With Me

by Gabbie S. Duran

  Standing up from the bed, I wrap myself in the blanket to get up and out of bed, immediately noticing how sore I feel in between my legs… another reminder of what occurred last night. Ignoring my soreness as I walk, I make my way over to my luggage for clothes. After finding something to wear I head to the bathroom and quickly dress, hoping to speak to Joseph this morning.

  Making my way towards the continued laughter, I stop at the doorframe to take in the scene before me. The sight of Joseph in only a pair of sweats and nothing more paralyzes me in place. My breath hitches as I take in his bare chest. The sight of him heats my body. A tingle soon travels down my body to the area where I’m most sore, leaving me craving to touch him all over again.

  The sunlight from the kitchen window is reflecting off his body, making his toned skin glisten from the ray of light. He’s breathtaking. I still can’t breathe as I continue taking him in.

  I’m left weak from staring at him, needing to lean on the doorframe for support as I take in the show. He’s tossing pancakes into the air, catching them in a pan as they descend. His dramatic gasp for effect makes Josephina laugh. I can’t help but smile seeing the little things he does to keep her smiling. It’s clear how much he loves her.

  His eyes find mine, giving me a heartwarming smile, his eyes lighting up. If I thought I was weak before, I’m completely and utterly lost at this point. Finding the strength inside of me, I somehow make my way over to the table, trying to disguise the powerlessness I’m feeling as he keeps his eyes on me. Reaching Josephina, I lean down to give her a kiss on the top of her head as she places a forkful of pancakes into her mouth with a smile. Pancakes are her favorite, but I was never able to give her a show like Joseph’s when I was making them. Even I’m impressed.

  Continuing on to the kitchen area, aiming straight for Joseph, I return his smile, mine making me shy. “We really need to talk about last night,” I quietly tell him, looking back at Josephina to make sure she didn’t hear me. The cheerful smile tells me she didn’t, allowing me to turn back to Joseph, and I’m caught by surprise when he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me towards him. He leans down to give me a kiss on the mouth, his lips lingering on mine, making me weak as I slump against his body.

  He pulls back, compassion overflowing as he looks down at me. “Later,” he states with his eyes gazing down at me. “First we eat. Then I have a surprise for both of you,” he says, pulling his face from mine, leaving me breathless on the spot.

  I’m left standing there with my mouth gaping open, trying to catch my breath, still flush to his body. I don’t know what to say, or how to react, as I’m still shocked from his kiss.

  “Do you want orange juice or coffee?” Joseph asks, unwrapping his arm from my waist to grab for the plate full of pancakes on the counter, taking them straight to the table

  “Orange juice will be fine, thank you,” I say, watching him return to grab an orange juice carton off the counter. “Will you grab another set of forks, please?” he says, nodding his chin at the drawer next to me.

  His request forces me to move as I open up the drawer, grabbing two forks from the utensil tray before joining them at the table. Even as I attempt to eat, my mind keeps going back to the kiss. It may have been simple to him, but being I’m still confused by last night, his kiss this morning isn’t helping solve any questions; it only left me with more. We are going to have that talk, today, whether he likes it or not. I need answers, especially after a kiss like that one.

  JOSEPH DIDN’T TELL us what his surprise for us was until we arrived at our destination. I was just as anxious as Josephina to know where we were headed, but Joseph wouldn’t tell us. The only clue escaping his lips was telling us to put on our bathing suits and grab some towels. At first I’d thought we were simply going to the pool in his apartment complex, but instead he lead us to his truck.

  As he drove away from his apartment, my eagerness to know where we were heading was matching Josephina’s. It wasn’t until we can clearly see the ocean within our view that I realized where we were headed, bringing a smile to my face. I was just as excited to see the beach as Josephina, if not more.

  With the day being as sunny as it was, there was no better day than today to be at the beach. Climbing out of his truck, Joseph goes straight to removing Josephina from her booster seat, and the moment her feet hit the ground, she’s anxiously tugging at his hand to lead him to the beach. Finding a spot, we lay out the towels, and within seconds, Joseph is picking Josephina up, rushing her towards the water.

