All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

by Rachel Brookes

  “You are a strong woman, Sasha.” Austin gave Sasha a look of admiration. “This would have destroyed a lot of people.”

  “I’m not going to lie. This hurts, a lot. But I’m not going to let her actions control me any longer. Drew and I have a bar that we need to get back to what it was, I have a life to start living, and a man to keep loving. I’m pretty sure those three things deserve to take up my time.” She kissed me quickly and then turned to Austin. “And I have a woman to find for you, so please don’t tell me that you are one of those men that have a particular hair color you like? I do not want stipulations as to who I find for you.”

  “As long as she’s breathing, he’ll like her.” I laughed, and excitement ran wild over Sasha’s face, and the tension in her body releasing.

  “Can you please control your woman?” Austin groaned although I knew he secretly loved the attention. “Babe, I’m not looking for a woman. But if you are so concerned about my 'loneliness,' how about you and I have a date night once a week?”

  “Ohh, dating another hot detective on the side?” She leaned in close to him but spoke loudly enough so I’d hear. “We’d have to do it secretly because my boyfriend is a bit of a caveman. If he found out, he’d find us and storm in, throw me over his shoulder, and walk out thumping his chest and saying ‘mine.’”

  “Damn right I would.”

  Sasha burst out laughing and wrapped her arms around my waist, and just like that, she decided to take control of her life. I was fucking excited to be sitting right beside her when she did.

  “Am I moving to your place, or are you moving in here?”

  It might not have been the most romantic way to ask the woman you loved to move in, but the question had been sitting on my tongue since the first time she was in my bed, and I was done with waiting around. I had no plans to settle, no plans on finding ‘the one,' and no plans on needing a woman. But all that changed with one flash of those green eyes, and a dose of that sassy-as-fuck mouth. My mother and grandmother had been waiting for this moment, and my grandfather had warned me it would hit with a force I’d never experienced before. It would send me out of control and encourage me to imagine the unimaginable. It would be the moment my other half became a reality. When the universe decided it was my time to become fragile. To become fluid. To become open to a brand new forever. Sasha was my moment. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I’d spend the rest of my days taking on her fears, healing her scars, and stopping at nothing to give her the freedom to fly.

  She swung around from the sink, the dish she’d been washing now dripping bubbles onto the floor, and she stared at me.

  “What?” she whispered, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

  “I want you to be the last person I see before I fall asleep and the first person I see when I wake. I don’t want a suitcase sitting on the bedroom floor anymore. I want to leave work every day knowing I’m coming home to you. I need that. I’m never going to stop needing you, Sasha.”

  Slowly, and without breaking our stare, she gently placed the plate back into the sink and slid off the rubber gloves. With soft steps, she glided across the kitchen, a single tear sliding over her flushed cheek, and a smile started tugging at her lips.

  “I like your bed,” she whispered, and her eyes went soft when she placed her hands on my chest and gazed up at me. “I like your back deck. I like Gigi. I like the sunlight in the kitchen in the morning. I really like that this is where we spent our first night together, but most of all I love that this is where we each said I love you for the first time. So, I want this to be our home.”

  I dipped my face to hers and claimed her mouth in a kiss that we’d remember forever because right then, this was the beginning of something bigger than either of us had experienced before.

  “Welcome home, sweetheart.”

  Epilogue

  SASHA

  BEN: I’ll be home at eight. Wear what’s on the bed. We’re going out.

  Nothing had changed. Well, that's a lie. A lot had changed, but Ben was still his bossy self, and I loved it.

  Six months had passed since my world changed— since I said goodbye to my mother for good, and said hello to my beautiful new life.

  I'd moved into mine and Ben's home the day after he asked me. I had told him I didn't want to wait, and after we celebrated by making love on the living room floor, he started making calls. It took him and Drew, Austin, Carson, Crazy John, and Ronnie half a day to pack up the furniture we were keeping and move it in. The day after, the girls and I went and packed up my ‘girly shit,' as Ben liked to call it, and then I was in my new home.

