All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

by Rachel Brookes

  "What if—" I said, anxiety hitting me with force as a million possible scenarios hit me. “I’m coming in with you.”

  His eyes flashed to me. "How do you know someone isn’t waiting inside for the gorgeous owner to come and check why the alarm went off in the middle of the night?” He waited for two breaths for me to reply, but I was still stuck on the fact he called me gorgeous, so I kept quiet. “Lock the door after I leave. I’ll come and get you when I know it’s safe in there.”

  "But I . . . " I stuttered when he took the keys out of the ignition and fired me a warning glare.

  "Lock the doors."

  He exited the car and left me, only after pointing at the locks. I wrapped my arms around my shivering body, cursing my damp clothes, and I stared anxiously as he walked toward Sass. As he got closer to the door, he lifted the back of his shirt and pulled out his gun from the back of his pants. Holy shit balls. One moment I could see him in the streetlight, but then he disappeared into darkness of the store. After what seemed like eternity, the lights flickered to life and he reappeared through the windows. I gasped loudly and muttered, “Be careful” under my breath as he stalked through the space with his gun raised.

  When he stepped out of view, I swiftly turned in my seat, and my gaze darted around the eerily empty Main Street. The rain was still coming down hard, which obstructed my view, so I squinted hard to try and see. My leg bounced nervously as my head whipped around, frantically looking in all directions. All those years of watching horror movies had led me to this moment, and my mind went crazy with scenarios. I’d watched this scene play out way too many times, and now I was living it. What if whoever broke into my store wasn’t waiting inside for me. What if they were lingering outside, waiting for this exact moment. You know, the moment where the hero, a.k.a. Ben, goes inside to look around while the girl, a.k.a. me, stays behind on her own and gets kidnapped, taken to some foreign country, and sold to an underworld drug lord?

  No freaking way.

  Hastily, I looked up and down the street and decided that this had to be the moment. I shot out of the passenger seat, slammed the door behind me, and ran through the rain toward the front door as fast as I could. I didn’t dare look behind me.

  “Ben?” I hissed loudly as I entered Sass by using the spare set of keys I always carried in my purse.

  He stepped out from the office, his face hard and his eyes narrowed and dark. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”

  For some bizarre reason, I rushed toward him. “I didn’t want to stay out there on my own. What would happen if someone was out there waiting? I don’t have a weapon, I'm tired, and my reflexes aren’t as good as they should be. It’s been a crappy night, and I’ve already dealt with an asshole putting his hands on me, so I didn’t want another asshole who could be waiting in the shadows to touch me, or worse yet, kidnap me. I would not survive being taken across the border and sold to a drug lord. I’ve been told that my mouth sometimes gets me in trouble. I wouldn’t last an hour before I was RIP Sasha. Do you want that on your conscience?” I took a deep breath and tried to control my heart rate. “I thought it would be safer in here with you, although you look pretty scary at the moment, so I’m not sure if I chose the better option.”

  He looked pissed, seriously pissed, and if it was possible, his gaze got darker. He stalked toward me, his eyes running the length of me as if they were searching for something.

  “Someone had their hands on you?” he said in a voice so low that caused the hairs on my arms to stand at attention. “Did he hurt you?”

  I shook my head. “I went out to dinner, and he thought it was a date. The guy kissed me, and got touchy-feely. I pushed him away, told him to leave me the hell alone, and that there was no chance in hell that he’ll see me again. Fingers crossed he got the picture this time.”

  The hardness of his face and darkness in his eyes subsided, and I took a deep breath, trying hard to calm my nerves.

  “So, let’s talk these Mexican drug lords waiting for you on the streets of Monroe.” he said. This time his voice held amusement, and the side of his lip rose in a smirk.

  Any nerves I had were destroyed as fiery Sasha decided to show herself. “It could happen. I’ve watched movies, Benjamin, and some of my favorite books tell of it happening.”

  Now he had a full-blown smile. “Did you just call me Benjamin?”

  “Well, yes. I had to get my point across.”

  “Christ.”

  I decided to ignore his comment and move away before this conversation got even more awkward. I walked through the store and looked around. A chill ran over me as I noticed nothing looked different. It looked exactly like I left it when I closed up for the day.

  “This is how I left the store when I went home,” I said softly and looked back at him. “Nothing has been moved.”

  “You need to come and look at the office. And please listen to me for once, and don’t touch a fucking thing,” he said, and I turned and followed him closely.

  I was finding it hard to ignore the voice screaming in my head that I needed to keep him within reach. There was an air of protection he offered that was beautifully confusing.

  As soon as I stepped into the office, I froze. The office was where I spent my Friday mornings working on the business side of Sass. It held my laptop, petty cash, and confidential files. But now, instead of the room being immaculately organised, it was in disarray. The desk looked untidy. Pens were everywhere, papers spewed over it, and my laptop had been moved. I twisted around and found the draws of my locked filing cabinet busted open with papers spread over the floor. The space looked like a tornado had ripped through it, leaving nothing safe in its path.

  “I didn’t leave the office like this,” I said in disbelief.

  “I need you to step out while I look around and call someone down here to start working the scene.”

