Snow Covered Moon

by L M Adams

  “Now sit the hell down so I can see what you’ve done to yourself,” I yell back at him. I see Tabari nod his head slightly out of the corner of my eye. Well I’ll at least try to get along with the beast.

  Lucien stomps to the sofa sitting down as far from Jack as he can get. I lift his shirt and see the bruises already spreading over his ribs. I probe gently. I hear his hiss of air. Nice to know he’s not immune to pain.

  “Nothing seems broken. I can get you some pain meds. They’re strong enough to help our kind, a little.” Our metabolism runs fast.

  “I’m fine,” he yanks his shirt back down. I stand up, rolling my eyes at him. I turn to stare at Tabari needing him to do something about all of this.

  “Isn’t this nice we’re all getting along like one big happy family?” Tabari drawls, barely containing his laughter. I’d never met a Magi with a sense of humor before. It’s one of the things I liked about him, usually.

  “Where are you two staying?” I ask finally.

  My heart fills with dread as Tabari gives me a chiding look.

  “We’re staying with you, Jae. You two have to live as mates which means you have to occupy the same residence. I’m staying on until I find a place and I’m reasonably sure you two won’t kill each other. But there’s no need for us to share a bed, little sister.” He grins.

  I’ve never even thought of Tabari in that way, nor has he thought of me.

  “I’m not sleeping with him,” I respond poking a thumb in Lucien’s direction.

  “Trust me, I have no desire to sleep in your whore bed covered in blood and stinking of vampire.” Lucien says.

  I react as if I’ve been slapped. I haven’t been with anyone since I left. Only Jack, only once, only tonight.

  “The last time I played the whore was in the walls of the Kindred Palace. I remember you not doing anything when I played the whore then Lucien! I didn’t want to be one! When I really did needed saving, where were all your grand words then, Lucien?!” I turn and stomp back towards the stairs at his hurt look.

  Fuck him.

  No one saved me. I survived. I remember crying once I realized no one would save me. That’s when I decided never to lie to myself again.

  I head back to my bedroom. Before I enter, I turn and yell, “Jack!”

  Eat shit and die Lucien.

  I stand in the middle of my bedroom floor heaving with wrath. My vision is washed in purple. I want to hurt something very badly right now, and goddess the power Jack has given me. So much fucking power, my hands shake from it.

  My door opens I turn, expecting Jack. But Lucien stands there instead.

  “What the fuck do you want? I don’t give a shit where you sleep. And the whore wants her slave in her bed tonight!” I watch his face crumble under the weight of my anger.

  “Please, Jaevia. I did not know at the time. What she was doing to you… I did not know. Everyone assured me you were fine, only being retrained for your true purpose.”

  “To be a whore Lucien!” I answer, exasperated.

  “To be a spy, a place of honor within our kind. To be a part of the House of Peitho, you wouldn’t have to sleep with anyone with your powers. We both know that.” He takes a step forward but I back away, he stops moving forward.

  “Would it have bothered you if I did, Lucien? Slept with men and women to gain information for our Kindred?”

  He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, of course it would. He’s always been a jealous bastard.

  “I’d hoped you would have been happy just being with me, being my wife, having my child. The Elders would have given you another position, something that didn’t require you being with other people.”

  “Oh! So now it’s a choice in being the world’s whore or your private whore? What about what I want Lucien? Have you ever thought of what I wanted for myself for a second?!”

  I swear, I feel like Lilith yelling at Adam right now. He didn’t respect her strength and neither does Lucien respect mine. We are not meant to be. How could the Elders and Seers match us so wrongly? I don’t even know what kind of baby we’d produce, some sort of succubus sun princess?

  “Yes Jae, I want you to be happy, please believe that. But more than wanting you to be happy, I want you to be safe. I’d keep you safe Jae. I’d cherish and treasure you until the end of time.”