  I thought I’d be sad about leaving what I thought was my dream home, but as I switched off the lights for a final time, I knew it was just a house, and it would end up being someone else’s forever home.

  “Fuck.”

  I jumped at Ben’s voice behind me and spun around. The black dress he’d picked hugged my curves, sat just above my knee, and was low on my chest. I’d matched my outfit with my favorite silver pumps, silver hooped earrings, a layered necklace, and a simple silver bracelet. My makeup was dramatic, and my hair ironed straight. I felt sexy, confident, and ready for whatever my man had planned.

  “I’ve made a huge fucking mistake.”

  My heart dropped.

  “How the fuck am I supposed to look at you all night and not want to hitch up your dress and fuck you?”

  My face split into a smile. "Well, it is my birthday, so I hope there will be some naked celebrating at some stage."

  Today was my thirtieth birthday.

  It was also a Sunday, so it had been a ridiculously awesome birthday. I'd woken up to Ben sliding inside me, and gifting me with slow, sensual sex, which led to three orgasms before nine am. He had to drag me out of bed to the bathroom, and he ran me a bath, and I relaxed with a book and mimosa for an hour before he joined me. We talked, laughed, made plans for a trip to Hawaii, and argued about the color I wanted to paint the living room. Gigi banging on the front door interrupted us, and she brought with her a five, yes, five-layered chocolate cake with chocolate and vanilla frosting dripping off it. She'd stayed to have coffee and cake, and then she left us after making me promise that I'd take her shopping for a new date outfit during the week. The rest of the day I spent wrapped up in Ben's arms. We kissed, cuddled, talked, kissed some more, and he decided that he'd give me orgasms number for of the day with his mouth on me. At six pm, he got a text about a case he'd been working on, and he had to duck out. I got the text about being picked up at eight, ten minutes after he left.

  "You better not be wearing panties under that dress,” he growled as he tugged me close and kissed me softly. "Fuck, sweetheart, you are a knockout."

  "And you are handsome," I whispered, looking him up and down. He wore dark denim jeans and a black button-down shirt, and because it was the weekend, he hadn't shaved, so I got his stubble.

  "Happy Birthday, sweetheart,” he said for what felt like the twentieth time today, and every time he said it, I'd start swooning. "Turn around."

  I did as he said, and giggled when he stole my sight with a blindfold. “Where are we going?”

  I felt him lean in, and then his hot breath on my ear as he spoke made me gasp. “Trust me.”

  “Always,” I responded immediately.

  With his hand on the small of my back, Ben led me through the house, slowly down the front steps, and then wrapped his arm around my waist as we carefully walked down the path and toward his car.

  "You good?" he asked after he buckled me in.

  I nodded and gave him a huge smile.

  As soon as he reversed out of the driveway, I lost all sense of direction, and I was completely at his mercy. I had no idea how long we'd been driving for, whether we were headed to Main Street, or completely out of Monroe, or if we were just driving around the block.

  "Can I have a hint? Just a teeny tiny one," I asked, shifting in my seat and turning toward him.


  "Nope," he laughed.

  "What if I promise to give you the best blow job of your life?"

  "You love giving me head so I know I'll get it anyway."

  "Touché," I said with a sigh, knowing that was true. I loved having him in my mouth. "What about I promise to be naked next Sunday. All day and all night and we can have fun with frosting again."

  A month ago, Gigi had brought over a Red Velvet Cake for our usual Sunday Cake Fest, and I decided to eat a slice in bed while watching a movie, and frosting had fallen onto my nipple. Let's just say that started a feeding frenzy and the movie was forgotten, frosting was all through the bed, and Ben's cock tasted even more delicious covered in frosting.

  "You're doing it wrong. Promising me sex, blow jobs, hand jobs, frosting fun, fuck, anything relating to sex isn't going to make me tell you, because I know I'll get all of that from you anyway. You're a sex-fiend, Miss Hamilton, you can't live without it."

  "Did you just call me a sex-fiend?" I scoffed. "That's it. I'm banning you from sex."

