Strong Enough

by Teresa Hill

  Just then my door opens and his hand reaches down waiting for me to take it, but I don’t. Unbuckling my seatbelt I swing my legs out and stand up on my own. He steps back a bit with a questionable look on his face while still holding my door open. I offer a small smile and proceed to walk toward my building.

  I hear the car door shut and his shoes against the asphalt parking lot. “You ok?” He asks as he slides his arm around my back and to my waist.

  I quickly step out of his grasp but the alcohol is still in effect and I stumble back into his arms. “Whoa, careful.”

  “I’m fine!” I sort of yell as push out of his grasp and keep walking.

  “What is wrong Reece? We were great in the car, now you’re just…”

  “Just WHAT Zane? Just being a bitch? Being me?”

  “I didn’t say that Reece…”

  “Look Zane, I’m not the girl you want me to be, I’m not open and friendly. I’m the opposite actually. I don’t have friends, and I don’t talk about my life or my past. Letting you in tonight, that wasn’t me. I’m not comfortable. My god Zane, it took me getting drunk to open up. And what happens you KISS me… Why? Why on earth did you kiss me? Why did you make me forget who I am? Why do you want to know me so bad? Am I some experiment to you? None of this makes sense. I don’t understand Sterling and I sure as hell don’t understand you.” I finish as I walk quickly to the stairs that lead to my apartment.

  “Reece stop, it’s not like that, please just let me explain…” he yells as I run up the stairs.

  “Don’t bother Zane, let’s just forget it. It’s better for you that way.” I yelled down over my shoulder right before I reached the top step.

  “Hey Reece!” He yells quickly.

  Turning to look down the stairs from the top of the landing, I see he’s half way up and tosses my car keys at me. He wants to say something but I get to it first. “Thanks for getting me home and for the Sterling situation,” I quickly said and then turn and walk the few steps to my apartment. Shutting the door behind me I lock the bolts and turn resting my head against the door. A sudden rush of immense regret, loneliness and sadness washes over me. Falling to the floor head in my hands I can’t keep the tears from coming. I don’t know what is causing them, talking about my dad and mom? Remembering Adam? The feeling of being in the parking lot again and seeing it all happening? Or could it be that I just pushed the one man that made me feel something out of my life?

  Chapter 12

  My hair brushes against my bare back as I tilt my face up toward the blazing Texas sun. With my shades down over my eyes and my body oiled with my favorite summer smell of Hawaiian Tropics tanning oil, I can almost drown out the high pitched squeals of the coeds splashing around in the pool. Reaching down I grab my iPhone from the ground and put my earphones in while I dial in to the mellow sound of Jack Johnson. Laying back down I find myself softly humming to the beat as I start to allow my thoughts to wander.

  It’s been a few weeks since I last saw Sterling or Zane. Sterling started calling and texting the next day. His texts apologized and said he would never hurt me, and it was all just a big misunderstanding and he begged me to talk to him. I have not returned the texts or voicemails. I waited about a week before I went back to the gym. First day there I saw him, but turned and walked the other way. I am assuming he didn’t follow me since he was at work. I am assuming he didn’t follow me since he was at work. I had really enjoyed working with a trainer, so I talked to the gym manager and he set me up with Brent for training. So far so good, haven’t had issues and the workouts are effective. He did ask why I wasn’t working with Sterling and I just said it wasn’t a good fit anymore. His “humph” was enough for me to hear him essentially say “you too huh” which made me even more irritated. I still am shocked Sterling turned out to be the douche bag that he did. He has tried a few more times to talk to me, but I’m just not ready. I don’t know that I will be anytime soon.

  Brent has actually turned out to be a good guy. The fact that he’s gay helps a little because I don’t have to worry about inappropriate talk or him hitting on me. We will chat while I lift. He doesn’t pry and honestly just listens to what I have to say. I converse back and ask him about his life and boyfriend and things that I pick up on that matter to him. We get along pretty well and he doesn’t cause any negative emotion in me.

