The Gambler

by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

scene.

  It happened thus: A week after we had taken up our abode in

  Paris there arrived thither the General. He came straight to see

  us, and thenceforward lived with us practically as our guest,

  though he had a flat of his own as well. Blanche met him with

  merry badinage and laughter, and even threw her arms around him.

  In fact, she managed it so that he had to follow everywhere in

  her train--whether when promenading on the Boulevards, or when

  driving, or when going to the theatre, or when paying calls; and

  this use which she made of him quite satisfied the General.

  Still of imposing appearance and presence, as well as of fair

  height, he had a dyed moustache and whiskers (he had formerly

  been in the cuirassiers), and a handsome, though a somewhat

  wrinkled, face. Also, his manners were excellent, and he could

  carry a frockcoat well--the more so since, in Paris, he took to

  wearing his orders. To promenade the Boulevards with such a man

  was not only a thing possible, but also, so to speak, a thing

  advisable, and with this programme the good but foolish

  General had not a fault to find. The truth is that he had never

  counted upon this programme when he came to Paris to seek us

  out. On that occasion he had made his appearance nearly shaking

  with terror, for he had supposed that Blanche would at once

  raise an outcry, and have him put from the door; wherefore, he

  was the more enraptured at the turn that things had taken, and

  spent the month in a state of senseless ecstasy. Already I had

  learnt that, after our unexpected departure from Roulettenberg,

  he had had a sort of a fit--that he had fallen into a swoon, and

  spent a week in a species of garrulous delirium. Doctors had

  been summoned to him, but he had broken away from them, and

  suddenly taken a train to Paris. Of course Blanche's reception of

  him had acted as the best of all possible cures, but for long

  enough he carried the marks of his affliction, despite his

  present condition of rapture and delight. To think clearly, or

  even to engage in any serious conversation, had now become

  impossible for him; he could only ejaculate after each word

  "Hm!" and then nod his head in confirmation. Sometimes, also, he

  would laugh, but only in a nervous, hysterical sort of a

  fashion; while at other times he would sit for hours looking as

  black as night, with his heavy eyebrows knitted. Of much that

  went on he remained wholly oblivious, for he grew extremely

  absent-minded, and took to talking to himself. Only Blanche

  could awake him to any semblance of life. His fits of depression

  and moodiness in corners always meant either that he had not

  seen her for some while, or that she had gone out without taking

  him with her, or that she had omitted to caress him before

  departing. When in this condition, he would refuse to say what he

  wanted-- nor had he the least idea that he was thus sulking and

  moping. Next, after remaining in this condition for an hour or

  two (this I remarked on two occasions when Blanche had gone out

  for the day--probably to see Albert), he would begin to look

  about him, and to grow uneasy, and to hurry about with an air as

  though he had suddenly remembered something, and must try and

  find it; after which, not perceiving the object of his search,

  nor succeeding in recalling what that object had been, he would

  as suddenly relapse into oblivion, and continue so until the

  reappearance of Blanche--merry, wanton, half-dressed, and

  laughing her strident laugh as she approached to pet him, and

  even to kiss him (though the latter reward he seldom received).

  Once, he was so overjoyed at her doing so that he burst into

  tears. Even I myself was surprised.

  From the first moment of his arrival in Paris, Blanche set

  herself to plead with me on his behalf; and at such times she

  even rose to heights of eloquence--saying that it was for ME

  she had abandoned him, though she had almost become his

  betrothed and promised to become so; that it was for HER sake he

  had deserted his family; that, having been in his service, I

  ought to remember the fact, and to feel ashamed. To all this I

  would say nothing, however much she chattered on; until at

  length I would burst out laughing, and the incident would come

  to an end (at first, as I have said, she had thought me a fool,

  but since she had come to deem me a man of sense and

  sensibility). In short, I had the happiness of calling her

  better nature into play; for though, at first, I had not deemed

  her so, she was, in reality, a kind-hearted woman after her own

  fashion. "You are good and clever," she said to me towards the

  finish, "and my one regret is that you are also so

  wrong-headed. You will NEVER be a rich man!"

