The List Series

by Rhonda James

  “She’s in that car!” I yelled while I dashed for V’s SUV to follow them.

  I needed to get to my girl.

  “Give me the keys!” Hawk, running right beside me, shouted as we got closer. When I didn’t toss them over, he held out his hand and repeated the command. “Give me the goddamn keys. You’re too close to losing it to drive.”

  I knew he was right, but I still didn’t hand them over until we made it to the car.

  I felt powerless. Helpless.

  Absolutely paralyzed with fear.

  “I’m trusting you to break every law to get me to her.” My voice broke at the end, my eyes begging him.

  I had to hold it together.

  “Fasten your seatbelt,” he ordered in answer. I barely had time to click it in place before we were out of the parking lot and going well above the posted limit. “Did you get a look at the driver?”

  “It’s Michael.”

  “What the fuck? How the hell did he know she was here?” Hawk asked, maneuvering the SUV like a seasoned NASCAR driver.

  “I don’t know, but I’ve got a bad feeling he’s high on something. He’d never do anything this crazy. Four weeks ago, he didn’t give a damn about her.”

  Hawk’s knuckles tightened their grip around the steering wheel as we turned a corner. “You don’t think he’d actually hurt her, do you?”

  “Right now, I wouldn’t put anything past him.”

  But I was hoping and praying I was wrong.

  My heart was racing so hard I thought it might burst out of my chest. I had to get to her. Had to save her. In my mind, there wasn’t any other option. I couldn’t… No. I wouldn’t allow my mind to imagine anything bad happening. I couldn’t lose her. Not after Mom. There was no way my heart would survive that kind of fracture again.

  “There!” Hawk shouted, pointing at the silver Audi barreling toward the tight curve up ahead.

  The Audi hit the curve going way too fast, and Hawk and I watched helplessly as the car spun out of control, barely missing the guardrail before it slammed into a tree.

  “Noooooo!” I heard myself roar in agony. I was out of the car and sprinting toward the wreckage without any thought of what I might find when I reached the vehicle.

  The driver’s side had wrapped around the trunk of the tree, nearly cutting the car in half. The pungent smell of gasoline hit my nostrils. Panic crept up my spine. I could see her. She was still in her seat with the airbag resting against her torso and her head leaning against the window. Thank God, she’d been wearing her seatbelt. Her eyes were open, and when she looked up and saw me, she started whimpering for me to get her out of there.

  I tried yanking on the door, but the force of the impact had it jammed shut. Hawk was on the driver’s side, evaluating Michael’s condition. From where I was, I could see it was too late for him. He hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt and the impact had thrown his body into the tree. I quickly averted my eyes, but the sight was so gruesome I knew it would haunt me the rest of my life.

  “It’s jammed!” I yelled to him. He came around to the passenger side, and we both started pulling on it, but still nothing happened. When the car caught fire, we looked at one another, knowing we didn’t have much time, panic clear in our eyes. “We have to break the glass!”

  Hawk ran to the SUV to grab a lug wrench, while I assured V we were going to get her out of there.

  “It’s going to be okay, baby! I’ll get you out of there! I promise I won’t leave you!” I yelled through the window.

  Our eyes met. I saw the tears on her cheeks. Saw the fear in her beautiful green eyes.

  She flattened her palm against the window and mouthed, I love you.

  Pain ripped through my chest as I mouthed back, I love you more.

  Hawk came running back with the lug wrench and raised it in the air. I screamed, “Cover your face!” just before the steel met the reinforced glass.

  CHAPTER 28

  SIN

  Regret weighed heavily on my heart as I sat on the edge of the bed in Michael’s childhood bedroom. Years of accomplishments were on display on the many bookshelves that lined the walls. Trophies won. Academic achievements earned. Diplomas. Pictures had been hung on the wall. Pictures of Dad and Michael, Michael with his mom, of friends, and Victoria. There were even a few of Michael and me. One in particular caught my eye. It had been taken the night of his high school graduation party. The same day I’d almost kissed Victoria. Pretty ironic considering the way everything had ended.

