Polly Brown
Page 8
The winter came and went, and with it dark soulless nights and bitterly icy winds. Soon after came the sweet distinctive smell of spring, that permeated the air with its youthful freshness and vibrancy. As nothing much had changed in Polly’s young life, it made no difference what time of the year it was, for spring might represent the season of hope and rebirth for others, but for her, it meant nothing but more drudgery.
Then came a day when, after the doorbell rang twice, no one else answered it, so Polly was forced into action. At first she chose to ignore it, thinking to herself that she was tired of always being the one to make the tea and sandwiches for the gentlemen of the road. She decided it was somebody else’s turn to make a snack for a hungry, wearied traveler, for she was in no mood to talk to anyone. The doorbell rang again, followed by several more rings, each ring getting longer and more urgent in length. Still, nobody bothered to answer it. Then the noise from the bell rang continuously, for the visitor now had his finger permanently on the button. It was not too long before Polly felt really furious that no one else had gone to the door, and it was now left to her to go, unless she wanted to get even more wound up by the bell’s incessant ring. “What a lazy bunch,” she thought as she angrily stormed towards the front door. She was determined to give this extremely rude person on the other side a piece of her mind. She flung the door wide open, shouting, “Get your finger off the button, you horrible…” Polly stopped in her tracks. “Hodgekiss!” she yelled with great delight, abandoning all ceremony to fling her arms around his neck and give him one of her special hugs. Hodgekiss nearly fell backwards off the steps.
“Oh, Hodgekiss, am I glad to see you!” she exclaimed, brushing away the tears that were now unashamedly escaping down her cheeks. “I have missed you so much,” she confessed.
“I have missed you too, Polly,” he said with a smile. “And I would have come a lot sooner if I had known I would get such a wonderfully warm welcome.”
“Wait here,” Polly commanded as she quickly composed herself. “And I will make the usual for you, and then we can talk. So don’t move a muscle, Hodgekiss. Do you hear me? For I will be back in one tick.”
She raced down the corridors as if she were competing in a marathon and her very life depended on winning it. The usual was done, setting a new record time not only in making the tea but also in the amount she managed to slop all over the floor as she rushed back to be with her long-lost friend.
Polly settled down on the steps as Hodgekiss slurped his tea from the large, white, disgracefully cracked mug.
“I’ve missed your special recipe for tea, Polly,” he said with a friendly smile. “Although I’m wondering if you’ve put enough sugar in it!”
“So sorry,” replied Polly. “Shall I run back and get you some more?”
“No need,” Hodgekiss replied. “I was only joking. I get a year’s supply of energy in one go when you make me a cup of tea!” They both laughed out loud.
With all silly talk out of the way, Hodgekiss’s tone of voice turned more serious. “How are things going, Polly?” he inquired with a look of deep concern.
“Not too good,” Polly rather glumly admitted, her voice tinged with great sadness. “I seem to be in a lot of trouble most of the time. Although I try my very best, nothing seems to work,” she said resignedly before adding that she had come to the firm conclusion that she must be a really bad girl. “They constantly tell me that I’m quite beyond redemption, and I think that means I’m beyond all hope.”
Hodgekiss went silent, looking deep in thought. Eventually he spoke. “And how is my little friend, the caterpillar?” he asked.
Polly’s face turned a deep shade of pink. “Oh…hmm…the caterpillar,” she said very quietly. “Well, I’m not too sure how to tell you this, Hodgekiss, but your caterpillar has gone.”
“Gone!” said Hodgekiss, pretending to be a little shocked at the news.
“Yes, didn’t you hear me the first time when I said he’s gone?” mumbled Polly, feeling very embarrassed.
“Gone where?” queried Hodgekiss, playfully expressing the deepest concern as to the real whereabouts of his little friend.
“Ollie’s gone on ’oliday,” Polly replied, very tongue in cheek.
“On holiday?” queried Hodgekiss.
“Yes, on a long trip to the Bahamas!” she said warily. Polly momentarily paused, waiting to see if Hodgekiss would finally click on to the fact that Oliver would never be coming home again.
However, Hodgekiss’s face still appeared blank, and this seemed to irritate her further.
“Look, Hodgekiss. How would I know where he is?” she said, showing her annoyance. “He’s just gone! That’s all I can tell you at this point.”
In truth, Polly felt really guilty. She had hoped the subject of the caterpillar would remain forgotten, never to be brought up, for she believed he would be most upset with her.
“I’m so sorry, Hodgekiss. Really I am. I know he meant a lot to you, and if I could, I would replace him. Let me go and get the jar,” she said, feeling most anxious to leave his presence, for discussing this whole unfortunate episode was making her feel distinctly uncomfortable. She got up from where she was sitting with the intention of going indoors to find his empty jar and return it to him. That way he could see for himself that she was not lying, and he would hopefully find it much easier to come to terms with the loss of little Oliver.
“Polly, please don’t go,” said Hodgekiss. “I think we both know that you didn’t lose my caterpillar,” he said gently. “No, the little fellow turned into a butterfly, didn’t he?” Hodgekiss studied her face in search of the real truth.