  His laughter roared through the car and continued until the car started to slow. He took a sharp left, and then we came to a complete stop. I still had no clue where we were, and that excited me.

  I jumped when the door beside me opened, and with my hand in his, Ben pulled me out of the car, and we began to walk. After what could have been a minute, or five, we stopped, and a door to my left opened. Warmth hit me, and Ben came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest.

  “I love you, sweetheart,” he breathed into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "So fucking much."

  My heart stammered. Ben wasn’t afraid to tell me how he felt about me, but when blindfolded, and completely at his mercy, it seemed so much more intimate.

  “I love you too,” I whispered, turning my head toward him.

  His fingers worked on undoing the knot of the blindfold, and when it dropped, a loud chorus of 'Happy Birthdays' hit me.

  I gripped onto Ben’s arm as my legs became wobbly. Everyone was here. Ben's family, Drew, Crazy John, Gigi, Missy, Paige, Austin, and Carson, and they all came to me with hugs, kisses, and gifts.

  "Happy Birthday, Sassy," Crazy John kissed my cheek and pulled me into a tight hug. "Love you, my girl."

  Oh God, I was going to cry. "I love you too."

  "Blondie, you look hot tonight. I feel it's baby making time," Gigi hooted and grabbed my hand and kissing me square on the lips. Since I'd moved into Ben's, Gigi's visits had increased as had her obsession with Ben and I getting married and having babies. She was relentless.

  Missy was next. "We are doing our usual birthday routine tomorrow because your guy wanted this to be a surprise." She then leaned in and whispered, "Try not to be too sex hungover tomorrow. It’s hard to hate on you when we are celebrating your birthday."

  I burst out laughing and then Paige, Austin, and Carson all said their happy birthdays before Ben’s family swarmed me and then disappearing into the crowd with Ronnie asking where the chicken wings were, Di declaring that she needed to try a Randy Andy special and Dee wanting to know when she could start dancing.

  I took the quiet moment to admire Hamilton's. There were pink and purple balloons everywhere you looked, massive ‘Happy Birthday Sasha’ signs plastered on every wall, and enough food to feed an army. Through the crowd, my eyes found Drew’s.

  Since everything happened with our mother and the O'Leary's, Drew and I were closer than ever, but the torment sitting on his shoulders grew by the day. We had a sister somewhere out there. We didn’t know if she knew about us, the likelihood was that she didn’t, and we were still trying to come to terms with it. Our lives had changed in more ways than one. I was worried about him, but he was always more worried about me, and anytime I tried to bring it up, he'd change the subject.

  "You did it, Sash,” he said when I reached him.

  Confused, I asked, "Did what?"

  "You got your second chance. I've never seen a man more in love with a woman before,” he said, his eyes flashing over to where Ben stood laughing at something Austin had said. "He's a good man."

  Tears hit the back of my eyes. "You'll get yours and when you do she is going to be amazing because a man like you deserves the best."

  "You give me a niece or nephew one day, and they'll be my second chance." His thumb came to my cheek, and he wiped away a tear that had fallen. "Dad would be so fucking proud of you. I am so proud of you. Happy Birthday, Squirt."

  I crashed into him, and I didn't care that I started crying in the middle of a packed bar.

  "Ben planned all of this."

  "What?" I gasped.

  Paige smiled and nodded. "Yep, he wanted to do it all. Even went balloon shopping although he did take Lily and me because he wanted to make sure he got the right colors."

  "I don't even know what to do with that info," I laughed. "Wait, yes I do. Be right back."

  I didn’t care that I was wearing seriously high heels, that my dress wasn’t made for running, or that I was in a packed bar. I took off, running as fast as I could and launched myself at Ben. Thankfully, his arms wrapped around me, our chests collided and I pulled his face down to mine. I kissed him like it was our very first kiss. I kissed him hard, passionately and feverishly. My lips craved his, my soul demanded him, my heart was his. Completely.

  His hands dropped to my butt, and I was lifted, moved through the air, and placed on top of the bar. I didn’t care that we had an audience, I didn’t care that his parents were there, I didn’t care that I was probably showing way too much leg. All I cared about was showing Ben how much this meant to me.

