by J. P. Grider
Chapter Eighteen
Mara’s Letter to Brad
October 8, 2010
Hi Brad,
I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been pretty down lately. Tagg hasn’t called and every time I try to call him, I can’t get through. I know I’ve hurt him and I don’t know how to apologize. Every day, I consider driving down to Somers’ Point, but he isn’t like other people. Accepting people into his heart isn’t one of his strong points. He is so good at shutting people out and running away that I just might break down if he turns away at the sight of me.
But I’m breaking down now. Maybe going down there would be worth the risk. He may be a little broken, but isn’t everyone, Brad? Besides, his vulnerability is one of the charming qualities I fell in love with. Maybe it’s worth taking the first step. I couldn’t live without him; he’s the other half of my soul.
***
“Holy Shit, look at you.” Auggie was lounging on my couch when I got home. “Is it 1995 again? You look awesome. You look like that glamorous Rock 'n Roll Star you were born to be.”
Dad knew me so well. “Can it, Dad. Not in the mood.”
He held his hands up in defeat. “’Kay. You do look good, though; like your old man back before he turned all salt 'n pepper.”
“Have you looked in the mirror? You got more salt than pepper.” I chuckled in spite of myself.
“You wanna get some dinner, Taggart? Or are you not in the mood?” He mocked.
“I guess I can eat. What do you have in mind?”
Auggie thought for a moment before slamming his hand down on the arm of the couch. “How ‘bout the Crab Trap? We haven’t been there in a while.”
The Crab Trap was the number one restaurant in Somers’ Point. It sat directly on the bay, right before the bridge that crossed over into Ocean City. Its food was phenomenal and although the wait to get in was long, there was a bar that sat right at the bay’s edge, where we’d enjoy a drink or two while we waited. The live music was always a treat too. It had been so long since I had eaten there, I actually missed it.
“Okay, when?”
“As soon as you’re ready. I don’t mind eating early.”
“Okay, give me a half hour or so, I just need to make a phone call.”
“With what phone?”
“I got a new one this afternoon.” I hadn’t waited for my father’s response, I was already headed for my bedroom/rec room in the back of the house.
My nerves were a jumbled mess. The whole time I sat and waited for my hair to take effect, I was wondering what I would say to Mara. I knew I needed to call her. My stubbornness toward her and my mother was extremely childish. I was thinking clearer now and my apologies to both were paramount. Especially to Mara. Where as my mother could have told me what she was up to, Mara had been put in a terrible position. She really had done nothing wrong and I made a huge mistake by not allowing her to share her side of the story.
Now I was in the repentant position of pleading for Mara’s forgiveness. I wanted to make the call as soon as possible, before any more time had past.
She answered on the second ring.
“Hello?” Her voice was the sound of an angel on earth.
I had to clear my throat; it felt like cracked wheat. “Mara.” The name barely came off my tongue. “Mara.” I repeated more clearly. “It’s Tagg.”
“Tagg. Oh my goodness. How are you?”
This girl was amazing. I heard no tones of indignation, even though I’d totally deserved them. “I’m alright, I guess.” I hesitated slightly. “You know what, Mara, no, I’m not alright.” My apologies began to pour out in buckets. “I am so sorry. I am so sorry for walking out on you that night and I am so sorry I haven’t called you in so long. You did not deserve that.” My heart was beating so loudly I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to hear Mara’s response.
“Tagg, that’s okay. I can imagine what it probably looked like to you. I tried calling you, but it always went to voicemail.”
“I’m sorry about that too. I hope you can forgive me?” Of course I had asked it instead of stating it. It was more polite, I thought.
“Of course. And forgive me, too. I should have been up front with you about what your mother had asked of me.”
“She should have never put you in that position. I still haven’t spoken with her.”
“Oh, Tagg, she really meant well. She loves you so much. All she wanted was to save you. You really should call her. She feels really bad.”
