All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

by Rachel Brookes

  The thought had crossed my mind, but I still thought the fewer people that knew, the better. “That will be the absolute last resort.”

  Carson sat forward. “I'll head in tonight, talk to a few staff members and see if anyone gives up any info. I’ll keep it low key as if I’m trying to find out gossip. Either that or we have to talk to Drew and decide that I go in there looking to sell. Whoever the link is will be pissed that I'm trying to undercut them, but they’ll show their face. But we all know that kind of shit can backfire.”

  I rubbed my hands over my face as frustration rolled through me. O’Leary was causing havoc but keeping himself in the clear. The men busted for dealing were known associates of his. In the scheme of things, the amount they’d been caught dealing was small, but the effects on the Hamilton’s were huge.

  It needed to be stopped before the effects became colossal.

  “I’ll talk to Drew and Sasha. We need to include her in this.” I stood from the armchair. “She reminds me daily that she and Drew own that place equally and she must know what's going on.”

  “She’s got you by the balls,” Carson laughed and stood from the couch.

  I looked at him and smirked.

  “Having her hands on my balls is not a bad thing.”

  40

  BEN

  “Don’t you dare come in here!” Missy yelled, her voice shaking, and her warning lethal. “You are not welcome here.”

  My eyes swung to the door after Missy’s outburst, and I found a woman frozen in place with her eyes locked on Missy.

  “What the fuck?” Austin asked, and he became as alert as me.

  I slid out of the booth, forgetting my half-eaten lunch, and edged across the diner while he remained in his seat but ready.

  Missy’s eyes shot to me, and she shook her head slightly in what I could only describe as silent warning. What the fuck was going on? She turned back to her unwanted guest, and her features turned deadly, when she hissed, “What are you doing here?”

  The blonde woman took a step closer. “I'm looking for—”

  Missy shook her head. “Nope, absolutely no way.”

  The woman took another step, and it was time for me to react.

  “Stop.” My voice boomed through the diner and rattled off the walls. “She asked you to leave.”

  “Ben, don’t,” Missy said, and her shoulders sagged, before she whispered, “Why now?”

  At the sound of my name, the mystery woman swung around and I got the first look at her front on. She appeared to be in her late fifties, had telltale signs of having work done on her face, and was dripping in gold jewelry. Her body language indicated that she was on guard, yet jittery. She was nervous. Overwhelmed even. But it was her eyes that haunted me. They were familiar. They were—.

  “Oh my,” she breathed. “You look just like your picture.”

  Unease trampled through me. My body tensed. The way Missy had wrapped her arms around her body and the look of pure disgust painting her face told me exactly who this was, but I would still ask for confirmation.

  “And you are?"

  She swallowed hard, her throat bobbing.

  “My name is Abigail Hamilton. I’m Sasha Hamilton’s mother.”

  41

  SASHA

  UNKNOWN: Surprise

  “Baby girl?”

  When those two words hit the air, I froze. Solid. My phone remained in my hand, and my eyes still focused on the text I’d just received, but I couldn’t move. That husky yet feminine voice could never be mistaken. It once sang me to sleep every night, but now it haunted my dreams. Time no longer existed. I could have been standing there for ten seconds, or ten minutes.

  I finally looked up and stared at her. My mother. Aged but still the spitting image of the woman who’d kissed me goodbye on that fateful day thirteen years ago. For so many years I’d imagine this exact scene in my head—her reappearing in my life, calling out my name, rushing to me, and wrapping me in her arms. But what I had imagined was nothing like what I was experiencing now.

  Behind her, Missy rushed in and ran straight to me.

  “Look at me.” I knew Missy was close, but her voice sounded far away. “Sasha, look at me,” she pleaded, and I felt her hand touch my arm.

  My eyes remained on the woman who I didn’t know was still alive until just now.

  My mother took a step toward me, and I finally blinked. “My baby girl, look at you. All grown up and owning your own store. You look so pretty.”

  “Stay the fuck away from her,” Missy hissed as she wedged her body between us. “You do not get to be anywhere near her.”

  “Baby girl.” My mother ignored Missy’s warning, and this time louder, and with less softness to her voice, she asked, “Do you remember me?”

  Do I remember her?

  After thirteen years of living without a mother and attempting to move on from the worst kind of rejection anyone could experience, she had decided that now was the perfect time to step back into my life. My life had just started making sense. I had a home that was mine, a career I loved, and a store I was proud of. I had friends who I called family, a man in my life who'd started healing the hurt she left and a future that was looking brighter than ever. And now she comes into Sass and asks if I remember her?

  Was she crazy?

  “I just met your boyfriend. He is very handsome, just like your father was when I first met him. I always knew you’d find a good-looking man to settle down with.”

  She was digging her own grave with every word she spoke.

  My blood began to boil at the thought of her being anywhere near Ben, and it bubbled over when she mentioned Dad. She would not taint either of them. She’d already destroyed my dad, and there was no way in hell she was going to get anywhere near destroying what I was building with Ben.

