The Winter Boy

by Sally Wiener Grotta

  She sighted along his outstretched arm. “Yes.”

  “Well, it’s larger than the one just above and to the right of it. Their shapes are different, but they’re more alike than different.”

  “Yes, I think I see what you mean. Their angle of curve is similar, as are their proportions.”

  “Yeah, that’s it. And the way the light from the lamp falls on them makes shadows that are nearly identical. Well, all the shadows in this room are like that. Not identical, but more similar than different. Only, here, where you were hiding, the shadows were more different than similar.”

  “Excellent.” She kissed him lightly on his mouth again. “You did very well, indeed.”

  He liked her praise, but not the idea that she might have been judging him. “Why did you do that?”

  “What? Kiss you?”

  “No, hide and wait and watch me.”

  “For the same reason you did.”

  He stared at her. So close and luscious and naked. But each time she spoke, it felt as if she were slipping farther and farther away.

  “Dov, why did you decide to sit up there and search the light and shadows of this room?”

  He shrugged his shoulders.

  “Wasn’t it because you wanted to try what the Traveler had written about?”

  “I suppose.”

  “Me too.”

  “So it wasn’t some sort of test?”

  “Test?” she laughed. “No, it wasn’t a test, but it was a challenge… to both of us. Did you enjoy it?”

  “I didn’t think of it that way. I was curious. I never saw things like that before, though I use something like it when I’m tracking. But this was harder, because everything looks so much the same in here. I guess, now that I think about it, it was, well, maybe not fun so much as strange and new.” He shrugged, trying to shake off that damned familiar itchy cocoon that hovered, ready to descend on him and ruin everything. “But we’re in the inner room now. Let’s get back to why we’re here.” He tried to pull her to him, but she resisted, not quite withdrawing, but not yielding either.

  “Dov, this is why we’re here. Sensuality is about using our senses, all our senses, to heighten pleasure. You used sight to find me. Why not try smell?”

  “You’re clean. Clean people don’t smell.”

  “That isn’t true, Dov. Clean people have many odors, all belonging to their bodies and the way they live, what they eat and drink. When we wash, we remove the dirt and odors that don’t belong to us and reveal those fragrances that are essentially ours.” She lay down on her back. “Come, Dov, lie beside me. But, no, don’t use your hands. Close your eyes and use your nose to explore me, the many parts of me.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  The Allesha knew if she insisted, the lesson would be drowned out by his adamance and anger. So she quickly altered her plans. “Here, let me show you. Lie back and close your eyes.”

  Dov obeyed, with a slight huff of annoyance that she supposed was meant to demonstrate that he was doing this only because she insisted.

  Tayar stretched out against his side and leaned over. The nipple of her right breast lightly brushed against his chest as she nuzzled his neck, closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, deeply. His fragrance was fresh, subtle, like an herb garden at dusk; yet, it was also bright, giving her a feeling of being enveloped by irrepressible life. When she moved her nose around the edge of his ear, it touched, not his skin, but the tiny hairs that reached up from his skin. He turned his head to press closer, raising his arms to pull her into his body.

  “No, Dov,” she giggled, pushing his arms down. “You need to lie there and be passive right now. Don’t move.”

  Her nose continued around his chin, across his shoulders and down one arm, resting here and there at pulse points, where his scent was more pungent — like the fresh-cut peat she used to love to play with as a child.

  She continued exploring the aromas and textures of his body, down his arm, snuggling her face fully into his palm, but moving before his hand could close around her. Upward again, along the crease between his arm and torso, her nose traveled, just barely touching. Her mouth followed her nose, absorbing the spice of his flesh.

  “Hey, this is supposed to be about smelling me. You’re nibbling. Isn’t that against the rules?”

  “What rules?” Tayar raised her head slightly, so he could see the sparkle in her eyes. “Be still and enjoy.”

