Of Blood & Magic: Blood Descent Book 1

by T. L. McDonald

  “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it. But not for the reasons you think,” I add hastily. At least not entirely anyway. “I still care for Evan. We’re great together—”

  “You’re comfortable together. There’s a difference,” Liv interrupts.

  “Point is.” I stare at her pointedly even though she’s not exactly wrong. Evan and I are comfortable together in our relationship, and while there are some butterflies, their numbers are nowhere near the amount Sebastian brought when he kissed me that day in my room. “I don’t want to put him in danger. After being attacked by vampires, and finding out about angelic bounty hunters potentially popping up at any time, breaking up with him just seems like the right thing to do so he stays safe. I don’t want him to get caught up in any of this.” My nightmare slithers into the forefront of my mind so all I can see is Evan’s lifeless pale blue eyes gazing up at me in death. A death I caused by ripping out his throat to satisfy a hunger I couldn’t control. If I do ever develop thirst, I don’t want Evan to be anywhere near me. Even if there isn’t passion between us like Liv says, he’s still one of my closest friends, and I could never live with myself if I did anything to harm him.

  “I’m sorry Indi. This really sucks.” She walks out of the closet with her shoulders hanging low. “So what were you and Sebastian really doing yesterday?” She tosses me a pair of jeans from my dresser. And I tell her a massively abridged version of yesterday’s events; leaving everything out except for how he wants to prepare me for any future vampire attacks by training me.

  “That’s smart. Jack and I should train you in magic too. The more you try accessing your abilities the less effect Mom and Dad’s suppression spell will have now that you’ve stopped drinking the tea.” She stands up and heads for the door. “But for now, we’re late for breakfast. Oh, and when she hands you your tea this morning, it’ll be safe to drink ‘cause I replaced it with a non-magical variety. You won’t have to pretend to drink it anymore while secretly pouring it out. We don’t want Mom getting suspicious and asking questions, so it’s important you keep up appearances.” She pauses at the door. “Are you sure you don’t want to tell her and Dad what’s going on?”

  “Not yet. I don’t want to risk losing any more of my memories, and Aunt Claudia’s already threatened to take them away. I’ll be safer with my eyes opened to the world, not closed.”

  “But if it becomes too much…”

  “If it becomes too much and I can’t handle things on my own, I promise I’ll tell them everything.”

  “Okay. Don’t take too long getting to breakfast. Mom’s making French toast and if Jack gets there first, it’ll be a cold bowl of cereal for you.”

  “Got it. I’ll meet you down there in a few minutes.” I hold up my clothes as an excuse. Honestly though, I’m not in a big hurry to get to breakfast. I’ve been avoiding Uncle Caleb and Aunt Claudia since I compelled them by skipping family meals in favor of eating alone in my room under the guise of having tons of homework to do, because I have no idea what’ll happen once we’re face to face with each other. For instance, will it be breakfast as usual this morning or will there be cracks in my compulsion allowing for things I made them forget to seep through to the surface? Or maybe my compulsion has worn off all together and they remember everything. Maybe they’re waiting for me right now so they can yell and scream and ground me until I’m thirty, or at least until they erase my memories again in the name of keeping me safe. Except it won’t keep me safe, and it could put us all in danger because they don’t know everything.

  Once I’m dressed and can’t really stall any longer, I slowly head down the stairs, my heart ratcheting up into my throat further and further until I can practically taste it in my mouth. At the bottom, I continue to drag my feet, the palms of my hands becoming so sweaty I have to wipe them off on the butt of my jeans before I enter the kitchen. Nobody pays me any attention, but I hold my breath anyway, too afraid to let myself relax. This could just be the calm before the storm.

  “You’re lucky,” Jack tells me while pointing his fork in my direction. “If you were one minute later, I was going to eat your breakfast. You know I can’t resist bacon or French toast, and yours has been taunting me with its delicious goodness for the last five minutes.”