  The door burst open for the second time behind me, but again I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. I was still trying to get my head around what was happening. Why now? Why not the day after she left, or even a month after? I would have even accepted a year, but thirteen years? That was almost half of my life, and there was no turning back from that.

  “Get out,” I whispered as anger crawled through my veins and tore at my skin. Missy remained between us but moved next to me when she heard me speak. As soon as she did, her fingers entwined with mine, and I swallowed the strength she offered me.

  My mother’s smile remained glued to her face. Her eyes darted between Missy and me, and the tension in Missy’s hand grew against mine. My anger scared me. I didn’t know how to process this, how to behave or react. I just wanted her gone. I didn’t want to breathe the same air as her.

  “You need to leave.” My words came out stronger than before, and her smile began to fade. She took a step toward me, and I took one back. “Get out of my store,” I yelled, causing my voice to bounce off the walls. “If you don’t leave, I will call the police, and seeing that you’ve done your research you know my boyfriend is a cop, so I’m sure he could pull some favors and have you arrested.”

  I had no clue what I was saying, all I saw was red.

  I jumped as strong hands gripped my hips, and I sagged in relief as Ben’s familiar scent wrapped around me. Missy dropped my hand and stepped toward my mother, but it was Ben who spoke.

  "Get the fuck out of here," he growled in the most threatening voice I’d ever heard. “Do not make me say it again.”

  “Baby girl—”

  “Do not call me that again,” I warned as the familiar feeling of heartbreak spiked throughout me. “Do not come to my store. Do not look for me. Do not call me. Do not come near me again. You made your choice thirteen years ago, and now I’m making mine. I no longer have room in my life for you.”

  I shrugged out of Ben’s grip, and rushed to my office, desperate to put distance between my past and my present. Shaking my hands, and pacing the room, I begged for calm to arrive as I released the breath I’d been holding.

  Within
seconds of my escape, Ben appeared, face masked with concern, and thankfully he came straight for me. Without a word, he pulled me against the solidness of his body, and I gripped onto him tight, praying that somehow he had the power to make this all go away. I closed my eyes, as his fingers ran through hair, and offered a moment of soothing peace.

  “Talk to me, Sasha. What can I do?”

  I looked up at him, and decided that I wanted to be anywhere but here. “Please take me home.”

  “You’ve got it.”

  He entwined our fingers, and pulled me out of the office and made into the store. I kept my eyes to the ground. I had no idea if my mother had left, but I was sure I did not want to see her again. Ben stopped and I clutched onto his hand and leaned my cheek against his back and closed my eyes.

  “Can you organize someone to lock up? Call Anna and see if she can come in for the rest of the day but if she can’t, try Paige, Shelley or Dee. Then you come to my place.” Ben instructions left no room for questions.

  “Okay, Ben, I can do that,” Missy said, soft, before she said my name even softer. “Sasha?”

  My eyes found hers, and the one and only tear I’d let fall slid over my cheek.

  “I love you, babe,” She whispered, and the honesty in her voice was startling. “Never doubt how much you are loved.”

  I squeezed Ben’s hand and silently told him I needed to leave. But before we disappeared through the back door, and he took me to the safety of his house, I spun around, needing to say one more thing.

  “Miss,” Her eyes flew to mine, and then I gave her my honesty. “Never doubt how much you are needed. Thank you for being my person.”

  I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped a throw blanket around my body, and stared out to the mountains. I had no idea how long I’d been on Ben’s porch, but I knew I wasn’t focusing on anything. I’d barely said a word since Ben brought me here. I didn't know what I was meant to say or how I was meant to react, so I began to shut down. I lifted the steaming hot mug to my lips and sipped on the soothing peppermint tea Di had made and brought out to me. She’d given me a soft look, told me drink up, and that she was here if I needed to talk. She was so nice. Everyone was inside. Drew had been waiting when we pulled up at Ben’s. Fury radiated off him as he pulled me against him and I never thought he was going to let me go, and to be honest, I didn’t want him to. He whispered things to me that only I could hear. Things that meant more to me than he’d ever know, and words I would keep with me forever. He’d only let go of me after he promised me that he’d make this right. I believed him. I always believed my big brother. After he’d let me go, he followed Ben and I inside and he hadn’t let me out of his sight. Di and Ronnie then turned up, meeting Drew for the first time under the worst circumstances. Then Crazy John burst through the door, pulled me away from Ben, then grabbed Drew, and wrapped his arms around both of us. Still I didn’t cry besides that one tear that had spilled over at Sass. Missy, Paige, and Gigi arrived soon after.

  They were here to support me, but the problem was that I didn’t know what I needed.

  “Darlin’, can I join you?”

  I glanced over at the door at the sound of Ronnie’s worried voice. I nodded before taking another sip of my tea and watched him over the top of the cup as he walked toward me. He joined me on the wooden swing and began to rock us slowly.

  “You’ve got a house full of people in there worried about you.” He broke the silence that had fallen around us.

  I twisted around and faced him. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel, what I’m supposed to say, or what I’m supposed to do.”

