The Winter Boy

by Sally Wiener Grotta

  Chapter 83

  Working his way against the surge of so many people moving in the opposite direction, Ryl may have stepped on some toes and pushed a bit too forcefully against shoulders and backs to reach the door through which Mistral had disappeared.

  Ryl closed the heavy door, shutting out the din of the Assembly Room. On the far side of the room, Mistral was standing at a large window, as though he had been pacing back and forth and happened to glance out as he turned. They faced each other across the expanse of a large, long table, its dark wood thick with shellac and pitted by generations of scratches and scribblings. How many arguments and crises had this antechamber witnessed? And how many silences?

  Mistral took one step forward, then stopped.

  “Hello, Pa.” The word came easily because it was what Mistral had always been — Pa — but as Ryl said it, something inside him struggled against it.

  “Hello, Son.” Mistral’s tone was colored, too, with his uncertainties.

  Ryl strode forward to his father, hesitating only slightly before pulling him into a bear hug. Mistral returned the embrace, not quite comfortable in the moment, but welcoming it. They stepped back at the same time and grinned, mirror images of each other, so that Ryl saw in his father’s eyes answers to many of his unasked questions. Answers that had been there all along, even if he hadn’t known enough to see them.

  They sat on the same side of the table, with their chairs turned so they faced each other.

  Mistral leaned forward in his chair. “You’re looking good, Son.”

  Ryl settled back. “You too. How’s Ma?”

  “She’s well. She misses you. We both have.”

  Ryl crossed one foot over his thigh, then realized his Allesha would have commented that it could look like a barrier. Mistral had the correct posture for an Alleman trying to open a dialog. Ryl put both feet flat on the floor and leaned forward.

  Mistral reached for the pitcher from the center of the table and poured some water into a glass. But he put the glass down without drinking. “Ryl, I’m sorry. There was so much I wanted to tell you.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “Would you have heard me?”

  “Probably not; I’m ready to listen now.” Ryl fought the urge to sit back and cross his arms over his chest.

  “First, I want to apologize for not telling you the truth, but it wasn’t possible at the time. I assume you know it all now, correct?”

  “Does anyone ever know it all when it comes to the Alleshi and Allemen? I know about my birth. What I really am, and that you’ve been making plans to use that — to use me.”

  “Son,” Mistral began to protest, but caught himself.

  “Don’t worry. I think I understand that part. I mean, if I can help save the Peace, who am I to want to have my own life, to settle down quietly… with Lilla?” Ryl hadn’t realized how bitter he still felt deep within himself, until he heard it in his own voice.

  “I wish it could have been different for you, and for her.” Mistral sighed in such as way that Ryl could almost believe he was seeing the man behind the Alleman. But he shook off the feeling.

  “You could have warned me, Pa. She deserves better than this.”

  “What did you think I was doing? Arguing for the fun of it?”

  Ryl considered the question, forcing himself to see the boy he once was. “Sometimes I did… or that you had nothing to say to me but corrections or arguments.”

  “I should have handled it differently. Before you stopped hearing me.”

  “How could I hear you when you didn’t tell me anything. You and your damned secrecy.”

  “You were a child, Ryl.”

  “How much does Ma know?”

  “That you’ll never marry Lilla.”

  “And Lilla?”

  “That you won’t be returning to our village any time soon.”

  Lilla. In all this, the one true innocent. And the one who would be most hurt. “How is she?”

  “Still hopeful, but your ma is trying to help her.” Mistral drank some of the water he had poured. “I’ve encouraged others to court her.”

  Ryl’s stomach twisted. “You had no right!”

  “Would you want Lilla to spend the rest of her life waiting for you?”

  “But it was my decision. Mine and hers.”

  “What decision would you make?”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “No, I guess it isn’t. But I weighed her rights against yours. Would you really want her pain and disappointment to be greater than they need be?”

  Ryl had known that he couldn’t marry Lilla, that his future would be different from anything they had planned or hoped. But only now, in trying to picture Lilla going on without him, did the concrete truth settle fully within him. “Who did you choose for her?”

