Breaking the Bro Code

by Stefanie London

  Col stopped, took a breath and whirled around. ‘I am Arthur Hill’s son, but I became emancipated the second I could. Therefore, I was not legally tied to him at the time of the fraud nor at the time I started my company. None of the investigations at the time connected me or my business to him in any way. I do not support illegal activity. Now, I’ll ask that you please leave me alone. I have no further comments.’

  The wind seemed to run out of the journalist’s sails; it was clearly not the emotional reaction she was hoping for.

  Col stalked to his car and left the cemetery in a hurry. He drove through the city like a man possessed, the desire to flee growing stronger by the minute. He had to get out. Out of Australia, out of the mess he’d created with Elise, out of his own head. He left his car in the valet area of the hotel and went straight to his room to shower, change and pack.

  The methodical actions of packing a suitcase calmed some of the prickling, nervous energy that flowed through him. But the need to escape was all consuming.

  He’d continued to push Elise when he knew that she didn’t have more to give, when she’d been nothing but transparent about the level of her feelings towards him. Why couldn’t he accept that she didn’t love him the way he loved her?

  He took a deep breath and continued to fold and stack his clothing in the open suitcase on his hotel bed. He would be home soon and then he could put this trip far behind him. He’d throw himself into his work, leveraging the success of his talk at the conference to find new investors and to build the next big thing. Maybe he’d even head over to Singapore or Hong Kong for a bit.

  His work would save him, as it always had. He’d stay in his office till late each night, working himself hard enough to guarantee an exhausted slumber. The weekends were tough, but he was rich and that would allow him to easily find company on the odd occasions that he wanted it. Plus he had Pete, his one true friend.

  Col tried not to dwell on what a pathetic existence he led, one devoid of feeling and emotion. But he would not put himself in the path of rejection any more. Too many people had made it clear he couldn’t be loved...that he wasn’t quite good enough no matter how hard he tried. He didn’t need to be told again.

  A knock at his hotel-room door stopped the downward spiral of his thoughts. He was getting out of here, and that was that. He rolled the suitcase to the living area and opened the door.

  ‘Would you like a turndown service, sir?’ the young girl in the hotel uniform asked with a smile.

  ‘I’ll be checking out now,’ Col replied, mustering a smile and walking past her to the elevator.

  The reception desk processed his checkout quickly and offered to call the airport to see about changing his flight to LA to an earlier departure.

  ‘Why don’t you grab a drink in the bar and I’ll send someone over with your new flight details? Would you like us to book you a driver as well?’ The elegant woman behind the desk gestured to the cosy champagne bar on the other side of their huge reception area.

  ‘Thank you. I have a rental car that needs to go back to the airport anyway. I’ll drive myself.’

  The last thing he wanted was to have nothing to do with his hands for the forty-five-plus minutes it would take to get from Southbank to Tullamarine at this time of evening. He left his suitcase with the staff and wandered over to the bar. It was the epitome of luxury hotel bars, somehow quiet despite being adjacent to the reception area and tastefully decorated in muted shades of gold, cream and chocolate.

  Col ordered a gin and tonic and took a seat in the back, away from the young girls at the bar wearing too flashy dresses and OTT make-up who eyed him as he walked past. No other girl would even enter his mind until he’d got enough distance from Elise Johnson...like a minimum of two oceans’ distance.

  ‘Your gin and tonic, sir.’ The waiter placed the heavy crystal glass down in front of him and Col raised it immediately to his lips.

  Just one drink. Never more than one when he was feeling frustrated. The cold liquid slid down his throat, relaxing him. He let out a long breath and loosened his shoulders before pulling out an envelope from his jacket pocket.

  He’d found an old photo of his mother at his father’s house when he was cleaning out the closet. Col had only had the rarest of opportunities growing up to know what his mother looked like; his father had burned a lot of their old pictures in a drunken rage one night when Col had asked too many questions. His mother was a mystery to him, but here she stood with her long dark hair and light blue eyes the same as his. She was smiling. She looked...happy.

  He traced the picture with his fingertip, strangely calmed by the image of her. She looked exactly as he’d imagined: warm and loving, smiling always. If only she hadn’t died giving birth to him, how different his life could have been.

  He wondered for a moment what it might have been like to have been loved as a child. The sad thing was he couldn’t even picture it. Col reached for his glass and took a sip. What would his life have looked like if his mother had lived?

  Tension curled his hands into fists and he drew a deep breath to slow the thudding of his heart. All his life he’d shied away from situations where he could be rejected because of the way he was raised...except when it came to Elise. There was something deep within him that wouldn’t let up when it came to her, something that wouldn’t stop pushing him out of his comfort zone.

  He swallowed. They both bore the scars of their parents’ actions, and though he would have given anything to have Elise’s life growing up he knew that it was far from perfect.

  Yet she’d helped him to get out on that stage and do something that he knew he couldn’t have done without her. She did care for him, that was obvious...but could she care for him in the way he wanted? Not as a friend, not even as a lover but as someone to whom she was wholly committed. He’d had enough of the ‘sex only’ arrangement; he wanted more and he wouldn’t accept anything less.