  “Just feel darlin’. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, scream. If you want to smile, smile. I’ve lived in Monroe my whole life so I know a little about what happened. I saw your father change when your mother left but I also saw him become a stronger man because he had two kids to take care of. He was stronger than a lot of men would ever dream of being. I know you have that strength in you too, but you’ve got to know that it’s okay to feel weakness too. And today, tomorrow, next week, next year, you let it out, and we will all be here for you.”

  “He was the best man I knew,” I whispered, talking about my dad for the first time in a long time. “When she left it destroyed him but he never let it break him. Well, not in front of Drew and me. She left at the beginning of summer break, but I remember that summer break being one of the best I had all because of Dad. Even when I was confused and heartbroken, he made it his mission to make me smile. He spoiled me that summer. He showered me with so much love all the while he was facing the worst time of his life. All because of her. I can never forgive her for that. Then there is Drew. He was already at college, working toward his dreams but she stole that from him. He moved back to Monroe and came back home. Gave up his scholarship, his dreams and aspirations because he wanted to be there for Dad and me. I lost part of my brother back then. And I can never forgive her for that either.”

  He moved closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “What did she steal from you?”

  I looked at him, and told him the truth. “She stole my worth, she stole my ability to think of letting anyone in, she stole any chance of me giving my heart to someone. If she could leave me, her own flesh and blood, why would anyone else choose to stay.”

  “Darlin’,” he whispered, and that’s all he had to say.

  He gave me silence while my head screamed at me. Time ticked on and I rested my head on his shoulder and he kept swinging us on the porch. “Got one more thing to say,” he said and I tensed. “For your peace of mind, and to keep on healing, I think you need to ask her why. The answer might not be pretty, and it might not be what you want to hear, but it will help put your nightmares to rest. You may be sitting here thinking this will destroy you again, but darlin’, this time you have a family behind you. More importantly, you have my son who will pick up every piece of your heart and will make it his mission to spend the rest of his days putting it back together.”

  “I really like your son,” I whispered, thinking about Ben and for the first time that day the briefest of smiles teased my lips. “More than I’ve liked a man before.”

  His body moved again and I knew he was looking down at me. “And I know my son really likes you more than he’s liked a woman before.” He gave me a squeeze and I slowly pulled away and sat up straight. “But I’m thinking that’s not a huge surprise for you to hear. Us Hunt men, don’t let women that mean something to us slip through our fingers.”

  As soon as he said the word surprise, I remembered the taunting text I’d received.

  Surprise.

  Why did alarm bells go off in my head when I thought of that text? Then it hit me. Ben’s words from the other night.

  He has a surprise for you and Drew.

  “Oh my God,” I whispered as I jumped off the swing and rush back inside with Ronnie close on my heels.

  As soon as I hit the living room, all eyes came to me.

  “It was Edward,” I said, searching through the room until I found Ben’s eyes. “He did this.”

  Everyone became alert and it was only then that I noticed Carson and Austin had turned up.

  “What do you mean?” Ben asked as he crossed the room toward me, his eyes flashing with anger at the mention of Edward. “How does O’Leary have anything to do with this?”

  “I got a text message just before she turned up. I was reading it when she walked in. All it said was ‘surprise’. Nothing else, and it came from an unknown number. You told me that he said he had a surprise coming for Drew and me. I think he did this. He brought her back here.”

  You could have cut the tension in the air with a knife. Gasps and curses swirled around, and my confusion grew. Why would anyone want to do this to someone?

  “Where’s your phone?” Carson asked, stepping up beside me.

  Missy moved to my bag and found my phone being I responded. When she got back to the group, she asked,
“What’s your code?”

  “Sunday,” I whispered, my eyes flashing at Ben.

  Missy tapped into my messages, opened up the last text, and handed my phone to Carson.

  I had no clue what he did next but he started tapping things on my phone and he stepped away to talk with Austin. Then Austin got out his phone and made a call. I didn’t ask, I just let them do what they had to do.

  Crazy John grabbed my hand and held on throughout all of this.

  “Can you find her number?” Drew asked, causing my neck to snap as I turned to him. “I want to know why she is here. If I get anywhere near O’Leary, shit is not going to end well.”

  “Drew, you don’t—” I started, but stopped talking when his eyes cut to me.

  “You’re standing here hurting, Sasha and it’s breaking my fucking heart to see it. I’ve seen this look on your face before and she brought it on both times. We’ve just got you smiling again, so I’m sure as fuck not letting her take that away from me again. I protect you. It’s as simple as that.” Drew’s words were meant to be final but I had a few things I had to say too.

  “What about you, Drew?”

  “This is not about me. It’s about you.”

  “Drew, what about you?” I whispered, rushing to him and wrapping my arms around his waist. “What about you?”

  “We’ll talk about me another time. Right now, I’ve got to focus on you. Please let me do that. I need to do that.”

  His voice was thick, and I knew he was barely holding on. I chose to hide how I felt, but Drew made sure he destroyed any evidence of how he felt.

  “We’ll get you the number,” Ben said, and my eyes shot to him. “But you take someone with you.”

  “I’ll go,” Crazy John murmured. “I’ve got a few things I want to get off my chest and it would be a fucking pleasure to say them to her face.”