  My thoughts shift to Zane. We never exchanged numbers before so I wouldn’t know how to get ahold of him, even if I wanted to. That would explain him not attempting to text or call me. He did show up the next day at my door. He knocked once, I stood at the door looking out the peephole. His expression was sullen. I could see he hadn’t slept and to be honest I hadn’t either. I kept questioning myself. Why did I flip out on him? Why push him away? Was it the right thing to do? Did I just mess up? Talking to myself I reaffirmed that I couldn’t allow myself to get hurt again. Zane may have taken a sledge hammer to my walls, but it only chipped a brick because the walls are still very much intact. Watching him outside my door I saw him raise his clenched fist to knock one more time but he stopped. My hand rested on the door knob, a part of me wanted to open it and beg him to hold me, to take my pain away, to kiss me, to center me, to make me forget. When he paused and didn’t knock, I removed my hand from the door and watched him walk away, again.

  My thoughts continue while I lay in the Texas sun soaking up the rays and hopefully turning my white skin a nice golden brown while centering myself with Jack until my sun becomes blocked. Propping myself up on my elbows I see two muscular legs standing to my right. As water drips down them forming a puddle, I scan up to see his hands resting on his hips, bringing focus to where his board shorts are riding low exposing the beginning of a very sexy V formed where his abs and hip flexors meet. Water glistens off his sun tanned abs. My mouth fell open a bit from the body I am admiring. I continue the trek up his sculpted arms and shoulders. “Zane?” He’s standing right here, wet from swimming and all I can do is stare with my mouth open. I knew he was good looking and you can obviously tell he’s built, but I never expected him to look like this. His hair is wet and you can see he has run his fingers through it. He’s looking back at me with a sexy smirk. A twinge of embarrassment comes over me as I realize he is scanning my scantily clad body and all it has to offer. I’m feeling a little overexposed in my two piece Caribbean blue bikini.

  “Blue is definitely your color,” he says lightly licking his lips. Did he seriously just lick his lips while looking at me?

  “Well hello to you too,” I say with a chuckle.

  “Oh sorry. Hi Reece,” he says, smiling down at me. “I’m glad I saw you over here, I have wanted to talk to you but well, I never got your number.”

  “You never asked for it.” I said attempting to flirt.

  His expression changed to a more apprehensive look, he wanted to say something I could tell, but he didn’t.

  “What did you want to talk about Zane?” Trying to break the awkward silence.

  He glances behind him and sees an empty lounge chair. He reaches down, grabs it and scoots it over close to me and sits. Elbows on his knees he leans forward, hands clasped together.

  “First I want to make sure you’re okay.” His brown eyes soulfully searching mine. “I don’t know what happened that night, but if I did something I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or upset you. I would never hurt you.”

  So he thinks he hurt me. I know I did a 180 on him but not sure why he would think he hurt me. “Zane you didn’t do anything. It’s just me. I tried to tell you that.” Reaching out I patted the top of his folded hands. “You didn’t hurt me, I did it to myself,” I said as I pulled my hand back.

  “I’m still sorry. I pushed and apparently pushed too hard. You don’t understand I just….” He trailed off not completing his thought.

  “You just what?” I attempt to ask?

  “Nothing, never mind…. So I see you have been going back to the gym.” He moves t
o change the subject and I allow him to for now.

  “Yeah I went back to training. I have a new appreciation for working out. It seems to calm me, and the effects are nice to see.”

  “Training?” He’s shocked by my comment. “You’re back to working out with that creep Sterling?” His words are bitter as they come out.

  “Oh HELL no! I started working with Brent. I haven’t even talked to Sterling.”

  “Oh, well that’s good.” Relief all over his face. “I wanted to see if you had plans tonight, I’m having a party and would really like you to come.”

  “Um well, I uh, um, I don’t know Zane. I don’t know your friends, and as you have seen I am not so great at social scenes.”

  “Come on Reece, it will be fine, you will have fun. I won’t let anything bad happen, I promise.” Flashing his toothy grin.

  Oh that smile is so hard to resist. “Fine, fine, I’ll go…” Giving a little smile of my own.

