I didn’t understand what had happened to Robert though. He had been fine before I fell asleep to take a nap in the hospital yesterday. But when I had woken up, he had been almost a little… possessive and angry. It started to scare me because it reminded me slightly of how Boyle had treated me, like I was his possession.
I jumped a little when Daddy’s hands pulled down my pants. I opened my eyes to look up at him, wondering what he was doing.
“Easy, sweetie. I’m just going to change you,” he said, lifting my legs and taking both my pants and panties off.
I nodded my head as he also removed my shirt and bra. I hoped he was going to change me into some of my comfiest pajamas. I just wanted to lie back and relax for the next couple of days.
He let out a hiss and I looked down to see that I had a rather large bruise covering my abdomen. Funny, that part of my body didn’t hurt that bad. I removed my pacifier and said, “It isn’t that bad, honey. It just looks worse than it is.”
He gave a curt nod and then guided my pacifier back into my mouth. I sighed, closing my eyes again. This had to be hard for him to see. I knew he felt responsible for what happened to me, but it wasn’t his fault. I wished he understood that. Why did men have to be so, ‘It’s our job to protect females’? Didn’t they know that females could take care of themselves?
My legs were lifted and when they were put back down, there was something soft underneath my bottom. I just thought it was some pajamas, but when I felt Daddy putting baby powder on my pussy, I knew I was wrong. My eyes opened just as he was tightening the diaper around my pelvis.
“W-what are you d-doing?” I stuttered, taking the pacifier out of my mouth once again. We had hardly talked about this, but I thought that telling him I liked to be six would let him know I wasn’t okay with wearing diapers. Sure, I had worn them once before, but that was when he let me know I didn’t have to use them if I didn’t want to.
“I’m taking care of you, baby girl. You can’t think I would let you get up and move around right now. For the next couple of weeks, until those casts come off you, I’m going to be treating you as a one year old.”
“But I—” I began to say, but he shushed me! He shushed me! I was angry now.
“There’s no buts, sweetie. You need time to heal. Now, I want you to keep that pacifier in your mouth and no more talking. One more outburst and you will be getting a spanking. Once I finish dressing you, we’ll watch some TV together for a little while and then I’ll make you some lunch. Just relax,” he said, putting my pacifier back in my mouth.
I was in shock. Where did my sweet Daddy go? I wanted him back. I didn’t say one word as he pulled out a pair of fleece yellow footie pajamas with little teddy bears on them. I just lay there as he managed to get all of my limbs encased in the soft fleece. Somehow, the pajamas were big enough that they fit over my casts. When he finished dressing me, he lifted me up and carried me downstairs into his living room.
Laying me down on the couch, he said, “I’ll be right back, sweetie. I want to get you something to drink while we watch TV.”
He left the room and I just looked up at the white ceiling, trying to calm my nerves. I wasn’t so sure about what he had planned. I never thought about acting younger than four. The idea just never appealed to me. I liked to learn and have a little independence. If Robert was planning on treating me like a one year old for a couple of weeks, I was going to have zero independence for a while.
Samantha and I had talked about this before. She said that she loved being treated like a baby. She said it was the best way to really relax and forget your problems. But I still wasn’t so sure I wanted this to happen.
I also wasn’t sure if I could use my diaper. The thought of using it made me feel slightly nauseous. I was going to talk to Robert about it once he got back. He couldn’t be serious about it.
Just as I shifted to get into a more comfortable position, he came back into the living room.
“Alright, baby girl. Here’s your bottle,” he said, handing it over to me as he sat down next to me. He pulled me close and tossed a blanket over us. “Don’t want my baby girl to get chilled,” he said, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders so we were sitting right next to one another. He reached for the TV remote and turned on Sesame Street.
He pulled out my pacifier, reached for the bottle, and plopped it into my mouth. Guess, I’ll have to talk to him about this later, I decided as I sank further into the couch, watching Burt and Ernie sing a song together.
* * *
We watched TV for an hour before my tummy started to make noises.
“Someone’s hungry,” he said, placing a kiss on top of my head. “I’ll be right back with your lunch.”
I lay there, thinking about how these next couple of weeks were going to be for me. The way he made it sound, I would be completely reliant on him. I wasn’t sure if I felt comfortable with that, but I decided I would try to calmly talk to him after lunch.
“Here’s lunch,” he said, walking back into the living room, carrying a tray filled with food.
“Thanks,” I said, noticing he brought lunch for both of us. He set the tray on the coffee table and then handed me a plastic plate with small cut up pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
“Sweetie, you can place the plate on your lap and eat with your left hand. When you want a drink, just let me know and I’ll feed you your bottle.”
“Okay,” I said, noting that once again my drink was in a bottle. I was seriously going to have to talk to him about this after lunch. We ate lunch together in silence. I just couldn’t say anything. I was thinking too much about how I wanted to tell him I was not up to actually acting like a baby.
I didn’t know how to phrase it right. I didn’t want to sound rude and make him angry, and I really did appreciate that he was willing to help me. I just wished he had talked to me so we could have come up with a plan together about how I should be treated during this time.
We finished lunch quickly. I’d hardly touched my bottle because I was starting to feel my bladder growing full and didn’t want to drink too much.