  “For fuck's sake. When will you two realize you’ve got a house to do that in? Sassy, get your ass off the fuckin’ bar. Carson, where’s my drink?”

  I giggled against Ben’s mouth at Crazy John’s outburst and pulled back slightly.

  "Thank you for my birthday party."

  Ben tucked my hair behind my ears and stared deep into my eyes. “Are you happy?”

  “I am so happy," I whispered. "Like ridiculously, amazingly, tremendously happy."

  “That's all I want."

  “I want to have your babies,” I blurted out, not even caring if anyone could hear me. “Lots of them. And I hope they are all like you. Well, maybe not super bossy because I can barely handle one bossy Ben, but you know what I mean."

  His laughter circled me. “Fuck me, you are something else.”

  I pouted. “You don’t want me to have your babies?”

  “Sweetheart, I wanted you knocked up from the moment I met you. So, yeah, I want you to have our babies. But I want all boys because I don't think I could handle having mini Sasha's running around Monroe and spraying their sass everywhere. I can barely handle you.”

  "You love it,"

  "Oh, I do."

  I didn’t want to let him go, but I knew I couldn't stay sitting on top of the bar all night. This was a party, and I needed to dance. Someone had switched on the jukebox and loaded it with my favorite songs, and my eyes swung to Missy’s when the recognizable intro of mine and Missy’s favorite Bon Jovi song hit the air.

  “Sorry Ben, but I need my girl. We need to dance our asses off to Bon Jovi, and Carson needs to pour us some Randy Andy Specials. Get behind the bar, pretty boy!”

  "Did she just call me pretty boy?" Carson laughed.

  "Enough talking, more shaking. Make mine extra strong. I have some drunk birthday sex ahead of me, and I want it to be super wild," I demanded, and he shook my head.

  He looked at Ben. "How many drinks has she had tonight?"

  "Scarily, she's sober."

  "Christ."

  "Woman, get your ass out here! I can't be Richie if I don't have my Jon."

  "Gotta go, air guitar calls." I kissed Ben quickly on the cheek, before running out to the dancefloor and joining Missy for some serious air guitaring. Paige joined us soon after, and the three of us spent the next hour dancing to classic eig
hties with a couple of modern day songs thrown in.

  Best birthday ever.

  Toward the end of the night, and after drinking way too many Randy Andy's, I leaned against Ben with my head resting on his shoulder. Hamilton’s was rocking. The dance floor was crowded, the bar packed, Drew even had to start working, and at one point Carson had started working beside him.

  Usually, I would have wanted to stay and continue dancing, but tonight I just wanted to go home to bed with Ben. I would leave the dancing to Missy, Paige and Gigi, yes, Gigi was currently in the middle of the dance floor grinding up against a man that looked to be at least forty years her junior, and singing Cher at the top of her lungs.

  “Can we go home and start part two of birthday celebrations? The ones that involve me naked?"

  His eyes flashed with heat. "We have one more stop, and then I'll take you home."

  I had no idea where we would be going. It was after midnight and everywhere besides Hamilton's and Missy's Diner would be closed. But I grabbed his hand, did a half wave to the dance floor, and followed him out to his car.

  I hummed along to the radio, my eyes closed, and enjoyed the cool air sneaking through the opened window. Ben detoured off the main road and headed up the mountains, and I smiled when he turned into the parking lot of the lookout. The scene of our first kiss.

  I smiled over at him, and the smile he returned was spectacular. He got out of the car, moved around the hood, and opened the door beside me. Holding my hand, he pulled me out and the cool night air swam around us. Tonight the full moon blanketed the lookout with light, which allowed me to see his face perfectly. We moved to the bench seat, which offered a striking view of Monroe, and he pulled me down onto his lap. As I looked out over the town that had seen the best and worst of my life, Ben kissed my neck softly and pulled me closer to his warmth. My eyes fluttered under the sensation, and at that moment, I knew I had everything I could ever want.

  "Present time," he whispered, and I shivered against him.