“You keep in touch with her?”
“I do. She misses you.”
“Yeah, well,…I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.”
“Mara?” I sighed before taking a huge breath. “Can I come visit you tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
“You have no plans?”
“Just church at nine in the morning. Are you down the shore?”
“I am. Auggie’s here with me, but he’ll be taking off in the morning. I’ll leave when he does. I’ll see you about noon?”
“I’ll be looking forward to it.”
“Bye, Mara.”
“Bye, Tagg.”
Even though it was only five o’clock in the evening, The Crab Trap was still crowded with patrons. However, the hostess recognized Auggie and me so she moved us to the top of the list. We only had to wait five minutes for our table. Drinks, of course, were on the house.
“Dad, I got so sidetracked today that I forgot to tell you.” I took a sip of my beer before continuing. “There’s this woman that’s been following me. She looks exactly like Crystal. She drives a bright yellow Camaro. Whether I’m in Sparta or Somers’ Point, she’s there. I took down her plates and called the cops. Guess who the plates are registered to?”
I drank more beer and searched my father’s eyes intently. He narrowed them at me. “No idea.”
“Crystal. They’re registered to Crystal at my address. I got the call this morning.”
Auggie furrowed his brow. “I don’t get it.”
“Officer Bradish said it was registered the day after Crystal’s accident.”
“Hmmm. That’s pretty creepy. And, she’s following you?”
I nodded. “All the time.”
“Something’s wrong here. I’ll look into it. I have some friends who can check this out. In the meantime, be careful. There are quite a bit of crazies out there.”
Didn’t I know it. “Thanks.” I hesitated to ask my next question. “Dad.” I paused again. “You don’t think Crystal’s alive, do you?”
My dad let out a non-humorous laugh. “No. I was with you when you identified her body. That dead girl was definitely Crystal.”
I nodded again. “I guess so. It just doesn’t make sense.”
“Taggart, listen, we’ll get to the bottom of this. Don’t beat yourself up over it, you’ve done enough of that already.”
The rest of our dinner conversation followed a less serious subject. Our food was delicious. My Maryland Crab Cakes were perfect and Dad’s Surf and Turf looked remarkable. When we were through, we got back in his bad-ass roadster and drove back to my house, where I plopped on my couch and fell asleep. Dreaming of seeing Mara tomorrow.
Chapter Nineteen
The sun had barely risen and I was already up, making a small pot of coffee. I couldn’t wait to see Mara today. My patience wouldn’t allow me to wait in Somers’ Point for my Dad to wake up, so I left him a note instead. He came all the way down here to fend for Mara’s innocence, I figured he’d understand if I left early to see her. Besides, he had a fresh pot of coffee waiting for him. I’d get myself a cup at the drive-thru on my way to Mara’s.
Knowing I was on my way to see the sweetest girl in the world, I couldn’t be more elated. She had forgiven me and she was looking forward to seeing me as well. When I think of sweet Mara, I figure I can’t be all that bad for God to have put her in my life. I didn’t think it was coincidence either. We had so many emotional circumstances in
common and we were so comfortable in each other’s company. If I could just stop screwing up, Mara and I would be great together.
Daughtry was playing in my CD player and I couldn’t help but see the similarities between his lyrics and the events in my life. Many of his songs were about mistakes he had made and making them right. Especially his song Tennessee Line which seemed to fit the picture of my life. I may not have been crossing the Tennessee border, but I was at a crossroads and I needed to make things right. Would I ever, could I ever, turn it around?
I had also realized that, like Daughtry, my own new songs had a similar edge to them, and I supposed that experiencing the words I sang, actually brought my music to life. With each song, I gave the listener a glimpse of my soul. And that’s when it hit me. I was more of an artist now, than a performer. The only thing was, if I didn’t perform, my fans would be disappointed and I may even lose some of my fan base. If that were the case, my message of what drives the human condition couldn’t be interpreted. I was pretty sure now that I was meant to be the inflicted singer who sang his heart out to the world.