He noticed that I hadn’t drunk much so he picked up the bottle and placed it to my lips. “Go on, take a sip,” he encouraged.
Not wanting to start a fight, I opened my mouth to let him push the bottle inside. I began to suck the juice, hoping that once I finished this, I could talk to him.
“All done,” he declared, pulling the nipple of the bottle out of my mouth after several minutes and placing it on the coffee table. He patted my stomach and I cringed. Just that slight pressure made my bladder feel ready to explode.
“I’m so sorry, baby girl. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said, leaning over and kissing my stomach.
“You didn’t. I just… I just have to go to the bathroom,” I said, not meeting his gaze. This was embarrassing.
“Sweetie, just use your diaper. Don’t worry about a thing. Daddy will take care of you.”
“I can’t… Robert, we need to talk. I don’t—” I began, but he interrupted me.
“Let me help you then,” he said, and before I could stop him, he started to press down on my low abdomen.
“Ahhh!” I cried out as a gush of warm liquid filled my diaper. I couldn’t help the tears that cascaded down my face as I continued to wet my diaper. I didn’t want this! He didn’t listen to me, I thought as I finally finished emptying my bladder.
“Shhhh… baby girl. You’re okay. Daddy’s here,” he said, kissing my head.
This just made me cry harder! Big, fat tears were freely rolling down my face. I couldn’t control them. I couldn’t believe he had just made me do that, without asking. Granted, maybe he took my, “I can’t”, as me being willing to do it, but that I was just having trouble letting go and using the diaper.
I closed my eyes, continuing to cry as he picked me up and carried me into my little girl’s room. He gently placed me down on the changing table and made quick work of chan
ging my wet diaper and putting me in a dry one.
“All done, sweetie pie. I think it’s nap time now. I don’t want to have a cranky baby girl later,” he said before he lifted me up and carried me over to my little girl bed. Somehow, he managed to pull down the covers and place me down. Then he lifted the covers up to my chin, gave me my teddy bear, and placed a kiss on my forehead.
I continued to cry. I just felt so ashamed. I’d never wanted to do that infantile act, but not five minutes ago, I’d done it.
“Sweetie, you’re okay. What you just did is no big deal. Here, roll onto your tummy,” he said, not giving me any time to do it myself. He just moved me so I was on my stomach. He began to rub my back and despite my anger, I could feel myself starting to fall asleep.
“Sweet dreams, baby girl.”
That was the last thing I heard before I drifted off to dreamland.
* * *
I awoke two hours later and turned onto my back, looking around my room, trying to wake up. I noticed there was a baby monitor on my nightstand. Robert must have put it there, I thought as I stretched out.
I must have been making a lot of noise because a few seconds later, he walked into my bedroom. “Hi there, baby girl. Did you have a nice nap?”
I nodded.
“How would you like for me to read you some books now?”
“Okay. That sounds fun.” I needed a few more minutes to think about exactly how I wanted to tell him I couldn’t act this young. I’d tried before, and I remembered how that had ended.
“Alright. I have a large stack waiting for you and teddy in my bedroom. I’ll give you a lift.” He picked me up and carried me into his room, sat me down on the bed, gave me teddy, and then sat down on the other side.
Pulling me close, he asked, “How does starting off with The Hungry Caterpillar sound to you?”
“Perfect.” I loved Eric Carle books. The pictures were so much fun to look at. I relaxed as he began to read.
* * *
It was the next morning and I was at my wit’s end with Robert. I hadn’t talked to him about how he’d been treating me, and it had gotten worse. Every time I tried to bring up the fact that I didn’t like acting this young, he would put a pacifier or bottle in my mouth and tell me that baby girls didn’t worry.
I knew he was trying to protect me, but he was seriously taking it to a whole new level. He never asked me if I felt comfortable using my diaper, sucking on a pacifier, or letting him do every single thing for me. I couldn’t take it anymore! Yes, I had gotten hurt, but I wasn’t an invalid.
When I woke up this morning, I decided I was going to put my foot down, especially because I had to go to the bathroom again and it wasn’t just to pee.
“Morning, sweetie. How are you feeling today?” he asked, walking into the bedroom with a big smile on his face.
“I still feel sore, but better.” Not wanting to beat around the bush, I said, “Listen, I umm… I need to go to the bathroom.” I felt my cheeks blush. This was not something I had ever planned on talking to him about.
“Then use your diaper and I’ll change you, sweetie. You know that,” he said, sitting on the side of the bed and tapping my head.
He tapped my head. Like I was some… pet. I was furious. I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. This isn’t going to go well if you yell at him.
“I mean, I have to do more than pee. Please bring me to the bathroom.”
“Baby girl, you can use your diaper for everything. You know I’ll take care of your every need.”
I looked at him with what must have been horror written all over my face. Here I was directly asking him to take me to the bathroom, and he wasn’t going to do it. This was crossing so many boundaries, it wasn’t even funny.
Of course, since he completely ignored my request, I got even angrier. Before I knew it, I was shouting at him. “No! I want to go to the bathroom!”