  With her nose, lips and mouth, she caressed and inhaled the whole of him, down to his feet. Experiencing him as she would the sweet smells of a wheat harvest or the edgy tingling of the air just before a thunderstorm. Then, upward once more, stopping only briefly at his groin, to enjoy that mushroomy musk, neither ignoring nor acknowledging his quick gasp of pleasure, pain, uncertainty. If the boy were more advanced, she would linger there. But he wasn’t ready for that lesson, not yet.

  Her hands now trailed her mouth and nose, sensing him fully through touch, taste, smell, no longer able to distinguish individual perceptions. All of it had become one delicious sensation, taking Dov into her as she never had before. Up and up along the side of his torso, where pleasure bumps prickled all over his skin, along his arm and hand, nibbling at his thumb briefly, then across his chest, her tongue circling his stiff nipples, up to the warm moist hollow of his neck. Pressing her full body onto his, to feel him through the pores of her skin, kissing his ears and eyes and nose and lips, with her mouth fully on his and her tongue probing, her teeth lightly nipping at his lips.

  Suddenly, she pulled away from him. “Like that,” she said.

  The rush of the room’s air onto his flesh where her nose and mouth and body had been was a shock of loss. One moment, every follicle on his body was alive and tingling, so that he wondered whether he’d ever be able to breathe fully again without audibly gasping. The next, she was gone.

  “That’s what I meant when I suggested you explore the smells of my body,” she explained in a voice too matter-of-fact and far away for him to hear her words.

  “Uh huh.” He reached for her.

  “No, Dov, not yet. It’s your turn.”

  “Later,” he said with a heavy, sexually charged voice. “Right now, I want you. And none of your tricks.”

  He rolled over onto her, with his legs pressing hers apart, holding his weight off her on his hands that held her wrists against the floor. He slid into her with an ease that astonished him. He was even more surprised by her sudden, violent shudder, when his full shaft first pressed deep into her. Her crescendo of pleasure grew with such speed and intensity that, somewhere in the back of his mind, he vaguely wondered at her heightened response. His stick felt like an extension of his spine as he pushed into her, again and again, shooting bolts of lightning, blinding him, deafening him.

  He felt dizzy, almost unconscious. Yet, at the same time, his mind had never been clearer. He saw, smelled, sensed her with every nerve in his body, her wrists against the palms of his hands, her legs pressing against his, her sweat trickling, then pouring, mingling with his sweat, his body. It was a flashing, grinding, blaring awareness that focused all its energy into her, squeezing, pulling, throbbing, until his explosion of pleasure/pain pleasure/pain pleasure/pleasure merged with hers in a fiery joyous agony.

  He lay on top of her, both numb and sensitized, adrift and unable to move. Suddenly, he felt her tighten herself around his shaft, squeezing it with inner muscles where no woman should be that strong.

  “Hey!” His eyes flew open, focusing in shock onto hers only inches away, seeing in them that she had controlled those muscles. Each time she did it, violent surges racked his body. The last wave of pleasure/pain threw him free of her body, onto his back and into a deep, dark, warm sleep.

  The Allesha watched the sleeping boy for a few moments, a gentle smile forming on her lips. As quiet as a cat in the wild, she climbed down from the heights of the room. She knew that for an hour or two she would be free of his needs and demands. She would cert
ainly have enough time to retreat to her bathroom, to bathe the sweat from her body, before he would tumble out of that deep sleep. She might even have enough leisure to take her pleasure to the next higher level before returning to his side, so he would find her there in the morning.

  But the day will come, she fully understood for the first time, not in her head but in that inner part of her that was the Every Woman. Yes, someday, the boy will transport me, too, into that deep exhaustion that comes with complete sexual satisfaction. Then he would be ready to leave her, to be her first Alleman, her first untouchable. Dara was correct, again. Power is in this boy — power and joy — and what fun it will be to unleash it. Fun and sorrow.

  Chapter 34

  After completing their morning chores, the young Allesha sent the boy to their mentor.

  Le’a’s outer door was open, but Dov couldn’t find her anywhere in the house or barn. He went into the greeting room to sit on the sofa and wait. After all, she had told him that he was welcome in her home, as long as the outer door was open.

