With Me

by Gabbie S. Duran

  “Is that really why you left?”

  She stays silent, but I can see the hurt in her eyes; the guilt in the pit of my stomach growing with each passing second.

  “Kasey, when you left, it tore me apart. I haven’t been the same since. Letting you leave was the biggest mistake I ever made.”

  “It hurt me too, Joseph, but I couldn’t stay here any longer feeling the way I did. I couldn’t take it anymore,” she says, her voice cracking with every word.

  “How is it you really felt, Kasey?”

  “I’ve already told you. I felt as if I was a replacement for your fiancée and I hated it.”

  Her declaration is a reminder of the night I realized how she truly felt. I’d finally understood all the times she was constantly trying to push me away, when I managed to get her close enough, as if she was protecting her heart from me. It was my fault for never telling her I loved her from the beginning.

  Shaking my head at her, I reach for her face. Cradling her in my hands. “Kasey, I never saw you as a replacement, ever. Since the night I left for boot camp, you’re all I’ve ever thought about. She was your replacement, one that could never live up to you. When I found you again, I realized that. I never really loved her. Not the way I’ve loved you. There will never be anyone else I could possibly love more than you,” I confess.

  “Not even Josephina?” she questions with a smile, making me laugh, knowing she’s trying to tease me.

  Bringing my head down, resting my forehead against hers, I answer. “I love my daughter with all my heart, but my love for her will never compare to the love I have for you. I love both of you more than life itself, but you, Kasey Wilson, own my heart.”

  She starts to cry, her lips trembling as she smiles. “Oh Joseph. I love you too. I loved you even though I got on that plane and left.”

  Realizing if we both hadn’t been so stubborn that day and really told each other how we felt, she would’ve stayed. Seeing her crying hurts, it makes me want to take her pain away. Leaning down I pull her head up to kiss her, needing to show her how much I love her. I can taste the saltiness of her tears on her lips, as I demand she give me more. It isn’t long before we’re both naked and in bed making love. Our bodies demanding to give each other what we’ve both been missing for the last month. Over and over again I tell her I love her, staring down into her eyes as she repeats it back to me.

  Before long we’re both laying next to each other in bed, sated and panting for breath as I hold her body, refusing to let her go yet. As I rub her back I remember her words before she demanded we speak. “Kasey, what did you mean by being here for good?” I hesitantly ask, my heart already racing with excitement as I wait for her answer.

  She nods her head against my chest, muffling her response so I don’t understand it. I can already feel her body beginning to relax against mine. I know she’s most likely falling asleep, but I want more details. “Kasey, not that I’m complaining you’re here, but what is going to happen to your business?” I skeptically ask her, hoping she’s found a solution besides giving it up.

  As much as I wanted her to stop working, I’ve finally come to the realization of how happy her business makes her, and I want her to be happy here with me.

  When she doesn’t answer, I know she’s falling asleep already, her body exhausted from both the travel and our lovemaking. Giving her a little shake, I hear a rumble from her throat, causing me to laugh as I shake her again, only to amuse me. She sits up, glaring straight at me. I sit up with her, pulling her to lean onto my chest, so I can hold her.

  She makes herself comfortable and she quietly starts to speak. “I’ll figure something out, Joseph. I have to keep running my business now that Ashley has set up my website,” she tells me before she continues, “I packed up all my supplies and left all my unsold inventory until I can figure out what to do.”

  She continues to explain. “I left everything needed to makes my soaps, and any leftover inventory, with Mark and Ashley. I’ve been working non-stop for the last week to surpass what I would normally make in a month. When I told them my decision to move out here, they came up with the idea. They agreed to help fill my orders until I can find a shop out here to start up again. I’m praying it doesn’t take me more than a week to find a place, though. I left them with a lot, but at the rate I’m receiving orders, I don’t think they’ll have enough to last long.”

  Remembering where I was before Kasey called, I jump up from the bed scrambling to look for our clothes. “I actually have the perfect place for your shop.” I say, already getting dressed.

  She looks at me confused, but I insist that she quickly get dressed. The excitement on my face spurs her along as she gets up off the bed without hesitation. Within minutes we’re heading back out into the living room to see a sleepy eyed Josephina rubbing her eyes.

  “Hey princess, remember that surprise I kept telling you about?” I ask her, earning me an excited nod of her head with a smile. “Well, how about I go show it to you and mommy? How does that sound?” I ask her, making her eyes light up.

  Scooping her up, I look over to Kasey as I grab for my keys. I don’t give her a chance to say anything further as I inform her to grab Josephina’s booster seat. The both of them are demanding I tell them what my surprise is, but my only response is to shake my head and start toward my truck, forcing Kasey to follow. I simply tell them they will have to wait to find out. Fifteen minutes later, I’m pulling into the driveway I just left not long ago, unable to keep from smiling as I see Kasey’s confused expression when she takes in the house.

  Entering the house, I send Josephina off to explore as I look over at Kasey, seeing her eyes grow wide in amazement, unable to resist admiring her expression.

  “Joseph, whose house is this?” she asks.