  “Erl or Noaq.”

  Ryl nodded. “Both good men. Has she given her consent to either?”

  “No, not yet, but we’ve blazed the paths to make it easier for her once she accepts that you won’t return.”

  “You were that sure of me.”

  “I knew the Alleshi would help you, in the same way your ma and I have been helping Lilla.”

  “Manipulate me, you mean.” The words came without thought, an ingrained reaction that no longer fully represented how Ryl felt. But he hadn’t yet figured out what he felt about what the Alleshi and his father had done to him.

  “As we are all manipulated.” Mistral countered, then thought better of it. “No, it’s more than that. I was sure of you because I knew it wasn’t in you to avoid making the right decisions, regardless of how difficult and hurtful it might be.”

  “What if you’d been wrong?”

  “Then you wouldn’t be the man I’ve always believed you to be.”

  Ryl stared at Mistral, caught off balance by the compliment. “How long have you been planning all this? Did it start when you stole me from my real mother?”

  “No, you were just an infant then, squalling and vulnerable…. Ryl, what would you have done? Could you have watched a newborn being tortured, perhaps killed?”

  “But you misinterpreted the situation.”

  “I’ve gone over the scene in my head so many times since then.” Mistral gazed into the empty space between them, as though he were no longer seeing the room around him. But he snapped back, fixing his eyes on Ryl. “I’ve never stopped asking myself how I could have learned more before stumbling across the birthing ritual. It was a lousy accident that my first encounter with the Mwertik would be laden with such alien, fearsome rites. I was so damned young, unseasoned, but that’s no excuse, just a fact that no one has the power to change.”

  “Would you, if you could? “

  “Ryl, you are my son. How could I want to change that? Yet, what are my personal feelings in the face of all that has happened?”

  “Pa, tell me, how bad were the Mwertik raids when you first went looking for them?”

  Mistral didn’t respond, which was its own kind of answer.

  Of course, Ryl had begun to suspect the truth days before, but to have his suspicions confirmed left a bitter taste in his mouth. “Damn! You mean it started then? Didn’t you even try to talk to them? Return me?”

  “It developed so slowly.” Mistral’s voice was soft and steady, though the muscles in his neck corded with the strain. “We didn’t understand until it was too late. By then, the anger and hate were so thoroughly entrenched on both sides, spreading until it no longer mattered what the beginning was. I doubt that most people even know how it started.”

  “So, what use could the truth about my birth be, if the Mwertik won’t listen, if everything has spiraled so out of hand that people don’t remember that my being stolen was the beginning?” Taking a deep breath, Ryl altered his approach. “Let’s go back to what you do know. All that time you were away from us, what did you learn?”

  “I never stopped trying to find an answer. I’ve spent more time in th
eir territory than watching you grow up… studying them, learning their ways. When they faded into the landscape, I tracked them by the currents of chaos they caused as the violence and frequency of their raids escalated.”

  “Did you find them?”

  “Occasionally. But they’re a nomadic people, adept at disappearing, seldom using the same campsite twice.”

  “What about their home?” Ryl asked. “Certainly, they must have some place they return to, where the women, children and aged are kept safe.”

  “Yes, they must. But regardless of how far and how long I travel and whom I ask, I haven’t found it. Not yet.”

  “Do they know you’ve been tracking them?”

  “I believe they’re aware of someone shadowing them, but they don’t appear to realize it’s the same person they’ve sought all these years.”

  “The abductor of their headman’s son, you mean. What makes you think they haven’t put the two together?”

  “They haven’t killed me yet.”

  “Like they did Jared.” Ryl poured his own glass of water, not realizing until he downed it in three gulps how dry his mouth was. “But what is it you think I can do, if no one really cares how it started anymore?”

  “One thing I’ve learned is that they’re rooted in their traditions; blood ties are sacred. They might hate what you’ve become, but I believe, if we handle it properly, we can use the fact of who you were meant to be, to get at least some of them to listen to you. Their traditions should force them to treat you differently than a stranger.”