“Yes, he did. That is what really happened,” Polly reluctantly admitted. “But I felt certain that if I told you what really happened, you would not believe me. Nobody around here ever believes anything I say, even though I always do my best to tell the truth.” A lone tear slid slowly down Polly’s cheek.
“Polly, I asked you to observe my little friend, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did, and I promise you, I couldn’t feel any worse than I do about what happened to him. So please can we drop the subject?” she pleaded. “I know I failed you, but with all the tasks I am expected to complete each day, I barely had the time to look after little Oliver.”
More tears tumbled down Polly’s hot cheeks as she attempted to explain herself. Hodgekiss lifted up his hand to gently wipe them away.
“I would give you my hanky, but it’s never very clean,” he said with a grin.
Polly’s face broke into a smile at the thought of being given one of Hodgekiss’s rather disgusting handkerchiefs. He was right—she wouldn’t want to use it under any circumstances!
Hodgekiss continued on in a softly spoken manner. “Polly, when Ollie, or rather Oliver, was in the jar, he had somewhat limited vision. All he saw was the glass around him and the lettuce leaves in front of him. That was the entirety of his world. He was unable to look up at the big world, and he was also incapable of looking down from a height to see the bigger picture. All he knew was what took place within the jar, so he assumed that was all there was. Now if you are honest with yourself, you looked upon him and thought he had a cushy little number, just sleeping and growing fat on lettuce leaves.”
“Fat on lettuce leaves! I think not Hodgekiss, for everyone knows that you only eat lettuce leaves if you’re on a very strict diet.”
“Oh, Polly, stop being so pedantic. It was only a manner of speech, and all I was attempting to get across was that you thought little Ollie had it easy. But this was not so. He went through an almighty struggle to release himself from his cocoon that acted as a restraint, holding him down. Once he became unfettered, and after his near-death experience, he was able to fly away. Now, that is what I call freedom! Yes, Oliver discovered the freedom to choose, something you have never really known inside these walls.”
Polly nodded her agreement.
“From the moment he flew out of your window
he discovered that the world was not just the space inside a small jam jar, but was in fact bigger and brighter than he could ever have possibly dreamed.”
Polly quickly agreed. For she was beginning to see that Hodgekiss had such a wonderful and uncomplicated way of explaining things that gave a sense of reason to her crazy world.
“Polly, just like Ollie the caterpillar, you too will one day turn into a butterfly, and then you will fly away from all this wickedness that has become your only experience of life. There are a lot of wonderful people out there—people willing to help you find freedom—and they will do it without thought of any personal gain,” said Hodgekiss in a very matter-of-fact tone of voice.
“Oh, right! Just like my social worker,” Polly retorted rather churlishly. “Well, I’ll have you know that I have not seen her for well over a year, yet she is supposed to be there to help me when I’m in great need,” Polly’s voice was raised, betraying her deep sense of anger and frustration.
“Wrong, Polly. You are not listening to me,” said Hodgekiss gently but firmly. “Firstly, I was not referring to your social worker. And like it or not, she does pay visits to the castle in the hope of seeing your brothers as well as yourself. You just don’t get to see her! Uncle Boritz and Aunt Mildred always give some lame excuse, such as you are too ill or you are out playing. Your guardians have the longest list of excuses I have ever known for you not being available!” Polly lowered her head as she tried to take it all in. “Polly, your biggest enemy is not the social services or your social worker for that matter. No, Polly, your biggest enemy is within!”
“What on earth do you mean by that?” Polly cried. For now she was very confused.
“Oh, my little crushed one, your real enemies are the walls you have built up inside to protect yourself from more pain. They are the real prison bars, and it is these that you will have to defeat before you can find true freedom.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Hodgekiss,” Polly defensively replied. “The only bars I know are those inside this castle, and if I’m ever lucky enough to leave this awful place, there is no way I’m taking those bars with me—and that’s a promise!”
“Oh, Polly. I wish that were true. For even if by some good fortune you manage to leave the castle, sooner or later you will discover that you are still a prisoner. The iron bars will not be those of this castle, but they are just as real. Sadly, for your own protection you have created these invisible bars, and, believe me, Polly, not only will you discover they exist but there will come a time when you realize that they will only work against you.”
“So tell me, wise one,” she said. “What exactly are these bars that you say I have inside?”
“Well, Polly. Let me explain it more clearly,” he replied, choosing to completely ignore her sarcastic tone. “You, my dear, have become trapped and enslaved by fear and torment, as well as by the chains of suspicion and mistrust and a lot more besides.”
As their eyes momentarily met and then locked, Polly perceived that he was not intentionally being cruel, for his eyes were indeed filled with deep compassion towards her. She took a deep breath, for she determined to hold herself together at all costs. Hodgekiss moved nearer and leaned over to gently take hold of her hand as he continued to speak to her.
“Polly, these chains are like bindweed that take you captive as they stealthily twist and bind themselves around your heart, threatening to squeeze the very life out of you.”
