Just to Hear 'I Love You': An Alternate Tale of Jane Austen's 'Pride & Prejudice'

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Just to Hear 'I Love You': An Alternate Tale of Jane Austen's 'Pride & Prejudice' Page 6

by Sarah Johnson


  Darcy’s voice was barely above a whisper, “What if the wishes of your parents and Aunt Catherine are not what I desire for my life?”

  Fitz drank the last of the liquid in his glass. Hoping to get his usually quiet cousin to open up a little more, he asked, “What do you want?”

  Darcy sat thinking for a minute before he replied, “I want a companion who will challenge me to be a better person. Someone who sees me for me, not for Pemberley or whatever amount of money the gossips think I possess this year. I want to enjoy the things in life that money cannot buy, and a person by my side that will enjoy those things with me. I want affection to be my guide, not the strictures of our society.” Even as close as the two cousins were, having nearly grown up as brothers, Darcy had never voiced these desires to Fitz in the past. He finally picked up his drink and took a sip, “So what is it you want?”

  “What do I want?” He snorted, “Unfortunately I do not have the same opportunity to be so choosy.”

  “If you did not have to think of the financial aspect, say some wealthy relation gifted you with a piece of land large enough to allow you to sell your commission and join the landed gentry, what would you want?”

  He looked at Darcy, warningly voicing, “Do not even think about it, Darce. We have already discussed Rose Bluff, and my opinion has not changed. A man does not want to feel obliged to someone else for the rest of his life because of such a gift.”

  “Who said I was talking of me? This is a hypothetical situation.”

  “Well, just know I would never accept such a gift, as I have told you numerous times before.”

  “I will make note of that. Now, what would you want?”

  “If I did not have to consider my finances... hmmmm... I have never really thought about it before. I guess I would want what you said—someone who understands me and for whom I have affection.” He stretched his arms high above his head and stood, “But, it is not likely to happen, so one day I will settle down and marry someone rich enough to let me sell my commission. Until then, I will avoid any and all dalliances that could have me walking down the aisle with any lady on my arm. My mother might not like it, but I intend to hold out on marriage until I am old and grey.”

  Darcy stood too. “I think I may be ready to find a wife.”

  The two started walking slowly up the stairs to their chambers. “And do you have any ideas on who it should be?”

  “No, but I know who it should not be; Aunt Catherine will not like my decision.”

  “Well, well, well, Darce, it seems you are growing up on me. Here you are putting your foot down to Georgiana, willing to stand up to Aunt Catherine, and wishing you would find love all in just a few weeks’ time.” He jokingly puffed out his chest, “I am so proud.”

  “Perhaps if I settle down it will cause you to want to settle down as well.”

  “Oh no, I told you, not until I am old and grey, and I hear blonde hair does not turn too early. You, on the other hand, had better find your lady love soon, or this on the side near your ear might start to detract from your charmingly dark looks,” Fitz joked.

  “Whether I have grey hair or not, I am determined to find a lady who will appreciate every single one of them, no matter their color.”

  Fitz laughed, “Good night, Darcy. I will see you in the morning for our interviews. What time did you say they will begin?”

  “Nine o’clock,” he replied. “I hope we are able to find the right person for the job.”

  “Yes, Georgiana needs a firm hand this time,” Fitz agreed.

  The next week

  “Well, I think we have a list of potential companions,” Darcy stretched his hands over his head and yawned. “Now comes your part—investigating these ladies again. Please be thorough, as we must be assured we do not have a problem like we did with Mrs Younge. I could not bear losing Georgiana because of my own oversight.”

  “Darcy, you must stop blaming yourself for Georgiana’s mistakes.”

  “I am the one who failed to find Mrs Younge’s prior connection to Wickham.”

  “You did the best you could with the short time you had, what with Georgiana being pulled from school so suddenly. No school would put up with a girl sneaking from her room, and we did not know at the time it was to meet with Wickham. That is behind us, now,” he patted him on the back, “as I told you yesterday, I have already investigated these applicants, and any one of them would do nicely. We will sleep on it, and tomorrow we may know which one of these three ladies stands out as the best choice.”

  “Hmmmm... perhaps Miss Bennet could assist in choosing?”

  Fitz eyed his cousin, “Just what could she help with beyond having suggested it in the first place?”

  “She is very perceptive, Fitz. I think I may see if she will meet with these ladies and give me her opinion.”

  He chuckled as he walked away to retire, “I had a feeling before when you invited them here, then you introduced their uncle at your club, but with this, now I am certain...”

  “Certain about what?” Darcy looked at him inquisitively.

  Fitz tilted his head, his face completely serious when he said, “Yes, I believe so. I will have to see them together, but I do believe it will be quite the match.”

  Darcy rushed to catch up to his cousin, “Just what are you mumbling about?”

  Fitz stopped and turned to Darcy, “I would like to go with you when you speak with Miss Bennet about these ladies.”

  “Yes of course; we can go tomorrow.” Darcy watched as Fitz once again walked away, still mumbling to himself.

