by Eva Brandt
“Do you have any advice for me, Sir?” I asked. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“The best thing you can do is to prove the accusations against you are false. The problem isn’t your sickness. It’s the perception that you’re weak. If you display your strength, your epilepsy will not be an issue any longer.”
“Why do I have a feeling that won’t be as easy as it sounds?”
Mephistopheles smiled at me again, but this time, the twist of his lips held something akin to compassion. I’d preferred his earlier reaction. At least I’d understood that.
“You’re not wrong about that, Alyssa,” he replied, “but there is no other way. You can’t leave the academy, so you’ll just have to make do.”
He’d never said my first name before, and the fact that he’d chosen to do so now seemed to hold special meaning. I wanted to ask him about it, but that was when I realized something was very wrong.
I didn’t know how I hadn’t noticed sooner. I blamed it on the side-effects of the seizure. Shiro was nowhere to be found.
Granted, whenever I’d woken up in hospitals in the past, the doctors had been reluctant to allow my dog inside. But he’d almost never left my side since our arrival at the academy. His absence was an anomaly, one that could only be a bad sign. “Dean Mephistopheles,” I asked, “where is Shiro?”
“Ah, yes. Your... pet. He was very anxious at your condition. As your head of house, Mikael retrieved him and took him to your dorms. He’s perfectly safe.”
I let out a sigh of relief. I might not completely trust Mikael and his intentions, but he had a familiar of his own. He understood how much I cared about Shiro. He’d undoubtedly made sure Shiro was cared for. “Thank God.” After a few seconds, I realized what I’d said and tried to fix my blunder. “Uh... I mean, Satan. Sorry.”
He disregarded my words with an elegant wave of his hand. “Don’t worry about it. Unlike most people, I don’t have problem with semantics. Besides, like Ammit would say, there has to be a balance in everything. God and Satan are just two sides of the same coin. And I doubt that is very relevant right now.”
He was right. It wasn’t. I pushed off the blanket covering me and got up. I still felt a little woozy, and my knees went weak. Dean Mephistopheles took hold of my arm, keeping me from losing my balance. “It’s all right. Take your time.”
Tears burned at the corners of my eyes. “You know, Sir, Gemma said that here at the academy, everyone who is kind to you usually intends to stab you in the back or has some kind of secret agenda. What is it that you want?”
“I can’t answer that, I’m afraid,” he replied. “You’ll find out one day. Now come. You can’t hide in here forever. I might have managed to stall, but even the power of a High Lord of Hell is limited.”
When we left the infirmary, there was no one waiting for us outside. I knew better than to think that was good news. The tension in Mephistopheles’s stance told me my troubles were just getting started. “No matter what happens, Alyssa,” he said, “remember to stay calm.”
That didn’t bode well for me, but I nodded anyway. “I’ll try.” I couldn’t promise anything more. The people at the academy had pissed me off before. They had the uncanny knack of making me lose my temper, and I suspected the way we’d clashed in the past would be nothing compared to what would happen now.
Even with that knowledge and with Dean Mephistopheles’s anger, I was not prepared for arriving to my dorm room, only to find it being ransacked by my favorite teacher. Lilith was going through my things with something akin to savagery. My bed had already been torn apart. My trolley lay in pieces. The wardrobe where I’d been keeping my things was in flames.
Yolanda and Lena stood to the side, silently watching the whole scene. Feeling numb, I approached my teacher and asked, “Lady Lilith? What is going on?”
She turned toward me, pinning me with a sharp gaze that made me feel like an insect. “Ah. If it isn’t our lovely little Sacrifice. I see you’re back on your feet. Wonderful. You’re here just in time to provide us with a few answers and explain a few... issues I found with your belongings.”
“Issues?” I repeated. “I don’t understand.”
“There was contraband in your things, Alyssa.” She shook her head, as if disappointed in me. “I expected more of you. You should know better than to bring such items at The Academy of the Devil.”