  I nodded and walked back into the main store. The emptiness and silence were paralysing. I loved my store, but as I sat perched up on the counter swinging my legs anxiously, I couldn’t help but wish I wasn’t here. Twenty minutes later, I shrieked loudly when a loud tapping on the front door echoed through the empty room. Through the glass, a ridiculously handsome man with short, dark blonde hair, and a lean yet masculine body stared at me.

  Seriously, where had these men been hiding?

  He pointed down to the door handle and nodded toward it, silently asking me to let him in.

  “Ben, someone’s at the door,” I said loudly, not looking away from the stranger outside. “He wants to come in.”

  “What does he look like?”

  “Uh, he is tall, has blondish-brownish hair, is wearing a black jacket, and he’s really hot,” I replied honestly.

  “Fuck me,” I heard mumbled, and then Ben appeared. “Hot? Seriously?”

  “What? He is. You asked for a description.”

  Ben stalked toward the door and unlocked it, allowing this new guy inside.

  “Sasha, this is my partner, Detective Austin Hart.”

  “Hey,” I said all breathy like, and I received another scowl from Ben. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Right back at you,” Austin said with a smile before turning to Ben. “I’ll go and get started.”

  “All good back at the station?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Sasha, come and have a look around and let Austin know if you notice anything in particular taken from the filing cabinet, then I’ll drive you home so you can deal with your wet panties.”

  I choked on the air I’d just sucked in and swung around in disbelief. “What did you just say?”

  “Me and the whole PD heard about your wet bra, so I’m assuming your panties are wet too.”

  I was never going to live that down.

  “That almost deserves you being called Benjamin again.”

  “This is fucking brilliant,” I heard Austin mutter as he walked toward the office.

  I followed him, leaving Ben chuckling
behind me, and I stepped back into my office. Austin pulled out a pair of gloves from his pocket and handed them to me.

  “Fingerprints could be on the cabinet, so I need you to wear those while you look.”

  I nodded and snapped them on, then crouched down and looked at the paperwork and files on the floor before standing and going through the filing cabinet. Halting suddenly, I couldn’t believe what was missing. It couldn’t be missing, because I saw it earlier that day and I knew it was meant to be here. I walked toward the desk, checked there, then opened the drawers and looked inside, before moving back to the shelves and then walked back to the filing cabinet for another look.

  “What’s missing?” Ben asked, causing me to spin around and look at him.

  The clench of his jaw told me that he didn’t like the worry that I knew was covering my features.

  “My personnel file and my copy of the contracts for Hamilton’s, which is my family’s bar.”

  A look I didn’t understand moved between Ben and Austin.

  “Why wouldn’t they have taken anything else? My laptop is right there, and over there in full view is the petty cash tin, open with twenty-dollar bills spilling out of it.”

  “Let’s find out who did it first, and then Hunt and I will have fun finding out why,” Austin said with a grin that told me he had great pleasure in finding out why people did things.

  “I’m going to take Sasha home, then I’ll meet you back at the station and we’ll wrap this up, and see if there’s any news about tonight”

  “I can catch a cab home. You’ve got more important things to do. Crimes to solve, bad guys to find—you don’t need to worry about getting me home.”

  Ben didn’t answer. He didn’t need to answer. The look alone that he shot me made my feet move, and before I even had a chance to object, I was sitting beside him, giving him my address, and he was driving me home.

  “There’s no need to walk me to my door,” I stated while the rain battered down on me as I rushed up the path, with Ben close beside me. “Is this the usual service provided by Monroe PD?”

  “Tonight’s your lucky night, Miss Hamilton,” he answered without actually answering my question. I tried to ignore the spark that fired through me at hearing him call me Miss Hamilton, but there was something so erotic about his tone.

  We made it onto the porch and out of the weather, and he ran his fingers roughly through his wet hair, leaving it tousled and crazy. With shaking hands, I slid the key into the lock and turned it, and the door opened with ease.

  “You need a deadlock.”

  “My locks are fine.”

  “Do you have an alarm?”

  I slammed my mouth shut and avoided his eyes.

  “Fuck me,” he muttered under his breath, and I couldn’t help but smile.

  I pushed open the front door and turned on the light. After placing my keys on the glass table by the door, I turned to face Ben to offer my thanks, but I was surprised when he stepped in behind me.

  “Sasha,” he growled, and I sensed what was coming. “Do not tell me you leave your keys there.”

  Once again, I slammed my mouth shut, but this time I didn’t avoid his eyes.

  “Jesus fucking Christ,” he said before he gazed over my shoulder and his eyes darted around the space. “I’m going to need to do a walk through.”

  “Why?”

  “Because someone has your file; therefore, they know where you live. I’m going to do a walk through so I can rest easy tonight knowing that someone isn’t hiding in the shadows ready to pounce when I leave.” He stepped forward, so there was only an inch between us. “You okay with that?

  “Two bedrooms, en suite, and main bathroom upstairs. Living room, office, kitchen, and laundry, downstairs,” I whispered.

