o 53f50dedf5bfd441

by Ria

  Lunch was a silent affair with Esm6 casting troubled glances in Janey's

  direction from time to time, while Mrs Brink appeared to be the only one

  enjoying the carefully

  prepared lunch. The atmosphere was tense and strangely expectant, as

  though something was about to happen which they had not foreseen.

  'You're not eating, Janey,' Mrs Brink accused as she looked up from her

  plate and glanced meaningfully at the food which Janey had pushed about

  listlessly on her plate.

  'Forgive me, Mother, but I'm not very hungry.'

  Mrs Brink's glance sharpened perceptively. 'You're very pale, my dear.'

  'A slight headache, nothing more,' Janey assured the older woman,

  jumping violently as the telephone rang shrilly in the hall. Could it be

  Rudolph? she wondered, frantic with the flame of hope that shot through

  her.

  'I'll get it, Mother,' Esm6 said sharply as Mrs Brink was about to rise to

  her feet and, with a swift glance at Janey as if she had intercepted her

  thoughts, she rushed from the dining-room, only to return a few seconds

  later looking rather dejected. 'There's been a change in our lecture times.

  I'll have to rush, or I'll be late.'

  'Drive carefully, Esme,' Mrs Brink warned her> daughter as she watched

  her gulp down the last of her tea and grab a pile of books stacked on a

  chair. 'You know how busy the roads are this time of the day.'

  'Don't worry, Mother,' Esme pacified, kissing her swiftly on the cheek

  before turning to Janey, who appeared to have gone a shade paler. 'Could

  you help me carry a few of these books? I'll lose half of them before I

  reach my car.'

  Janey interpreted her knowing glance correctly and nodded silently,

  excusing herself from the table.

  'I had to see you alone,' Esme explained when they , reached the car.

  ' Please don't do anything before I get back this afternoon!'

  Janey's lips moved, but no sound passed over them. She nodded slowly,

  finding it difficult to ignore such an earnest

  plea, and was-surprisingly rewarded by a quick kiss on the

  cheek.

  'Bless you, Janey!'

  Janey remained there for some time after Esme had left, but the brilliant

  sunlight was merciless on eyes that had wept as much as hers, and she

  retraced her steps inside, shivering slightly as she entered the cool interior of

  the house.

  'That child gives me grey hair the way she rushes about,' Mrs Brink said

  worriedly when Janey rejoined her in the dining-room.

  'She's young, Mother, but very sensible for her age,' she tried to console

  the older woman as she resumed her seat and helped herself to a cup of tea.

  'I suppose you're right,' Mrs Brink nodded wistfully. 'She's grown up too

  swiftly, and I'm still inclined to think of her as my little girl. Well, I'm going

  up to my room to have my usual nap, and I suggest you take some aspirins

  for that headache before you follow my example.'

  'Don't worry, Mother, I shall,' Janey replied, wishing foolishly that her

  problems could be resolved with something as insignificant as an aspirin.

  'A mother never stops worrying about her children, Janey,' Mrs Brink

  remarked pointedly. 'I worry about you, and I worry about Rudolph. Perhaps

  I worry much more about the two of you than I do about Esme.'

  A whimsical smile plucked at Janey's lips, but it did not quite reach her

  eyes. 'Mother, we're old enough to solve our own problems.'

  'I know, but sometimes people need a gentle push in the right direction,'

  Mrs Brink sighed, rising to her feet. 'However, I said I wouldn't interfere, so

  I'm going up to my room.'

  The loneliness and silence after her mother-in-law's departure seemed to

  hover about Janey with a sombreness that made her shiver uncontrollably.

  The servants entered to clear away the dishes, their crisp white aprons

  rustling as they moved about, and still Janey waited with increasing tension

  as the minutes ticked by.

  What was she waiting for? she wondered cynically. Only a miracle could

  solve her problems at that moment, and miracles don't happen that easily.

  'I expect you to trust me,' Rudolph had said. But could she trust him while

  knowing that he had married her merely out of a sense of duty? He had

  made love to her, yes, but desire was not enough. She needed his love; the

  love she had considered her possession during those few idyllic days at the

  coast when they had first met. It had been a love he had not been free to

  give, but at the time she had accepted it with the innocence of youth.

  The clock in the hall struck two, and it was like a sentence of doom being

  pronounced as the chiming stilled. Janey, a pale, still figure in the old high-

  backed chair, closed her eyes for a moment to ease the ache behind him. A

  cold, deadly anger rose and simmered within her, giving her the strength to

  reach a final decision about her future.

  There was no place for her in Rudolph's life, she told herself as she made

  her way wearily up to her room and took down a suitcase. She packed

  methodically, sorting through her clothes with forced concentration. She did

  not hear her bedroom door open, but when it was closed with a decisive

  'click', she swung round sharply as if sensing danger and felt the room sway

  about her.

  'Rudolph I' His name trembled on her lips as she gripped the wardrobe

  door to steady herself.