  “Ours.”

  “What do you mean, ours?” she asks, her eyes wide, most likely disbelieving my answer. I take her into my arms to kiss her below the ear, feeling her shiver against me.

  “I actually got the keys right before you called. It’s our home, Kasey,” I whisper into her ear as her jaw drops.

  “I don’t understand. Are you renting it? How did you even know we were coming? she asks. “Mark and Ashley promised they wouldn’t tell you.”

  Unable to resist laughing at her eyes narrowed at me, I answer her, “No. I was already in the process of buying it when you came to visit the first time.”

  Her eyes grow excited, but just as quickly, her lips go into a frown as her shoulders slump forward. I already know what she’s thinking.

  “I’m not going to deny it, Kasey. Yes, it was supposed to be the house I was going to move into with Elizabeth after the wedding,” I truthfully tell her. “However, even after I ended things with her, I continued with the sale because I still wanted you and Josephina to live here in the house with me, but I didn’t get the keys until today. It’s why I never said anything. I didn’t want to upset you if I fell through on the house. I believe it was you who was the one meant to live here with me the entire time, not her,” I tell her, making sure I clarify my words.

  “Now I’m glad I never backed out on buying the house. I had a feeling I was going to need this over here and I was right,” I tell her, already pulling her over to the door leading to the large open workshop. When I open the door, I reached over to turn on the light, allowing her to see the huge open space. Her jaw drops once more. “You see? It’s like it was meant to be. You can continue your business here, Kasey. It’s double the size of the old one you had, so you’ll be able to comfortably make as much soap as you want.”

  I watch her slowly walk into the empty space, her eyes wide in awe as she spins around to take in every wall surrounding us. Walking over to her side, I force her to face me. “If you still don’t feel comfortable living here because of the reason why I originally bought it, then we don’t have to. I don’t want you ever thinking you’re a replacement. All I want is to live with you. No matter where that is.”
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  She takes in the room one more time, before looking back at me. Her eyes are filled with tears before she answers, “It’s perfect, Joseph. Thank you,” making my heart swell up. She reaches up to wrap her arms around my neck, pulling me down to kiss her. Our kiss leaves me both breathless and satisfied that she loves the house. Wrapping my arms around her waist to pick her up off the ground, I spin her around in the room, happier than I’ve ever been.

  KASEY WALKS OUT of her studio as I walk in the front door after work, stifling a yawn behind the back of her hand. Making sure the door is properly shut, she walks over in my direction with a smile. She’s gotten really good about cutting back her hours spent in there at my request; she’d be in there 24/7 if I let her because she loves her new studio. It didn’t take long to convert it, but I did recruit a bunch of Marines to help me. We had it done in two weekends. There’s a lot those guys will do if you offer them free food and beer as payment. We designed it with everything she needed and painted it in every color she wanted, making it her new peaceful escape.

  Throwing my keys and hat on the counter, our eyes meet, and I return her smile. It’s been six months since she moved to San Diego and I don’t think I will ever get tired of the idea of coming home to her. Especially when I know I’m coming home to both my girls. It’s truly the best feeling in the world.

  Kasey eyes are lit up with a radiating glow I love coming home to. Casually, she walks to me, patting her bare feet against the hardwood floor. She reaches up on her toes, wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me down to her, demanding a kiss I’m always willing to give. Her soft lips linger on mine while I savor them, loving how her lips tastes like her favorite chap stick.

  “Hmmm, I missed you today,” she mumbles into my mouth.

  Wrapping my arms around her waist, I draw her up against my body, walking her towards the living room. As her arms tighten around my neck, she leaves her feet dangling off the floor, making me carry her limp body the entire way. It’s something she’s already used to me doing. I do it pretty much every time I get home.

  In the corner of my eye, I see Josephina doing something on her iPad while sitting on the couch, her little legs curled under her body as she smiles up at us. When I reach the couch I place Kasey on the floor, pulling her to sit on my lap.

  She automatically curls her body into me, wrapping her arms around my neck as her face finds the crook. She starts nuzzling her nose into my neck, making me chuckle, as I feel the warmth of her breath as she inhales my scent, making me smile. She does this often and although I smell sweaty from work, she swears she could never get enough of my scent. I blame it on the soap she makes for me. She claims it’s her weakness.

  Holding her tight against my body, she relaxes as I rub her back and look over at Josephina. “Hey princess, how was school today?”

  She looks up at me with a smile as she excitedly informs me, “I got two gold stars today for my excellent work, daddy.”

  “Oh really? That’s great, princess.”

  “Mommy took me to get some frozen yogurt right after school to celebrate, but we had to bring it home cause mommy said she really wanted some pickles instead,” she says, scrunching her nose, my expression matching hers.

  Why the hell would Kasey want pickles? She hates pickles…

  Pulling my head back to ask her, I feel her body is motionless and I’m pretty sure from the way she’s softly breathing into my neck she’s asleep. Since I can’t see her face from the way she’s sitting, I ask Josephina, “Princess, did mommy fall asleep again?”