  His eyes wandered over the room, as his fingers fidgeted with the fringe on a pillow. It was sort of similar to Tayar’s greeting room, but different, too — as different as the two women were from each other, as different as the one’s fruit and cheese and the other’s baked sweets.

  Not one to be still for long, Dov got up and paced, touching this little lamp, that funny piece of pottery, picking up and leafing through a book without seeing the words on the page. In his restlessness, his mind sought something to consider, as his hands sought something to touch, his feet a place to go. That was when Dov remembered last night, how Tayar had hidden and let him make a fool of himself.

  Now, he was waiting again. This wide-open room, with its flimsy curtains and squared walls, had no dark or hidden corners. But he couldn’t forget his embarrassment when he had discovered Tayar, lying in wait, watching him. Somehow, that awkward discomfort from last night spilled into the sunny greeting room. His impatience became a smoldering irritation that burst into a full blown anger, propelling him out the door and onto a public path he had never walked before.

  Dov didn’t pay much attention to where he was walking, focused so inwardly that nothing else existed or mattered. Of course, he knew he shouldn’t be wandering off where he didn’t belong.

  “Don’t try to test the limits of our rules,” Le’a had warned him more than once. “The Alleshi are unpredictable, and you can never know when we will anger and if we will forgive.”

  But skies! A man has his limits, and these women had pushed him too far, testing him, watching him, trying to make and unmake him, so he didn’t even know what he thought anymore.

  After some time, Dov started to notice his surroundings. Nothing looked familiar; nor could he remember how he had gotten there. In fact, it was the first time since he had been a child that he would have to acknowledge he was lost — not that he would admit it to anyone, as embarrassing as that would be for him and his reputation as one of the Birani’s more skilled trackers.

  All Dov knew was that his anger had carried him away from where he belonged into an unknown area of The Valley.

  Great Mother! Now what have I done?

  He had to find his way back to Tayar or to Le’a, before anyone saw him. He crouched behind a large bushy evergreen, while he tried to glean his bearings.

  Judging by the mountains, he was near the center of The Valley. In front of him was a building larger than any he had ever seen. It had curves where other buildings had corners; a raised courtyard seemed to have taken a bite out of a side. Something about it reminded him of the inner room. Maybe it was the strange curves or the lack of symmetry or the essential womanliness of it.

  He was so fascinated by the sight of the strange building that he didn’t hear a woman approach him from behind.

  “Boy! How dare you spy on us!”

  Startled, he jumped to his feet so suddenly he almost lost his balance.

  This Allesha was older than Tayar, though younger than Le’a. Her stern face might once have been pretty, but it was ravaged by time, filled with sharp angles that seemed hewn by her frown. Though thin, almost gaunt, nothing about her was insubstantial. Her stone face cut to his heart, reminding him again of Le’a’s warnings. Could this be one of those unpardonable crimes?

  “I demand an answer,” she hissed. “Who are you that you sneak into our Valley and hide here? Do you spy for the Mwertik?”

  “No! I belong here.” He straightened his back against the insult, but still felt off balance, as though his own feet wouldn’t support him and this woman were a storm that could blow him down.

  “Not here.” One bony finger pointed to the large building. “No man or boy belongs here, not now.”

  “I guess I made a wrong turn. But I do belong here in The Valley. It’s my Season.”

  “What is your name?”

  “I don’t know how to answer you, ma’am. I’m not supposed to use her name for me, not to you… I mean, not to anyone else, right? But my before name was Ryl… Ryl of the Birani.”

  “Ah, yes. Mistral’s son. It would be you.”

  “Is this a crime, to be here, to see this place?” He looked beyond the evergreens at the building. “What is it, anyway?”

  “Something no boy sees until the end of his Season.”

  “Does that mean this is my end?” Dov tried to quiet his stomach, steady his heart; however, his words still quivered

  “That is a question I cannot answer. Your fate is in the hands of your Allesha.”