  “Or kill me.”

  Mistral shook his head, though not in denial. “I never wanted it to get this far… All these years… So much time away from you and your ma… Trying to find some answer that wouldn’t bring us to this juncture. And it’s been for nothing.”

  Ryl had never seen his father so bared, but even now, he wasn’t defeated. Just sad and tired. Or had he been like this all along, behind that mask of Alleman discipline he always seemed to wear?

  “Pa…”

  Mistral straightened his back and squared his shoulders. “Don’t worry, Ryl. I haven’t given up, won’t ever give up as long as air fills my lungs.”

  “I know, Pa.”

  “I’m so very sorry, Son.”

  “Me, too.”

  “You? What do you have to be sorry for?”

  “I didn’t make it easy for you.”

  “That’s for sure.” Mistral smiled. “But you were only a boy, struggling with the normal problems of growing up, combined with the uncertainty of our life, of me not being there for you. And, you are, after all, my son. Did my Allesha tell you how difficult I was at your age? My father had nearly given up on me.”

  “But you never did.”

  “We’re a stubborn family, Ryl. Once we take hold of an idea or a person, we don’t let go. It’s one of our strengths — and sometimes, a weakness, too.”

  “And always being away from us, from Ma and me, it was part of that, wasn’t it? Part of not giving up on me. It had nothing to do with not wanting to be near me.”

  “Is that what you thought, that I didn’t want to be with you?”

  “You never seemed satisfied with anything I did. From the minute you came home, you were planning to leave again, as though the one place you didn’t want to be was with me.”

  “No, Son. It wasn’t you. It was me. My guilt and fear. And my stubbornness. I’d always been restless, even before I found you. Your ma understood that when she married me. That’s why I was on the frontier in the first place, because the Alleshi took my restlessness and adapted it to a skill for seeking. But after I realized what I had done — taking you from the Mwertik — I became driven. I had to try to mend everything.”

  “I understand, Pa. But I wish…”

  “Me, too, Son.”

  Mistral reached out with both hands. With no hesitance this time, Ryl grasped them, allowing the warmth and strength of their flesh to say what neither was ready to voice. Only then did Ryl see the toll of the years in the deep furrows around Mistral’s mouth and across his brow.

  “It’s been a long haul for you, Pa. Now it’s my turn to try.”

  “Our turn. We’ll do it together, Son.”

  “Leaving Ma and Lilla behind.”

  “Because we have no choice. All our choices were taken away that day I thought I was saving your life. Yes, if I could, I would change it, but I can’t. And part of my guilt is that I’m glad, because you are my son.”

  Chapter 84

  The banquet room was noisy, with all the Winter Boys seated at large round tables, chatting and laughing. Not that the Alleshi and Allemen were much quieter; if they wanted to be heard above the din, they had to raise their voices, too. As in the Assembly Room, the boys occupied the center, while Alleshi and Allemen sat at tables around the edges. A couple dozen waiters and waitresses from the Battais’ inns wove their way among the scores of tables, serving lunch.

  When Rishana entered, Dara waved to her. Peren, Ayne, Hester and Dara had saved a seat for her, and it would have been awkward to refuse it. Besides, if she were going to work with these women, she’d need to learn as much as possible about them. The three Allemen seated with them stood as she approached. When Hester introduced them, Rishana couldn’t hear their names over the cacophony. She mouthed, “Hello,” instead of shouting.

  Rishana studied the room, seeking currents that might indicate established alliances among the Alleshi and Allemen, new ones developing among the boys. The way the men at her table interacted with the women, she judged that the two on either side of Hester were her Allemen, while the older one was Ayne’s. Did that mean they could be trusted, because their loyalties were to women who were ostensibly loyal to her? On the surface, that felt logical. But wasn’t that the basis of their society, the interlocking circles of allegiances which were cascading and collapsing around them? Was it because key links had proven brittle, or was the system itself fatally flawed?

