Enough to move on and to not feel the agony of losing a girl I’d known my whole life.
Adam nods. “I should have made you stay for the funeral. I didn’t know what you needed. I still don’t, but I’m here.”
“I know that, and I appreciate it. I should have stayed, but that’s on me.”
He stands and hugs me. “Whatever you need. I’m here.”
“In that case, can I borrow your phone?” I hold up what’s left of mine.
He laughs. “Yeah, of course.”
32
Sienna
I’m sitting in the tunnel talking with Elias trying to calm my nerves. The competition starts in just a few minutes. I’m not set to skate until later this afternoon, but with everything going on, I’m a jittery mess.
“I’m back in the good ole USA.” He tilts the phone to show me his new weight room. He and Taylor are training at her home gym in South Dakota for the next month.
“Too bad her home gym wasn’t in Arizona. You’re so close.”
He snorts. “Just a twenty-four-hour drive. I checked. Looked at flights too but our training is crazy. And it’s a two hour drive just to the airport. There isn’t even a McDonald’s in this town.”
“Oh man, you really are roughing it,” I tease.
“So… the doctor cleared you for today?” he asks.
“Yeah, once I told him I’d taken out all the difficult jumps, he and coach were both good with it. I’ve been feeling stronger every day.”
“Was changing the routine your idea?”
“Yeah. It isn’t worth the risk for a showcase event.”
He grins. “Look at you, growing and shit.”
I roll my eyes, but I guess he’s right. A few months ago, I would have been tempted to push through even when I knew my body was weak. My phone pings with a text from my sister telling me they’re walking in the building.
“I gotta go. My family is here.”
“Hey, wait.” His face gets closer to the screen. “Forget about everything going on with Rufus. Today is your day to shine.”
My chest aches at the mention of Rhett.
“Kill it.” He makes a cross over his heart and I mimic. “Good luck.”
“I never understood why you two do that.” A deep voice echoes in the quiet hallway as I end the call.
“Rhett.” I scramble to my feet and hug him. I wasn’t sure he’d come and wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it if he did. I want to be angry that he ran last night, but I’m too happy to see him.
“Hey, angel.” He wraps me in his arms and smooths a hand down the back of my head.
“I wasn’t sure you were still coming.” I tilt my face up to him and he places a kiss on my forehead.
“I’m sorry about last night, but I wouldn’t miss it. You’ve got a whole fan club out there. Dakota and Reagan even brought signs.”
I smile. I knew Dakota and Reagan were planning to come, but hearing it confirmed makes my heart squeeze.
“I’m so glad you’re here. Today is going to be amazing. By the way, how do you feel about Italian for dinner? My dad has his heart set on some restaurant he saw driving through town.”
He smiles. “About that...”
“Too much? Do you not want to hang out with my family?”
“It isn’t that.” He blows out a breath. “I’m leaving Valley, Sienna.”
“What do you mean? For the night or… the weekend?”
“For… I don’t know. School is almost done. I talked to my advisor this morning and he said I could finish my classes online and still graduate next month. I’m flying out this afternoon.”
All the air is knocked from my lungs. “I don’t understand. Can’t you wait one more month to finish out the school year?”
“I need to go home and deal with my shit. It isn’t fair for me to keep clinging to you like a life raft. I’ll take us both down if I keep going this way.”
“I want to be your life raft or at least your arm floaties.”
I get a small smile but can tell he’s already decided he’s leaving, and I can’t stop him.
“What about us?”
“I hope you can understand, but I get it if you can’t. The last thing I want is to hurt you or bring more stress on your life.”
“I’m stronger than you think.” My phone pings again. “My family is waiting for me. Do you still want to meet them?”
“If you still want me to, yeah. I’d love to.”
My family adores Rhett. No surprise there. My sister grins so big when he asks her about her team’s hockey season, and seeing my sister so excited wins over my mom. My dad is the last one to crumble, but when he finds out Rhett is from Minnesota, my dad welcomes him like a fellow neighbor.
“I have to go get ready and warm up. I’ll see you guys after the competition.” I get hugs from all of my family members, and then Rhett walks with me toward the locker room.
“Will I see you after?”
“My flight is at four.”
So, no.
“Will I hear from you?”
“Yeah.” He hugs me. “My phone is destroyed so it might take a few days to get a new one.”
“Okay.”
His mouth covers mine and I live in the seconds before he pulls away. “Later, angel.”
With a broken heart, I walk into the locker room. Josie is sitting on the bench lacing her skates.
“Hey.” Her face falls when she gets a good look at me. “What’s wrong?”
Instead of answering, I sit next to her and lean my head on her shoulder. “Life isn’t fair.”
“No, it definitely isn’t. Anything I can do? Do I need to dick punch someone to even the karma scales?”
My laugh is short and clipped. “No, sadly it doesn’t have a revenge solution.”
“Pity.” She smiles. “Skate it out?”
“Absolutely.”