“Little girl, I expect better behavior from you. I understand that you aren’t feeling well, but this is no way to speak to your Daddy.”
“I don’t care! I want to go to the bathroom now!” I shouted, crossing my arms over my chest—or the best attempt at crossing them with one of my arms in a cast.
“Sweetie, you better change your attitude and use your diaper like a good little girl.”
“No! I won’t!” I screamed at him. This was ridiculous! I was telling him I didn’t want to use my diaper for its intended purpose, and he was ignoring me. It wasn’t like it was something stupid, like not eating my vegetables. This was a basic human need he was denying me!
“If that’s the case, then I guess someone will be getting another enema!” he growled right back at me and then left the room.
Panic swelled in my chest. This situation reminded me too much of how Boyle had treated me. I was not going to allow him to give me an enema or boss me around anymore. I’d had enough. I needed to get out of here. If he was starting to remind me of Boyle, I was afraid that soon he wouldn’t give me any control at all.
I saw the cordless phone on top of his dresser across the room and I knew that it was my only chance. If I could just call Mark or Samantha or Jackson, they would help me. They would respect my wishes. I carefully turned so my legs were hanging over the bed, and then stood up on only my right leg since my left leg was in a cast.
I began to hop over to the dresser, hoping beyond all hope that I could reach the phone before Robert came back. I was just about there when I hopped too far and fell down.
“Ouchie!” I screamed as I landed on my side.
“Juliana?” Robert called. I could hear him racing up the stairs. “Are you okay, sweetie? Here, let me help you,” he said, running over to try and grab me.
“No! Stop! No!” I screamed, fighting his hands.
“Juliana! I’m trying to help you! Stop fighting me, little girl!” he growled, continuing to attempt to pick me up.
“Leave me alone, Boyle!” I screamed, and then both Robert and I froze. He looked at me like I’d just told him he was the worst person in the world.
“R-Robert, I’m so sorry!” I said, right as I began to cry. How could I have let this happen? I didn’t even know how it happened. My loving boyfriend had turned into the type of boyfriend I’d vowed to never date again.
Strong arms lifted me up as I cried, and to my shock, he carried me into the bathroom. He helped me get my pajamas and diaper off and then left the room.
I felt so confused! He had been the perfect boyfriend and daddy before my accident. What had happened to him? I didn’t want him to leave, but if he was going to be treating me like this from now on, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stay.
After I took care of my needs, I carefully stood up on my right leg, pulled my footie pajamas back on, hopped to the sink, and washed my hands the best I could with one of my hands in a cast. Once I finished that, I started to hop to the door and saw he was standing outside. Without asking, he picked me up again and carried me into his bedroom, placing me on the bed. Then he left the room once again.
I was so upset. He was going to leave me and it was all of my fault. I curled up in a ball, grabbed my teddy that he must have brought in here, and I began to sob my heart out. All I’d wanted was for him to reel in his overbearing attitude, and instead he was leaving me. It was all my fault.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I was an idiot, plain and simple. How could I treat Juliana like that? A part of me knew I was being too controlling, but every time I had closed my eyes, I pictured her in that hospital bed, with all of her bruises and broken bones.
She was going to leave me now, and it was all my fault. I couldn’t let her leave me. So doing the only thing I could think of, I called Jackson.
“Hey, Robert. How’s it going with Juliana?” he asked, answering his phone on the second ring.
“Jackson… I screwed up and I need your advice.”
He chuckled. “I’m sure you couldn’t have messed up too badly. Tell me what you did.
”
So for the next ten minutes, I told him everything that had happened since I’d visited Juliana in the hospital.
When I finished, Jackson sighed. “Crap, man! What got into that head of yours?”
“I know. I just couldn’t help myself. I kept picturing her in that hospital bed. I just wanted to take her home and keep her from feeling any more pain.”
“You screwed up royally, my friend. Samantha and I are on our way over.”
I paused, wondering if that was the best idea. What would happen if they got here and Juliana begged Samantha and Jackson to take her home? That would break my heart.
“Do you think that’s the best idea? I kind of wanted to deal with this problem before I involved anyone else.”
“Believe me, man, you need all the help you can get. I’ll bring Samantha over and she can talk this through with Juliana. Then you and she can talk. Afterwards, the girls can have some play time together.”
“Alright. That does sound good.” I just hoped Juliana would be okay with it.
“Great. Then I’ll have to go get her royal sleepyhead up and out of bed.”
“Okay. I’ll make some breakfast for everyone.”
“Great idea. Okay, we’ll be over in a few minutes.”
We said our goodbyes and I took a deep breath. All hope was not lost for Juliana and me. Maybe if Samantha talked to her and let Juliana blow off some steam, when I went to talk to her we could figure out a way to get past this.
With that decided, I got to work making breakfast.
* * *
I’d just finished crying, my nose was all stuffed up, and my eyes felt so swollen when I saw Samantha at the doorway. She walked into the bedroom in bright pink footie pajamas and she was carrying Molly in her arms.
“Oh, Juliana,” she said before she got on to the bed and gave me a hug. For whatever reason, this started my waterworks again and I began to sob as she kept hugging me and telling me that everything was going to be okay.
Learning to Be Little Again Page 16