A Light Within

by Darlene Mindrup

  Brianna hugged the child close. “I do not mind. Would you like to pray with me?”

  Looking unsure of herself, the child nodded nonetheless. Brianna took Matilda’s small hand into her own and they bowed their heads together while Beowulf, still grinning, looked on.

  ❧

  Garek watched William as he rose to greet Marie Waverly. He looked truly pleased to see her, and lifting the woman from her deep curtsy, he turned a still-smiling face to Garek.

  “She is as beautiful as ever, do you not agree, Garek?”

  Garek’s scrutiny passed quickly over the girl. She was indeed beautiful. “Aye, Sire.”

  The smile left William’s face. “I am sorry about your father, my dear. I wish I could have prevented it.”

  “Thank you, Sire. He. . .he always appreciated your friendship.”

  “As I did his. I could not have so easily conquered this fair land if not for friends like him.” William’s smile returned. “And tomorrow will see you settled in this manor as the lady that you are.”

  Marie exchanged glances with Garek, before dropping her eyes. “As you wish, milord.”

  “Have you aught to say on the matter?” the king asked, touching her face gently with his cupped hand and lifting it for his inspection.

  For a moment Marie was tempted to tell this mighty man just what she thought of this arranged marriage. But only for a moment. Her father’s image passed before her eyes and she remembered her promise to him.

  “Nay, milord. There is nothing.”

  thirteen

  Brianna sat beside Marie as the young woman worked patiently at her tapestry. The needle moved smoothly in and out, and so intense was her concentration that Brianna was startled when she spoke.

  “Brianna, if it were possible, would you marry Garek?”

  Marie didn’t look up from her sewing, missing Brianna’s panicked expression.

  “Why would you ask such a thing?”

  This time, the girl did look up, her eyes fixed on Brianna’s wary blue ones. “You love him, and he you.”

  About to deny it, Marie waved her hand in the air. “I am not a fool, Brianna, though some might think otherwise. Is it me that keeps you apart?”

  Brianna rose to her feet. “Let us not discuss it. The matter is settled.”

  Marie sighed. “You are my friend, Brianna, and I would do anything in my power to see you as happy as you deserve to be. If only I had not made such a promise to my father.”

  “What promise?”

  Marie turned away. She put down her sewing, and getting to her feet wandered over to the window. Leaning upon the sill, she pushed open the shutters, allowing chill, wet air to enter the hall.

  Brianna could see by her look that Marie’s thoughts were far away, and from the direction of her gaze, it didn’t take much to guess what was on her mind. Crossing to her side, Brianna put an arm around Marie’s waist and studied the dirt mound on the hill in the distance.

  Marie’s voice was little more than a sigh. “I gave him my solemn oath that I would wed according to King William’s decree. My father only wanted to return to the England he loved and to have back a portion of the land that was taken from him. But he also wanted to assure a home for me in Normandy if something should happen to him here.”

  Brianna took a deep breath. “It would seem there were a lot of oaths taken without thought to the consequences.”

  Dropping her head, Marie only nodded.

  “I must see about preparing things for the morrow.” Giving Marie a last sympathetic look, Brianna started to leave, but Marie’s voice stopped her.

  “I have a secret that I wish to share with you.”

  Feeling uncomfortable, Brianna hesitated. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what the younger woman had to say. “If it is a secret—”

  “It is only a secret to myself. I wanted to tell you so that you know I understand about you and Garek.” Marie turned from the window and looked Brianna in the eye. “I am in love with someone, and he is in love with me. He has told me. But I gave my oath to King William and my father, and also to Garek. I will not break my oath.”

  Brianna stared at her in surprise. Her head began to swim with possibilities, but she firmly reined in her wayward thoughts. This really changed nothing. King William was bent on seeing this marriage through.

  “I am sorry,” she answered softly.

  She could barely hear Marie’s muttered words as she left the hall. “For all of us.”