  His eyes light up at my acceptance which puts a fire in my belly, this boy is too much what am I thinking?

  “Familiar with Hunger Night Club?”

  “Yeah, I’ve worked the bar there a time or two, is that where it’s at?” I gulp down the ball of anxiety that just moved its way up my throat.

  “Yep, see you at 9ish?” Standing he pushes the lounge chair back to the spot he pulled it from and started to walk away, pausing he turns back and says, “Oh and come ready to dance…with me.” He then turns and continues to walk away without waiting for an answer from me.

  Holy shit what did I just get myself into?

  Lying back down, I put my headphones back in and hit play. Listening to the mellow sounds lulls me to sleep in no time as the warm sun encases me.

  My alarm on my phone sounds startling me. Good thing I set one otherwise I would be one toasted chick sleeping out in the sun. The clock reads 4:00 pm and I need to be at the gym at 5:00 so I pack up my stuff and head out the front gate. Walking to the car I hear the melodic sounds of an acoustic guitar coming from the park. As if the sound was pulling at my hand, I turn and head toward the music. I recognize the melody as it is strummed mixing with a slightly deep, raspy and soulful voice. Walking around the hedge I see him, sitting on the top of a bench with his feet on the bench and his guitar resting on one leg as he plays and sings. His brown hair messy but sexy with his head bent downward. Keeping the beat with his foot tapping on the bench, you can feel his expression as his voice rises above the music. I find myself tapping along as he sings. Watching as he changes chords and strums. There are a few others standing around listening to him as he plays, but I seem to be trapped in this web he has cast out with his voice and it’s pulling me closer.

  Even the best fall down sometimes

  Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

  Out of the debt that fills your mind

  You finally find

  You and I collide

  You finally find

  You and I collide

  You finally find

  You and I collide

  As the song comes to a close he looks up and glances my way giving me an opportunity to see a set of amazing baby blue eyes matched with the sweetest of smiles. The small crowd that has gathered around claps softly for him causing his attention to be drawn away from me. I stand back and watch him interacting with the small gathering, passing out thank you’s and handshakes. As the crowd disappears it leaves me, alone, standing and watching him. Noticing me he walks towards me. Dressed in faded jeans, a light blue polo and a worn pair of brown work boots he carries himself in a confident manner. His broad shoulders and arms swing as he walks giving a peek to a tattoo that’s down his arm. His arms look like they would be comfy to cuddle up in. He smiles as his approach shortens and the warmth from his smile is felt in my soul. He’s handsome with his goatee yet cute at the same time. You can see a mix of fun and serious with him.

  I attempt to stop analyzing him as he stops in front of me. Again, with a warm sexy smile he nods in my direction. “Hello.”

  “Hi, you’re amazing,” I spurt out without thinking.

  Chuckling, he flashes me a toothy grin that I swear started to make my panties melt.

  “Figured that out already huh and I don’t even know your name,” he teased back.

  “Well what can I say, I know amazing when I see it, and it’s Reece.”

  “Well today is my lucky day then. Nice to meet you Reece, I am Jonathan, but you can call me Jon.”

  Shaking his hand I can feel callouses on the tips of his fingers as they brush the back of my hand showing his years of playing.

  “I haven’t heard that song sung quite like that before, it was really beautiful.”

  “Thank you, it’s a favorite of mine, simple lyrics that mean so much.”

  I understood what he meant. I use to write music as a way of just getting the emotion out, reading the words back I would see such simplicity but remember the turmoil I felt writing them.

  While still holding my hand, he was studying me as I thought about his words. Realizing this I pulled my hand back to break the connection.

  “So Jon, do you play around here a lot?” I asked, breaking up the silence.

  “Actually no, I just came out here because it was nice out. I normally play at Derrick’s Pub or Solo’s. I’m actually playing there tonight, would love to have you come.”

  “Really? I would like that, what time?”

  “I typically play around 8 or 9, never know sometimes.”

  I realize that I told Zane I would go to Hunger tonight, and I really want to go even though I’m nervous too.

