The Scandalous Life 0f A Betrayed Heiress (Historical Regency)
Page 23
“I thank you.” The prince paused and regarded Philip for a moment. “Do I know you?”
“Lord Philip, brother of the Duke of Clumber.”
“I see,” the prince replied. “I suppose you harbour hopes of inheriting the dukedom.”
“I do not.”
“And why would that be?” the prince asked.
“I am a simple soldier, and should the dukedom go to ruin I think that it’s for the best,” Philip replied. Sophia looked at him in shock, wondering how he could say such a thing.
“That’s why I recognise you,” the prince said with a tight smile. “General Highbrow came to you. I was informed of all.”
“Yes, he originally came to me when his suspicions leaned towards Sophia.”
“You are a rather renowned soldier, are you not?” the prince asked, clearly amused.
“I am unsure of my reputation,” Philip explained, “but I’m a soldier, nonetheless.”
“Why are you not active in your duty to God and country?”
“My father’s health began to ail, and I wished to assist in some way. I was also untrusting of my brother, for now very apparent reasons.”
“Your intuition is sound,” the prince replied. “Must we plead and beg to get you back?”
“I’m enjoying my life as a layman. I think it’s fitting.”
Just then, the prince looked down and could clearly see that Philip was holding Sophia’s hand.
“I see,” he said, lifting his brow. “Back to the matter at hand. I do not know what the conclusion to this sad interval will be. It will take me time to think and talk with my advisors before I take the appropriate action regarding Lady Sophia. I know that you have meant well, lady, but the very fact of the matter is that even if Lord Timothy dies, there’s still a want for justice. I will try to be as lenient as my royal blood allows, but please understand, I must think of the kings who have come before me, and those that will come after.”
“I understand,” Sophia replied, bowing her head and holding back tears. The prince had eloquently said everything that she feared.
“Departure is upon us,” the prince said, signalling for a guard to pull out his chair and bring him to his feet. The monarch departed with equal grace as he entered.
Both Philip and Sophia were standing when the door was shut behind him.
“I’m in shock,” Sophia said.
“I am as well,” Philip replied.
“He said everything that I feared.”
“I did not know his plans were so abysmal, in terms of the future of the Clumber name. Though I must admit I did not lie when I said that I care not. I only care in regard to how you’re affected by it.”
“It could be much worse than either of us have imagined,” Sophia said grimly.
“Nonsense. You’re still alive. That’s all that truly matters,” Philip said, gazing deeply into her eyes.
“And yet I fear what my life will be.”
“Didn’t I tell you to always trust me?” Philip asked.
“Yes.”
“So do it now. Trust me.”
Sophia smiled, delighting in how safe Philip made her feel. But she couldn’t help but wonder what the future would be like. In fact, she had a terrible sinking feeling about it.
Chapter 22
Weeks passed and Sophia returned to the London townhouse. Although she had anticipated spending that solitary time with Philip, she was frightened to discover that her mood got the better of her. She sank down into a deep sadness she had never before known.
Often, she would sit at the bay window of her room and look down at Londoners as they passed to and fro. She’d sip on tea and contemplate what had happened to her life. Although she missed America and wondered if she’d be happier there, it occurred to her that she had not been terribly happy there to begin with. Sophia never had many friends in New York. She was always sequestered to the house, her nose buried in a book. It wasn’t that New York life had not excited her. Sophia merely felt that the worlds within those books were far more exciting than the world of stuffy Manhattan society. She’d attend a ball from time to time but did not delight in the superficial conversation and the immense pressure to be something that she was not.
Sophia had all the while assumed that Kitty Carmichael was the same as the rest, but her time in England had proved otherwise. Had Sophia been blind to Kitty’s goodness? Were there other things she had been blind to in those early days?
There was plenty of time for contemplation because Sophia was not yet allowed to return to Willow Grange. The prince regent had given specific orders that she was to remain close to the houses of government whilst her fate was decided. This pained Sophia because she was shunned by London society. If news of her husband’s affair had made her a pariah before, the latest scandal had made her societal poison. She was never sent an invitation, could not secure a table at a restaurant, and people even turned their heads away when she walked down the street. To escape all that pain, Sophia thought it best to remain in her room, looking out onto the street and contemplating things.
