Westbound Awakening

by Hildie McQueen

  When he didn't react, her mouth opened slightly, both eyebrows rose. She was beautiful. Alan allowed his mouth to curve into a rare smile. "Sometimes fate has other plans for us, doesn't it?"

  "Isn't that the truth?" Lucinda retorted. "The bastard takes it all away and we're supposed to accept it."

  She turned on her heel and head held high, went into the house.

  Alan remained by the fence in thought. Her past could have been a hard one, but he was hard-pressed to think it could be worse than his.

  When he entered the house with the first trunk, only Elma greeted him. She directed they be placed in Mr. Hawkins' old bedroom, and Alan took them there, until one by one all three were lined up against the wall. Each time he passed, he stole a glance into the front room where Mae and the older woman, Miss Lady sat on chairs drinking coffee and chatting amiably.

  And although in the same room, Lucinda appeared to be miles away. Standing by the large window, she peered out at the horizon. By the forlorn expression on her face, he wondered if she'd rather be back outside.

  22

  With Mae distracted by Miss Lady's visit, John was able to steal away and go to town. His money finally transferred to the town's bank, he was able to move forward with the purchase of a land and a new home for himself and Wesley.

  It was interesting and infuriating that the further he went from her, the harder it became to breathe. She'd become a vital part of him and didn't it just make him wonder at his decision to move away. It was for the best, it had to be. Although not sure how he felt about taking Wesley away from Mae, he needed to do this.

  The time had come to make a life for himself, to find out who exactly he was meant to be. The one driving factor for him was his son. To leave a legacy for Wesley would drive him to succeed. If nothing else, losing his leg brought a realization. Life could turn without notice or reason. He would die one day, and Wesley would have something to be proud of, land and property of his own.

  John rode onto the property, the entire time keeping an accessing eye on the surroundings. Lasitor pranced with impatience at the slow pace he was forced to keep.

  The good-sized log cabin in the center of the property was solidly built. He dismounted and walked onto the front porch stretched across the entire front length of the building with a lone chair on it.

  An owl screeched and flew past John's head when he walked through empty house he intended to purchase. The large bird flew through a broken window with one last sound of protest at being rousted.

  The front room was large, with enough space for a large table and chairs. On the opposite side was a sturdy fireplace with a hook and lever installed to hold a cast-iron pot to be used for heating water. An iron stove remained opposite with several sturdy shelves on the wall next to it.

  John opened a door to a smaller room, which was probably used as a larder once and mouse scurried across his boot for shelter. He looked back towards the window. The owl certainly must have stayed well-fed, buy the looks of it.

  Upon entering another room, which stored a few pieces of furniture, he lifted a canvas and began to sneeze as a cloud of dust filled the room. There was a great deal of work to be done, and he wondered if it wouldn't be easier to empty it completely and begin anew.

  All together, the house consisted of three good-sized rooms, a kitchen living area, and two bedrooms. It would be more than enough for Wesley and him.

  He went to the front and pictured a table surrounded by not only him and Wesley, but also a woman. The woman of course was Mae, and he bit back a curse and went to the front door and yanked it open.

  John scanned the horizon. The land was flat, but green. A fence in dire need of repair attempted to encircle a space large enough to use for holding horses. A barn would have to be built. According to the banker, there was a natural spring on the land, not too far from the house, that would provide drinking water for the house and the animals.

  It was perfect for him.

  Yet the heaviness in his chest kept him from returning to town to make a final offer. He'd told the banker he'd return in a day with one, but he found his gaze going in the direction of Hawkins' ranch. It was only two hours ride from where this house was, but it may as well be a hundred. Once he left, it would change everything.

  The last two days he'd only seen Mae at dinner as she'd kept busy with Miss Lady. He'd spent the time with Alan, ensuring everything was in order so he could remain as foreman without too much work since he planned to hire the ranch hands to come help him get this land ready.

  Horses neighed in the distance, and John shaded his eyes with his hand to get a better look. Two men rode toward the house. It seemed the banker would not wait for him to come to town.

  The man came to meet him and collect payment.

  23

  "Is something bothering you Mae? I don't think you've heard a word I've said in the last few minutes." Joshua was a perceptive man it seemed. Especially since she tried hard to remain interested in the man's explanation of what needed to be done in order to have enough manpower to prepare the land for winter within the following month.

  Her thoughts centered on the stark fact. John was gone. His absence left an empty space in her life, and as much as she tried to push it away, his departure remained forefront in her mind constantly.

  "No Joshua, I'm sorry I find myself preoccupied. I apologize. I agree that Alan should go into town and hire a man to help in the stables, but just to be safe, please ensure that he speak to the sheriff. There are only women here alone during most of the day, when he and the field hands are out working. Even the new stable hand will be out of earshot in the stable with the horses. And more men to help with the land are needed as well."

  His hazel gaze met hers, with a smile, and she fought not to look away. "Yes ma'am."

  It did not escape her attention Joshua was an attractive man, the graying at his temples and slight creases on the corners of his eyes from days out in the sun gave him a weathered strong appearance. His large hand swept his sandy brown hair out of his face, and he took a breath. "Listen Mae, I would like to ask you something on a more personal level." His gaze slid to her face and then away. "I'd like to ask if you'd like to join me on the ride into town, and perhaps we can have a meal there."