  “I just remembered I have somewhere to be at 9,” I said sadly.

  “Come by before, hang out for a bit, leave when you need to. I’ll be there around 7.”

  Realizing I needed to get to the gym or be late for my training, I replied, “Ok, yeah I can try and do that, but I got to go now, I’m going to be late for an appointment. Um, maybe I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Maybe, nice meeting you Reece,” he said tipping his head down in a nod.

  Turning I start to jog toward my car sticking my hand up in the air with a wave as I say, “Nice to meet you too.” I round the hedges out of sight.

  I almost sprint into the gym to meet Brent. I hate being late for appointments. I run smack into Sterling and he reaches out to steady me before I fall on my ass in front of the whole gym. “Whoa, speedy, where’s the fire?” Lingering a little too long holding me.

  I back away from him, maneuvering out of his grasp. “Sorry,” was all I said as I turned and headed toward the girls locker room. I could sense him still standing there looking at me, but I didn’t have time nor did I want to get into a conversation with Sterling.

  Exiting the locker room I can see Brent on the weight floor waiting for me. Walking up I can see he has a look of amusement on his face.

  “Hmmm nice entrance there Reece.” Eyebrowbrow raised mockingly.

  “Ha ha Brent, he was the last person I wanted to “run into” around here, guess that will teach me to look where I’m running,” I said sarcastically.

  “So what had you running? You’re never late.”

  Brent can be so easy to talk to it takes me off guard and before I know it I tell him things I normally wouldn’t. I start into my synopsis of my afternoon:

  “Well I was laying out at the pool. Zane was there in all his gorgeousness. He asked me to go to his party tonight at The Hunger, said I would go, but am nervous to go alone. Was leaving and heard the most amazing guitar playing and had to check it out. Found a handsome boy playing a beautiful acoustic guitar in the park. And his voice Brent, oh my god his voice, singing one of my favorite songs, it was breathtaking. We meet, he invites me to listen to him sing. Of course, it’s tonight. Told him I can’t because I have a prior engagement. He says to stop by tonight before I go out, and that’s when I realized I was late.”

  He is standing with his hands on his hips and is laughing, full
on belly laugh.

  “What the fuck is so funny?” I ask.

  “Girl that is the most you have said to me at one time let alone about your life. And it came out all at once.”

  Embarrassment creeps up on my cheeks.

  “Sorry, that was um awkward.” You idiot, that was more than awkward.

  “Oh hell no, don’t apologize I like this Reece, she actually has emotion, it’s a good look on you.”

  His words sit heavy. I have emotion. I have a lot of emotion, I just don’t show it all the time.

  “So, spill about Zane’s party. Where is it? Are you going? Are you going alone? Did he ask you to go with him or just to go? Come on I need the details,” he says looking like the girl in school that needed to be in the middle of the drama.

  “Calm down, geez! It’s his party he asked me to go, didn’t ask as a date, that I can tell. I don’t want to go alone, but shit I don’t have friends. Don’t suppose I could talk you into going with me? Maybe then I won’t look like an idiot or at the very least won’t be so crazy around him?”

  I give him my best set of puppy dog eyes which, well shit, I never use. Brent has become, dare I say, a friend in the last few weeks. I’m comfortable, as I can ever be, around him.

  He puts his hand on my shoulder with a serious face. “Well it all depends, do I get to dance with your sexy self?” He says wagging his eyebrows up and down which only makes me laugh and slap his hand away. “Seriously, please go with me?”

  Taking ahold of my hand he bows his head down toward it. “Yes Miss Reece I would be honored to attend this soirée you speak of,” he says in his best British accent kissing the top of my hand in front of the whole gym, which has me not only embarrassed and red but laughing too. Out of the corner of my eye I see Sterling watching it all unfold, and I can see the muscles in his jaw tighten and clench. I just look away.

  “Ok ok smart ass that’s enough,” I say pulling my hand out if his grasp. “We only have 40 minutes for you to bust my ass on weights so can we please get to it? You are going to need to take your sweaty ass home and shower and shave if you’re attending any party with me,” I say winking.