  Darcy retired to his chambers and readied himself for bed. As he lay unable to sleep, he thought about marriage, making a list in his mind of what qualities the next Mrs Darcy would need to possess. He would find her this Season and be married by autumn. Unfortunately, that would mean accepting invitations to events he usually tried to avoid, and it would mean dancing when he really did not enjoy being a spectacle, but he would find the lady over these next few months—he was determined.

  Saturday, May 11, 1811

  Good afternoon, gentlemen,” Edward said to the visitors as he entered the sitting room. “We did not expect to see you today. I am sorry to say, my wife and nieces are unavailable to greet you. We have been invited to a small gathering, which of course means they need new gowns. Have a seat,” he indicated the chairs. “Can I offer you some refreshments?”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  Edward nodded to the housekeeper who left to prepare the tea. “Is there something I can help you with, or is this purely a social call?”

  “It is not purely a social call,” Darcy replied, “but it is Miss Bennet with which I wished to speak.”

  Gardiner pulled out his watch, checking the time before he said, “I expect their return soon. Can I tempt either of you with a cigar while we await the ladies?”

  “Now that is something I will never pass up,” Fitz replied.

  They enjoyed the friendly discourse in Mr Gardiner’s study until they heard the ladies return from their excursion, then they joined them in the sitting room. Greetings were exchanged, and Darcy, eager to speak with Miss Bennet, suggested they walk out in the garden. The four younger people went out to enjoy the bright flora surrounding them. The Gardiners watched from the sitting room, both noticing that there was a great connection forming between Mr Darcy and their eldest niece.

  Fitz was sitting on a bench next to Miss Mary and watching his cousin’s interactions with Miss Bennet as Darcy led her slowly through the garden when he realized how rude he was being. Turning to his companion, he said slowly, “I am sorry, Miss Mary; please accept my apologies for not speaking with you.”

  Mary nodded, the corner of her lips rising just a little.

  He looked around at the flowers. Picking one from the garden beside him, he ran his finger over the soft petals, “I have always heard tell that when one sense is lost the others are heightened to help compensate. Is that true Miss Mary?”
>
  She nodded, watching his lips carefully as he continued.

  “You know, I have met many a soldier who has been injured in battle, some who have even lost their hearing from being too close to a blast from a cannon as it was fired. Until now I never thought of the difficulties they must face in adjusting to life after coming home.” He looked at her for a moment before he quietly said, “Meeting you is starting to change the way I see everything around me.” He held the flower out to her, “And I must thank you.”

  Mary reached for the vibrant petals, their fragrant smell filling her nose as she lifted it and took a deep breath. Looking back to the colonel, she nodded her head in thanks, smiling fully when her eyes met his again. She then pulled a notebook out of her pocket and began to write, handing it to her companion when she was through.

  Fitz read the note aloud, “Do you know what these flowers around us mean?” Then he looked up to answer her. “No, I cannot say flowers have ever been of much interest to me. Will you enlighten me?”

  She again wrote her answer, watching his reaction as he read aloud, “The Royal Oak tree, whose leaves we sit beneath, stands for ‘bravery’. The flowers we sit amongst have various meanings, but my favorite is the Chinese Chrysanthemum. It will not bloom until the leaves begin to fall from the trees, but its meaning is ‘cheerfulness under adversity’. Also the Spruce Pine over there means ‘hope in adversity’. It is the adversity in life that has taught me to appreciate the small things that bring me cheer.”

  Fitz saw in her answer the strength of character which carried her through the darkest times in her life. “You planted it here for this reason?” At her nod he looked around them, “Did you plant all of these?”

  She once again took the pencil in her left hand and wrote her answer, then gave it back for him to read. “My aunt and sister helped with the planting, but I am the one who chose these particular plants surrounding this bench. It was my favorite place to sit when we first moved here, so my aunt suggested I have the choice of which blooms would surround it. My sister chooses for color and visual appeal while I choose purely for meanings—just as my Mama did her garden.”

  Fitz looked up once again after he read her explanation. “You fascinate me, Miss Mary. I would not have guessed such things meant so much to you. So what other hidden accomplishments do you possess, madam? Do you play the pianoforte?”

  She shook her head no and chuckled at such a question.

  “Embroider?”

  She wrinkled up her nose and shrugged her shoulders.

  He chuckled, “Not very well, I take it. What about painting?”

  She shook her head no again, and wrote, “I draw; but mostly just flowers and other simple objects, but I am working on doing people. My mother was an accomplished artist, but she never got to teach me.”

  When he saw the words written with a shaky hand, he felt compassion for her. To lose one parent when one was so young—and then to lose the other just a few years later. It was a great deal to bear. “I shall have to talk you into showing me your drawings sometime. With your love of flora, you will adore Pemberley.” He immediately realized what he said and stammered as he looked down, “That is, if you ever have the chance to visit my cousin’s estate.” Mary’s hand touched his arm and he looked up at her face, “I am sorry; I forgot I must look at you, otherwise you cannot tell what I am saying. I do apologize.”

  She nodded, and wrote in her notebook, handing it back to him. “It is clear to some of us just what the future holds for my sister and your cousin. I am happy for her—she deserves to marry the best of men.”

  “I happen to agree with you. So what of you, Miss Mary? What is it you are looking for in a marriage partner?”