  But could he put himself out there one more time? Could he face her rejection again?

  The bar around him grew louder as he pondered his thoughts. He could see the woman who’d helped him at Concierge approaching him. It was too late; he’d be leaving soon. Perhaps it was for the best.

  He was about to get out of his chair and greet the woman as a flash of movement caught his attention. A blonde woman was jogging through the foyer, make-up streaked all over her face.

  Ellie?

  * * *

  Elise jogged through the underground car park to the entertainment complex where Col’s hotel was located. Her sneakers slapped against the concrete floor and she was turning heads as she sped by...but not in a good way. It seemed that once the crying had started it was quite difficult to make it stop. And since she’d never required waterproof mascara before she now had panda-like black smudges around her eyes.

  Appearance was a thing she never cared about a great deal; so long as her body was in good shape for her dancing she hadn’t bothered with vanity. But now she was feeling self-conscious. Not because her make-up was smudged, not because she looked like a crazy madwoman, but because she was wearing her feelings for the whole world to see.

  It would be worth it. When she showed Col how much she’d changed, this strange, fearful energy buzzing inside her would be worth it.

  She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for the elevator to take her out of the car park. Each moment felt as if it increased the risk of him slipping away. That, or the risk of losing her nerve.

  The doors of the elevator pinged and she stepped into the hotel’s foyer. There were people everywhere, suitcases dragging alongside the sound of heels clicking against the marble floor. The air was filled with laughter, perfume and the excitement of a balmy summer’s eve.

  Elise contemplated asking Reception to call ahead, but she figured it would be easier to surprise Col. Maybe he would ha
ve less opportunity to think about the way she’d treated him. If only she could get someone to buzz her up to the right level.

  She jogged to the hotel elevators and looked around. A lady in a hotel uniform was waiting by the far end.

  ‘Excuse me,’ Elise said as she rushed over. ‘I’ve left my key in my room. I need to get up to level—’

  ‘You’ll need to go to the concierge desk, miss. Even if I get you to the right floor, you won’t get in your room without a key. You need to—

  ‘My husband’s in the room. I just need to get up to the right floor.’

  ‘You’ll need to go to the concierge desk.’ The older woman looked her up and down. ‘They can issue a replacement key.’

  ‘Please.’ Elise wrung her hands. ‘I don’t want people to see me like this.’

  Her voice was steady out of years of practice, but the woman’s face softened. ‘Just this once. Next time you use the concierge desk, okay?’

  ‘Okay.’ She nodded. ‘Thank you so much.’

  The elevator opened and they stepped in. The woman swiped her access card and Elise pushed the button for the top floor. As they sped up the floor numbers ticked over quickly and she held her breath.

  The penthouse floor was quiet; the silence almost made Elise turn back. Silence meant thinking, and at this point that was not a very good idea. She made it to Col’s door and knocked. Silence.

  ‘Col, it’s me. I’m sorry.’ She knocked again.

  The door flew open and Elise was met with the wary face of a hotel staffer. ‘Is this your room?’

  ‘No, I ugh...’ She looked into the room and saw the pile of sheets and towels on the floor. ‘I’m looking for the man who was staying in this room.’

  ‘He’s checked out.’ She smiled in apology.

  ‘When?’

  She shrugged and looked at her watch. ‘Twenty minutes ago...maybe half an hour.’

  He’d be halfway to the airport by now. How would she be able to catch him? She turned, looking down the long corridor with its stylish gold trimmings and gentle light. It created a fantasy, one where people’s lives were elegant and perfect and kept together.

  A hard ball knotted in her stomach. She’d stuffed things up with Col on so many occasions that there would be no way he’d accept her apology. Why should he? Regret filtered through her, pulling on her limbs until it felt hard to take each step. She walked slowly back to the elevator.

  What would she do now? She pushed the call button and leant her back against the wall between two elevators. How could she go back to her former life when she’d finally started to understand what it meant to feel something deep and terrifying and real for another person? She would never find that again. Col was the only man who’d been able to tap into that side of her. The elevator pinged and she turned as the doors slid open.

  ‘Going down?’ A deep, male voice caught her attention.

  Elise looked up, eyes blurred with tears. ‘I thought you’d checked out.’

  ‘I have.’ Col stepped back to let her into the elevator.

  The doors slid closed behind her. ‘Then why are you here?’

  ‘I saw you in the lobby—at least I thought it was you.’ He sighed. ‘I saw a blonde woman running like the devil himself was chasing her, and she had black make-up all over her face. Somehow I knew it was you under all that muck.’

  ‘You did?’ Her voice wavered, the hope she’d tried her whole life to supress simmering close to the surface. Too close.

  ‘What did you want to talk about?’

  She pressed her palm against the elevator emergency stop button and the cabin slowed to a halt. ‘I’ve been doing some thinking and I wanted to share something with you.’

  ‘You better hope that button doesn’t set off any alarms.’ He sounded aloof, but the curiosity in his eyes was unmistakable.

  ‘There was something that I never told you about Dad’s death, something that I think you deserve to know. I’m not going to hold anything back from you anymore. I hope this proves it to you.’