  With a nod he took off, and I stood in the middle of my living room. All I wanted to do was open a bottle of wine and drink myself into oblivion, but that idea was foiled the moment Ben stepped into my house. Instead of pacing and wondering what Ben was finding upstairs, I sat on the arm of my couch, waited, and bounced my foot.

  Heavy footsteps coming from the staircase caused me bolt upright and look to the bottom of the stairs. Once again, I found myself gripping onto this weird sense of safety and protection that he offered when he was around. When he appeared, I shot to my feet and moved to him.

  “I need to buy a dog,” I blurted out. “Either buy a dog or find a decent man who can leave his boots outside and scare off potential intruders. He’ll need to have large feet, so the boots are big and threatening and give off the ‘don’t mess with my woman’ vibe. However, after tonight and the creepfest I endured”—I stopped briefly and shuddered at the memory of Edward O’Leary’s lips on mine—“I’m on a lifetime dating ban. So, I guess that means I’m getting a dog.”

  Silence hit the room for barely a second before he threw his head back and laughed deep. I froze. This was the first time I’d seen him laugh, and good god it was a delightful surprise. His chest rumbled, his eyes closed, and he leaned forward, while I stood staring at him. It was the kind of laugh that rattled through every inch of my body and made my legs tremble. Since when had laughter been sexy?

  “You’re something else, sweetheart.” He chuckled when he got hold of his laughter.

  I stood, frozen, staring at this stranger who had, in the past week, been everywhere I seemed to be. The way he spoke to me, God, the way he looked at me, was like no other man had before. Suddenly, he took three steps toward me and halted. Something shifted within his eyes and made the blue turn to the shade of the deepest ocean. I don’t know how long we stood there, staring, not moving, as time halted around us. Abruptly, a loud clap of thunder ricocheted through the house, and it was only then that I broke our connection.

  I turned away, ducking into the kitchen and moving straight to my coffee maker. I didn’t care that it was now closing in on three a.m., and caffeine probably wasn’t the best idea, but I knew sleep would evade me after the craziness of the night.

  “Your house is clear, so lock the door behind me,” he rumbled, and I turned to face him. “And this time, please stay the fuck inside.”

  Walking toward the front door, he tugged his jacket closer to his body as he prepared to step out into the rain that was still battering down outside. When he grabbed the door handle, my feet decided to move, and then I was heading toward him.

  “Ben?” I called, and he stopped and turned to me, yet didn’t say a word. “Thank you for tonight. Take the umbrella,” I said softly and gave him the first real smile I’d allow to show all night.

  His eyes blazed before dropping to look at my mouth. “You’re a treat to look at, but when you smile, fuck, you are phenomenal.”

  It was when he looked at my mouth that I forgot to breathe, and it was when he told me I looked phenomenal that my heart stopped.

  What the hell was happening?

  “Lock up behind me,” he ordered, before stepping through the door and disappearing without the umbrella.

  I stood staring at the door, completely overwhelmed and feeling utterly confused. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t allow his words to claw their way into my memories, so I shook them off and shoved them so far into my head that they’d forever be locked away. I did as he said and locked up, and I checked the lock twice before I hurried upstairs. I was desperate for a hot shower and dry clothes, and all I wanted was for the chill that was settling over me to disappear. After spending longer than usual under the hot stream of water, I dried off, pulled on a pair of pajama pants and a dry hoodie, and headed downstairs. With every step I took, I felt it coming on. The familiar feeling that swept over me and consumed me when I became overwhelmed. Autopilot was what I’d become accustomed to, like a fucked-up security blanket.

  But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t switch it off. My head was swarming. It had been a shitty night, that became shittier, but then there were glimpses of calm. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that someone had been
in Sass, and that someone had apparently gone there for a reason. It left an unnerving feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  In the stillness of the night my throat thickened, and as I took a shaky breath, a single tear rolled over my cheek. I’d spent years building a thick skin, but sometimes loneliness hit me. It was moments like this when the strong, independent woman I’d spent years becoming stepped aside and the lonely, abandoned girl I was desperate to hide showed her face.

  Tonight she decided she wanted to show herself, and for once I allowed her to stay.

  And tonight she’d be my only company as I watched the night turn to day.

  8

  BEN

  “What the fuck.”

  I muttered after I turned down my street and headed to my house.

  It was just ticking over to six a.m., the light only just starting to tease the dark sky with a new day.

  I was now looking at my neighbor and the creator of my Sunday morning cakes standing by her mailbox, dressed in a bright pink, fluffy dressing gown, with her hair in curlers. Gigi McMahon was closing in on seventy but still acted like she was thirty. I met her for the first time the day after I moved in, and she became a constant part of my life. She hadn’t given me a choice. That first day I opened the front door to a short, petite, woman with a bunch of dark curls that had slithers of grey, a face full of make-up, and a cake dripping in chocolate in her hands. She walked straight into my house, cut up the cake, and that was the first time we shared cake on a Sunday. She slapped me when I called her Mrs. McMahon, and her and my mother, and now Sasha, were the only people who got away with calling me Benjamin.

  “Gigi, what the hell are you doing out here?” I said after parking my car and climbing out. She watched me as I prowled toward her. I swear this woman had no fucking fear. “Gigi, start talking.”