  ❧

  Brianna left the kitchen after making arrangements for the next day. More help had been enlisted of the villeins in the village who had suddenly become eager in their desire for festivities.

  She descended the stone steps and headed for the chapel where she spent much of her time lately. Marie’s challenge to her faith had caused Brianna to do some soul searching, and she had spent much time in prayer. As a result, Brianna had found the peace she had been missing.

  Pale light shone from the arched windows, reminding Brianna of Garek’s command that the candles in the chapel be constantly lit from sundown until sunrise. The door stood before her, massive and solid, the iron studs reflecting the bright moonlight. She pushed open the door and went inside.

  She was halfway down the aisle to the altar when she realized she wasn’t alone. Sucking in a breath, she stopped suddenly, one hand to her racing heart. A figure rose from the bench before the altar and she recognized Garek’s tall form.

  “Milord, you frightened me,” she told him breathlessly. She watched him apprehensively. “I can come back another time.”

  She turned to leave, but he was beside her in an instant. “Do not go. I was awaiting you.” He tried to take her hand but she put them behind her back, clasping them together.

  Garek sighed. “Brianna, there are things that I must say to you, and tonight is the only time that I may. Tomorrow—”

  “Tomorrow you will be wed,” she finished for him, her voice tight. “There is nothing good that can be said this night.”

  Curling his large hand around her arm, he pulled her forward until she was beside the front bench. He pushed her gently into the seat. “Please, listen.”

  He seated himself beside her but didn’t touch her. His eyes focused on the carved wooden cross over the altar.

  “When you were gone, I thought you might be. . .dead,” he finished softly. “I decided there was nothing for me to lose, so I prayed to God.”

  Startled, Brianna’s interest quickened, but she remained silent.

  “I told Him that if He would bring you back to me, I would treat you more honorably in the future.” His eyes came back to roam her face, tracing her features as though to commit them firmly to memory. “He answered my prayer, and I will keep my promise.”

  He reached out to touch her but stopped just short of her cheek. Slowly he dropped his hand to his side, curling his fingers into a ball. He turned back to the cross.

  “I will renounce my vow to William. I will take you as my wife.”

  Brianna felt a little thrill at his words. She was touched that Garek cared enough to forsake his honor, and his king, just for her but she knew she could never let him do it.

  Careful not to touch him, she leaned close to make her words ring clear. “In the Holy Scriptures there is much mentioned of vows. It has been made clear that vows should not be entered into lightly. King Solomon himself is believed to have said that when you make a vow to God, you should not delay in fulfilling it. God has no pleasure in fools; you should fulfill your vow. He said that it is better not to make a vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.” Hesitantly she lay her hand upon his. As she expected, she could feel the heat course through her body. Garek’s eyes when he turned to face her told her he was experiencing the same thing.

  “I cannot vow to love Marie Waverly when I love you with every fiber of my being. There will never be anyone else for me.”

  Brianna dropped her hand and turned away. “In time—” />
  “Nay!” he interrupted. “Time will not matter. I will love you until the day that I die. God willing, that will be soon, for I cannot long bear this pain.”

  Breathing in sharply, Brianna turned to him in anger. “You must never say such a thing. Your life is a gift from God.”

  At his grunt of denial, she took him firmly by the jaw and turned him back to face her. Garek was suddenly mesmerized by the dark, glittering depths of sapphire eyes sparkling with anger. When she had his attention, Brianna released him.

  “All God has ever wanted from you, Garek, is to be allowed to be your Father. He wants to give you the desires of your heart, but instead He will give you what you need. Ask what you will, and if it is in accord with His will for you, He will grant it.”

  “I want you.”

  Brianna felt her heart begin to thump erratically at the passionate declaration. Dear God, why? Why did this have to happen? What was the purpose?

  Brianna tried again. “Garek, your life is a gift from God. What you do with that life is your gift to Him. Until you can accept that—asking forgiveness of your sins and being willing to be His child—you will never be the man God intended you to be.”