  ‘I thought your dad’s death was a freak accident?’

  She fiddled with the lengths of her ponytail, fighting the urge to shut down. ‘He and Mum were on a raid together. It was a drug bust, a fairly big one from what I remember. They’d been tracking this particular group for a while and Mum came across some information about where they were hiding some of their product. She was in charge of the operation and Dad was going as backup.

  ‘They thought they cleared the place and Mum ordered Dad and another cop to search the backyard. But they’d missed someone. There was a man hiding out in the backyard and he had a gun. He killed Dad and wounded the other policeman. Mum always blamed herself. She was cleared by the Internal Affairs hearing but she never went back to work.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this? I thought it was a weapon malfunction—that’s what Rich told me.’

  ‘That’s what we were telling everyone. Mum couldn’t bear the truth and the force didn’t want those kinds of details getting out to the media. They kept it quiet because Mum and Dad were both respected members since they graduated high school.’ She bit down on her lip. ‘We were never allowed to talk about it, to ask questions. Mum refused to see a psychologist and she got worse and worse until Rich left because he couldn’t take it anymore. She developed a gambling problem...that’s why the ballet school was in a bad state. She gambled away all our savings, everything I’d stashed away and almost all of Dad’s payout.’

  ‘How could you not have told me this? After all your mother did for me...why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘She didn’t want us to tell anyone. After I quit ballet Rich left for England. I had to suck it up and keep everyone going. The studio was my outlet in the beginning, but I was young and stupid. I thought it would be better to have a mortgage on the studio and keep some money in our accounts in case anything happened... I had no idea she’d blow the whole lot.’

  ‘My God, Ellie. I was sitting on the other side of the world completely oblivious.’ He talked as if to himself. ‘I have more money than I know what to do with. I should have helped you sooner.’

  ‘I thought you were paying for my services.’ She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. ‘You told me it wasn’t charity.’

  ‘It wasn’t charity.’ He paused. ‘I knew having you close by would calm me enough to make the presentation.’

  ‘I never felt like I was a calming presence. You’ve been anything but calm since you got to Australia.’

  ‘That’s because I’m chasing the impossible.’

  Elise rested her hand on his wrist but didn’t say anything. Her heart was hammering as if fighting death itself, her blood roared and her stomach tilted. It was as if every atom of her being resisted opening up to him, resisted facing the truth.

  ‘Why do you find it so hard to come to me for help?’ he asked.

  ‘No beating around the bush, hey?’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’m not very good at asking anyone for help, Col. It’s not just you—don’t take it personally.’

  ‘I want to take it personally.’ He shook off her hand and rubbed the back of his neck.

  ‘Why would you want that?’

  ‘I want you to lump everyone else together and treat me differently. I want you to at least tell me what’s going on.’

  ‘It’s not that easy.’

  ‘Yes, it is. You pick up the phone and you call me. Sounds pretty damn simple to me.’ He touched her face, swiping a thumb over her cheek. Her lip trembled and her breath hitched.

  ‘I love you,’ she blurted out, before clamping her hand over her mouth.

  ‘Yes, we’ve established this.’ He withdrew his hand. ‘You love me as a friend.’

  ‘That’s true.’ She nodded. ‘But I also love you as some
thing else.’

  Col’s eyes flashed but he kept his distance. She could see the torment in his face and it made her chest ache to think she had caused him to feel like that...not just now but over and over. Should she really be telling him how she felt?

  ‘Spit it out.’ His voice was quiet but it made her draw her shoulders back and look him in the eye.

  ‘I love you like everything. Like a best friend, like a lover, like life support.’ She resisted the urge to close her eyes and put her hands over her face. Her mask had no place here. ‘I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else.’

  ‘Then why have you been denying it?’

  She bit down on her lip, trying to think of why she’d been keeping it locked away as though it were her life’s greatest secret.

  He sighed. ‘I’m supposed to be leaving to catch a plane.’

  ‘Then why did you come after me?’

  ‘Because I’m an idiot. I can’t keep myself away from you.’ He sighed bitterly. ‘I can’t learn that lesson.’

  She took a deep breath. ‘You know what my house was like growing up. Mum and Dad weren’t very demonstrative.’

  ‘I know.’ He nodded. ‘But that doesn’t change what I need.’

  ‘Nor should it. But I’m telling you that’s why I was denying it...because I didn’t know how to deal with all these crazy, illogical feelings. I thought it was wrong to be vulnerable, Mum always brought me up to be strong, to be a rock.’

  ‘You are a rock, Ellie.’ His face softened. ‘But I don’t want to be with a rock. I want to be with that girl who completely lost herself in that hotel room upstairs. I want to know that if we have a fight you’ll be able to talk to me about it afterwards. I want to know if you have a crappy day that you won’t hide it from me. I want to know you won’t stop letting me in.’

  ‘I won’t.’ She grabbed his hand.

  ‘I don’t want to wake up one day and realise I don’t know anything you’re thinking.’

  ‘I promise, I will work at it every day.’ Her eyes welled but she beamed up at him. ‘Look what you’ve done to me—you made me cry!’