  Oh God.

  "I'd love to, but with Miss Lady here and me having to take Wesley to see his father..." Mae studied the man and could only see kindness. Perhaps it was time for not just John to move on.

  "Soon then?" He prompted and Mae relented.

  "Yes. I would like that."

  "What do you think Miss Lady?" Mae asked once again later in the day and blew into her hot tea. "I don't know how I feel about accepting his invitation. I mean he is kin. Well sort of."

  Instead of replying Miss Lady looked to Elma who replied. "Senor Joshua is a good man. Senora Mary and Senor Joe doted on him. After his parents died one after the other from illness, they raised him as their own and he repaid them by always remaining an obedient boy and later the good man he is today. "

  Elma's knowing gaze lingered on hers. "He will make someone a good husband one day. "

  "But?" Mae prompted already knowing what Elma's reservations were.

  "He deserves a woman's full heart."

  Mae nodded in agreement. "Yes, he does."

  Elma picked up the sleepy Wesley and left hushing him when he began to wake. Mae's gaze followed the pair, and she smiled when Wesley promptly fell back to sleep.

  "Your heart will break when he goes to live with his father. You may as well prepare yourself and be strong." Miss Lady's soft smile went from the child to her. "As far as the man, Joshua, goes, don't get his hopes up. It won't be fair to him, although..."

  "Of course Miss Lady, you're right. I will talk to him in the morning and tell him I cannot go into town."

  Miss Lady placed her hand over hers and stopped her ranting. "It's not what I'm tellin' you girl. What I was sayin' is that it wouldn't be fair to him, if you'r
e going to continue to expect for something with Captain McClain. Although Joshua Hawkins is a handsome man and may be just want you need to get Captain McClain out of your heart, you need to make sure first. "

  "Oh goodness, I don't know what to think. It's too soon. I need time." Mae slumped forward.

  "Now," Miss Lady began again. "When you take the child to see his daddy tomorrow, make sure you keep your distance. A lady does not lead on two men at once."

  A chuckle escaped, and Mae shook her head. "Miss Lady, I am not leading anyone, anywhere."

  Spring was in full bloom; the fields were lush and green. From her bench seat the beauty of the land did not escape Mae's notice as she rode alongside Alan toward John's house. Wesley leaned against her, seated between them in his hands a wooden horse his father had made for him.

  "The gray mare is about to foal any day now, very late for it, but I suppose nature has its way not carin'." Alan told her, Mae suspected he spoke just to make conversation.

  Mae nodded. "It seems early. Did Joshua speak to you about hiring men to prepare the land?"

  "Yes. He's just hired two field hands in town. Said there were plenty of colored men looking for jobs, told me where to find them."

  "I can go with you."

  "No ma'am, he suggested I go alone as it's not the kind of area to bring a lady along to." His eyes went to her briefly. "I will go in the next few days. Don't fret about it."

  They arrived at John's farmhouse. From the looks of the building, John had completed much work on it. New front porch steps were built and a fresh shed attached to the side. Alan helped Wesley down and then her.

  The boy ran towards the house just as John walked out. He wiped his hands on a cloth and took the boy into his arms. Over the child's head, John looked to her. Mae's stomach pitched at seeing him. He appeared sturdier, tanned. At first he did not acknowledge them, but his gray gaze locked on Alan when the man went to help her down. Mae noted his lips thinned.

  "I made you some new toys," John told Wesley and placed a kiss on top of the now squirming child's head.

  With a happy yelp, Wesley raced into the house

  Mae reached for a basket from under the bench while Alan went to the back and unloaded some bags of feed and seed, which Mae brought as a gift for John. Her footfalls echoed up her body with each step toward the porch. She made her way to John who finally stepped down to meet her.

  "It's nice to see you Mae." From his stoic expression she had a hard time believing it. "What is he unloading?" He looked to Alan who unloaded the last sack.

  With a shrug, she went into the house not waiting for him to help her with the basket. "A housewarming gift."

  His uneven footsteps followed her inside.

  Once inside, she placed the basket on a large table, which looked to be newly constructed, and Mae ran her hand over the top of it. "This is beautiful. Did you make it?"

  "Yes." The warm breath on the back of her neck made her close her eyes, but she stepped away and turned toward Wesley who'd already claimed his toys from a basket beside the hearth and began to set up an elaborate display.

  Her eyes scanned the room. "The changes in here are unbelievable." She smiled at John, but then caught sight of Alan in the doorway.

  "Would you like me to move those sacks into the shack?" Alan asked John who also turned to him. "It may rain this afternoon. Won't do to leave them out there."

  "I'll come help," John replied. Then giving her a lingering look, he left to go with the man.

  Mae collapsed onto a chair. Why did just John's presence alone have her second-guessing her decision to accept spending time with Joshua? Her heart beat so hard it banged against her breast. Was this what a cheater felt?

  John had all but told her to move on. He had no intention of seeking a relationship with her. So why did she feel guilty about considering a relationship with Joshua? Her palm hit the table, and she growled under her breath.