  I’d been dealing with a lot of guilt since the night Michael died. How I couldn’t save him. I’d beaten myself up over what I could have done differently. How my involvement in drugs had been the catalyst for Michael following in my footsteps. If I’d known his addiction was that out of control, maybe I could have tried to get him help. He’d been my kid brother, for Christ’s sake; I knew how he’d always looked up to me. I should have been a better role model.

  I hated that any of it happened. Hated that my actions had caused Dad and Sarah so much pain. I knew what it was like to lose someone you loved. Knowing I’d been somehow responsible for Michael’s death brought to the surface all the guilt I’d carried since Mom’s death. If only she hadn’t been coming to see me… If only Michael hadn’t shown up at the bar that night… If only I hadn’t…

  Sarah was right. It should have been me. It always should have been me.

  “Knock, knock.” Dad poked his head into the room and leaned against the doorframe. “Got a minute? There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Sure. What is it?” I moved to the end of the bed to make room for him to join me.

  “Not here. Let’s take a drive.”

  Thirty minutes later, we pulled through the gates of the Saint Lawrence Cemetery.

  “What are we doing here?” I got out of the car and headed straight for the familiar plot of grass, legs moving on autopilot.

  “Hey, Mom.” I dropped to one knee and brushed the grass clippings away from her headstone.

  “It’s been awhile since I’ve come to visit.” Dad knelt beside me and patted the top of the headstone. “Hey, Annie.”

  “I never realized you came here,” I told him.

  Dad made a sound in his throat then stood. “Your mother and I may have been divorced, but I never stopped loving her. I just wasn’t in love with her anymore.”

  “How does that even happen? How do you fall out of love with someone?” I’d never been able to understand that. Maybe that had been the reason I’d tried to steer clear of love. When I was younger, Mom used to joke and tell me that one day I’d meet a girl and love her more than chocolate chip cookies. At the time, I couldn’t fathom loving anything more than Mom’s cookies. She also said that love was beautiful and complicated, and it often made you do crazy things.

  When V had walked into my life, everything Mom had told me began to make sense. Crazy. Perfect. Sense.

  “It was complicated. But it is the reason I brought you here today. I know this seems like the worst timing in the world to tell you this, but I see the turmoil you’re going through. The guilt you carry because you fell in love with Victoria and couldn’t save Michael. I know it because I watched you do the same thing ten years ago when Annie died. Son, I know you blame yourself because she died coming to see you on your birthday, but that wasn’t the only reason she was on that stretch of road.” He walked over and took a seat on a nearby bench. I followed him.

  “Your mother was in love with another man before she met me. He was a musician who blew in and out of her life, even while your mom and I were dating.”

  I knew he was talking about Blade. I’d already heard the stories of them being teenage sweethearts.

  “Not long after we were married, he came back to town, and your mother and I had a huge fight about it. She took off, and I didn’t see or hear from her for two days. When she came back home, she told me she loved me and that she wanted our marriage to work. Two months later
, I found out she was pregnant with you, and I stopped caring about Blade Blackwell and focused on giving her the best life I could. But it still wasn’t enough, so I left.”

  I sat back and placed my hands behind my head, staring up at the sky.

  I remembered Blade popping in and out of our lives when I was a kid, but I’d never known he’d been the reason behind the divorce. Or that Mom had loved Blade more than she’d loved my dad. Maybe that’s what she’d meant by love being complicated and crazy. Maybe that’s what it had done to her.

  “Dad, while I find all of this interesting, I don’t understand why you’re telling me all of this now.”

  “You were always close with Blade. Correct?” I nodded yes. “And you’ve been performing in his bar this summer? Living in his house?” Again, I nodded. “Tell me something, Dylan. Have you ever looked at Blade and then taken a good look at yourself in the mirror?”

  “Not lately, why?”