  With Josephina’s laughter fading as they get closer, my heart stops. “Joseph, please be careful with her. Don’t let her out of your sight!” I shout to him, the worry already taking over as he turns his body to smile back at me. The chuckle he returns reminds me how paranoid I can be when it comes to Josephina.

  Preferring to stay behind to sunbathe instead of following them to the water, I settle in and get comfortable. Even from where I’m sitting I can hear Josephina’s squeals of laughter as I watch them from a distance. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing them together. Knowing I have to return to Wisconsin soon tugs at my heart. I already dread having to separate them again; another subject I needed to speak to Joseph about. I already know he was going to protest me leaving, but I was going to return to Wisconsin, whether he liked it or not. Every passing day I remained in San Diego was another day I fell behind on my inventory. I have never taken a vacation from my work in my life, and although I wanted Josephina to have these memories, I also had an obligation to provide for the both of us.

  The future was still unclear how Joseph and I were going to raise Josephina together, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath expecting anything more than a friendship from him, simply for Josephina’s sake.

  Hoping to take advantage of the sun, I lie on my back and attempt to get a tan, something I haven’t been able to do since before Josephina was born. Closing my eyes, my body begins to relax as I slowly begin to drift off into a relaxed state. It isn’t long before I feel the sun above me disappear, a darkened shadow standing to my side. When I open my eyes to a slit I see Joseph’s shadowed silhouette staring down at me with a smile on his face. With his hands resting on his hips, his body still wet with droplets of water running down his body, he looks as if he could pull off an ad for a swimsuit company with his swim trunks resting low on his hips.

  He narrows his eyes down at me. “Why aren’t you getting in the water?”

  I’ve heard his question, but my mind is completely lost in another place. I have to force myself to focus on his question, instead of his body and the carnal images swirling in my mind.

  “Hmm?” he adds, still waiting for my answer.

  Picking my body up onto my elbow, my head goes straight for the water, the realization that Josephina is no longer with him hitting me as I frantically search for her. Spotting her playing on the sand only a few feet in front of us, my mind eases. My eyes skeptically look over at the water, with absolutely no desire to get in, making me look back up at Joseph to answer his question. “I don’t want to get in. I’m fine where I’m at,” I declare with no further explanation as I lie back down.

  He chuckles before saying, “We’ll see about that,” as he bends down, scooping me up in his arms.

  “Joseph, put me down!” I shout at him, struggling against his body as he jogs both of us to the water.

  Of course he doesn’t listen, as he laughs along the way. Seeing us near the water, my body tenses up, dreading going into the water. Bracing myself I feel my body descending along with Joseph’s, as he holds me tight, our bodies both going down into the waves. The water feels cold, shocking me completely as I come up for air. I immediately feel Joseph wrap his arms around my body, pulling me tight to his chest. Pushing my hair from my face, I see Josephina laughing as she rushes towards the edge of the water, making me stiffen with panic thinking she is going to enter. Instead, she stops at the edge of the waves, clapping her hands as she jump
s in excitement.

  “Don’t worry, I told her she isn’t allowed into the water without me. She understands. I told her I was bringing you into the ocean,” he says into my ear. “I wasn’t going to let you avoid the ocean. It’s something everyone should experience.” His husky voice laces onto my skin as his lips graze my neck. I can feel the warmth of his breath, giving me goose bumps, and making my whole body shudder.

  Having to hold onto his arms for support, already knowing my legs will collapse any moment, my heart speeds as he continues to hold me in his arms. My breath hitches, making me light headed when he starts nipping at my neck.

  “Since you’ve managed to dunk me, I think I’m good now. Will you let me go so I can get out now?” I ask, trying to push his body away, but he keeps his arms tightly wrapped around me, refusing to let me go as he pulls me tighter to him. I’m seconds away from losing all restraint of keeping him at a distance.