To make matters worse, Sophia was unable to delight in Philip the way that she had before. It was a horrible push-pull wherein she wanted him near her all the time and yet still wished to remain distant. It pained her to think that he was seeing her at her lowest. She wanted to always be happy in Philip’s presence, and he still did make her happy, but it was not enough to shake loose the pain that gripped her.
There were little things that Philip would do to cheer Sophia up, while still affording her the distance she was asking for. Philip was incredibly intuitive in that way and it made Sophia admire him even more. Often, he would bring her a bouquet of flowers from the flower shop and leave them on her nightstand. Sometimes he would bring her a something from the confectionery store or a new scarf. These little things always brought a smile to her face, but it would not be long before she would return to her dark contemplation.
Philip still kissed her as well. Whenever this occurred, Sophia felt confusion within her because she longed more than ever to give herself to him fully. If she could succumb to him, Sophia was sure that for that period of time when they shared in one another’s bodies her pain would entirely disappear and be supplanted by ecstasy. He would kiss her gently and lovingly and Sophia would moan a little and fall into him. Then he would hold her and stroke her hair. It seemed as though Philip was just as aware as she was that, although they craved each other deeply, they would fall into each other not for love, but to disappear. Sophia did love Philip, deeply. Yet still, her desire for him in that period came from pain. And what’s more, Sophia was still married.
And there was another topic that Sophia couldn’t shake from her mind. If Timothy was confined to the Tower of London for the rest of his days, would she still be his wife? Would society shun her even further if she remained so, or if she demanded an end to the marriage? No matter which it was, it was certain that Sophia would never be accepted by London society. Should the prince regent allow her to remain in England, she would no doubt return to Willow Grange and spend the rest of her days there. And if her marriage was made null and void, would Philip and she . . . ?
It occurred to Sophia often that that Philip might lose faith in her. What if he became tired of her dark moods? What if, even after she was no longer married to Timothy, Philip fell in love with another? The thought sickened Sophia and brought tears to her eyes. She was running out of time and all she could do was await her fate and wonder whether or not there was going to be any happiness.
Arabella entered with tea and a letter. Sophia scarce noticed her entrance as she was still gazing out the window.
“More tea?” Arabella asked.
“Yes, thank you,” Sophia replied.
“Anything to eat?”
“No, I am not hungry.”
“You must eat something, M’Lady. You have not eaten all day.”
“Perhaps in the afternoon,” Sophia said.
“There’s a letter for you,” Arabella said, placing it upon the table.
“Oh?” Sophia asked, finally feeling a bit of excitement.
The letter was from Kitty Carmichael, as Sophia had anticipated, and it brought a much-needed smile to her face. She opened it slowly, wanting to savour every moment.
Dearest Sophia,
I can’t tell you how heartbroken I am to hear about everything that has happened. And although this is probably the end to your marriage, in my opinion, you’re very lucky! That husband was no good – and I’m not afraid to say it. I think it’s high time that you move on from all of this and start the life that you deserve. Hopefully, with the soldier.
When I heard the news, I changed my travel plans at once. There are only so many Scottish Highlanders to admire, and I’m of the opinion that my dear friend is much more important. I will return to London as soon as I can to comfort you. In the meantime, please take care of yourself and don’t mope like I assume you’re doing. There’s only so long that a girl can sit gazing out the window.
Yours in sadness,
Kitty
Sophia began laughing and crying at the same time. It was as though Kitty could see her seated in that very bay window. From all the way up north, Kitty knew that her friend was suffering. Sophia greatly anticipated Kitty’s visit, but she hoped that she wouldn’t be too much of a burden on her, as she was on Philip. She wished to smile and be gay, even if that meant she had to pretend.
The letter had lifted Sophia’s spirits, as she hoped that it might.
“Arabella,” Sophia said as her maid was folding some garments.
“Yes?”
“Tell Rudolph to make me a fine breakfast.”
“I will,” Arabella said with a large smile, quickly leaving the room.