  “Me?” she wrote. “I will never marry.”

  “Why not?”

  “Who would want me, sir?” she wrote, turning her head away when he verbalized what she wrote.

  Mary felt his finger on her chin as the gentle pressure tried to turn her back to face him. She turned, closing her eyes and swallowing hard. When she opened them again and met his eyes she felt her pulse start to race at his words.

  “Do not discount your own charms.” Fitz reached over and plucked one of the blooms at his feet, handing it to her.

  Mary took it in her fingers and tried not to laugh, but it was too much to not at least smile with mirth. She wrote, “Do you know what this one means?”

  “No, I cannot say I do.”

  “This is one my sister insisted on having here beside my bench. It is a Ranuculus, or a Persian Turban, and it means ‘You are radiant with charms’,” she wrote.

  Fitz could not help but smile, “Well then, it seems I have chosen the perfect bloom for this moment.” He could not bring himself to admit, whether aloud or even to himself, that he was indeed dazzled by her radiant charms.

  They continued to talk of the other flowers surrounding them until it was time to leave. He determined to search through his cousin’s library to see if it contained a book with the meanings of foliage, as he found it now fascinated him.

  In the carriage as they rode back to Darcy House Fitz began to think of what he had told his cousin just a few days before. Yes, he did wish for affection, especially after meeting Miss Mary, but without his parents’ support, he did not see how they could ever marry. For the first time in his life Fitz was fearful of what he was starting to feel for this young lady. Not wanting his cousin to see the battle warring within him, he began to tease Darcy about his attention to Miss Bennet.

  When Darcy retired that evening he thought about his conversation with Fitz and what he wanted in a wife. Could Miss Bennet be the one? He already knew she possessed so many attributes which were important to him, and he could honestly say she was very handsome. Maybe it is time to invite them back over for dinner, or better yet, on an outing, he thought, only this time without the rest of my family around. The Gardens—we should go to the Pleasure Gardens! Hmmmm, maybe Bingley will be available to join our party? I wonder if Aunt Edith has arrived in Town yet.

  Edward walked out into the hall from his office, a headache starting to pound right behind his ears. Almost as if she knew she was needed, Maddie exited the sitting room at that same moment.

  “Oh, Edward, you must rest, my dear. This much work is not good for your health,” she admonished him.

  “I know I have been quite busy these last few weeks, but I believe we have finally completed the majority of the paperwork.” He closed his eyes and ran his hand wearily over them. “We have a lot of procedures to go over before Mr Stone returns to India. You would not think the acquisition of one business could cause so much trouble for my books.”

  “I am just grateful for Mr Stone’s acquiescence in going by himself as I am quite reliant on your being here in England with me,” she said as she lovingly wound her arm through his and walked beside him up the stairs.

  They were nearly ready for bed when Maddie remembered the missive that was delivered earlier. Pulling it from her pocket, she handed it to her husband. “I received this note today. It is an invitation to join Mr Darcy’s party at Vauxhall Gardens.”

  “I cannot say I am surprised. Mr Darcy does seem to be taken with Elizabeth.”

  “Yes, that is clear for anyone to see, though I doubt either of them realize it themselves yet.”

  “This is for Friday,” he said as he laid it down on the table.

  “Yes it is.”

  Edward looked at his wife, “No, I will not give up the tickets I purchased months ago for your birthday just so Elizabeth can visit the Pleasure Gardens. A man must have some time with his wife,” he lifted her hand to his lips.

  “I knew you would say that, so I answered Mr Darcy immediately, declining the invitation and explaining the situation. He wrote back with this,” she said as she pulled out another note from her pocket and opened it to read aloud to her husband.

  “Mrs Gardiner,

  I thank you for your quick response, and as fate would
have it, my aunt, Mrs Edith Darcy, was visiting when your note was delivered. She wishes to meet your family as well, and when I told her of your previous plans she offered to act as a chaperone for your two nieces. I know you do not know her, but I would trust her even with my own sister. She is nothing like my other relations and will not judge you as harshly as they have.

  If you do not feel comfortable with such an arrangement, perhaps we can make the trip next week instead?

  Thank you,

  Fitzwilliam Darcy”

  Edward pulled his wife closer as he took the note from her hands. “If Mr Darcy trusts this aunt, and she has offered to chaperone so we can still go to the theater, then who am I to intrude upon such plans?”

  Maddie smiled, “I will write to him first thing tomorrow. Do you want to tell the girls, or should I?”

  Edward stood, drawing her closer, “I will leave that to you. For now, I just wish to go to bed.”

  Maddie kissed his cheek, “Thank you Edward; I could not ask for a more loving husband.”

  The next morning Maddie was sitting at the table with her nieces and children. “Elizabeth, I received an invitation yesterday that may interest you.”

  “Yes Aunt? What is it?”

  “You and Mary,” she added as she signed to her, “have been invited to join a party that will visit Vauxhall’s Pleasure Gardens this Friday. Your uncle and I cannot go of course, as we have other plans, but we feel confident in the chaperone that will be provided.”

  “Vauxhall? Oh my! Who has sent the invitation?”

 

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