  “Will He then give you to me?”

  Sighing, Brianna turned away. “You must do this for yourself, not for me.”

  “I have lived in the darkness so long, I do not think I can live in the light, as you do.”

  “You must try,” she said, rising to her feet. “Talk to Him, Garek. Listen with your heart, for I know you have one. The prophet Jeremiah said, ‘I have not lost sight of my plan for you, the Lord says, and it is your welfare I have in mind, not your undoing; for you, too, I have a destiny and a hope. Cry out to me then, and your suit will prosper; plead with me, and I will listen; look for me, and you shall find me, if you look for me in good earnest. Find me you shall, the Lord says, and your sentence of exile shall be reversed.’ ”

  The power of the holy words could be heard in the resonance of Brianna’s voice. Garek felt chills raise the skin on his forearms, and he hungered to believe what she said.

  Brianna looked him steadily in the eye. “You are a captive of sin, Garek, an exile from God. Let Him free you as He wants to so that you can be united with Him. Believe on His Son and trust in His salvation.”

  Garek watched her walk up the aisle and out the door. He laid his head upon his forearms, draped over the railing before him. Such overwhelming pain and loss filled his being that he began to quietly sob. Lifting his head to the cross, the candlelight reflected from the tears on his face.

  “Dear God,” he begged, “forgive me.” Dropping his head back to his arms, his voice sounded in the chapel, hollow with despair. “Forgive me.”

  ❧

  Christmas morning dawned with overcast skies portending more rain and cold. Marie shivered as she watched Brianna tend the fire in the main hall.

  “It is an evil omen,” she told Brianna. “No good can come of this day.”

  “Marie,” Brianna admonished. “You know that there are no such things as evil omens. Nothing happens that is not according to God’s will. Remember that.”

  Marie jumped to her feet. “How can this be God’s will?” she cried in anguish. “How?” She turned her eyes upward. “Merciful God, how can you let this happen? What is it you want from me?”

  Seeing the young woman growing more distraught, Brianna hastened to reassure her and turn her mind to other things.

  “Will you go hunting with the king this morning?”

  Marie shook her head. “Nay. I am not in the mood for sport, much less such a barbarous one.”

  King William entered the hall ahead of Garek, Etienne, Sir Hormis, and others intending to go on the hunt. The king was in a jovial mood, but it didn’t take long for him to perceive that others were not. He was a wise and discerning man, so he said nothing except to inquire if Marie would join them for the morning’s sport.

  The wedding had been set for evening, and it was intended that the rest of the day be dedicated, not only to the merriment of the event, but to observing Christmas as well.

  Garek was dressed in the new raiment the king had given him as a Christmas gift. Garek had done the same for his own knights, and although the band looked jolly in their apparel, many dour faces denied that conclusion.

  The king’s voice was gentle as he addressed Marie. “My dear, nothing will happen to you with my knights by your side, I promise you.”

  Realizing he was referring to her father, Marie was moved by his words. In his way, King William really did care for her.

  “I beg leave of you, Sire. There is much to be done here.”

  William grinned. “It is a woman’s way, is it not?” He shook his head, his eyes gleaming with merriment. “Weddings and birthings. Nothing seems to mean more to a woman. So be it, child.”

  Brianna’s eyes went to Garek, standing straight and tall beside his king. Lebeau rested on his forearm, reminding Brianna of the first time she had seen him.

  When Garek’s eyes locked with hers, Brianna frowned. Something was missing, and she couldn’t quite put a name to it. He turned away, but Brianna continued to study him, curious about the difference in him. Finally, it dawned on her. The pain was gone from his eyes. There was a tranquillity about Garek that Brianna had never seen before, a softness about his features.

  A commotion disrupted Brianna’s thoughts as the huntsman entered the hall with the dogs and their handlers.