  I force myself to breathe and head for the table, my heart beating at a hundred miles an hour. I hope they can’t see it pounding through my shirt. “I’m surprised you held out,” I say teasingly. At least I hope it sounded teasingly in a natural teasing tone and not a forced I’m freaking out, but pretending like I’m not freaking out tone. I need to get a grip. I sit down beside Jack, smacking my knee on the seat. Pain spreads throughout my kneecap and I pinch my lips together, pretending it didn’t happen. Picking up the bacon, I smile at Jack and take a big bite, then shove the rest in my mouth. “Mmm, so good.” I’m probably overdoing it, but at least it’ll force me to concentrate on not choking, thus giving me time to chill.

  “You’re so mean.” He makes a face and sticks out his tongue. I laugh because that’s what I’d normally do and nearly choke on my bacon. “Ha, serves you right,” he teases. Jack seems oblivious to my internal melt down; maybe the rest of the family will be too. Either way, I’m about to find out.

  Aunt Claudia comes around the table with a plate held in one hand, a mug in the other. She sets the plate down in front of Jack. It’s piled high with fresh bacon.

  “Yes! You are the best mom ever.” Jack grabs a handful and Uncle Caleb takes the plate away before there’s none left for anyone else.

  “And here’s your tea, Indi. I made it just the way you like it.” She sets the mug down in front of me. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. She seems like the same old Aunt Claudia I’ve always known, and not like she’s about to blow up at me for somehow being able to compel her and Uncle Caleb. My shoulders somewhat relax.

  I shift my gaze to Liv before daring to take a sip. She nods her head almost imperceptibly and I focus back on Aunt Claudia. “Thanks.”

  Aunt Claudia continues watching me so I pick up the tea and take a drink without hesitation. It tastes a little different and I smile against the cup, taking a bigger swig. Misreading my happiness, Aunt Claudia smiles and sits down beside Uncle Caleb.

  The rest of breakfast goes by without incident. We talk about normal things like school and what our plans are for the afternoon. Maybe things will be okay after all and home can be the one thing I don’t have to stress about all the time. I finish my breakfast and finally let myself relax.

  “Are you feeling okay?” Taylor asks. I pull the edge of my locker door back, finding her on the other side. “You’ve been acting weird lately. You skipped lunch yesterday, and you’ve spent most of this morning spaced out. Is it New Boy? Has he been acting even creepier since Miss. Landry paired you two up for a joint assignment? Want me to get Jacob to kick his ass?”

  “I forgot to ask you how your date went with Jacob. Did it turn out to be the night?” I ask, knowing if I can get her talking about Jacob, she’ll forget asking me about Sebastian. At least she’s not alluding to us ‘researching’ each other like before, which is why I’d skipped lunch to begin with. Although now that I think about it, talking about Sebastian might be preferable to hearing about what Taylor and Jacob may or may not have done behind closed doors.

  Her shoulders lower, the corners of her mouth turning down. “No. His Aunt Sue went into labor, so his parents rushed off to the hospital, leaving Jacob stuck babysitting the twins. I swear those girls are terrors.”

  I laugh. “Aren’t his sisters like six years old? How bad could they be?”

  “Does this answer your question?” She hands me her books then undoes her hair, pulling it out of a neat bun at the base of her head. She fluffs it out then turns around. Her hair is for lack of a better word, chopped. There are short pieces, long pieces, and very jagged pieces, all intermixed, and very noticeable. I suck my lips in, pinching them together to keep from laughing out loud
. She tucks it back into a bun, then turns to face me. I school my expression, biting my tongue so I won’t smile. “My hair stylist has been sick with some stomach bug, so I’ve had to keep it hidden for days. He’s finally feeling better. Thankfully. I’ve got an appointment after school. Fingers crossed he can make something beautiful out of this mess.” She sighs dramatically. “He’s going to have to cut off so much.” She slams my locker shut. “Errr! Those little brats, I could just… shave their heads or something and see how they like it.”

  I hand her back her books then reopen my locker to finish getting mine. “Its just hair, Taylor. It’ll grow back. Besides, I think you’d look great with a shorter hairdo.”

  “You really think so?” Self-consciously she pats at her bun.

  “I do.”