  Dad offered a weak laugh as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Because he’s your biological father.”

  My jaw dropped. “What?”

  “It’s true. I’d suspected it for years, but it wasn’t confirmed until I received a phone call from the hospital. It was that time when you were in that motorcycle accident and broke your leg. Remember? They couldn’t reach your mother, and my number was listed as an emergency contact. When I answered, the woman asked if I was Mr. Blackwell. After that, I hired a friend to do some digging and… I confronted your mother about it and found out she hadn’t even told him he was your father. I struggled with the decision, but I eventually warned her if she didn’t tell both of you the truth, then I would take matters into my own hands.” He got up and walked back over to her headstone. “She died on her way to tell you.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me this back then? If you knew you weren’t my father, then why’d you take me back to your house? You could have just washed your hands of me and saved yourself from the burden I placed on your family.” My head spun with everything he’d just poured on me.

  “In hindsight, it wasn’t the right thing to do, but you’d just lost your mom. I was the only father you’d known. How could I take that from you? You were already on a path of self-destruction. God only knows what you would have done with that information back then. And it kills me to tell you now, but I want you to understand something. You were never a burden to me. I never loved you any less. Annie made that choice. The same way Michael made the choices he did. They alone are responsible for the outcome of those choices, not you, Son.” He pulled me in for a hug. “Dylan, you have to stop carrying the burden of other people’s mistakes.”

  EPILOGUE

  SIN

  “Dylan, let me hear you run through the chorus one more time. I think you need to go up an octave when you sing it on the third run,” Blade advised.

  I looked up from my position in the sound booth and gave him a thumbs-up. “Sounds good, Dad. I was thinking of truncating the chorus on the fourth pass and then fading out to Hawk’s final solo. What do you think?”

  “Let’s do it,” he agreed before starting the track.

  After that day in the cemetery, I’d had a lot to process. Finding out that Blade was my father had been a shock, but what had been more surprising was the way I’d felt about it. I wasn’t angry. I just accepted it. In light of everything that had happened, it actually gave me something positive to focus on. Blade and I had been spending more time together, and when the band needed someone to produce our upcoming EP, I knew Blade was the only guy I wanted to work with.

  The night of the accident still lay heavy on my heart. I was still grieving, but I no longer blamed myself for Michael’s actions. I was heartbroken over the loss of my brother, but I thank God every single day that I’d been able to save Victoria.

  After the accident, V spent a night in the hospital for observation. Thanks to the airbag, and her seatbelt, she’d sustained only minor injuries. Considering the alternative, I was grateful that a higher power had been looking out for her. We’d attended Michael’s funeral together and I’d been thankful to have her by my side. His death has been hard on both of us, but we’re getting through it the same was we do everything these days… together. We’d been living in Panama City for the past two months in an apartment we’d rented not far from Blade’s rental, where the guys were still staying. We could have continued living there, but sharing space with three other guys meant kitchen sex was out of the question—and I got really turned on by watching my girl cook. I wasn’t sure when it would happen; I only knew that one day, I would ask her to marry me, and I prayed to God she’d say yes because she made me happier than I’d ever been. But for now, we were still taking things one day at a time, and we were okay with that.

  “I like the changes you made,” Blade said once we finished listening to the playback of the song I’d just recorded. It was the song that V had inspired. One of many she’d inspired. “You still planning on coming to the party?”

  The party he was referring to was the massive Labor Day blowout he was throwing at the Playground.

  “Yeah. V said she’s bringing dessert. Brownies or something,” I shrugged.

  “Brownies, huh?” He smirked. “Can’t wait to try them.”

  “Thanks for everything today, but I’ve gotta run. Tonight is date night, and V’s waiting for me at home.”

  “Say no more. Run.” He laughed as I did just that.

  The aroma of chocolate and vanilla hit me the second I opened the door to our apartment, bringing back memories of long ago.

  “Babe, I’m home,” I announced. I dropped my backpack on the sofa and made a beeline for the kitchen, where I was positive I would find her waiting.