  "Un vrai Russe--un Kalmuk" she usually called me.

  Several times she sent me to give the General an airing in the

  streets, even as she might have done with a lacquey and her

  spaniel; but, I preferred to take him to the theatre, to the Bal

  Mabille, and to restaurants. For this purpose she usually

  allowed me some money, though the General had a little of his

  own, and enjoyed taking out his purse before strangers. Once I

  had to use actual force to prevent him from buying a phaeton at

  a price of seven hundred francs, after a vehicle had caught his

  fancy in the Palais Royal as seeming to be a desirable present

  for Blanche. What could SHE have done with a seven-hundred-franc

  phaeton?--and the General possessed in the world but a thousand

  francs! The origin even of those francs I could never determine,

  but imagined them to have emanated from Mr. Astley--the more so

  since the latter had paid the family's hotel bill.

  As for what view the General took of myself, I think that he never divined

  the footing on which I stood with Blanche. True, he had heard,

  in a dim sort of way, that I had won a good deal of money; but

  more probably he supposed me to be acting as secretary--or even

  as a kind of servant--to his inamorata. At all events, he

  continued to address me, in his old haughty style, as my

  superior. At times he even took it upon himself to scold me. One

  morning in particular, he started to sneer at me over our

  matutinal coffee. Though not a man prone to take offence, he

  suddenly, and for some reason of which to this day I am

  ignorant, fell out with me. Of course even he himself did not

  know the reason. To put things shortly, he began a speech which

  had neither beginning nor ending, and cried out, a batons

  rompus, that I was a boy whom he would soon put to rights--and so

  forth, and so forth. Yet no one could understand what he was

  saying, and at length Blanche exploded in a burst of laughter.

  Finally something appeased him, and he was taken out for his

  walk. More than once, however, I noticed that his depression was

  growing upon him; that he seemed to be feeling the want of

  somebody or something; that, despite Blanche's presence, he was

  missing some person in particular. Twi
ce, on these occasions,

  did he plunge into a conversation with me, though he could not

  make himself intelligible, and only went on rambling about the

  service, his late wife, his home, and his property. Every now

  and then, also, some particular word would please him; whereupon

  he would repeat it a hundred times in the day--even though the

  word happened to express neither his thoughts nor his feelings.

  Again, I would try to get him to talk about his children, but

  always he cut me short in his old snappish way, and passed to

  another subject. "Yes, yes--my children," was all that I could

  extract from him. "Yes, you are right in what you have said

  about them." Only once did he disclose his real feelings. That

  was when we were taking him to the theatre, and suddenly he

  exclaimed: "My unfortunate children! Yes, sir, they are

  unfortunate children." Once, too, when I chanced to mention

  Polina, he grew quite bitter against her. "She is an ungrateful

  woman!" he exclaimed. "She is a bad and ungrateful woman! She

  has broken up a family. If there were laws here, I would have

  her impaled. Yes, I would." As for De Griers, the General would

  not have his name mentioned. " He has ruined me," he would say.

  "He has robbed me, and cut my throat. For two years he was a

  perfect nightmare to me. For months at a time he never left me

  in my dreams. Do not speak of him again."

  It was now clear to me that Blanche and he were on the point of

  coming to terms; yet, true to my usual custom, I said nothing.

  At length, Blanche took the initiative in explaining matters.

  She did so a week before we parted.

  "Il a du chance," she prattled, "for the Grandmother is now

  REALLY ill, and therefore, bound to die. Mr. Astley has just sent

  a telegram to say so, and you will agree with me that the

  General is likely to be her heir. Even if he should not be so,

  he will not come amiss, since, in the first place, he has his

  pension, and, in the second place, he will be content to live in

  a back room; whereas I shall be Madame General, and get into a

  good circle of society" (she was always thinking of this) "and

  become a Russian chatelaine. Yes, I shall have a mansion of my

  own, and peasants, and a million of money at my back."

  "But, suppose he should prove jealous? He might demand all

  sorts of things, you know. Do you follow me?"