  She cranes her neck to the side go get a better view before nods her head, letting out a giggle. “Yes. She’s been doing that a lot lately, daddy,” she claims, followed by an actual laugh.

  Now that I think about it, she’s right, there’s been a couple of times I’ve managed to come home for lunch to find her asleep on my old couch. It’s the same couch I had in my apartment. She insisted we put in her studio, needing somewhere to take a nap in there. I wasn’t going to argue with her, especially with all the fond memories I have of it. I wanted to keep the couch.

  “She fell asleep yesterday at her work station too, right at the table,” Josephina informs me. “She was even drooling,” she adds, laughing again, making me smile as I imagining the scene in my mind.

  I don’t have to imagine too long because Josephina holds up her iPad to show me a picture. Sure enough, there on the screen is a sleeping Kasey, head to the side resting on her worktable, mouth slightly open as she sleeps.

  Wanting her to be more comfortable, I scoop Kasey up in my arms to walk her to our bedroom. When I reach our bed I lay her gently down, pulling the light blanket she keeps at the end of the bed over her to cover her up, giving her a kiss on her temple while she curls her legs up, snuggling into the bed.

  Standing above her to take her completely in, I start to wonder why she’s been so tired. She’s been getting enough rest lately, coming to bed early every night, so that can’t be the reason. Still pondering the thought, it suddenly occurs to me: my eyes going wide in shock when I take in the thought. She hasn’t said anything to me, though. Looking over her body, I take her in one more time, from head to toe, observing how she doesn’t look any different. I quickly shake my head trying hard not to get my hopes up. The last thing I want is to get excited for nothing.

  WANTING TO SPEND the evening alone with Kasey, I asked Michael if he and his wife would watch Josephina for the night. They didn’t hesitate to say yes, especially when I told them my plans. As much as I love my little girl, I needed to be alone with Kasey tonight if I was going to make this work. I didn’t want to take any chances of screwing this up a second time.

  Being that Michael’s wife, Missy, and Kasey have become close friends over the last several months, I knew Kasey wouldn’t mind Josephina staying the night with them. Missy now works with Kasey in her studio, so she feels more part of the family with all the time she spends here. Missy had also been helpful in helping Kasey’s transition to San Diego, which I was grateful for. I was scared Kasey would regret leaving Wisconsin behind.

  Tonight Kasey was at Yoga, something she’d discovered upon moving here; she needed it to help her relax. It gave me time to prepare everything I needed, making it as perfect as I had hoped it would be in my mind. I made sure to cook her favorite dinner, set up the room perfectly, and double-checked everything was in place because I wanted tonight to be special. I wasn’t holding anything back.

  When I hear the rattling of the keys being inserted into the door announcing Kasey is finally home, I grow excited, quickly shutting the double doors to our bedroom. Walking to the foyer where she’ll be coming in, I see her walk in, and I instantly smile seeing her beautiful face. Meeting her halfway, I scoop her up in my arms, giving her a big kiss on the lips.

  Pulling away, she looks at me with a puzzled expression. “What was that for?” she asks, a wide smile across her face.

  “Just because I love you,” I tell her, giving her another quick kiss.

  “I love you too,” she answers back before looking around the room, probably searching for Josephina, who would normally already be meeting her as she walks in the door. She grows confused as she takes in the dining room set up with an elegant dinner, candlelight included.

  “What’s going on?” she asks with a shy smile. “I’m pretty sure it’s not my birthday,” she adds, with her eyebrow raised. “And, being that we haven’t been together too long, it’s definitely not our anniversary.” Her response makes me laugh, because she knows I would be the one expected to remember something that important, not Kasey.

  “I know it’s not your birthday, silly, but I can’t wait to celebrate our anniversary when it comes. I wanted to cook a special dinner for you tonight,” I tell her, shrugging my shoulder as she suspiciously looks at me. “What? I can’t cook my girlfriend dinner?” I ask her, trying not to sound too suspicious.

  Her eyes turn down, the sadness taking over. “I’m really ho
ping you’re not going to break some really bad news to me,” she says, her lips going flat as her expression matches her eyes.

  Since Kasey moved here, one of her biggest worries has been that I’m going to get shipped back oversees. I tried reassuring her it most likely wouldn’t be for a while since I recently got back, but she hated knowing it’s possible. It’s part of my job after all, but I kept reminding her we have to enjoy the days we had together in case it ever happened.

  Deeply sighing, I lead her over to the dining area, carrying her limp body as I usually do. “Kasey, please, just let me feed you. I cooked dinner for you. For the both of us,” I tell her.

  Nodding her head, she looks around the room, this time most likely still looking for Josephina. “Josephina is staying the night with Michael and Missy. I wanted the house just to ourselves,” I tell her, placing a kiss on her temple before I put her down to pull out her chair, allowing her to take a seat.

  She sits down without any further protest, allowing me to push her chair against the table. I jog back over to the kitchen to pull out the plates I have warming in the oven, bringing the plates back to the table. She takes one look at them, her eyes growing wide with excitement.