I was completely lost. Contraband? What the fuck was she talking about? Nothing was banned at the academy. Students were allowed to bring in any object, no matter how dangerous or weird. From cell phones to necromantic totems, none of it posed a problem. The teachers didn’t care.
“Lady Lilith, I’m afraid I don’t quite follow. What do you mean?”
Lilith grabbed my arm and squeezed my wrist so tightly that the fragile bones started to protest the rough treatment. “Don’t play dumb with me. I mean that.”
She dragged me in front of a small pile of boxes I hadn’t originally seen. My insides froze at the sight that greeted my eyes. It was my medicine, the medicine I took to fight off my condition. Oh.
Of course. It was contraband, because it was a sign that I was weak. It had allowed me to stay under the radar and participate in their classes for one whole semester. Lilith, at least, hadn’t realized my affliction. If she had, she wouldn’t be so angry about it now.
What was I supposed to do now? There were no official rules keeping me from having whatever I wanted in my dorm, but this was The Academy of the Devil. People here had never liked humans and they’d only accepted me because they’d seemed to believe I had some kind of gift.
I would no longer be given any special treatment. I was a weak human and needed to be removed.
No. I couldn’t give up so easily. I was better than this. Even back home, when I’d collapsed in math class and people had snickered at me for two weeks because I’d pissed myself during the seizure, I’d kept going. I wouldn’t let this get to me either.
Lenoir had told me my ancestor’s gifts were what had kept my condition from escalating. Maybe I could use that. Maybe I could use the demons’ own magic against them, against the bigotry they deemed justified.
But in the meantime, I needed to be strong and endure.
Clenching my jaw, I faced Lilith and forced an apology past my lips. “I’m sorry, Lady Lilith. It was an error in judgment. When I brought the items in question here, I didn’t really understand how things were done at the academy. I assure you the incident won’t repeat itself.”
“Of course it won’t,” Lilith replied. She snapped her fingers, and the boxes with my precious medicine went up into flames. “We don’t allow such pathetic crutches here.”
That was hypocrisy at its finest, because of course they did. Things like the Angel Shield potion weren’t that different from the Lamictal and Petinimid I used to keep my seizures in check. But Lilith would never see things my way, and even if she did, she’d never admit it or accept it.
“I understand,” I replied. “I will comply with the rules.”
“I hope that’s true, mortal,” Lilith answered. “Because you know, people are never actually expelled from the academy. I’ve spoken to Ammit, and she’s very interested in consuming the soul of a liar like you.”
Without another word, Lilith pushed past me and stalked out of the room. As soon as she was gone, I dropped down to my knees and buried my face in my palms. I wasn’t ready to face the world without the aid of my medicine. I’d been using it for over a decade. Without it, the seizures would get worse and Lilith undoubtedly knew it.
My roommates didn’t try to comfort me. Maybe they didn’t care, or maybe they thought I deserved this treatment. In any case, I heard them depart on silent footsteps, and I was secretly grateful for it. If I’d had to withstand their abuse on top of everything else, I didn’t know what I would’ve done.
In the wake of their departure, I heard the approach of someone else—someone far more important to me. Shiro padded to
my side, nuzzling my hair with his snout. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him closely. “Oh, Shiro. What in the world am I going to do?”
Shiro didn’t reply, but Mikael did. I hadn’t even realized he was in the room until I heard him speak.
“There’s nothing you can do. The situation is simple enough. You don’t belong here. You need to find a way to remove yourself, or you will be removed.”
I looked up at him and met his cold, blue eyes. So we were back to that, then. There was no sign of the man who’d smiled at me, fought his friend for me, and made me feel like we could have something.
I was glad I hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt when he’d seemed interested in me, after Halloween. If I’d had, if he’d actually been my lover, I would’ve been brokenhearted by this behavior.
To be fair, I was a little brokenhearted now, but at least I wasn’t a complete wreck.