  By the time Ryl/Dov and Mistral appeared, most people had started to eat their soup, reducing the noise level to a quieter roar. Seeing them together, no one could doubt they were father and son. Not only in their dark coloring and compact shapes, but their stance and the way they surveyed the room. Both saw Rishana on their first sweep — Dov with a brightening of his face that warmed her heart, Mistral with a piercing stare that riveted her.

  “Ryl, over here.” A boy stood to shout and wave. “We’ve saved you a seat.” Rishana had noticed him in the Assembly Room. Slight in form but intense, he had sat behind Dov, and something had definitely passed between them. What was the history they shared? Who was his Allesha? Was he one of the Triat candidates being considered for Dov?

  Dov turned to Mistral to say something and then went to join the other boy.

  Before leaving the room, Mistral glanced at Rishana in an unmistakable summoning. In all the commotion, she doubted anyone noticed when she left to follow him. No one other than the Guardian Alleshi and their three Allemen — and Dov.

  >Mistral was pulling on his overcoat when Rishana came out of the banquet room. With a quick glance at the only other person in the entry hall, a grey-haired Alleman coming out of the lavatory, Mistral opened his hands to her in full ritual greeting. “Allesha, I wish to thank you for your care and training of my son,” he said. “You have honored my family and village.”

  Filling his hands with hers in the appropriate traditional gesture, she responded, “It is my honor to serve.”

  The Alleman appeared not to notice them as he pushed through the door to the banquet room. However, Rishana knew to not trust outward appearances.

  Before Rishana could take her hands out of Mistral’s, he grabbed one and gently tugged. “Come,” he whispered. “Walk with me.” He helped her on with her coat, though she couldn’t tell whether it were out of courtesy or because he wanted her to move more quickly.

  Outside, the morning downpour had dissipated to a drizzle. “Shall we g
o to your home?” He led her toward the house without waiting for her reply.

  “I won’t melt in the rain.”

  “We need to be sure we’re not overheard.” Mistral didn’t look at her when he spoke. Instead, he constantly scanned the path ahead.

  Why did she feel annoyed with Mistral? she wondered. Certainly, she was as eager as he to talk. That he wanted to do so in private indicated that he planned to be honest with her, or at least discuss sensitive information that neither of them would want others to hear. “What have you heard of Eli?” she asked.

  “Nothing you don’t already know. Tedrac should have more for us when he returns, before the last of the Service Days.” He looked at her briefly, fitting it into his sweeps of the terrain. “Jinet, you’ve done a great job with Ryl.”

  Jinet! That was the problem, or part of it. He was still treating her as his Triat’s wife. “Mistral, we have known each other for a long time, but you presume a great deal with an Allesha.”

  Hearing the ice in her voice, Mistral turned toward her without breaking stride. “My sincere apologies, Allesha. I meant no insult.”

  “Apology accepted.” It was the correct response, though devoid of the warmth it should have conveyed.

  Placing his hand on her elbow, he forced her to stop and turn toward him. “No, truly, it isn’t just words. Please believe me, I’d never wish to insult you, of all people. I’ve always held you in great respect… not just because you wear a title… but that title does give you the right to expect better of an Alleman.”

  She looked down at his hand on her, and he quickly removed it.

  With a sheepish grin, he shrugged. “We both know this isn’t about the respect you require and deserve. My apology is heartfelt, and you know that, too. Now, let’s move on. We’ve too much to discuss to waste any more time.”

  Rishana considered her reaction. Why did she seethe at his informality? She’d known and liked him for years, and not simply because he was Jared’s Triat. True, he had some strange attitudes about her role as an Alleman’s wife. And she had often felt uncomfortable with the way he watched everything, as though he thought if he stared intently enough, he could pierce through anyone’s private thoughts. She remembered the stories he would tell about his adventures, the laughs they shared, and the many times he and Jared would withdraw from her to discuss private Alleman affairs.