  The tardy bell rings and I close my locker. “Better get to class. See you at lunch.”

  “Hey, wait. You didn’t answer my question about New Boy,” Taylor calls after me. I pretend like I don’t hear her and speed walk around the corner. I haven’t figured out what to tell my friends about Sebastian yet. After the protestations I’ve made about him, I can’t just say oh he’s cool. Can I? I mean I basically made him out to be some kind of weird creeper. But then again they were already enthralled with him, so maybe they’ll be accepting about my sudden change of heart?

  I take my seat in Mr. Leto’s Calculus class beside Evan’s empty desk. I haven’t seen him yet today. Jack got a flat tire on the way to school, so I missed him this morning before classes started. I hoped it would give me time to think about what to say to him, which is why I spent most of the morning zoned out as Taylor put it, but I haven’t come up with anything. We don’t fight and our relationship has been smooth and easy so I’ve really got no plausible reason to break up with him. Not one he’ll understand anyway because there is no way I can tell him the truth truth about vampires, witches, and angelic bounty hunters.

  Maybe I’m making it harder than it has to be. Maybe breaking up won’t be so bad. Maybe Evan secretly wants to break up with me too and he’s been too scared to say anything for fear of hurting my feelings. When we agreed to see if we could work as a couple we never really came up with an exit plan for in case we didn’t—other than to say we’d always remain friends no matter what happened. And it’s not like our relationship has been all-consuming or epic. We go on dates; we hold hands, and we share sweet kisses. And though there are slight stirrings of butterflies between us, they’re small compared to the ones I felt flutter around inside my stomach when Sebastian kissed me. That has to mean something. Plus, Evan’s never tried to take things any further than our hand holding and sweet kisses in the few months we’ve been dating, which has to mean something too. Maybe the both of us really aren’t that into each other and we’ve both been too scared to tell the other we’d be better off as friends.

  Or, I’m completely wrong and I’m the only one who feels this way while he’s totally committed with genuine feelings of potential love. And the reason things have never progressed between us is because he’s a nice guy who would never pressure anyone into something they’re not ready for. Maybe all this time he’s been waiting patiently for me to catch up to where he is. In which case, I’m totally going to break his heart.

  Liv was right this morning. This sucks.

  Evan breezes through the door seconds before the bell rings. He slides into his seat, flashing me a smile. I smile back while my heart breaks into tiny little pieces. I really don’t want to hurt him, but what choice do I have? A broken heart is better than a dead one.

  For the duration of class, I pretend to be engrossed in Mr. Leto’s lecture, but truthfully I haven’t heard a word he’s said. When the bell rings, I jerk, knocking my books off the desk. Evan picks them up for me, always the gentleman.

  “Everything okay?” He tucks a strand of my auburn hair behind my ear, his eyes roaming my face. “You seem like there’s something bothering you. Anything I can do to help?”

  “We need to talk.” There, I’ve said it. The dreaded four words no one in a relationship ever wants to hear. And now that I’ve said it, I’ve got no choice but to go through with it. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself so I won’t back out. Besides, it has to be done because it’s what will keep him safe, and that’s what’s most important. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something bad ever happened to him, and definitely not if that bad thing were to end up being me. A cold chill crawls over my skin, causing me to shudder as my nightmare threatens to crawl back to the forefront of my mind. I can’t take seeing his face drawn and lifeless again, so I shove it away, making room for the heartbreak I’m about to see instead.

  I pull Evan into a nook behind the stairwell outside the classroom, hoping for a little privacy. If I’m going to break our hearts, it shouldn’t be in front of an audience. It shouldn’t even be done here, but if I don’t do it now, I won’t be able to do it at all.

  “I think we should break up,” I blurt out.

  He looks at me like I’ve slapped him, which is understandable because to him this is coming out of nowhere.

  “Why?” It comes out as a whisper, the confusion evident on his face. “I thought we had a good thing going. Was it something I did? Is it the team? Do you think I’m spending too much time with them over you, because I can ditch them if that’s what it takes?” His eyes roam over me, searching for answers.

