Parting Shots

by Matthew Parris

  3. Villas Boas brothers: Orlando, Claudio and Leonardo Villas-Boas dedicated their lives to defending indigenous rights; in 1961 they succeeded in getting the entire upper Xingu River, a tributary of the Amazon, legally protected for the tribes.

  4. Peter Fleming: Brother to the James Bond creator, Ian. In 1932 Peter Fleming answered a personal advertisement in The Times seeking recruits for an ‘Exploring and Sporting expedition’ to Brazil. The purpose was to investigate the fate of a previous expedition which never returned; the sport would be shooting whatever animals loomed into view on the riverbank. The amateur mission ended in acrimony and failure, but Fleming’s account of the trip, Brazilian Adventure, sold well.

  Argentina

  ‘A fairly ungovernable lot’

  SIR MICHAEL HADOW, HM AMBASSADOR TO ARGENTINA, DECEMBER 1973

  In the first place, there is the land – a huge expanse extending from the semi-tropics of the Chaco to the semi-Antarctic of Tierra del Fuego. It contains one of the largest concentrated areas of natural agricultural wealth in the world. Yet it pays to remember that one half of it is desert or semi-desert … As one travels through the lush pastures of the huge provinces of Buenos Aires, Entre Rios, Santa Fe and Cordoba with their noble avenues, high windbreaks and woodlands, it is as well to reflect that only 100 years ago there was not a tree to be seen in that whole vast area except an occasional, solitary treelike growth known as the ‘Ombu’. Indeed, the first officially appointed British Minister to the Argentine Republic in bewailing his fate in what was then an insalubrious backwater ended his Jeremiad to one of your distinguished predecessors, Sir, with the words: ‘And were there but a tree to be found, I would gladly hang myself thereon’ …

  … All I knew of Argentines before coming here was that they were generally disliked by all other Latin Americans as unduly pretentious, snobbish upstarts. Their pride in their ‘Europeanness’ is certainly justified if it means that they are ‘white’ and lack that essential Hispano/Amerindian mixture which goes to make up the basic Latin American. They are a melting pot of European races with Italian predominating even more than Spanish. They have not yet found a sense of nationality or patriotism except through vocal outbursts of xenophobia. They are probably desperately unsure of themselves yet want to be admired and loved. The per capita outlay on deodorants in the Argentine is the highest in the world …

  Politically, the Argentines are probably a fairly ungovernable lot. One of my predecessors described them in the words of Pope ‘with too much quickness ever to be taught, with too much thinking to have a common thought’. I myself have described them more briefly as the Bandar Log.1 Lacking a true feeling of nationhood, they have in recent years gone through cycles of trying to solve the problem between having ‘democratic’ government with all the worst features of the French Fourth Republic or a self-imposed military rule which brings for a time order, efficiency and relative incorruptibility but which is not ‘democratic’. The problem is worse confounded by the fact that the military are all democrats at heart, are sensitive to public disapproval and after a period in power yearn to return to their barracks …

  … The Bandar Log yearn for a strong leader and admire totalitarianism (it was democratic governments before Peron who backed the Axis in World War II). In a recent film when the scene showed young Storm Troopers singing the Horst Wessel Lied – meant as an ironic touch for European audiences – half the audience here applauded with real enthusiasm. But at the same time they yearn for no governing hand at all. A hundred yards from my house I noticed on the day of my arrival scrawled across a wall the heartfelt cry ‘Anarquía es orden’ (Anarchy is order). It is still there.

  1. The Bandar Log: Kipling’s monkeys in The Jungle Book. Irresponsible and foolish, they constantly talk up their abilities: ‘We are great. We are free … We are the most wonderful people in all the jungle! We all say so, and so it must be true.’