  He pulls his head back forcing me to look at him. His hooded eyes showing me a hunger I’ve seen in him before as he lowers his face towards mine. Turning my face to avoid his kiss, I shove at his chest. “No, Joseph, no more,” I tell him, attempting to force myself from his grip to no avail.

  “Kasey, what’s wrong?” he questions, completely confused with my reaction.

  Glaring up at him, I ask, “Have you forgotten about Elizabeth?” Understanding the meaning of my declaration, he explains. “You don’t have to worry about Elizabeth anymore, Kasey. I ended things with her last night,” he clarifies with a sigh.

  Knowing I’m the cause for him breaking up with her intensifies the guilt I already feel. His behavior over the situation only makes it worse. I couldn’t allow him to continue acting as if she never existed by moving on so quickly. “I refuse to be your back up plan. How can you be kissing me after you’ve just broken things off with her only last night?” I ask him, a dirty feeling settling in the pit of my stomach.

  His furrowed brows tell me he’s offended by my words. “Is that what you think you are, Kasey? A back up plan?”

  “It’s not like I was the original one,” I throw at him.

  He grows serious before answering. “You were never the back up plan, Kasey,” he says, sighing. “I never loved her.”

  “I don’t believe you,” I say, still feeling unsatisfied with his answer.

  As he’s about to say something, Josephina’s shouts stops him. “Look, I found a pretty seashell. Can I keep it?” she asks, holding up her prize for both of us to see.

  His expression softening for her, he looks back at her with a smile now on his lips. “Of course, princess,” Joseph shouts back to her. Letting me go, he begins to walk in her direction. “Do you want to swim some more while your mommy goes and lies back down?” he asks, scooping down to pick her up.

  Making my way back towards the spot with our towels, I lie back down. I’m left wondering what he would have said to my response. We weren’t finished discussing the subject, but we needed to finish soon.

  ALTHOUGH I WOULD have preferred to be alone when I finished my conversation with Joseph, it was impossible to do so with Josephina always around. Taking advantage of Josephina sleeping in the back seat, I continue, wanting desperately to get it off my chest.

  “Joseph, we really need to talk,” I hesitantly announce. As much as I dread having the conversation, I know I need to get it out. As I look at him, I can already see him grimacing, wanting to avoid the subject. “Don’t give me any excuses. We are going to have this conversation,” I demand.

  “Then talk,” he clips out, keeping his eyes focused on the road ahead of him. His face still strained from our earlier conversation.

  Searching for the specific words I want to ask, I used the first ones on my mind. “Why did you stay with her even though you claimed you never loved her?” I dreadfully ask, hoping the answer he is going to give me isn’t one I will regret hearing.

  His dragged silence worries me. “I don’t know,” he simply states.

  Letting out the breath I was holding in, I sigh to myself, still unhappy with his answer. “It’s my fault isn’t it, for allowing it to happen?” I quickly let out. “Maybe if you wouldn’t have cheated on her in the first place, you guys would still be together,” I guiltily tell him.

  He is still staring at the road ahead as he answers. “I’d already planned to break up with her. When you and Josephina came back into my life, I had a reason to end things with her,” he says, his words sounding sincere, but not satisfying me.

  Bracing myself, I ask, “What reason is that?”

  His eyes find mine as he answers, “You were the reason, Kasey,” his lips going up into a smile as he stares back at me. The look in his eyes mixed with his words makes my breath hitch, my heart skipping a beat. Just as quickly he tears his gaze away from me, focusing back onto the road ahead of us, leaving me confused to ponder the words.

  My cheeks begin to flush as I take in the meaning of his words. “It still shouldn’t have happened. You never should have cheated on her,” I repeat to him, the words coming out almost at a whisper since I’ve had to say them around the lump in my throat. I’m hoping my words will make him understand how wrong his actions were.

  “There was also another reason why I was going to end things,” he conveys. “She refused to allow me to continue being a part of Josephina’s life. She wanted me to walk away from her, regardless of the outcome of the paternity test. It wasn’t going to happen.”