  “Are you sure about that Lucien, because I have sucked and fucked a lot of men and women. Can you really cherish a whore, or do you just use them? She did things…” I feel sick all of a sudden. I cannot speak of it. “All so you and the Elders could teach me what my place as a woman is? I cried for you, Lucien, I begged for you to come. But you never did. So I did what I had to do, to survive. I became her creature.” My voice cracks, I will not cry.

  I swear that bitch will not get another tear from me. Neither her nor this man who stands before me, deserve my tears. I take in a shaky breath.

  Lucien drops to his knees; I’ve only seen him on his knees once before, when he asked me to marry him. He hangs his head.

  “Jae, if I had known before… They told me not to go to you. The Elders told me it would be fine and the separation was necessary. They ordered me to leave you alone. Tabari said there was nothing that could be done. But when I saw you… the day when your training was over… walking behind her with that collar around your neck being led by that chain, your spirit broken, I knew the truth. That I failed you. I swore to kill her. It took four guards and Tabari to keep me from ripping her throat out and taking you away and still I cried out to you. But you didn’t even look my way.”

  “It’s funny then, the bitch is still alive.”

  His sand colored eyes shine up to me full of regret and promise.

  “Only because Tabari swears it’ll be better if you kill her. But if you tell me to do it, I will leave this second. I shall not return until I have her head in a basket for you.”

  He would do it; he’d kill the bitch for me, probably really bring back her head in a wicker basket and all.

  I laugh, not with mirth, with insanity. I’ve dreamed of killing her every night for a very long time.

  “No Lucien, Tabari is right. Her life is mine,” I say down to him without feeling.

  “Is there anything I can do, Jae? We were starting to finally get along before you were taken from me. I’d have things be that way again.” His eyes are full of pleading.

  When we were good we were good, but when we were bad, it was very bad. The man doesn’t know how to give me a little freedom, a little leeway, how to respect who I am.

  “Nothing can ever be the way it was, Lucien. I’ll sleep with you only once more. When it is time to conceive our child. I don’t want to be your mate, Jack is my chosen.” My voice is cold, devoid of emotion.

  His features go hard.

  “So, you will take up with a vampire, force me to live with you, knowing you two are together and give me nothing? All of this as punishment?”

  “Do you not deserve it?” I dare him to say he does not, I dare him to think he does not deserve to live in torment for all that has come before. For letting that evil bitch have me.

  He nods his head slowly sighing. “Yes, Jaevia, but that is all. I will accept the slave in your bed as punishment for my failure. But no others… do not push me any further.” His eyes full of pain as he gets up from his knees.

  I’m sure he doesn’t regret losing me, but he is burdened with the weight of his failure. He promised with that engagement ring to always protect me, he failed.

  She forced me to wear that ring the entire time I was with her. Just to remind me how untrue that promise was.

  I’d taken it off the moment I was free and I will never wear it again. I will never believe anyone can save me again. I live or I die, my fate is in my own hands. I must find the strength, to be the captain of my own ship no matter how bad it storms.

  “I will send your slave in,” Lucien turns to go out the door.

  “He has a name,” I say, ju
st to grind the hurt a little further into his heart. To make him say Jack’s name. He takes a deep breath.

  “Yes Jaevia, I shall send Jack in now.” I’m sure the words taste of bile on his tongue.

  I never said that I was a good person. Long ago, I’d tried, but the world destroyed that for me. Now I’m a survivalist and a bitch, I will be the best of both.

  “Thank you.”

  When he leaves, I can’t help the pang in my heart or the single tear that rolls down my cheek.

  I brush the evidence of my feelings for Lucien away quickly. It is better if it all stays buried under the hurt.

  Jack comes in soon after; he doesn’t say anything, only gathers me in his arms, holding me close.

  I blow out a breath. “I’m fine Jack.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Fine, then I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Ok, just don’t lie to me.”

  I scoff, “So damn bossy for a slave.”

  “You can beat me later.”

  I laugh out loud; I don’t know why that’s so damn funny. Maybe I’m going crazy.

