All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

by Rachel Brookes

  What was he doing?

  My question was answered when the comforter was lifted next to me. He then slid into bed and hurled my body close to his.

  “What are you doing?” I gasped, my body tight against his. “You did not just climb into bed with me.”

  He groaned and pulled me in closer. “I’ve had a really shitty day, Sash, so can we just get some shuteye, and you can give me your attitude tomorrow.”

  “What happened?” I asked, lifting my head and looking at him through the moonlight. He had his eyes closed, and even through the darkness I could see the stress etched on his face.

  He opened one eye and shifted his face to look down at me. “Can we talk in the morning?”

  Defeated, I whispered. “Okay.”

  I lay there, still, but now wide-awake. My body was curved around his, his arm holding me close. There was no way of escaping his embrace. It had been two weeks since I’d been in this position, and I couldn’t ignore the feeling of peace it brought me. Even though we were no more, I’d never lie and say that his arms weren’t the greatest kind of protection I’d ever felt.

  He sighed, and then I moved slightly when he reached over and turned on the lamp. I squinted as bright light swamped my bedroom.

  “You can sleep,” I whispered, blinking up at him.

  “Not when I know your head is spinning out of control.”

  “O’Leary left town just after our showdown at Missy’s. But shit is still happening.”

  “Like what?”

  “A fight broke out tonight at Hamilton’s between one of O’Leary’s men and Carson. O’Leary’s guy made a move on the Mayor’s daughter—offered her money to fuck him in the back alley.”

  “What?” I gasped, and shot up to a sitting position as my head began to pound. “Ben, I went to school with the Mayor’s daughter. They came to dinner at our house when we were younger. The Mayor was good friends with my Dad, and Drew and his daughter had a little thing in high school.”

  He rubbed his hands over his face and pulled himself up so he was sitting beside me, frustration rolling off him. “There’s more.”

  How could there be more?

  “When she said no, he offered her drugs and more money. Then he decided to get physical.”

  My gasp tore through my bedroom. Then the anger switched on. “He touched her,” I hissed. “At my family’s bar!”

  He shifted in my bed until he was back lying down, and he curled me up so my cheek rested on his heart, with my arm was over his stomach. His hands immediately found my hair, and his fingers ran through it.

  “Is she okay?” I whispered, worry filling my veins. “Is Carson okay?”

  “She is shaken up, but she is okay. Carson got there before anything escalated. The Mayor is pissed, and when I left Drew was trying to calm down the situation. This is what O’Leary does. His men do the dirty work, they cause the chaos, and he sits back and watches with a smug grin on his face because he thinks he is untouchable.”

  “Is he untouchable?” I asked the question that sent shivers down my spine.

  “He’ll fuck up, and we will be waiting.”

  “It’s like he is trying to ruin us.”

  “We are going to figure this out.”

  “Thank you for telling me.”

  “No more secrets, Sash.”

  He rolled us over, and I sighed as his body cocooned mine. His lips kissed my bare shoulder blade, and I melted back against him.

  No more secrets.

  Even though I was filled with worry, I slept the best I had in two weeks being back in his arms.

  When I woke up, he was gone.

  It was no longer Sunday.

  A new week had begun without him.

  “He is so damn sexy.”

  I looked up from the order form I was working on and glanced over at Anna. The large floor to ceiling windows that provided a perfect view of Main Street had stolen her attention, and now she was staring at something or someone and was practically panting.

  “Who are you talking about?” I asked with a laugh.

  She didn’t get a chance to respond. My question was answered when my eyes latched onto exactly who she was talking about.

  My Sunday guest had arrived.

  Sunday #3.

  Ben stepped through the doors of Sass, and his eyes darted straight to me. As he stalked toward me, he gave me the once over, and a devious smile took over his face. It sent a pleasurable shiver down my spine.