  “We are ready, Sire.”

  Brianna and Marie watched them from the open door, shivering at the cold bite of the wind.

  The alaunts were being used today for the wild boar, instead of the greyhounds used for hunting deer, and the raucous noise they made brought a smile to Brianna’s face. She could hear Beowulf returning their call from her upper room, his puppy bark no more than a small yelp.

  The sergeants were wisely dressed in furs, their beating sticks looking lethal in their hands. The whole party mounted up and headed out of the castle, Garek’s look sliding over Brianna as he went by.

  Brianna and Marie separated to their various duties to begin preparing the great hall for the coming ceremony. Brianna worked with a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. Each moment that brought the ceremony closer seemed to send her deeper into a world that seemed surreal. She felt numb.

  Hours that normally dragged by seemed to be flying by like speeding arrows.

  Marie sought out Brianna, her worried frown bringing Brianna to her feet next to the hearth where she had been preparing blancmange for the evening. She had just added the sugar to the paste of chicken and rice when Marie found her, her agitation evident by the twisting of her linen handkerchief.

  “Brianna, have you seen Matilda?”

  “Nay, is she missing?”

  Marie bit her bottom lip. “We cannot find her. I have searched everywhere, and have others doing the same.”

  Brianna put down her spoon and untied the rag from around her waist. “I will help you look for her.”

  Giving instructions to one of the serving girls to watch the food, Brianna followed Marie from the room.

  “Let us check with the gatekeeper,” Brianna told the younger girl. “Maybe he saw her leave.”

  The gatekeeper confirmed Brianna’s suspicions, but it worried her more when the man informed her that Beowulf had been with the child.

  Brianna thought it more than likely that Matilda had been feeling lonesome again, and hearing Beowulf’s cries that morning must have decided that he felt the same.

  “I will go and look for her,” Marie suggested. “You see if you can find someone to help us.”

  It was early afternoon when the searchers returned to the castle. No one had been able to locate the girl, or the pup. Only Marie was still out searching, the others having returned to see if there had been any news.

  Before long the hunting party returned, their laughter sounding odd against the stillness of the castle. Garek was t
he first to notice that something was amiss. He glanced around until his gaze fastened on Brianna. Having found her, he relaxed a bit and dismounted.

  “What goes on here?”

  “Matilda is missing,” Brianna informed him. “We have searched everywhere but cannot find her.”

  Already the knights were remounting. Garek swung himself back into his saddle. “Which direction?”

  Brianna showed him, standing by the king as they watched the others ride swiftly out of the castle enclosure.

  It seemed an eternity before they returned, tired and discouraged. No one had been able to locate the child. It was as though she had disappeared from the face of the earth. What was more, Marie Waverly was now missing also.

  King William’s displeasure was evident. “Do you think it might be brigands? Raiders?”

  Brianna went cold at the thought. Would they harm a helpless child? What they might do to a woman as beautiful as Marie, was obvious.

  “If they have harmed one hair of her head, I will slay every one of them, if my search takes me to the ends of the earth.”

  Surprised by Sir Hormis’s vehement declaration, King William frowned at the young knight. “What say you, Hormis?”

  The young knight’s face colored crimson, but his look remained fixed steadily on his king. “She has been kind to me. She. . .she helped me to recover after my attack and being left for dead.”

  Garek was studying the knight thoughtfully. He spoke to William, but his eyes remained fixed on Sir Hormis. “There were three dead bodies near where we found Sir Hormis and Earl Waverly. Sir Hormis did not surrender without a fight.”

  The king’s look returned to contemplate the knight before him. His look wandered around the group surrounding him. “You have my eternal gratitude. I will see what can be done about repaying you later, but right now we need to find Marie and my wife’s namesake.”

  Surprised, it took a moment for Brianna to realize that little Matilda did indeed bear the name of the king’s wife.

  A knight came quickly into the hall. “We have found them.”