  A deep ache sparks within my chest, shooting out pains every time my heart beats. I’m hurting him. I was hoping this would be mutual, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

  His gaze shifts to the students milling about the halls, his expression becoming stern. The longer he watches them, the more the muscles of his jaw tick. “Is it another guy?”

  “No, it’s nothing like that.” My words leave a bad taste in the back of my mouth because they’re not entirely true. I can’t deny there isn’t chemistry between Sebastian and me, and I can’t deny a part of me isn’t curious about where it would lead if I explored it. But it’s not the only reason I’m doing this. Or even the main reason. I’m doing this because I want to protect him from me, and the mess I’m in. Evan is so perfect and kind and happy and if I expose him to my new reality, I’m afraid it’ll change who he is, or get him killed. It’s not something I’m willing to risk. I’d rather he hated me.

  “Then why? I don’t understand.”

  “I know you don’t.”

  “Then explain it to me. Do you not feel the same for me as I do for you? I know we said we would go slow to see if we’d work as a couple, but I thought we were.” He moves closer, reaches out hesitantly then drops his hand, his eyes shifting back and forth over my face when I don’t meet his gaze.

  He stares at the ground.

  “There are just a lot of things going on at home right now. Things I’m dealing with, and I need some time away from everything and everyone to figure it out. I’m sorry. I need to be on my own right now. I’m not doing this to hurt you, Evan, I swear. I really do care about you. I just don’t want to string you along while I’m working through stuff.” It’s not all a lie, but it’s not entirely the truth either.

  Tears spill down my face when my gaze meets his. There’s a whole ocean of hurt churning within his baby blue eyes and I’d put it there. The ache in my chest grows bigger and I force myself to look away.

  “Indi. Please…” He reaches out for me and I take a step back. It’s like another slap he wasn’t expecting. His hand falls to his side, and he stares out into space for what feels like the longest time, even though it’s probably only mere seconds. A whole eternity can fit into a second when you’re ripping someone’s heart out along with your own. “Don’t push me away, Indi.” His eyes are just as watery as mine when he finally looks at me. Every agonizing second of this moment becomes so much worse. “If there’s stuff you’re dealing with maybe I can help. I’m here for you, Indi. I’ve always been here. No matter what’s going on, you can lean on me. Even if
it’s just as friends.”

  The ache in my chest becomes an abyss. I fix my eyes to the ground, knowing there’s more pain to inflict. I hate having to do it. He’s the sweetest person I know and I’m nothing more than a monster with good intentions. I want to keep him safe and oblivious to the true horrors of the world I’m now living in and this is the only way I know to do it. “The only way you can help me is by giving me space. I need to clear my head, and deal with things, and I can’t do that with you around. I’m sorry.”

  The warning bell rings and I walk away before the abyss completely consumes me and I lose it right here in the middle of the hallway. Or worse, I tell him the whole truth about everything.

  “Indi, wait,” Evan pleads.

  “I’m sorry,” I say once again without turning around. I push my way through the throng of students racing to class, hoping to get lost in the crowd. I head toward the bathroom intending to skip so I can cry my eyes out in a stall, but end up walking right out the front door instead. As soon as my feet hit the pavement I take off running, with no clue where in the world I’m going. All I know is I want to be anywhere but here.

  19

  I end up wandering around downtown, wishing I had my jacket. The cold chill of the autumn wind seeps through the long-sleeves of my shirt, enticing a trail of goose bumps to spread up my arms. I shiver and wrap my arms around myself, my fingers clinging to the fabric along my sides. I duck down an alley to avoid walking past the windows of Hammond’s Bakery. I really don’t want Paige’s mom to spot me skipping school if she happens to look outside just as I’m passing by.

  My stomach growls in protest. I really could use some comfort donuts right about now. Mrs. Hammond has owned the bakery forever and therefore makes the best raspberry filled donuts in all of creation. The risk of her calling my aunt or uncle might just be worth the trouble I’ll be in. At least I will have gotten to drown my sorrows in raspberry filling. Maybe if I’m lucky, it’ll be enough to fill the empty space where my heart used to be.