  Once again a week had gone by, and aside from the good morning and good night messages, I hadn’t seen or heard from him. He really was giving me what I asked for. A week without him gave me too much time to think. It had been three weeks since I’d kissed him, and I missed it. And let’s not talk about the last time I experienced a unique kind of euphoria between my thighs. After having the hottest sex of my life, I of course missed it. I’d tried not to think about him, but he’d clawed his way into the quiet moments when it was just me and my thoughts.

  “You’re a hard woman to find. I thought you didn’t work on Sundays?” He asked, his voice rumbling through my bones.

  “It was a busy week, so I came in to catch up.”

  “Do you have time to grab some food at Missy’s?”

  I bit my lip. “I’m a little busy.”

  “Go. I’ve got this under control. And the paperwork you are working on can wait till tomorrow.” Anna declared, way too quickly, and started shooing at me.

  I shot her a what-the-hell look. What was it with everyone in my life wanting to rat me out?

  As if the universe was really against me, my stomach decided at that moment to rumble loud enough for Ben to hear. His low laugh, and rise of his brow confirmed that he’d definitely heard it.

  “I’ll take that as a yes. Come on, I’m taking you out.” He smirked, and rumbled loud enough for him to hear, and his smirk transformed into a grin.

  “You are so freaking bossy.” I groaned, although there was a smile tugging on my own lips that I chose not to hide.

  I grabbed my purse, and as I walked toward him, he gave me another once over. Even though I’d spent most of the day in the office, I’d spent my morning in a meeting with a new supplier, so I got dressed accordingly. Knee length pencil skirt in Charcoal grey, a white blouse that showed just enough chest to be on the scandalous side yet still classy, and I paired my outfit with fuchsia pumps I’d ordered in from one of my favorite shoe stores in New York.

  “Those skirts you wear are fucking torture,” he growled when I reached him. “And don’t even get me started on how those heels make your legs look.”

  Heart.

  Thud.

  Panties.

  Wet.

  “You like?” I breathed, looking up at him.

  His eyes flashed, and I knew the answer before he even responded. “You know I do, Sweetheart.”

  “Well, I’ll keep wearing them then.” I licked my lips, and shot him a wink. “Lets go get some food, Detective.”

  Oh great, now I was flirting.

  I hurried toward the door, swinging my hips with every step I took. Knowing I had Ben’s eyes on me meant I added a little more sass to my walk. I stepped out into the Monroe sunshine, and basked in the warmth. Ben touched on the small of my back, and he didn’t remove his hand as we crossed the street and weaved between other people on the sidewalk, and made our way toward Missy’s.

  “Well, look who it is.”

  I froze, as Edward’s voice swirled around me like a tormenting storm. Ben’s hand shot off my back, and wrapped around my hand, and pulled me close to his side.

  “Leave,” Ben growled, his voice a threat that not many would want to face. “Get the fuck out of here.”

  Edward’s evil stare intensified and a smug look hit his face. “I’m a free man, Hunt, and this is a public place, so I have every right to be here.”

  “What do you want?” I found my voice, and I was going to use it. “Seriously, Edward, what do you
want?”

  “Sasha,” Ben warned, and squeezed my hand. “Don’t.”

  “No, Ben. I’m sick of this.” I dropped Ben’s hand and stepped toward Edward. At that moment I was a pissed off woman with enough sass, confidence, and annoyance to go head to head with the worlds most arrogant man, and Edward O’Leary was in my line of fire. “Edward, what do you want? What do you get out of this? It’s obvious you’re loaded, you left Monroe years ago, so why are you back? What could you possibly get out of being here? You sure as hell aren’t getting me, so you need to get that out of your head. Also, why would you do this to Drew? You two were like brothers growing up, and now you’re causing shit for him. You’re an asshole, Edward. Stay away from me. Stay away from Drew. Stay away from Hamilton’s. If you don’t, then I will make it my mission to find a way to get you to stay away.”

  “Are you threatening me?” He smirked, his glare ice cold. “You’re standing here, in front of your cop boyfriend, and you’re threatening me?”