  Bolivia

  ‘… but when you leave you also weep’

  SIR FREDERICK HERBERT GAMBLE, HM AMBASSADOR TO BOLIVIA, APRIL 1967

  There is a saying here among foreigners that when you first arrive in La Paz you weep but when you leave you also weep. It all depends on what makes you weep, but I would say that there is much truth in this. Whether you arrive in La Paz by air or by train you will first come to El Alto which, situated at over 13,000 feet, can be very bleak and forbidding. From there your first sight of La Paz spread out in a vast crater over 1,000 feet lower down will fill you with amazement, but as you wind down the road to the centre of the city you may well be depressed by the shabby little houses on either side of it and, if you are unlucky, you may also be feeling distinctly dizzy from the effects of the altitude. In most cases these effects will wear off quickly and before long you will become interested in the many-sided problems of what is still a very undeveloped country …

  … [T]here are good opportunities for the future. The question is whether the Bolivians will be able to take them. Unfortunately they are not very good at working together. As soon as one gets to the top all the others eventually try to pull him down. Perhaps this is something which comes from their Indian background, something which causes fear and suspicion … And the central government does not give them much help. With a few exceptions, the standards of efficiency in the various Ministries are deplorably low and the employees notoriously underpaid. Corruption exists at all levels, even, and perhaps particularly, at the highest, and I fear that the longer you stay in the country the more you are conscious of this. It is something which must make you weep not only when you arrive and when you leave but at all times. You could weep also for the miners who still work and live in such pitiably poor and miserable conditions and for the villagers whose colourful fiestas only too frequently degenerate into drunken orgies. You could weep in sympathy with the few people who in the face of so many difficulties are trying to work for the betterment of these people, and you could certainly weep at the thought of leaving this country of wide variety and spectacular beauty, of blue skies and billowing white clouds, of dark green tropical rivers and the lovely snow-capped Cordillera Real.

  I have the honour to be,

  Sir,

  Your obedient Servant

  F. H. Gamble

  Uruguay

  ‘Nearly all the faults and none of the virtues of Spain’

  SIR KEITH UNWIN, HM AMBASSADOR TO URUGUAY, JUNE 1969

  (CONFIDENTIAL) Montevideo

  16 May, 1969

  Sir,

  In the 34 years since my first foreign posting I have spent three years nominally in the United Kingdom … Of the remaining 30 to 31 years, 17 have been passed in Spanish-speaking countries … I have wondered at times whether so much living among people whose approach to work, meals, politics and punctuality is so different from ours, had not unfitted me for dealing with my own people; and there was a time 16 years back when I reflected that the English were just as tiresome as any other foreigners. My final posting has to some extent reassured me. After living now for over two years among people who call themselves Orientals and who seem to have inherited nearly all the faults and none of the virtues of Spain (though they have many minor virtues of their own), I look forward to returning to what I conceive to be, at least by contrast, the speed and efficiency of my own country.

  In Uruguayans, efficiency may inspire respect but not emulation; and sometimes a perverse refusal to adapt their pace at all. Requests for assistance or advice do not necessarily imply a desire to accept the advice or use the assistance; the donor or adviser must also be a first-class salesman and may well have to start by explaining to his hosts why he has come, and persuading them of the need to do what they asked him to come for … If he cannot do all this he may work alone; he needs the patience of Griselda and the qualities of a scoutmaster – but if he has only these he may find that he is despised by those he came to help …

  Under the collegiate system most of the more prominent politicians got themselves ele
cted as joint presidents … The collegiate pattern, with time, became repeated at lower levels … the rot spread downwards through political patronage to such an extent that five men had to be appointed to do one job at every level, in order to prevent discontent in the ranks. This has been recently defended on the ground that it prevented unemployment. At my arrival in Uruguay the ‘First State Airline’, PLUNA, had between 800 and 900 staff on the ground, to attend to the movements of four or five aircraft, but could not put one in the air … I was advised that a first decision in a legal action might take 10 years; to take it through all the possible stages of appeal would occupy a lifetime.