  Too much has happened tonight. I’ve done my three impossible things for the day. I forced the Wolf Mother to turn Peter into a werewolf, I’ve quickened a vampire and fucked him on the beach of Vayrá and now I’m a Grigori. It’s four in the morning. I’m not physically tired, not with the amount of power I fed on from Jack. Goodness the man is powerful. But I’m mentally done with the day.

  “Let’s go to bed, I have a lot to do tomorrow.”

  I look over at my bed. Sheets, comforter and pillows, still stained with blood, black sand and body fluids, yuck. I sigh and go to start stripping the bed.

  “No Jae, not while I’m here. Don’t shame yourself like that. I’ll change the sheets. You relax.”

  He actually pushes me out of the way. Goddess, what manner of slave, vampire and man is this? One second he’s on his knees begging me to hurt him, next he’s giving me a bath. Then he’s branding his name on my body, holding me when I cry. Fighting my ex, now changing my sheets… again.

  “Fine! I’ll go check on Peter.”

  As in, get my bottle of vodka and get roaring drunk with a new werewolf. Yeah that’s smart, and the best idea I’ve come up with in a long time. I head downstairs.

  Neither Lucien nor Tabari are in the living room, but the front door is wide open. I guess the fuckers really are moving in. I go to the kitchen and get my bottle of vodka from the cabinet near the refrigerator. I grab two shot glasses and two beers from the refrigerator. I hope Tabari has lifted his spell.

  I walk into the dining room and slam down the bottle of vodka on the table. Peter jumps with a start and looks to me with sleepy eyes, brown and shining with confusion.

  “We are getting drunk. I’m going to tell you one thing at a time and then we are taking a shot together. If you are going to be mad at me for lying to you, I want it to be done and over with.”

  I sit down to the left of him; he’s sitting in the chair at the head of the table. I open both beers and slide one to him and then pour two shots.

  “My name is Jaevia Knightley not Janice Smith. My nickname is spelled j-a-e not j-a-y.” I pick up my shot and throw it back. He follows behind me without a word.

  He pours the next shot.

  “I’m a half succubus and half vampire, not a human girl.”

  I take the shot this time chasing it with the beer. His eyes are changing slowly, chips of green and yellow, swimming in the brown. I turn off my glamour letting my horns show. He stares at them, eyes going hard. He doesn’t say a word, just pours us another shot. The liquor is going straight to my head. My metabolism runs so fast I’ll burn the liquor out of my system; I won’t stay drunk long unless I keep drinking heavily.

  “I am one of the Kindred. We guard and police the supernaturals of the world. Like werewolves like vampires. Oh, and Jack is a vampire.”

  He downs another shot, pours another and downs that one as well. I take two as well. Yeah, I guess that last one is two truths.

  “My brother and my ex-fiancé will be living here. My brother is half wolf, half elf; yeah elves and the fae are very real. My ex-fiancé is half sun god, half human. I hate my ex-fiancé, but I’m charged to have his child before he will leave me alone. Which I can’t do for another fifty fucking years. I’m now the Grigori, the watcher of the supernaturals in Maryland. The Kindred’s hands and eyes. You will have to quit your job. You can’t be a guard for the CNAE and a new werewolf. That’s my first order as the Grigori. Follow it.”

  He picks up the entire bottle and guzzles, not taking his eyes off me. He hands the vodka to me with a hiss, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. I take the bottle and do the same until it’s gone and throw the bottle against the wall. The glass shatters so easily, just like my life.

  “Now get the fuck out,” Peter growls at me. I stand up, pick up my beer and leave the room.

  Tabari is standing in the living room. He looks at me with his mouth hanging open. I smile at him, drunk as shit.

  “Can you not be happy without the entire world hating you?” he asks.

  I shrug my shoulder, “I like hate, it’s truer than the rest of the bullshit in the world.”

  “So, you would hurt people, for no reason. Because you no longer believe in love?”

  “Fuck love.” My voice drips with venom and evil things.

  “Go Jae, I have half a mind to... Just go, we will speak tomorrow.”

  I stand there looking at my brother, wanting to apologize for my behavior. Why must I make the world hate me? Because loving me does nothing for you. Everyone ends up hating me in the end. The only thing I can do is chose the when.