Sophia got up from the window and walked around the room, staring at the walls. She was still considering things in her mind but finally had the energy to move. Should the breakfast hearten her even more, Sophia may decide to go out for a stroll.
Walking out into the hall, Sophia descended the stairs and entered the dining room. The other staff members seemed perplexed, as she had been taking meals in her room or not taking meals at all.
“Good day, M’Lady,” one servant said, curtseying.
“Good day,” Sophia replied.
She seated herself at the table and looked about the sunny room, feeling as though she was seeing it for the first time. It was a stately room, not too large, and Sophia considered all the important people that had dined there in the past. The Clumber townhouse was quite infamous and the building itself was historic. Sophia was sad that she had not appreciated it more in the past.
In celebration, Rudolph himself brought the meal out to Sophia on a tray. When she saw the chef step into the dining room, she smiled to herself. Yes, she was opening up. Sophia was discovering that when she allowed the light to come it, it came pouring in.
“Here we are,” Rudolph said with his Prussian accent. “Duck egg omelette of herbs, asparagus and courgette. Sweet cream parfait with tender cherries, rosemary toast, and butter scones.”
“Rudolph, you have outdone yourself,” Sophia said with appreciation.
“You must make up for lost time,” Rudolph replied with a bow of the head before leaving her again.
Sophia picked up her cutlery and got to work. There was a great deal of food in front of her and she wondered how she would manage it all. She was surprised by her own hunger once she took the first bite of the omelette. All at once, her body became pleased and relieved that she had decided to indulge in her need for food.
Half the omelette gone and a spoonful of parfait in her hand, Sophia looked up to see that Philip was standing in the doorway watching her.
“Are you to spend the rest of your life spying on me in doorways?” Sophia asked.
“I hope so.”
“Come and sit with me. There’s enough food for two.”
“I think you should have all of it.” Philip’s arms were crossed in front of his chest and there was a warm smile on his face.
“Please, sit with me,” Sophia said, wishing to have him near.
Philip complied, slowly walking over to the table and seating himself right beside her. His first gesture was to reach across and take one of Sophia’s scones, which immediately reminded Sophia of better days.
“You look happy,” Philip said, pulling the scone apart with his large fingers and placing a piece in his mouth. He eyed Sophia intently while she spoke.
“I got a letter from Kitty Carmichael. It cheered me up.”
“It pleases me to hear that.”
“I am sorry for my heaviness. Sometimes I fear that you’ll flee from me entirely.”
“Never. But I do wish to give you space,” Philip said, his voice turning serious.
“I thank you for that.”
“And sometimes I must admit,” Philip went on, looking down at the table, “it frustrates me to not please you the way that your friends can,” he added, referring to Kitty.
“No,” Sophia protested, placing her hand upon his. “You do please me. More than you know. It just pains me for you to see me like this.”
“All I see is your beauty and goodness.”
“That is not what I see in myself.”
“Perhaps I stated it too casually,” Philip said, considering his words, “it frustrates me to not be able to please you, and on some occasions, it angers me. I often need to go out for a walk in the town or take my horse out to the fields. I am not a man that enjoys feeling like he lacks control.”
“You are sweet to try to please me,” Sophia replied, her hand still resting on his.
Philip brought his other hand up to the side of Sophia’s face and pulled her in, kissing her gently on the lips. They remained there for some time delighting in the kiss until Sophia finally pulled away.
“I long for more. So much more,” Philip said, his voice hushed.
“It’s not the right time.”
“It’s never the right time,” Philip said in frustration, getting up from his seat and walking about the room like a caged animal. Sophia could see the anger and frustration of which he was talking and realised he had been concealing it for some time. Perhaps he had done so for her own sake? Philip combed his hand through his hair and continued to walk about.
“You do not have to wait for me,” Sophia said, her voice small and sad. Although it pained her to say it, Sophia felt as though he deserved to hear it.
Philip stopped in his tracks, looking at Sophia in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”
“What I mean is that there’s no sense in lingering here, waiting for me to break out of my melancholy and embrace my sentence. You have a life of your own and you must acknowledge it.” Sophia’s words nearly brought her to tears. The fear of losing Philip was immense, but she was certain that because she truly loved him, she had to accept what was best for him.