  I don’t know where it came from, but I scoffed and unleashed the mega sass. “Threat? Promise? Same goddamn thing, and I know Ben supports what I’m saying. I want to have lunch, and you are cutting into my lunch date with Ben, so if you could kindly piss off and leave us alone, I’d appreciate that. You do not deserve any of my time.”

  My whole body shook as I stormed toward Missy’s, pulled open the glass door with all of my strength, and stepped in. I had no clue if Ben followed me, if Edward had left, or if I was breathing or not.

  Strong arms wrapped around me from behind, and I slammed my eyes shut as Ben’s unique scent hit me and his warmth engulfed me.

  “Breathe, sweetheart,” Ben hummed into my ear, and my body began to slouch against his firmness.

  I spun around, buried my face into his chest, and clutched onto the edge of his shirt. I didn’t care that we were standing in the middle of Missy’s during the lunch rush. I didn’t focus on Missy’s hushed voice asking Ben what was going on. I didn’t concentrate on anything but Ben’s heartbeat. Ben fisted my hair and brought me closer to the safety he offered. I sucked in an unsteady breath and tried to regain control. Slowly, I felt the shakes ease, and I loosened my grip of his shirt. Looking up at him, my smile was weak, but his was comforting.

  “Did I just majorly screw up by ranting at him?” I asked softly.

  “No, it’s fine. I’m proud of you for sticking it to him. We will deal with him.”

  “He just makes me so mad. I should have totally dropped the f-bomb. Pretty sure it was the perfect scene to drop it.”

  His soft chuckle shocked me. “Totally fucking worth it, Sasha.”

  I still didn’t exactly know what he meant when he said that, but I’d heard it enough to know it was something to do with my crazy.

  He grabbed my hand and we moved to the usual booth, then I slid in and he followed in beside me.

  Missy rushed over, worry painted on her face as she looked at us both. “Someone better start talking. Sash, you look like you’ve seen a ghost, and Ben you look ready to kill a man.”

  “I just had a chat with Edward outside.” I admitted, and offered the weakest of smiles. “Outside.”

  “What!” she screeched, turning her attention to Ben and glaring at him. “Why did you allow this? He shouldn’t get near her. Are you fucking crazy? He is a loose cannon.”

  “Miss, I started it,” I reached out and grabbed her hand.

  “Are you crazy?” Her screech got louder, and now people were staring. “My best friend is crazy. Crazy!”

  “You’re causing a scene.” I laughed softly. Even if she was having a breakdown, she was still settling me with her outrageousness like she always did.

  “I don’t care. Are you okay?” she asked, sliding in opposite us, her anxious gaze darting between us.

  “I’m fine. I got a lot off my chest, and I wouldn’t have said anything if Ben wasn’t with me.”

  “Well, then I guess that’s okay, although—,” She stopped suddenly, and realization dawned on her. “Why are you two even here? Together?”

  “It’s Sunday,” Ben answered, as if everyone knew what Sundays meant.

  “And?”

  “Sash and I do Sundays together. It’s our day.”

  “But?” Her confused eyes flashed to me. “Aren’t you two—.”

  His hand found my leg under the table and he gave it a squeeze when he repeated, “It’s our day.”

  She looked back at Ben, and her face softened. “Stop being so damn swoony. You’re making it hard to be angry at you.”

  Ben laughed. “I’ll try my hardest.”

  She slid out from the booth and stood at the end of the table, and pointed at me. “Don’t you talk to Edward again.”

  She stormed off back to the counter, and when she disappeared into the kitchen, I swung around to face Ben. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and a simple touch unleashed goosebumps on my skin.

  “He wrecked our Sunday,” I said, soft.

  “We still have plenty of hours left to erase him.”

  “I’ve got work to do.”

  “I’ll bring cake to your place when you’re done, and if you’re lucky, I’ll let you watch one of your chick flicks.”

  “Pfft, you love my chick flicks.”

  “I only like your chick flicks because they lead to you getting naked and panting under me. You promising me naked panting Sasha?”

  I rolled my eyes, ignoring the rush of heat soaring through me. “You’re dreaming.”