“And who is going to do that, Mikael? You? Because the dean won’t do it. He’s made it clear that he thinks I can still stay at the school.”
“That might be true, but it’s not solely the dean’s opinion that matters. By the time this is over, Alyssa, you’ll want to leave.”
“Is that a threat?” I asked, tasting dread in my mouth.
“You can consider it whatever you like. A threat, a promise, a warning. For me, it’s a simple fact.”
From her place around Mikael’s neck, TB hissed. She didn’t sound as hostile as her partner, but she didn’t sound friendly either.
“What do you want from me, Mikael? I can’t leave. I don’t have a choice but to stay and fight.”
“There’s always a choice. I advise you to start looking for it. The House of Envy won’t be able to protect you from your own weakness.”
He turned away and stalked out of the dorm room. Somehow, his words hurt far more than Lilith’s behavior and the loss of my medicine did.
I wanted to go back home. I wanted to turn back time, to make sure no one ever found out that I was an epileptic. I wanted to be reborn without this horrible condition that took so much from me.
It was no wonder I’d ended up in The House of Envy. I was so jealous of everyone who’d never had to worry about things like this, who was healthy and didn’t have to think about seizures, medicine, and being rejected because of things they couldn’t help.
Shiro crawled closer to me and licked my face, trying to comfort me in his own, canine way. And at that moment, I could’ve sworn I heard a voice ring out in my head. “It’s okay, Lyssa. Don’t cry. I’m still here. I’ll protect you.”
I froze in shock and stared at him. There was nothing different about him, and yet, even with that, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’d heard him. “Shiro?”
Shiro didn’t answer through words again, but he didn’t have to. Because that was when I had a sudden revelation. It wasn’t much of an epiphany at all, just something I’d forgotten, but I’d now remembered.
Not everything was about my condition. I was more than my epilepsy. I might’ve come here to keep it from worsening, but that didn’t mean I had to build my whole life around it.
There was so much more I could still do. The academy could still be a chance for something great.
I couldn’t hear Shiro’s voice anymore, but I’d heard it once and for now, that was enough. I’d learn to master my strange, mysterious abilities, and I’d prove to them all that they were wrong to spurn me.
Through Weakness and Hatred
The decision I’d made in the fiery heat of the moment lasted for less than a day. Throughout that time, I was allowed to hide in my dorms and recover. My roommates avoided me, but left me alone, and Mikael didn’t speak to me again. A meal manifested in front of my bed, and although I didn’t see who’d brought it in, Shiro didn’t seem to deem it suspicious, so I ate it.
The next morning, though, Professor Jones decided I needed to take my exam again. Since I’d had a seizure during the first one, I had to repeat it. It was a miracle that he hadn’t failed me on the spot, and for a little while, I dared to hope that not everyone would be as horrible to me as Lilith.
I was wrong.
The first sign of the hellish turn my life had taken came the moment I stepped out of the dorms. Overnight, the courtyard had undergone a massive change. Oh, the gravity-defying buildings were still there, but they were now adorned with flashing lights so bright they threatened to blind me on the spot.
I tried to ignore them and keep walking, but my body refused to obey me. It took about three seconds for me to grow dizzy. I snapped my eyes shut and fumbled for Shiro. “You’re going to have to guide us to the greenhouses, Shiro,” I told him. “I won’t be able to look around on my own.”
Shiro hadn’t been trained as a guide for a blind person, but he understood what I wanted and needed. I was grateful that I’d had the foresight to always take his leash with me, even if I didn’t use it all the time.
Despite Shiro’s help, it still seemed to take forever to get to the greenhouse. On occasion, I dared to crack my eyes open, to see if maybe in the area we were passing through, the lights had dimmed. I had no luck.
It got worse. The further away I got from the dorms, the more students from the other houses showed up. I couldn’t see them, but I could hear them and feel their gazes on me. Shiro started growling angrily, agitated by their palpable hostility.