  I’d rather Peter hate me now than for him to become bound to me. I can find a way for Big Mike to accept him. I don’t know where my life is heading, but he deserves a better friend than me.

  Did I have to tell him to quit his job at the CNAE the way I did? No, I didn’t have to take another part of him away, not like that.

  I didn’t have to hurt Peter, but I had; I did it because I’m evil and hateful and when I hurt I need to hurt people. Seeing Tabari and Lucien brought all the pain of the past, I worked so hard to keep buried, right to the surface.

  Either way, it’s still true, he can’t be a new werewolf and around humans. In time when his wolf is under control, yes, but not right now.

  I breathe in and turn going back up the stairs. When I walk into my room, the bed is made, Jack is getting undressed. He turns and sees me. His eyes widen a little.

  “Evil is as evil does and I have done evil things.” I say to him darkly.

  He smiles gently, like he’s the most understanding being in all the world.

  “Haven’t we all, Jaevia? But you are good, too,” his eyes flashing that light cobalt blue again then going back to that darker color that deep metallic blue.

  I’ve never known vampire eyes to do that. Something cools in me, like a breeze being blown over me. I feel my anger at everything, at nothing, recede a little.

  Fucking vampire powers I know it now, but I appreciate the coolness to dampen the burning hot anger coursing through me, like a tonic. So, I don’t take issue.

  Now if he could only fix everything else that is wrong with me.

  “Jack please, make the thoughts go away.” I close my eyes as the memory of his screams course through me. I don’t want lust, I want pain. I want to hurt something or rather, someone. Jack is perfect for the things I want to do.

  He rushes to me, grabbing me into his arms. I yank back away from him.

  “If you need to hurt me, then do so. If you want me to fuck you into oblivion, then I shall do so. Whatever you want to do I’m here and I would love every second of it.”

  Perfect fucking Jae candy.

  Can I live with myself if I hurt him? Killed him?

  No, we could not.

  Even my succubus knows this would be wrong.

  He�
��s good food we’d not see him die.

  Ok, so her heart is still two sizes too small. I close my eyes trying to push the thoughts of hurting him away.

  “Why do you think I have good in me?” I ask in a whisper.

  “Will you get into bed with me? I shall tell you another story. The story of how Capaneus Nicholas Jackson de la Fountaine came to be.”

  It makes me smile and I get undressed, leaving my clothes on the floor and turn out the light.

  I lay flat on my stomach and rest my head on my hand, gazing at his features under the light of the moon shining through the window. I can just make out his gorgeous profile. I watch his chest rise and fall slowly I smile at him, he scoots closer to me letting his arm graze mine. He’s tense and unsure after I pulled back from him. It makes me feel like a shit as usual. I nudge his arm out of the way and lay my arm over him and my head on his chest, careful to not poke him with my horns. He wants comfort now. I can read the emotion on his face, although, I know he won’t ask for it. He sighs and wraps an arm around me.

  “Thank you, Jae,” he says softly.

  I hum in my throat. I need the comfort just as much.

  I don’t want Jack mad at me; I do, but I don’t. I’m so fucking confused. I just don’t want him to love me, I can’t love him back, I’d rather he hate me than have to deal with him loving me.

  “Why did your mother name you Capaneus? It’s a cursed name,” I ask to distract myself from my thoughts.

  “I’ll tell you about the good part first. It’s unusual for a Vampire to have so many names. A pure blood usually only has a first and last name.”

  “Your given name and your bloodline family name as a surname.” I said, knowing this much about Vampires at least. Vampires that are born are considered purebloods, the Children of the Blood King. They grow to a certain age and complete a ceremony to become full bloods, I guess to send their souls to Vayrá.

  “We are born and only called the ‘the first son of’ or the ‘second daughter of” until our mother names us at a later age. I don’t know why, it’s something only a vampire woman knows. Soon after my little sister’s birth, my parents took the blood rights and became full blood vampires. They left us in the care of nannies and took off to see the world and celebrate gorging themselves on human blood.”