It was 8:45 am by the time I made it through West Milford on Route 23, when I remembered that Mara was going to church at nine. I recalled from a past conversation that Saint Simon’s in Green Pond was where she went. It’d been an extremely long while since I had entered any house of worship, but I thought now was as good a time as any. Mara might have been the impetus for my visit to church today, but if I were serious about forgiving myself for my past mistakes, it couldn’t hurt to seek it from God first.
Mara’s white Beetle was not in the parking lot when I got to Saint Simon’s, but I didn’t wait for her outside. I apprehensively made my way up the stairs and into the little white steepled church. I sat in the very last pew. A small priest of about 5’6” and probably in his late 40s, came up to me with his hand out to shake mine.
“Hello.” The priest smiled. “I’m Father Tony, welcome to Saint Simon’s”
“Hello, Father.” I’d hoped that was how I was supposed to address a priest. “Thank you. I’m Taggart Holland, I’m a friend of Mara Carson.” I couldn’t remember if Mara only used Giordano professionally or not. I know she kept it for fitness recognition because of her Uncle Frank’s stature in that field.
“Oh.” Father Tony said with a beaming smile. “Well, any friend of Mara’s…” He never finished the clichéd phrase, assuming I knew the rest. “If there’s anything I can do for you, just ask. Mara has my number if you need it.” Father Tony began to turn, but then recollection hit him suddenly. “Taggart Holland? Would that be thee Tagg Holland of the rock band Holland?”
Trying not to appear too arrogant in church, I humbly gazed toward the floor and nodded. “Yes, I am Tagg Holland.”
Father Tony gave a glinting smile. “Great to have you here. It is truly an honor. I was a big fan of yours in the past. I hear you’re making a comeback?”
My eyebrows shot up to my forehead. Who would have thought that priests actually listened to rock music? “Yes, actually we are. It’s been an experience. We’re not as young as we used to be.”
“Are any of us?” Father Tony laughed and walked away.
My stomach sunk as I suddenly realized that if Father Tony paid attention to Holland years ago, then he probably heard about my affair and the casualty that it had caused. I felt my skin turn red and hot. I’d hoped he had more important things to think about than my mess of a life.
A petite hand landed on my shoulder before that sweet voice spoke. “Tagg, I can’t believe you’re here.” I moved one spot down the pew to allow Mara to sit. She immediately took my hand. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
I leaned forward and kissed her quickly and softly on the lips. “Me too.”
Just then, the organist started playing and the congregation stood. They sang a glorious hymn as Father Tony walked down the aisle and then he thanked everyone for coming to Mass on this beautiful Sunday morning in October. I tried to listen to Father’s homily, but all I kept thinking about were Mara’s fingers delicately entwined with mine. My source of light was back in my life and my heart was once again illuminated.
After Mass, Mara and I stopped at her car to decide our plans. “What would you like to do today, Mara?”
Mara was giddy with happiness. She took both my hands and looked into my spectacle-free eyes. “Anything you want Tagg. I’m just glad to be with you, again. I’ve really missed you.” Then she stepped back slightly and gazed at me from head to toe. “Look at you. You look amazing.” Mara reached up with her right hand and touched my hair. “It’s beautiful. Your hair got long. I love the highlights and all the layers. I can’t believe it falls below your neck, now. And you got contacts? I swear you look like you stepped out of the poster I used to have hanging up in my room.” Mara gave a nervous titter, just like a schoolgirl with a crush. Which I didn’t mind, at all. She eyed me again, up and down, but then she frowned. “You lost weight, Tagg. Are you eating enough?”
“Enough.” I didn’t want to tell her that my diet consisted mostly of liquid meals lately. “I haven’t been all that hungry lately. I’ve been running though.” Hoping that would make her proud of me, I gave her one of my debonair smiles. I’d hoped.