  She had never seen him look so odd before, so completely dishevelled. His

  coppery hair stood on end, as if his fingers had sought refuge there many

  times during the past hours. The grey lightweight suit, which had been so

  immaculate that morning, was creased, while his tie had been loosened and

  the top button of his shirt undone. But it was his expression that held her

  rapt attendon. Those lazy eyes were glittering with fury, while the muscles

  in his jaw were rippling with an obvious effort to control himself. Most of

  all she dreaded that tightness about his mouth as he came towards her with

  those lithe steps, like a predatory animal stalking its prey.

  'What the devil do you think you're doing?’ he demanded with a harshness

  that made her flinch as he gestured towards the suitcase on her bed.

  ‘I’m packing,’ she stated the obvious with a calmness which she thought

  had long since deserted her. ‘I’m going back to Cape Town.’

  'You're going nowhere, do you understand!’ His voice was like a whiplash

  as he swept the suitcase off the bed, spilling the contents on to the floor. 'If

  you think I would allow you to walk out on me, then you're mistaken!’

  Her defiance was a mistake, for he towered over her suddenly with the

  most terrible anger vibrating through his body, and she cowered back against

  the shelves of her wardrobe, her breath coming jerkily over parted lips.

  'I've taken about as much as I can stand from you, Janey, and I won't

  tolerate your defiance.’ His chest heaved as if he found difficulty in

  breathing, while those rapier- sharp eyes systematically stripped her of her

  carefully cultivated composure. 'For God's sake, don't just stand there— say

  something!'

  'I think we've said all there is to b
e said between us,' she whispered,

  sensing a disturbing quality in his manner which she was unable to grasp.

  'Do you know something, Janey?' he said with a deliberate slowness that

  made her quiver. 'During these past weeks I've come to admire your calm

  poise, but, just this once, I wish you would allow me a glimpse of the old

  Janey.'

  His words touched a raw spot that made her wince inwardly. 'You

  destroyed what was left of her.’

  'Don't say that!' he snapped, white about the mouth as his fingers dug

  painfully into the soft flesh of her shoulders. 'What do you want me to do,

  Janey? Do you want me to grovel at your feet? Is that what you've been

  aiming at all these weeks?'

  'No!' Her composure crumbled and her lips trembled uncontrollably as she

  fought against the tears that stung her eyelids. 'I want the truth, Rudolph.

  The absolute truth, no matter how painful it may be.'

  A look of infinite weariness crossed his hard face as he released her. 'You

  say that as though you've already reached a few conclusions of your own.'

  'Perhaps,' she admitted, nursing her shoulders where his fingers had left

  definite bruises. 'But right at this moment I'm too tired and confused to

  think.'

  For interminable seconds they faced each other with nothing but the sound

  of his laboured breathing, and the heavy beat of her own heart to break the

  silence. This was the moment she had dreaded, yet it had -to come; the

  moment of absolute truth between them, regardless of the consequences.

  'Right! Let's start with the immediate problem and work our way down to

  the root of the trouble, step by step,' he said harshly, lighting a cigarette and

  glancing at her speculatively through narrowed eyes. 'Am I correct in as-

  suming that you noticed Sybil at the airport this morning?'

  She nodded. 'I caught a brief glimpse of her.'

  Rudolph was ominously thoughtful. 'I guessed as much afterwards, when I

  saw her on the plane and recalled your prickly attitude just before my flight

  was called. And, naturally, you concluded that Sybil and I had arranged this

  little trip?'

  'What else was I to think?' she whispered, avoiding his penetrating glance

  as she tried to still the trembling of her

  hands by clasping them together.

  'I had no idea that Sybil would be on that flight, or that she would be

  staying at the same hotel,' he explained tersely. T used her friendship to a

  certain extent in the past, but, soon after our arrival in Durban, she came to

  my room with some crazy idea that I was ready to break up our marriage in

  favour of her. I realised then that it was time to show her the way out, and I

  don't think she'll trouble us again.'

  Bewildered and confused, Janey stared at him searchingly for some

  moments. Was it possible that she could have been mistaken about her

  conviction that Rudolph loved Sybil? Could it be that Sybil had lied from,

  the start merely to gain her own ends? If Rudolph was not in love with

  Sybil, then ...! Janey gathered her scattered wits about her, clamping down

  on her thoughts before they became wildly hopeful.

  'I immediately chartered a flight home because I wasn't prepared to wait

  three hours for a regular flight,' Rudolph continued, the merest suggestion of

  a smile about his lips as he gestured towards the overturned suitcase. 'I had

  the strangest premonition that you were contemplating something like this.'

  'Would it have mattered to you had you returned to find me gone?'

  During the brief silence that followed, the colour rushed to her cheeks at

  her own audacity. She glanced up at him hopefully, but the grim expression

  about his mouth did not diminish.

  'If you don't know the answer to that question, Janey, then I can't help

  you.'