And that’s what I do. Those moments just before I skate always go by in a blur. Music, applause, the chill in the air. It isn’t until my name is called that I snap to attention. I take the ice and I skate for Rhett. I skate for my family.
But most of all, I skate for me.
* * *
Spending time with my family is nice, but my mind continually returns to Rhett. I replay the past week wondering if there are things I could have done differently to have changed the outcome.
They don’t ask why Rhett doesn’t come with us, but my sister notices I’m not my usual self.
“Do you still want to go out later? If you’re not up for it—”
“Of course.” I force some enthusiasm into my smile. “Rhett’s roommates are having people over and we can crash in his room.”
“Okay.” She squeals.
“But, no drinking. I promised mom and dad.”
Allison rolls her eyes. “I don’t drink. Beer is gross.”
It’s a chill night at the apartment. Some of the hockey team is over playing Xbox and the rest of us are sitting outside on the deck.
Allison is quiet, but the giant grin on her face hasn’t faltered since we walked in.
Maverick, who miraculously still has his shirt on, sits next to me and throws an arm over my shoulder.
“It’s weird, right? Rhett not being here.”
“Very,” I admit.
“He’ll be back. He has to come back.”
“I don’t know. There’s only a few weeks of school left.”
“Yeah, but you two are in love. He won’t be able to stay away for that long.”
I feel my face heat and I look down to my lap.
“You are in love, yeah?” Mav drops his arm. “Please tell me you didn’t drop kick the poor bastard’s heart on his way out the door.”
“No, of course not. It’s just… I haven’t told him that I love him.”
“Oh. Well, fuck.” He backtracks when I shoot him a panicked look. “I’m sure he knows how you feel.”
I want to kick myself. “I should have told him.
Now I may never get a chance.”
“Cheer up. You’ll get your chance. I know it.” He stands. “Allie, you look like a ringer. Wanna be on my team for washers?”
My sister nods enthusiastically, not even bothering to correct the shortening of her name which she usually hates. “Sure.”
* * *
The next morning, I say goodbye to my family outside of my dorm.
“We’ll see you in a month for graduation,” my dad says, hugging me. “Try not to flunk out before then.”
“Funny.”
My mom always tears up when we say goodbye and this time is no different. “Love you, mom. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“I made up your old bedroom in case you want to stay with us after graduation while you get settled into the new job.”
“Thank you. I’ll think about it.” I’ve given such little thought to the job. I haven’t even looked at apartments. It doesn’t seem nearly as important as everything else going on.
“Thank you for letting me tag along last night,” Allison says when it’s finally her turn. “Will you give Maverick my number?”
“Definitely not.”
She smiles. “Bye, S.”
I’ve barely gotten back to my room and crawled into bed where I fully intend to spend the day feeling sorry for myself when there’s a knock at the door. My stupid, hopeful heart convinces me that it’s Rhett.
It’s another hockey player standing outside with coffee. “Mav?”
“Gooooood morning. Coffee?” He extends the cup in his left hand. “It’s decaf.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I thought about it all night and I decided we should do it.”
“Do what?”
“Make the big gesture.”
I take a sip of the coffee while I give my brain a chance to work through the puzzle that is Maverick. “What?”
“We’re going to drive to Minnesota and you’re going to make the big gesture.”
“That sounds…”
“Awesome,” he says as I say, “Like a terrible idea.”
“Come on. I live for this shit. The look on his face will be worth the two-day drive.”
“I can’t ask him to come back.”
“Then don’t, but you have to tell him how you feel.”
I can’t believe I’m considering it.
“Minnie-soda bound?” He asks, dancing in place.
33
Sienna
Road-tripping with Maverick is as fun as you’d imagine. He has the best playlists, at every gas stop he loads up on tons of candy and junk food, and he doesn’t let me get too in my head and convince myself that this was all a terrible idea and we should turn around.
Okay, he doesn’t stop that last thing from happening, but he does laugh and make me feel better when I voice all the really awful thoughts churning in my brain.
On the morning of our second day, I see a sign for South Dakota. “Do you think we could make a stop?”
“Yeah, we’re about three hours away from Rhett. You want to have brunch and talk about the epic way you’re going to confess your love?”
I stare at him unblinking. “No, but now I’m worried just saying the words is going to be really lame.”
He chuckles. “Where do you want to stop?”
“Elias is training nearby. I’ve never met him and we’re so close.” Also, I think I need a pep talk from my best friend because my stomach is in knots.
Maverick hands me his phone. “Punch in the address.”
“Thank you for doing this. All of it. Talking me into it and driving. Elias is going to lose his mind.”
“How’d you meet Elias?”
“YouTube.” I grin. “He was documenting his journey, living and skating with long QT. I stumbled onto it right after I was diagnosed and we exchanged some messages, that led to texts, which led to us talking every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He’s kind of my best friend.”
“Always strictly friends?” He studies me carefully.