“But if you’re not eating, then you’re burning way too many calories when you run.” She wasn’t proud of me.
I placed my fingers under Mara’s chin and made her look me in the eyes. “Mara. I didn’t come all this way to see you, only to talk about what I eat or don’t eat.” I made sure my smile never left my face or my eyes. “I came here to see you…and maybe talk about us.”
Mara closed her eyes briefly while she sighed. “I’m sorry. I care about you.”
My fingers were still under her chin, so I maneuvered her closer and kissed her on her delicious pink mouth. “And I care about you. That’s why I’m here.” I held both her hands now. “So, how about we decide where we will spend the day together.”
Mara smiled back at me. “Well, have you even been home yet.”
“No. I haven’t. Would you like to sit out by the lake today.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
Finally, we would be leaving the St. Simon’s parking lot. It was a nice church and all, but it wasn’t my idea of a semi-romantic reunion. “Okay, I’ll follow you home so we can drop your car off.” I kissed Mara goodbye and we were off to spend a much longed for day together. Hopefully, in each other’s arms.
When we pulled up my Sparta drive, it was almost eleven a.m. We carried our Starbuck’s coffees through the house and onto the grass at the edge of the lake. “Would you like me to get a blanket to sit on?” I wanted Mara to be comfortable, but she wouldn’t have it.
“No, the grass is fine. It’s nice and plush.”
“You mean overgrown.”
Mara chuckled. She did that often. “I hadn’t mowed the lawn in a long time. I guess I should get around to it; I think there’s an ordinance about that.” I wasn’t serious though, I needed to be back by Tuesday and I didn’t want to waste any time away from Mara. “I’ll call a landscaper tomorrow.”
“Or we can do it today.” Mara’s face lit up with animation when she suggested we mow my lawn.
I couldn’t help but smile. “Uh. Yeah. Let’s not. It’s fine. I’ll call a landscaper. It’s October anyway, I’m sure the grass is dying. But, to put your mind to rest, I’ll find somebody to take care of it. Okay?”
Mara was genuinely disappointed. “But it’s such good exercise…where’s your rake and lawn mower? I can do it right now.”
“Mara. You didn’t even finish your coffee. Besides, if it’s exercise you’re looking for, I have a better idea.” I winked. She blushed. “Anyway, I’d much rather spend time with you, not watching you mow the lawn…or you watching me mow the lawn. Forget the lawn already and,” I couldn’t stop myself. “Just kiss me, will ya’?”
I curved my hand around the back of Mara’s neck and drew her to me. I i
nhaled her sweet scent and kissed her soft mouth. Her kiss today tasted like vanilla cupcakes. She was as delightful to taste as she was to behold. I could feel my heart beat speed up as she wrapped her arms snuggly around my neck. Our embrace lasted a few minutes before we mutually separated.
We both sipped our coffee and turned our gaze toward the lake. I think we both had felt the awkwardness of looking at each other after that kiss, realizing that we should probably qualify the relationship at this point.
“Mara.”
“Yeah?” She turned her head halfway in my direction. I’m sure she sensed the nature of what I was about to say and was most likely apprehensive about it. Her face was unreadable.
Maybe I would start off slow and just ask her out on a date. We’d never really had one of those. I suppose that would be the proper way to start. “Would you like to go on a date with me tonight?”
“Okay.” Her mouth curled slightly as she answered.
“Is dinner fine?” I was so nervous, I hadn’t realized that guys got butterflies, too.
“Sure. Dinner would be nice.”
Whew. She said yes. “Alright. We’ll talk about the time later. How ‘bout we go apple picking this afternoon?”
“Apple picking?” She quirked her mouth to one side. Was she being sarcastic? I couldn’t tell.
“Yeah. You know, those little round red things you pick out of the trees?” I could be sarcastic too.
“Ha, Ha.” She let out a tiny laugh when she smiled. “That sounds fun.”