  Part III: EAST

  India

  ‘A colossal amount of humbug’

  SIR JOHN THOMPSON, HM HIGH COMMISSIONER TO INDIA, JUNE 1982

  BRITISH HIGH COMMISSION

  NEW DELHI, INDIA

  21 June 1982

  The Rt Hon Francis Pym MC MP

  Foreign and Commonwealth Office

  London SW1

  Sir

  INDIA: CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

  India has become fashionable, yet few people in the West understand the realities in this country. The truth is elusive, never more so than in India, but some recognition of the good and the bad aspects of modern India is essential to the formulation of sensible policies …

  The bad things are more familiar than the good. An appallingly large population increase … a high and growing level of corruption … Communal rioting occurs in many parts of the country, law and order are slow and precarious and there are serious doubts about the honesty of the police. The situation in educational institutions, including many of higher learning, seems likely to perpetuate these deplorable conditions. It is not uncommon for a thousand students to have been detected cheating in the exams of a single university, but it is rare that anything effective is done about it …

  It is not surprising that such blemishes in the ethos of Indian society are reflected in the physical environment. Her children have inflicted ugly scars on the face of Mother India. Half or more of all the trees in India have been cut in the past 35 years with frightful consequences for soil erosion, silting, flooding and climatic conditions. Following the felling of their forest homes many of the 40 million or so tribal people are in a pitiable condition and the situation of the urban slum dwellers is degrading.

  I came to India with the familiar and depressing outlook described above but to my surprise I found that the good points outweigh the bad. India is a remarkably contented society, more so than any in which I have lived. The underlying, mostly unconscious reason is the Hindu ethic, which has grown out of the circumstances of Indian life. It allows this undisciplined self-centred people to exercise their individuality and hedonism while at the same time inducing in them a philosophical acceptance of things as they are. Such an attitude to life is encouraged by the physical richness of India: the necessities of life are simple and available. The country has abundant sun, a lot of excellent soil which is at present under-used, and a sufficiency of water …

  Whether the promise will become performance depends upon the human resources. There is an enormous amount of brain power, a readiness to work hard and a considerable mechanical aptitude. India has arguably the best administration of all newly independent countries. Despite constant political fluctuation (which the Indians enjoy) the country is secure and relatively stable. Democracy is more deeply rooted than in any other member of the new Commonwealth. There has, since independence, been a notable increase in self-confidence amongst Indians. The intelligentsia complain that standards are low and that opportunities are being lost. They are right, but they are largely ineffective. There is no discussion of national issues or long-range programmes in Indian politics. Instead, a colossal amount of humbug is spoken and acted out, though for the most part not really believed. Anyone who has a regard for India understands the feeling of Mr Sompath – a character in a novel by R K Narayan: ‘The possibilities of perfection seemed infinite though mysterious, and yet there was a terrible kind of pig-headedness in people that prevented their going the right way.’ Very true, but at the same time there is a great deal of inventiveness and drive. It is entirely possible that the Gujaratis and Sindhis now settling in New York will hold their own with the Jews and Armenians there …

  [A] problem in the Indo/British relationship is the quality of media coverage … No wonder there is still an illusion in Britain that India is a land of maharajahs, snake charmers, Oxfam babies and the ogress Mrs Gandhi.

  Pakistan

  ‘Proud and touchy’

  JOHN BUSHELL, HM AMBASSADOR TO PAKISTAN, APRIL 1979

  Pakistan has many of the characteristics of mid-Victorian England – few, unfortunately, of the better ones. Power lies essentially in the hands of a small ruling elite. Ownership of land is the normal basis of power and respectability. As a general rule women are kept firmly in the home, and the middle class, though it is coming up, is not yet of much significance. Education is making only a slight dent in illiteracy. Population is growing fast, while contraception is hardly a matter for public discussion. Religion maintains its strong and binding force; only a daring intellectual or eccentric would question it …

  For Pakistan, internal fragility is aggravated by alarming external changes, for the most part still in the course of evolution. Neighbours look dangerous or liable to be dangerous

  … There is another aspect to this. Pakistanis are not only short of real friends in the world, as I have often commented, but also proud and touchy – a pretty awful combination.