“Always. You’ll understand when you meet him. He’s impossible not to like. Kind of like you.”
“Throwing me off with a compliment or is that sincere?” He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter, I accept.”
When we get to the arena where Elias is training, I end up having to call him so we can get in. Auburn, South Dakota may be a small, nameless city, but the arena is big and grand and heavily monitored.
“What? How?” He stops six feet away and then rushes forward and crushes me in a hug. “You’re real.”
“That would have been some impressive catfishing.” We gawk at each other for a few minutes. His dark hair curls around his ears and his brown eyes are a shade lighter than they’d seemed through the phone. He’s tall, which I knew, and has that lanky but strong build of a typical male figure skater.
He’s the same in person, and any weirdness I felt at finally meeting him in person is quickly dissolved when I discover it’s just as easy to be with him in person as it is on the phone.
I angle my body to introduce the guy at my side. “This is Johnny Maverick.”
“Traded up already?” Elias lifts a brow.
Mav cackles. “Traded up. That’s hilarious, and thanks for saying up instead of down.”
“The other one is currently on my shit list, so it isn’t hard to look better than him right now.”
“Elias!” I slap his arm.
“I know. I know. His ex died. It’s awful, but I’m still pissed he took off.”
The guys shake hands and then Elias takes us on a quick tour of the building. It’s impressive and I find myself already missing the hours I’ve been lucky enough to spend on the ice the last four years. Oh, how I’m going to miss skating every day.
“I have to get back. How long are you staying? Can we skate together?”
“I would love that.” I look to Mav. “Do we have time?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind checking out that ice myself.”
“Awesome.” Elias grins. “Sit wherever, don’t talk to the mean-looking lady with the flaming red hair, and I’ll be done in about two hours.”
“Mean-looking lady with the flaming red—Ah! Found her.” Mav leads the way to a row about midway up.
I snort. “That’s his coach and she’s amazing.”
There are two other pairs on the ice, but it’s Elias and Taylor I focus on. I’ve seen videos online of their competitions and some clips that Elias has sent, but they’re even better in person. Taylor has this presence about her and Elias is a great partner, syncing with her and making every movement seem so connected and like it’s all about her.
“What are you doing over there?” I ask Mav a while later. We’ve barely spoken since we sat down since I’ve been so enthralled with watching. He’s leaned back smiling at his phone.
“Sexting Kota.”
“What?!” Well, that definitely has my attention. “No way. Let me see.”
He sits up and shows me a picture of Dakota holding Charli. “O-kay. I was expecting something a little… sexier.”
“She’s watching her for me while I’m gone.”
“That’s nice, but how is that sexting?”
“Trust me. I invented this move.”
“What move?”
“Sending chicks I’m interested in pictures of my dog to get their attention. It’s a signal and way more effective than nudes.”
“Wait a minute.” I pull out my phone and scroll up toward the beginning of mine and Rhett’s text history, then show Mav.
He covers his mouth with a fist. “Worked, didn’t it?”
* * *
“Of course you traveled with your skates,” Elias says as I step onto the ice.
“Mav did too.” I nod my head to where he’s skating around, hockey stick in hand.
“This place is incredible.” I look up and take in the view from down here. “And here I was feeling sorry for you being in small-town hell.”
&nbs
p; “It’s pretty nice,” he admits. His gaze goes to Taylor.
“How are things?”
“Good. We decided to give dating a shot.”
I stop. “Dating?”
“Yeah, it isn’t a big deal. We figured the only way to keep things from being weird was just to date, give in to the chemistry.”
I laugh. The first time I’ve really, truly genuinely laughed in a week. So hard I can’t stop for a full minute.
“I’m sorry,” I say, clutching my stomach. “I don’t mean to laugh. Do you really think this is the less weird route?”
He flashes a sheepish grin. “Probably not, but she kisses like a damn goddess about to be struck down by Zeus.”
“Is that good?”
“It’s…” He holds his hands together in front of his face. “So good.”
“I’m happy for you then.”
“It’ll be good while it lasts,” he says with forced lightness in his tone. I hope for his sake that it ends as casually as it started. He’s so close to reaching his gold-medal dreams.
“So…” He starts. “What’s the plan? You’re going to just show up at Rhett’s house and then what?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I just need to tell him to his face that I love him. Maybe he already knows, but until I’ve said the words out loud I’m going to feel like I didn’t do everything I could.”
“You still haven’t told him?”
“You’re dating your partner?”
He flashes a sheepish grin.
“It probably won’t matter. He loves me and that wasn’t enough. I think he wants to protect me.”
“From?”
“My broken heart.”
“Did he say that?” Elias looks pissed at the prospect.
“No, not exactly, but he said that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me or bring more stress into my life.”
He gives me a small smile.
“I guess I can’t blame him for thinking I can’t handle it considering I nearly fainted when we found out Carrie had died.” I hate so much that he has any question that I’m capable of being there for him. And I hate even more that I let him down when he needed me most.
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