Polly’s face visibly dropped as she, feeling sadder than ever, allowed him to continue to expose intimate truths about her, truths that she thought were safely kept hidden. She had tried so hard not to allow such things as fear and jealousy to play any part in her life, but lately her circumstances had truly overwhelmed her. As she gave much thought to his frank words, she found herself admitting that at times she was indeed spiraling uncontrollably down into a deep abyss of horribly dark and depressing thoughts and feelings. This made her feel that life was not worth living. Hot tears began to well up in her eyes, for she was finding it far too painful to listen to Hodgekiss a minute longer.
“Oh, storm-tossed and afflicted one, you did not ask for any of this to happen. But it is important that you do all within your power to get rid of these obstacles one way or another. And what’s more, I am inclined to believe that you will,” he said, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.
Polly felt choked up inside, for she had no idea how to react to any of what Hodgekiss had challenged her with. No one had ever talked to her in such a clear, outspoken manner, tinged with gentle affection. However, she still felt stung by his words.
“Polly, better are the wounds of a friend than the kisses of an enemy,” he said softly as he attempted to mollify her, for he knew his words were very painful and therefore hard to swallow.
There was a long, awkward silence as Polly pondered what to do or say next. Normally she would have tried to change the subject and discuss the weather or anything else that came to mind. But for once she deliberately held her tongue, choosing not to fill the airspace as she continued to consider his wise words. But his insights had come as a bit of a bombshell to Polly, so she suddenly found herself feeling most unwell. Hodgekiss knew he had plunged her soul into tremendous turmoil and conflict, so he decided it was time to change the conversation. “But enough of this for now, for I wish to ask after your brothers.”
Polly closed her eyes and took another deep breath, for although he had changed the subject, in doing so, he had unintentionally managed to introduce the other most painful subject close to her heart. This impromptu meeting was indeed turning into a most tortuous affair for Polly. Hodgekiss waited a moment before coming to her rescue.
“Your youngest brother, James, is coping quite well at the moment. But the same cannot be said for young Thomas. He is, I believe, very sick. I also know that you cry for him every night, for you are so afraid for him. Polly, I need you to believe and fully place your trust in me when I tell you that things around here are going to change for the better.”
“How am I supposed to believe in change? Are you blind?” she lamented, almost choking with the pain. “You tell me things that I have no idea how you have come to know. And then you expect me to believe that you, a poor man who only visits here every few months, can help me. Get real, Hodgekiss!” she added rather sharply.
“Polly, you of all people should know that appearances are deceptive. You know firsthand that your guardians deceive all those around them. And you surely need little reminding that you have many times in the past experienced the harshest judgments from others who have written you off as worthless, or to use your own words, ‘a complete waste of space.’ So why are you judging and doubting me as well as my words of comfort and hope? Just because I look like a dirty, smelly vagrant with nowhere to lay my head doesn’t mean that I am one! Yes, dear Polly, never judge a book by its cover, and then you will not go wrong.”
“Hodgekiss, I’m really sorry. Please forgive me. I feel like a bear with a sore head at the moment.”
“I know, Polly, and believe it or not, I truly understand,” Hodgekiss gently replied, for he understood Polly better than she understood herself.
Even with her apology accepted, Polly still felt really guilty at being so unkind and judgmental. Could she ever get anything right? She felt terrible at having implied that Hodgekiss was a nothing and therefore incapable of helping her just because he looked like a ragamuffin. He was absolutely right, and she was absolutely wrong. For this she was deeply sorry and ashamed of herself. She secretly vowed to do her best, never again to judge him or anyone else for that matter.
With his tea and sandwiches finished, and having picked out the bits lodged between his teeth, he stood up to go.
“Oh, don’t go just yet!” Polly insisted.
“I’m sorry, Polly, but I do have to go, for there is much I need to do. I want you to carry on taking special care of your brother Thomas, and for my part I am going to travel to
a far and distant land in the kingdom of Piadora to collect some sap from the roots of the Hubber Blubber tree to prepare some special medicine for him.”
“Piadora? Hubber Blubber tree?” Polly questioned. “Oh, Hodgekiss! I have never heard of such a place or tree.”
“Oh yes, my young one. They really do exist.” Hodgekiss replied, stroking his silvery beard as he continued, deep in thought. “The Hubber Blubber tree is well known in my kingdom for its most excellent medicinal qualities. Hmm,” he said pondering, “I think we might also need some extract from the Hoolie Koolie tree as well if we are to successfully treat Thomas’s most grave condition. Yes, I think we will need to concoct a mixture of both.”
Piadora? Hubber Blubber? Hoolie Koolie? Was Hodgekiss off his trolley or finally losing all his marbles? She knew for sure that these most extraordinarily named trees had definitely never been mentioned in her biology lessons. And as for the kingdom of Piadora, she was very positive that it was not a real country. She had never seen it mentioned in any of her geography books. Nor for that matter had she sighted it on the huge revolving globe that stood in the corner of the geography classroom. However, she made a mental note to have a really good search of the globe at the next available opportunity. Until then, she felt she had little choice but to give Hodgekiss the benefit of the doubt and try hard to trust him, even though most people she had known had let her down very badly. Polly found herself having to fight off unwelcome and bad thoughts that were now furiously attacking and bombarding her mind. Was this all for real, or had she met a madman?