  Nepal

  ‘Riddled with superstition and astrologers’

  TERENCE O’BRIEN, HM AMBASSADOR TO NEPAL, MARCH 1974

  (CONFIDENTIAL) Kathmandu,

  20 March, 1974

  Sir,

  ‘An undistinguished invitation card in Devnagri script was delivered at the Residence on Sunday night. Since all our servants are illiterate and my ’nagri non-existent, I left its translation until Monday morning. This brought surprises when my P.A. rushed in saying that I had five minutes to get into diplomatic uniform and attend the Prince’s wedding. I completed my dressing in the Austin Princess as we swept into the courtyard of an old Rana Palace. A fusillade of shots greeted us. I emerged cautiously from the car and was relieved merely to find a motley collection of soldiers strolling about the grounds with flint-lock muskets indiscriminately firing feux de joie into the air. Two bands were riotously playing totally different and incompatible bits of music. Some ceremonial elephants had been corralled in the carpark and were busily eating the canna lilies that had just been planted out. As I hustled into the Hindu marriage service, Nepalese courtiers murmured that the auspicious hour had struck (which was odd as it was then exactly seventeen minutes past nine). My only satisfaction was that my other diplomatic colleagues had been similarly caught off balance. It is the first time I have seen a French Ambassador in morning coat but with a bright pink shirt and a sportif tie …’ (Extract from a letter to my wife after my first arrival 10 days ahead of her in Kathmandu.)

  It has been very tempting to report in like fashion to the Office. The Ruritanian aspects of the Court of Nepal, riddled with superstition and astrologers, make Lawrence Durrell’s diplomatic memoirs read like a White Paper. Just the sort of place to provide endless copy for despatches that would enliven the darkest and coldest day that Whitehall might suffer. And it isn’t just the Court. There was the occasion when the Nepalese Air Force was grounded because the rats that live in its aircraft had eaten all the insulation off their electric cables. Or the time that Nepal’s rival merchant navies …

  Mongolia

  ‘A curious feeling of timelessness’

  MYLES PONSONBY, HM AMBASSADOR TO MONGOLIA, MARCH 1977

  Mongolia was at this time virtually a Soviet puppet state.

  … [T]he Mongols are a proud and independently-minded race still virtually unaffected by the march of so-called progress and t
o a great extent untainted by the political ideologies imposed upon them … [T]he Mongolian leadership must be profoundly grateful for the work done for their country by Russian construction troops, skilled labour being at a very high premium … But I very much doubt that the ordinary Mongolians feel the same way about the Russians … They do not mix with the Mongolians who dislike their arrogant and contemptuous behaviour. Stones are often thrown at them and there have been stories of muggings. All this is hardly surprising. Mongolia is to all practical purposes an occupied country and occupiers are rarely liked by the occupied.

  Despite the delightful cheerfulness that one sees on the faces of the ordinary people in the streets, shops and at the theatre or circus (the latter are always sold out especially for Mongol productions) the men and women at work in the factories present an altogether different projection of the collective persona. The present day Mongolian dislikes factory work. The monotony is utterly alien to their nature. (I once asked the Director of the Second Department of the MFA1 why he was constantly moving from one office to another. He replied with a deprecatory shrug, ‘No Mongolian likes working – or living – in the same place for very long.’) …

  Another stark contrast is the instantly identifiable difference between those Mongolians either young or not so young who are party members or activists and those who are not. Many, especially in the younger generation, are easily spotted by their predilection for the permanent use of dark glasses. It seems to be a kind of required uniform. A totally expressionless face and never the vestige of a smile completes the make up. They are known in this Embassy as ‘boot-faces’ and treated accordingly …