  She wasn’t there.

  The sound of music drifted down the hall from our bedroom. I was about to head in that direction when something on the kitchen table caught my attention. From where I stood, I could see exactly what it was. I just couldn’t believe I was seeing it. There, in the center of the table, sat a plate of chocolate chip cookies, piled high, with a note lying next to them.

  I Love You More Than Chocolate Chip Cookies

  P.S. Come to the bedroom, and I’ll prove it

  XOXO, Princess V

  Great, now I was nostalgic and turned on. I had every intention of meeting her in the bedroom, but first things first—I wanted a cookie. I brought the cookie to my nose and took a whiff. Smelled just like Mom’s. I took a tentative bite, fearing disappointment, but the second the sugary treat met my tongue, I was transported back to our kitchen in Charleston. It was as if Mom had been present in the kitchen with V as she stirred the batter. My belly was full and my heart overflowed with gratitude.

  God, I love this woman.

  I wiped the chocolate from my lips and went in search of her. It didn’t take long. Our apartment was small and she’d already given me directions. I found her on the bed dressed in white lingerie.

  “Hey, rock star,” she greeted me.

  “Hey, Princess V.” I winked as I approached the bed.

  I crawled onto the mattress and leaned in for a kiss. When I pulled away, she stuck out her tongue and ran it over her lips.

  “You taste like chocolate.”

  “I may have stopped for a cookie on my way to the bedroom,” I confessed.

  “You took a bite out of every one of them, didn’t you?” She giggled.

  I straddled her legs while nodding. “I do love chocolate chips.”

  Her body vibrated with laughter. “I’m glad you liked them.”

  “Babe, I loved those cookies so much I ate the entire plate.”

  “I hope you left room for one more,” she said, teasing a finger down her belly.

  I followed her fingers before stopping to trace her tattoo. “I always have room for your cookie.”

  “Mm,” she moaned happily. “I’m so happy you’re home.”

  I gazed down at her smiling face and knew in my heart there was no place on ear
th I’d rather be than here with this woman. This amazing, beautiful, sexy woman who baked me cookies and made me happy with a simple smile.

  I kissed the tiny scar below her lip. “I’m happy I’m home, too. Thank you for giving me something so wonderful to come home to. Seriously, those cookies were amazing. They taste just like Mom’s.”

  “Well, that’s good because I used her recipe.” She smiled.

  I cocked my head, confused. “How?”

  “Blade found the recipe in a letter your Mom had sent him. I wanted to surprise you. Surprised?”

  “Definitely.” I kissed a path down her neck.

  “Happy?” she moaned her appreciation.

  “Over the moon. Judge for yourself.” I reached for her hand and placed it over the bulge in my jeans.

  “Yep. Definitely happy to see me,” she murmured against my lips.

  I broke our kiss and cradled her face in my hand. “I love you, V. Thank you for making me cookies, for inspiring me and making me a better man. Though, sometimes I question why you put up with my crazy ass.”

  “I love you, Dylan. I think it’s safe to say we inspire each other. For the record, I ‘put up with your ass’ because when I’m with you, everything makes sense—even the crazy stuff.”

  My brow shot up and I quirked a smile. “Wait. Are we talking ‘right is left, and wrong is right’ kind of crazy? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, I wouldn’t mind taking another trip down that rabbit hole of yours.”

  What? Too dirty for you? Falling in love didn’t mean I had to turn into a goddamn saint. Just throwing that out there.

  “Oh my God.” She smacked my wandering hand. “You really are too wicked for the cross.”

  I laughed and lowered my lips to hers. “You love my sinful ways—and you know it.”

  “You’re right, I do love it. I’m more than happy to sin with you anytime, anyplace, and anywhere.”

  I waggled my brows suggestively and reached across her for a bottle of lube and held it up.

  “Anywhere?”

  She smiled and flipped over onto all fours, peering back at me over her shoulder. “Take me to Wonderland.”