  “Believe me, I’ve been dreaming of being inside you a lot over the past three weeks.”

  So had I.

  34

  SASHA

  “Oh fuck.”

  My attention moved from the television to Ben, who was staring at his phone, his jaw tensed and his body locked tight.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, worried. Hearing him say “oh fuck” could mean so many things right now.

  As usual, I hadn’t seen or spoken to him during the week, but he’d checked in more than just the usual good morning and good night text. He’d check in and ask me if everything was good, and he’d made me promise to text him if I saw any sign of Edward.

  Thankfully, I hadn’t.

  This morning I woke up to my usual good morning text, but in it he asked me to come to his place to spend Sunday there. I’d um’d and ahh’d for an hour, then I said screw it, jumped in my car, and here I was. We took our cake and coffee out to the balcony. I lay on the sun chair, and he pulled up one of his regular outdoor chairs. It was the perfect Sunday morning. After we finished eating, Ben had brought out the morning paper to read, and I pulled up my Kindle app on my phone to dive back into the latest romance novel I’d been getting lost in.

  Seriously, it was perfect.

  Too perfect.

  His eyes came to mine, and I braced for the unknown. “You know how Dee invited us to her place to watch football?”

  “Yes.”

  “They are on their way here. Now.”

  “What?” I screeched, and jumped off the couch with such force it would seem I had crackers up my . . . “I should go.”

  His hand shot out and grabbed mine, halting my escape. “There is no way you are leaving. I want you to meet my family, my family want to meet you, and they’d give me shit for years if they knew I’d let you leave. Believe me, that’s something I do not want to deal with.”

  There were so many things he just said that gave him permission to chip away at my wall. And right now, I had no reason to stop him. He wanted me to meet his family. That was huge. His family wanted to meet me. That was astronomical. Warmth washed through me. Nerves fluttered in my stomach. The butterflies were back, and all because of the man I’d tried so desperately to stay away from. The same man who refused to spend Sundays without me. Through all of this, one thing was becoming crystal clear: I’d spent too much time avoiding what could be beautiful, because I was too afraid of the ugly. I surrounded myself with beauty e
very day at work, so why not allow beauty to meet me at home after work, hug me good night, and kiss me good morning? Ben offered me that and so much more.

  “What’s going through your head?” Ben asked, standing up and moving in front of me. “Talk to me.”

  “I’m about to meet your family, Ben, so I’m freaking out a little.” I looked up at him with pleading eyes. “Am I dressed okay?”

  His hands lifted and cupped my cheeks as his gaze penetrated mine. “You’re the first woman I’ve wanted them to meet, so they’ll be more focused on that fact than what you’re wearing. But Sweetheart, you look great, you always do. Mom hasn’t stopped raving about you since she met you at Sass, and Dee—fuck, don’t even get me started on Dee. It’s going to be okay.”

  I opened my mouth to reply but stopped when I heard the front door open.

  “Fuck me, they were closer than she said.”

  I couldn’t stop the giggle rising in my chest.

  “Uncle Ben!”

  I swung around and only just stepped out of the way of the young boy who launched himself at Ben with a huge smile on his face. The young boy wrapped his arms around Ben’s hips and started talking at a million miles an hour about everything from football, to video games and a girl named Chrissy.

  When he realized I was in the room, he stepped away from Ben and held out his hand to me. I looked at Ben and then at this young boy’s hand. I went to shake it, but he had other ideas. He grabbed my hand, kissed it, and bowed. My face split in a grin.

  “You are very pretty,” he declared, still holding my hand. “I’m Joseph. Uncle Ben’s nephew.”

  “Nice to meet you, Joseph. I’m Sasha, Uncle Ben’s friend.”

  “We know you are his special friend. Mom hasn’t stopped talking about you. She told me I had to call you Miss Hamilton, but I prefer Aunt Sasha.”

  He dropped my hand and jumped on the couch, while I tried to pick up my jaw from the floor.

  Aunt Sasha!

  “Breathe, Sweetheart,” Ben soothed, as I tried to blink away my shock.