  “But that’s great! Tay— I mean my Allesha — wouldn’t send me away. Not now.”

  “Don’t be so certain of yourself, boy.” she said in a raspy whisper so deep that it reverberated in his gut rather than against his ears. Then, with a piercing look, she silently commanded the boy to follow her.

  Though he kept pace with her, she didn’t look at him. The boy’s imagination carried him to the heights and depths of his emotions. Tayar the huntress would understand. Tayar the woman, would want him by her side. Tayar the Allesha, whose true name he would never know, would discard him like an old unwanted boot. But she couldn’t. Not now. Could she?

  Soon his surroundings began to look familiar; she was taking him back to Tayar.

  Dov knew he had to say something to the woman, but what? “Ma’am… uh… what should I call you?”

  Without slowing, she turned to glare at him, drying the words in his throat. “Allesha.” She turned away again, her sharp face pointing like an arrow toward their destination.

  “Allesha, I’m sorry.”

  “Yes. Of that I have no doubt.”

  “Can you help me?”

  “I’m not your Allesha.”

  “But you’re the one who found me. I mean, you don’t really have to tell her. Do you?”

  “No, I don’t.” She bit off her words, as though saying anything to him was distasteful. “You will tell her what you did, and she will decide.”

  “Will she do it… send me away? Has any boy ever been sent away by his Allesha?”

  “That isn’t the question you should be asking.”

  “What question should I be asking?”

  “I cannot tell you.”

  “I know, you are not my Allesha.”

  “That is correct.” The woman stopped and pointed him forward. Down the plowed path was his Allesha’s home. “Go and tell her I await her.”

  Dov started for the house, but saw, to his dismay, that the front door was shut. “I can’t. The outer door is closed.”

  “This is your Allesha’s home, in the middle of your Season. You may enter her house whenever you wish, until she withdraws that privilege. Go; I will wait for her to open the outer door to me.”

  As reluctant as he was to confront Tayar, the boy was anxious to get away from the sharp old Allesha. He darted into the house, shutting the outer door behind him.

  “Tayar!” he called as he went into the kitchen.


  “Tayar!” He entered the inner room by way of his bedroom.

  “Tayar!” He stood at the door to her room, but doubted that the old one outside meant for him to go in there.

  He ran to the barn, but it, too, was empty, except for those stupid chickens and goats. Back in the house, he stood in the greeting room that seemed as cold as that old woman outside. “Tayar! Tayar!” he called over and over again.

  He went outside and told the strange Allesha, “She’s not here.”

  “We’ll go to your mentor and wait there.”

  “She’s not home either.”

  “How do you know?”

  Did she think he was lying?! “Well, she wasn’t before.”

  “Let’s go look.”

  “Sure, let’s go look.” This time, he took the lead, angry at this interfering old woman, at this Valley with its rules, at his Allesha for not being home, for being part of The Valley that never really wanted him anyway.

  Well, I had a few weeks. That’s more than the guys back home. And do I have some stories to tell! It might not be so bad after all, getting out from under these women’s rules.

  But what about Lilla? Would she still stand with her mother against me?

  And Pa? He’d never forgive me, but that’s nothing new.

  And what would become of Tayar and Dov?

  Chapter 35

  The Alleshine Library was unlike any other building in The Valley. Carved into the western mountain, it had burrowed further inward with each generation to accommodate the centuries of knowledge the Alleshi had accumulated. It was so extensive that no one knew where the original caves were. Even those scholars who had given their lives to searching the twisting tunnels and deep caverns never found the legendary ancient knowledge that was supposedly buried somewhere in the heart of the mountain.

  In the unadorned entrance hall, five Alleshi bent over scrolls, papers and books strewn about on desks and tables. The closest looked up when the young Allesha entered. Tayar/Rishana mouthed one word, “Peren?” using the sisters’ name for her husband’s Allesha, her dear old friend, Savah. The scholar nodded toward the door to the far left, then buried her face back in her work before she could see Rishana’s mimed thank you.