  "Miss Mae?" Alan beckoned her from the doorway, and she got up and went to him. They walked to the cart and he stopped, placing one hand on the side of the wagon. "I'll go see about picking up the staples from the general store." He looked past her to the house and frowned. "Will you be all right? You can accompany if you wish."

  The unexpected invitation took her by surprise. Not sure why she should decline, Mae could only stare at him. She stalled for time to come up with a reason not to accompany him. "I -- I was not planning to go into town." She smoothed her hands down her skirt and Alan's lips curved knowingly.

  "Not dressed for town Miss Mae?" His eyes twinkled when meeting hers and Mae smiled up at him with gratitude. "Very well, I will leave the wagon and go into town on horseback. I have the large saddlebags with enough space to hold the supplies you need."

  "Thank you Alan." Mae watched him mount and realized she genuinely liked the man.

  "You're welcome Mae," Alan replied and touched the tip of his hat.

  Mae made it back to the house just as John came from the side of the shack. He lifted his hand at Alan who rode past him toward town.

  They entered the room, and John moved toward Wesley and leaned to inspect the child's toys. "You're got quite a set up there Wesley."

  The boy gave him a proud smile and continued to play.

  Mae sat at the kitchen table and reached for the embroidery she'd brought along to keep busy with. John approached her and peered down at her. "I have to finish checking the fencing to make sure the horses don't get out."

  She looked to him and forced a bland expression. "Go on John. I know you have things to do, so I will keep Wesley company. You can spend time with him once you finish."

  Two hours later, Mae called both to John and Wesley, who sat together to the table, and father and son went to wash up.

  Mae carried the steaming pot to the table where Wesley and John were already settling into chairs. Matching pairs of eyes followed the ladle to the bowls and she held back a chuckle. "John can you please pull the bread from the basket."

  The three ate keeping the discussion light to include Wesley who managed to eat almost as much as the adults. Mae quizzed the boy on his words to show John how much progress he'd made?

  Soon they finished eating and Mae allowed John to pour her coffee while Wesley went back to play.

  "I've inquired about a housekeeper, and Mrs. Shelby, the seamstress in town recommended a widowed woman who's looking to do such a thing. I will go see about meeting with her next week."

  "There's certainly no hurry..." Mae began.

  "Yes there is," John interrupted her. "Its time for my boy to live here. I appreciate all you've done and continue to do for us."

  "But?"

  "I could never repay you for everything. By the way, thank you for the feed. I planned to go into town to get more." His lips curved and she was mesmerized at the sight. "Your bottom lip is quivering. Please tell me it doesn't mean you are about to cry. Mae, you do this each time I talk about bringing Wesley home to live with me." The concern in his eyes made her want to cry even more.

  "Home?" She swung away from him and blinked away the moisture. "I am not about to cry John. There is something in my eye. You're right I'm sorry. He is your son and should be with you. It's just that I will miss his so."

  "Thank you for loving my son," John moved to stand in front of her, his eyes concentrating on the cloth napkin she wrung with both hands.

  Mae closed her eyes. She would not cry, had to be strong. After all, John had a right to have his son living with him.

  "It seems Joshua is interested in courting you."

  John's flat statement shook her, and Mae swallowed. Deciding it was best not to respond, she got up to clear the table. John's hand over hers stayed her.

  "Your lack of reply tells me that perhaps I'm right." Although the words were spoken in a soft tone, she heard the anger that bubbled beneath the calm façade and was secretly gratified by it.

  "My lack of reply is just that John. I don't have anything to say ab
out Joshua to you. What does or does not happen between us is just that, between us." She slid her hand free and picked up the bowls.

  John stood and followed her. "I miss you Mae. I..."

  Her skirts swished around her ankles when she swung to John. "Don't John. Don't you dare say things to me that will do more than merely confuse me. Words that, once spoken, will not make me feel any better."

  When his gaze swept from her eyes to her lips Mae looked toward Wesley who'd now fallen asleep in front of the fire, a wooden horse clutched in his chubby hand.

  Her breathing hitched when John's lips touched hers, and she savored the feel of them as the kiss became harder, stronger. His hands slid up her arms, the skidding of his fingertips leaving a heated trail on her skin. Mae held onto his wide shoulders and kissed John back. Hoping to memorize the feel of each press and nip Mae gave in to the moment, the feel of him the taste of John McClain.

  "No." She pushed away, but could not move too far as she was against the dry sink. "This is not right."

  "Why? Because you're in love with Joshua?" John's bright eyes darted to Wesley who'd not budged, then back to her. "Is that it Mae?"

  "Yes John, that's right. I fall in love with a different man every season. Wait until summer, perhaps it will be Alan." She pushed him aside and stormed to the doorway and peered out.

  "Don't try to change my words." John came to stand beside her.

  "Don't try to make me feel guilty for moving on," Mae snapped, and she glared at him. "It's not fair."

  "Then it's true. You are making a go of it with Joshua." He watched her for a few moments before raking his hand through his hair. "I suppose it's to be expected. A beautiful woman like you is a treasure."