“It’s okay, boy,” I told him. “They can’t hurt me if we don’t let them.”
It was both true and false. The students at The Academy of the Devil could hurt me and, as evidenced by the fight between Mikael and Stefan, the teachers wouldn’t step in unless someone was at risk of dying. But Mikael and Stefan were the princes of the school, and I was just the weak mortal girl who had dared to sully the academy with her presence. I could only hope that the dean’s silent support would keep the worst of the bullying at bay.
“You don’t belong here, wretched human!” someone shouted, as if responding to my thoughts.
An avalanche of insults followed the first one. “Disgusting piece of trash!”
“Filth!”
“People like you are only good to fuck!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s not even worth that. She’s only good to feed on.”
With a pang, I realized Darling was the one who’d spoken that latter sentence. Against my better judgment, I opened my eyes.
The flashing lights were dimmer in the corridor I was currently in, so when I squinted a little, I could see Darling standing in front of me, next to most of my year mates. She was smiling smugly, looking very pleased with herself for having delivered such a clever comment.
I supposed I shouldn’t have expected better, but I’d thought that we were at least tentative friends. I hadn’t believed she’d try to defend me, but I’d assumed she’d stay out of it, at least, and not directly attack me.
I’d been wrong before.
Our eyes met and Darling arched a brow at me, defiantly asking me to question her. I didn’t bother. In a way, I was grateful this had happened. At least from now on, I knew where I truly stood with everyone.
The little staring contest was broken when someone threw something at my head. At the last moment, Shiro jerked on his leash, making me stumble forward. The object—a stone of some kind—flew past me and struck the wall with an ominous crack.
I dared to steal a glimpse at the spot where the rock had made contact with the building. A chill went down my spine when I noticed there was an actual dent in the wall.
The amount of force necessary to cause that effect would’ve shattered my fragile, human skull to pieces. I needed to stop focusing on insults and make sure I survived the people who wanted to physically harm me.
Gripping Shiro’s leash a little more tightly, I started to run toward the greenhouse. It wasn’t the best idea, but I hoped my brain would at least realize it would be utterly destroyed if I died at the hands of these crazy demons.
Since I was still sh
ielding my eyes, I couldn’t see very well and my haste made it more difficult for Shiro to help me. It wasn’t too surprising that I ended up stumbling into someone. As our bodies made contact, I gasped in pain and fell back. Stupid demons and their stupidly strong bodies. I felt as if I’d run into a wall, not a person.
The comparison wasn’t that out of place, considering the lack of compassion I was shown from the source of my predicament. As soon as I realized the identity of the person I’d run into, I felt even more wretched than I had before.
Callum stared down at me with a dismissive sneer and said, “Please don’t touch me. I don’t want to come into contact with mortal sheep.”
With the corner of my eye, I caught sight of every other student watching the exchange. “Could’ve fooled me,” I replied bitingly. “A month ago, you were very interested in contact. You even fought the others for my sake.”
Callum let out a sharp bark of laughter. “You thought I did that for you? Please. You’re not important to me. You never were. Sex is like breathing to me. I just happened to want to keep those two from killing each other, especially since I realized how unsuited you are for even being in our presence.”
I shouldn’t have allowed him to bait me. I should’ve just kept my head down and walked forward, to the greenhouse, like I’d planned. But some things never changed, and just as I’d feared, my temper made a comeback. These three men had always been great at pissing me off. “A lot of things are like breathing to you,” I told him. “Being an asshole is the top of the list. But one day, Callum Adamson, you’ll see that what goes around comes around and I’ll be the one laughing.”
Who knew? Maybe he’d catch some kind of magical STD and his dick would fall off or something. That would be hilarious. Okay, not really, but if there was anyone who deserved that fate, it was this fucker.
A flicker of something indiscernible swept over his face, but before I could figure out what it meant, Gemma popped up by our side. “How dare you?” she screeched, in a voice that would’ve rivaled that of a banshee. “Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?”