  The shock of his words keeps me sitting there puzzled as I watch him, wondering what the future would have been like for Josephina and I had he done as Elizabeth demanded. I was fine before Joseph came back, but would I have been able to pick up the pieces of both Josephina’s broken heart and mine, when he never came back? He looks in my direction, the anger radiating from his face. “Nobody is going to keep me from being a part of my daughters life,” he replies.

  The indication of the statement worries me; as if he believes I would do the same. “Joseph, you honestly think I would keep Josephina from you? Is that why you made us come back with you?” I say, remembering how determined he was for us to return with him, going as far as buying our plane tickets without discussing it with me first.

  His shoulders slump forward, his facial expression relaxing. “No, Kasey. I know you wouldn’t keep Josephina from me, but I knew she would.”

  I can’t argue with him, nor do I wish to continue having the conversation since we’re not coming to a resolution. We’re only upsetting each other, so I stay silent, finally giving up.

  Soon we reach his apartment, leaving me relieved we’ve finally arrived, and I immediately begin preparing to cook dinner. Joseph kept insisting he would order in so I wouldn’t have to cook, but I simply ignored him, needing the distraction to help clear my mind. With dinner done, we eat and I’m soon starting my normal routine of getting Josephina into the bath and ready for bed.

  While I’m bathing Josephina, Joseph informs us he’s headed to the gym for a quick workout. His absence finally allows me to breathe and focus on my thoughts of our earlier conversation, going over every word in my mind. Still unable to come to an answer when I’m done bathing Josephina, I push the thoughts aside, and curl up onto the couch with her to watch a movie, waiting for her to fall asleep. I’m already trying to get up with Josephina when Joseph walks in the door. Joseph immediately comes over to take her, lifting her up as if she weighs nothing. She looks like a limp noddle against his hard sweaty body.

  I can’t help but take in his scent when he’d bent down to pick her up, even sweaty he smells so good. He smelled like the soap I gave him before we left Madison. I would’ve never imagined how good they both smelled together, or how much I’d enjoy the combination. Unable to resist, I take him in as he holds Josephina, making his arms bulge. They appear larger than I normally see them. I know I’ve taken in his form before, but for some odd reason, I’m looking him over now with great detail and the sight of him making me weak.

&nb
sp; “I’ll put her in bed. Why don’t you go grab your shower,” he whispers, turning to head into the bedroom, leaving me to watch him walk away.

  Standing up from the couch, I head straight to the bathroom, needing a cold shower to calm the burn in my body. Quickly undressing and getting into the shower, my thoughts return to the image of Joseph just a few moments ago. Knowing exactly how good he could make me feel wasn’t helping with the craving inside of me to make them happen again. Telling myself it was wrong to think that way, I start to rinse my hair, forcing myself to push the thoughts away. As I’m rinsing the conditioner from my hair with my eyes closed, I hear the shower curtain move aside, frightening me.

  My eyes pop open up in surprise as Joseph steps in the shower. “Is it okay if I get in?” he asks, not waiting for my permission as he pulls the curtain closed.

  I stand there frozen in place, unable to move or say anything. The only thing moving are my eyes as they make their way down his naked body, taking him in. My eyes reach the V leading down to his semi-erect penis, making my eyes go wide in shock. No matter how many times I take in Joseph’s naked body, I’m still left amazed. He is beautiful. His body perfectly sculpted, muscles covering every inch of his body.

  I look over to Joseph, our eyes locking, but his look hooded and dark with hunger, making my body awaken with excitement. I feel the sparks igniting inside me, traveling straight down to the sweet spot between my thighs, making me weak with desire. Turning my body, hoping it will help bring the sensation under control, I allow the water to help cool me down.

  Suddenly I feel Joseph’s body closely behind me, making me go rigid as his arms wrap around my waist. “Have you washed your body yet?” he huskily asks into my ear. When I shake my head, he answers with a simple, “Good.”

  The hand containing a bar of soap begins to slowly run down the front of my body, his fingertips slowly trailing along with the soap, purposely teasing me. Closing my eyes, I let out a moan, unable to contain it. It’s the reaction I want to give every time he touches me; a touch my body always craves.