  "Oh, dear no! How ridiculous that would be of him! Besides, I

  have taken measures to prevent it. You need not be alarmed. That

  is to say, I have induced him to sign notes of hand in Albert's

  name. Consequently, at any time I could get him punished. Isn't

  he ridiculous?"

  "Very well, then. Marry him."

  And, in truth, she did so--though the marriage was a family one

  only, and involved no pomp or ceremony. In fact, she invited to

  the nuptials none but Albert and a few other friends. Hortense,

  Cleopatre, and the rest she kept firmly at a distance. As for

  the bridegroom, he took a great interest in his new position.

  Blanche herself tied his tie, and Blanche herself pomaded him--

  with the result that, in his frockcoat and white waistcoat, he

  looked quite comme il faut.

  "Il est, pourtant, TRES comme il faut," Blanche remarked when

  she issued from his room, as though the idea that he was "TRES

  comme il faut " had impressed even her. For myself, I had so

  little knowledge of the minor details of the affair, and took

  part in it so much as a supine spectator, that I have forgotten

  most of what passed on this occasion. I only remember that

  Blanche and the Widow figured at it, not as "de Cominges," but

  as "du Placet." Why they had hitherto been "de Cominges " I do

  not know-- I only know that this entirely satisfied the

  General, that he liked the name "du Placet" even better than he

  had liked the name "de Cominges." On the morning of the wedding,

  he paced the salon in his gala attire and kept repeating to

  himself with an air of great gravity and importance: " Mlle.

  Blanche du Placet! Mlle. Blanche du Placet, du Placet!" He

  beamed with satisfaction as he did so. Both in the church and at

  the wedding breakfast he remained not only pleased and

  contented, but even proud. She too underwent a change, for now

  she assumed an air of added dignity.

  "I must behave altogether differently," she confided to me with

  a serious air. "Yet, mark you, there is a tiresome circumstance

  of which I had never before thought--which is, how best to

  pronounce my new family name. Zagorianski, Zagozianski, Madame

  la Generale de Sago, Madame la Generale de Fourteen

  Consonants--oh these infernal Russian names! The LAST of them

  would be the best to use, don't you think?"

  At length the time had come for us to part, and Blanche, the

  egregious Blanche, shed real tears as she took her leave of me.

  "Tu etais bon enfant" she said with a sob. "je te croyais bete et tu

  en avais l'air, but it suited you." Then, having given me a final

  handshake, she exclaimed, "Attends!"; whereafter, running into

  her boudoir, she brought me thence two thousand-franc notes. I

  could scarcely believe my eyes! "They may come in handy for

  you," she explained, "for, though you are a very learned

  tutor, you are a very stupid man. More than two thousand francs,

  however, I am not going to give you, for the reason that, if I

  did so, you would gamble them all away. Now good-bye. Nous

  serons toujours bons amis, and if you win again, do not fail to

  come to me, et tu seras heureux."

  I myself had still five hundred francs left, as well as a watch

  worth a thousand francs, a few diamond studs, and so on.

  Consequently, I could subsist for quite a length of time without

  particularly bestirring myself. Purposely I have taken up my

  abode where I am now partly to pull myself together, and partly

  to wait for Mr. Astley, who, I have learnt, will soon be here

  for a day or so on business. Yes, I know that, and then--and then

  I shall go to Homburg. But to Roulettenberg I shall not go until

  next year, for they say it is bad to try one's luck twice in

  succession at a table. Moreover, Homburg is where the best play

  is carried on.

