish put a hand on June’s waist. There weren’t many opportunities for them to do this, and she wasn’t about to let it go by. June turned and pulled her into an embrace. Trish’s breath quickened as they were pressed against one another.

  “I love your glasses, but I like being able to see your eyes. They’re really pretty,” June said.

  “Thank you. You have…you looked good in your playing clothes,” Trish replied, catching herself before she said anything more explicit. It really wasn’t like her to comment on someone’s body.

  “Is this okay? Do you need to say coffee?”

  “No, it’s nice,” Trish said. “Thank you for inviting me tonight.”

  Trish closed her eyes. June’s body was soft and hard against her at the same time, and June’s hands were on her waist, rubbing small circles over her clothes. She could stay here all night, breathing June in. Trish wondered if June might feel the same way, because it took a long time for her to let Trish go.

  They finally returned to the kitchen, Trish trailing uncertainly behind June. Ollie had changed his clothes and was pottering around, wiping down the countertops. The blender was surrounded by liquor bottles.

  “I’m just going to have a shower before everyone gets here. That cool?” June asked. Trish nodded toward her, leaning against the kitchen table casually as though she wa
sn’t terrified about being left alone with Ollie.

  “Cool,” Ollie said, hitting the start button on the blender so that the room filled with the sound of grinding ice.

  Ollie kept his back toward her as Trish sat down at the kitchen table. When the blender stopped, Ollie finally looked over at her.

  “Can I get you a drink?”

  “Yes, please, that would be great.”

  Ollie mixed her a margarita, expertly dipping the rim of the glass in salt. Trish remembered that he worked in a bar just like June did.

  “This is great. Thank you.”

  Ollie nodded, as though it were a given that his drink-making skills were perfect.

  “So, you work at the university library, right?” Ollie asked.

  “That’s right. Just started not too long ago.”

  It was quiet, and Trish tried to think of something to say.

  “Can I help you with something?” Trish asked.

  “You can slice these up if you like.”

  She was given a cutting board and a pile of lemons and limes to work on. Trish’s eyes fell on a novel on the table, a coming-of-age story called Infinity by C.M. Bowles. In high school it had made her feel less alone, cutting through her isolation like only the best stories could. A bookmark was tucked into the pages toward the end. Trish wiped juice from her fingers and picked up the well-worn paperback.

  “I love this book. Are you reading it or is it June’s?”

  “That’s mine,” Ollie said. “You’ve read it?”

  “Oh yes, more times than I can count.”

  “Really? It’s been like my bible since I was about fourteen years old.”

  “Me too. Well, I read it a couple of years later than that, but I reread it every year at least. It’s like coming back to an old friend.”

  “I know! Have you read her other stuff?” Ollie asked.

  “I have every single one. Even that awful short story collection they rushed out when she died.”

  “Oh, totally agree with you. But one simply must have it. Check this out,” Ollie said, pulling up the sleeve of his shirt. Trish ran her fingers over his tattoo, across the Latin phrase “de omnibus disputandum.”