  He turned away from her to fling his cigarette through the open window.

  She stared at his imposing back, knowing what had to be said, yet finding it

  difficult to voice what was in her heart until she was absolutely certain she

  would not be rejected.

  'I would like to think you came back so hurriedly because you cared

  enough not to want me to leave you, but there are still so many things that

  need explaining,' she managed eventually in a choked voice.

  'Yes,' he sighed heavily, seating himself on the stool beneath the window.

  ‘why didn't you let me know that you were expecting my child, and why

  did you send me that cryptic little note to say that you hadn't taken our

  relationship seriously? Was it because, financially, I was no longer a worthy

  proposition?'

  That final question swivelled through her mind with stinging clarity, and

  she instantly recalled a few pointed remarks made during the past weeks

  which had puzzled her at the time. Her anger mounted swiftly, but she held

  it firmly in check. She had never considered the possibility that he would

  interpret her letter in that way, but she could not blame him entirely for

  thinking that his wealth, or lack of it, had been a deciding factor.

  'Money never entered my mind at the time, but your problems appeared

  insurmountable to me,' she said carefully, while her hands nervously

  rearranged the items on her dressing-table. 'When you eventually suggested

  marriage, I found myself wondering whether it would be fair to saddle you

  with the added burden of a wife and child. I needed time to think, and to

  consider such an action.'

  'But there was no question about what action you should have taken,' he

  reprimanded harshly. 'I had a right to know.'

  His voice ripped her arguments to shreds and she trembled inwardly with

  the effort to control her tears. 'I realised that, but before I could do anything

  about it, Sybil telephoned me.'

  'Sybil?' his voice rang out in disbelief. 'But why would Sybil telephone

  you, and how did she get your number?'

  Tm afraid I can't answer that last bit for you.'

  Rudolph frowned heavily. 'Well, she was always in and out of my office

  those days,' he began thoughtfully. 'It's quite possible that she could have

  noticed it on my note pad beneath the telephone. She knew about you,

  and ... I think I'm beginning to realise what happened. Go on,' he

  instructed.

  Janey's legs began to shake and she sat down heavily on the edge of the

  bed while she briefly related the conversation between Sybil and herself.

  Reliving those dreadful moments when she was faced with the biggest crisis

  of her life was something she would have wished to avoid, but pride no

  longer mattered when her entire happiness was at stake.

  'And on the strength of that telephone call, you wrote that note?' Rudolph

  asked grimly when she had finished.

  'Not entirely,' she admitted, a flush of guilt staining her cheeks. 'I'd already

  begun to doubt your sincerity. You seldom telephoned, and when you did I

  was always left with the impression that you were becoming uninterested.

  When Sybil told me you intended to marry her, I had no reason to doubt her,

  as it merely confirmed my suspicions.’

  A strained silence greeted her statement and, as she raised her glance, she

  noticed how incredibly tired he looked, th
e lines from nose to mouth deeply

  etched, and the firm chin no longer jutting out so arrogantly. She wanted

  des- - perately to take those few paces dividing them, to fling her arms

  protectively about him, and to smooth away the lines of strain from his

  rugged face.

  'Janey, my father always dabbled in shares, but in the end he invested too

  much, and unwisely. He lost almost everything, and that was the eventual

  cause of his thrombosis,' Rudolph explained tiredly, resting his elbows on

  his knees and burying his face in his hands briefly before he continued. 'I

  was left with a family business that was no longer a paying proposition. It

  was touch and go, or we would have lost our home as well. Esme had two

  years left at school before she was to go to university, my mother was in a

  state of collapse, and the employees at the factory were waiting patiently for

  their pay packets.' He rose to his feet and paced the floor as if it had become

  an agony to keep still. 'Fortunately most of them had been with the firm for

  many years, and they agreed to remain at a lower rate of pay, with the

  promise of complete reimbursement once the production improved. It was

  during this time that your letter arrived, but I was not in a position to

  consider my personal happiness before that of my family and staff. I'm not

  trying to make excuses for myself, but I'm trying to explain the predicament

  I was in.' He ceased his pacing and stood in front of her to raise her face to

  his. 'You do know, don't you, that I would never have left you in the lurch

  had I known you were going to have my child?'

  'Yes ... I know,' she said haltingly as she shed the final shred of doubt.

  'Rudolph ... is it too late for us to start again?'

  There was a new warmth in his eyes that found an echo in her heart as he

  drew her to her feet. 'Do you need to ask?'

  'I need to be told, Rudolph,' she confessed tremulously. T desperately need

  to know...'

  His hands were warm against her shoulders, unconsciously caressing the

  bruises his fingers had left earlier. 'Janey, are you mine?'

  'Yes,' she sighed, abandoning the foolish desire to hide what lay in her

  heart.

  'Will you believe me, my darling, if I tell you that I've never stopped

  loving you for one moment, and that those two years without you were

  absolute hell?' he demanded in a voice that was not quite steady. 'I