  XVII

  It is a year and eight months since I last looked at these notes

  of mine. I do so now only because, being overwhelmed with

  depression, I wish to distract my mind by reading them through

  at random. I left them off at the point where I was just going

  to Homburg. My God, with what a light heart (comparatively

  speaking) did I write the concluding lines!--though it may be

  not so much with a light heart, as with a measure of

  self-confidence and unquenchable hope. At that time had I any

  doubts of myself ? Yet behold me now. Scarcely a year and a half

  have passed, yet I am in a worse position than the meanest

  beggar. But what is a beggar? A fig for beggary! I have ruined

  myself --that is all. Nor is there anything with which I can

  compare myself; there is no moral which it would be of any u
se

  for you to read to me. At the present moment nothing could well

  be more incongruous than a moral. Oh, you self-satisfied persons

  who, in your unctuous pride, are forever ready to mouth your

  maxims--if only you knew how fully I myself comprehend the

  sordidness of my present state, you would not trouble to wag

  your tongues at me! What could you say to me that I do not

  already know? Well, wherein lies my difficulty? It lies in the

  fact that by a single turn of a roulette wheel everything for

  me, has become changed. Yet, had things befallen otherwise,

  these moralists would have been among the first (yes, I feel

  persuaded of it) to approach me with friendly jests and

  congratulations. Yes, they would never have turned from me as

  they are doing now! A fig for all of them! What am I? I am

  zero--nothing. What shall I be tomorrow? I may be risen from the

  dead, and have begun life anew. For still, I may discover the man

  in myself, if only my manhood has not become utterly shattered.

  I went, I say, to Homburg, but afterwards went also to

  Roulettenberg, as well as to Spa and Baden; in which latter

  place, for a time, I acted as valet to a certain rascal of a

  Privy Councillor, by name Heintze, who until lately was also my

  master here. Yes, for five months I lived my life with lacqueys!

  That was just after I had come out of Roulettenberg prison,

  where I had lain for a small debt which I owed. Out of that

  prison I was bailed by--by whom? By Mr. Astley? By Polina? I do

  not know. At all events, the debt was paid to the tune of two

  hundred thalers, and I sallied forth a free man. But what was I

  to do with myself ? In my dilemma I had recourse to this

  Heintze, who was a young scapegrace, and the sort of man who

  could speak and write three languages. At first I acted as his

  secretary, at a salary of thirty gulden a month, but afterwards

  I became his lacquey, for the reason that he could not afford to

  keep a secretary--only an unpaid servant. I had nothing else to

  turn to, so I remained with him, and allowed myself to become

  his flunkey. But by stinting myself in meat and drink I saved,

  during my five months of service, some seventy gulden; and one

  evening, when we were at Baden, I told him that I wished to

  resign my post, and then hastened to betake myself to roulette.

  Oh, how my heart beat as I did so! No, it was not the money that

  I valued-- what I wanted was to make all this mob of Heintzes,

  hotel proprietors, and fine ladies of Baden talk about me,

  recount my story, wonder at me, extol my doings, and worship my

  winnings. True, these were childish fancies and aspirations, but

  who knows but that I might meet Polina, and be able to tell her

  everything, and see her look of surprise at the fact that I had

  overcome so many adverse strokes of fortune. No, I had no desire

  for money for its own sake, for I was perfectly well aware that

  I should only squander it upon some new Blanche, and spend

  another three weeks in Paris after buying a pair of horses which

  had cost sixteen thousand francs. No, I never believed myself to

  be a hoarder; in fact, I knew only too well that I was a

  spendthrift. And already, with a sort of fear, a sort of

  sinking in my heart, I could hear the cries of the croupiers--

  "Trente et un, rouge, impair et passe," "Quarte, noir, pair et

  manque. " How greedily I gazed upon the gaming-table, with its

  scattered louis d'or, ten-gulden pieces, and thalers; upon the

  streams of gold as they issued from the croupier's hands, and

  piled themselves up into heaps of gold scintillating as fire;

  upon the ell--long rolls of silver lying around the croupier.

  Even at a distance of two rooms I could hear the chink of that

  money--so much so that I nearly fell into convulsions.

  Ah, the evening when I took those seventy gulden to the gaming

  table was a memorable one for me. I began by staking ten gulden

  upon passe. For passe I had always had a sort of predilection,

  yet I lost my stake upon it. This left me with sixty gulden in

  silver. After a moment's thought I selected zero--beginning by

  staking five gulden at a time. Twice I lost, but the third round